Okay, I never do this, because I mostly think he's an idiot, but I watched Dr. Phil yesterday because it was all about how social networking distracts relationships.This has been an issue with my husband and I for a couple years now, and while I admit, during the first ABNA contest I got a little too caught up in the forum, now I mostly (yes mostly, but not entirely) use social networking for just that, networking.
And yes, perhaps I was caught up with Facebook when I first joined, but you could ask any of my Facebook friends now and they will say, Megan is hardly ever on their anymore.
There was a woman and her husband on the show, and she spent more time with Facebook than she did with them. They were like strangers living under the same roof. That said, it's obvious that there were problems before the Facebook, and this is the reason why she turned to social networking in the first place. Something lacking at home, making her turn to others.The show wasn't just about that, it was also about how men will use Facebook to "hook up". One guy, who wasn't really all that, said he finds women to hook up about three times a week and his goal is to sleep with 13,000 women. Ew. Why? So anyway, protect your daughters people. They are some strange people in the social networking world.
I also read a book about Facebook addiction, which I will be reviewing some time in the near future. It gave people's stories about how their addiction ruined their life. While the stories were all fiction, I do believe the social networking can cause problems for people in their relationships and their work if taken too far.
What do you think? Do you think social networking has the capability of destroying relationships?
Ciao,
Computers don't kill people. People kill people.
ReplyDeleteI think that says it????
B
Ha! I think you're right Barbara. :)
ReplyDeleteI have such mixed feelings about Facebook. My husband and I reconnected on Facebook after 20 years (we dated when we were in high school). Because I was a journalist, my name / phone number were NEVER published and in some ways, I don't think we'd have found each other without FB. BUT, he has a 13-year-old daughter and I watch her FB account closely - and I admit, sometimes it scares me. She is very pretty, but also naive. So easily influenced. (And her spelling is atrocious on her status updates!)
ReplyDeleteIf Facebook can ruin your relationship, your relationship is already ruined.
ReplyDeleteI think people work on what is important to them, and if that is their relationship, then they will work on the relationship instead of facebook
@ Dawn, I loved reconnecting with people and meeting others in the writing biz, but I also watch my daughters accounts closely because there are weirdos out there.
ReplyDelete@ Christy, I agree.
I would echo that it can't ruin anything that isn't already on the brink, but I think it can certainly hurry things along, or push things past the brink, when they might have been otherwise fixable. I have two friends whose divorces has online components--was either marriage ever a good one? No, but I think the 'possibility' out there is REALLY TEMPTING and it is easy to dive into something else, when what is REALLY NEEDED is some time reflecting on why they mades such a bad decision the first time... maybe some growth.
ReplyDeleteDawn--my fifteen year old is also bad with the spelling, and I have a definite rule--she can swear, or she can use poor grammar, but not both in the same update *rolls eyes* I find though, that it actually helps me keep my pulse on how she is doing with her friends (and boyfriend)--I see how they treat each other, when there is drama that might affect her. I think there is as much good as bad if parents really TALK to their kids and drive home all the things that can go wrong if they aren't smart.
Good points Hart.
ReplyDeleteAnd LOL about your daughter's swearing and grammar.
I agree though, if we talk to our kids and are open and honest, they are more likely to make good choices. My daughters talk to me about everything, I may have to cringe at times, but I'd rather them talk to me than their friends and get BAD info or advice. :)
I think the relationship is flawed in the first place if one or both members are looking for social contact of that type and duration.
ReplyDeleteI don't agree that a relationship must be flawed already. Not at all! I view the allure of something like Facebook and other forums just as I would alcohol, tobacco, food, etc., It has the potential for addiction, and if you allow yourself to become addicted, so be it. The harm is in the addiction itself, which is within yourself, not necessarily in the relationship.
ReplyDeleteI don't agree that a relationship must be flawed already. Not at all! I view the allure of something like Facebook and other forums just as I would alcohol, tobacco, food, etc., It has the potential for addiction, and if you allow yourself to become addicted, so be it. The harm is in the addiction itself, which is within yourself, not necessarily in the relationship.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good point Jody, thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteJody, I get where you are coming from but alcohol, drugs, food, even gambling in the form of adrenaline all provide a chemical charge to the body. For a person to dive that deep into facebook or any other social network i can't help but believe they were starving for social contact in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Travis. I think some people who become addicted to FB have human-to-human social "networking" problems. They may not be able to interact well with people in person, but on FB you can be what you want to be. And it gives people the opportunity to have that human interaction when they're not getting it face to face. My mother, now a widow, joined FB at the age of 63, and that's the only "human interaction" she gets. And, yeah, she's not that great with the day-to-day stuff.
ReplyDelete...Facebook has made it impossibly easy for a select group of social scum to take advantage of the naive and the lonely inhabitants of this world. I'm not saying social networking isn't without its perks. Finding an old highschool buddy is all the craze, but with every new toy, there's a sharp edge to be wary of.
ReplyDeleteOf course FB can get out of control like other tools such as alcohol, smoking, etc. But it also does good things too, like help people make connections and stay in touch.
ReplyDeleteStatus updates on FB are "pull" info rather than "push" info and therefore a better way to communicate, in my opinion.
So, you can't really blame FB for relationship problems any more than you can blame a hammer for missing a nail.
I'll bet this blog was a little touchy to write and you probably re-wrote it a few times....?
PS - love that Dr. Phil photo ;-P
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think his insight is spot on and helpful, other times, your picture applies.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. jss, this is a touchy subject, especially since my husband and I have very differing opinions on it, but it was actually very easy to write, as my opinions about social networking, and Facebook in particular have never really wavered. I think it's easy to get sucked into things, and that apps like mafia wars and farmville will keep people on the computer for hours. But I think if someone is investing their time on social networking instead of with their spouse, something is broken there to begin with.
ReplyDeleteAnd I love that pic of Dr Phil too. I don't really watch his show, one reason is that I'd have a hard time taking relationship advice from a person who's been divorced as many times as he has. :)
Great advice, @Hart. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteThere are two issues about networking. One is time spent, the other is a trust issue.
ReplyDeleteJust today I had seen a cross between a dinosaur and a chicken on a lady's website. I made the comment, "I love to nibble. Yum, yum."
My comment was accidently left on my computer screen, where my wife saw is and asked me about it. Oh good grief. Fortunately I have already given her my passwords, and permission to snoop any time whe wants, to belay worries about cheating. Why would I want to piss of two women?
Humor can be a difficult thang. I'm sticking to aliens and UFO's.