Friday, January 29, 2010

F³A: Summer

I live in Pacific Northwest. It's where I was born and raised. I love it for many reasons, its mountains, lakes, and rivers, its forests, and waterfalls. It's beautiful here and I will never leave.

However, we have one of the highest rates of depression in the country and I think it all comes down to the sun. It's gray for months on end, from October until March. That's half the year. And the spring months are touch and go where the sun is concerned. And if you're like me, someone who suffers from depression and seasonal affective disorder, that can make for a rough winter.

I long for the sun. I miss feeling the heat of it beating down on my body. I want to be outside walking, or reading, or just laying. (or is that lying? :) I want to feel sweat dripping down the side of my face. I never complain about how hot it is, because I know the alternative.

It's been poking its head out a little bit lately, but I can't wait until it glows full bore in the sky.

I wrote this poem yesterday. My mentor won't look at it yet, but I'm pretty happy with the way its turned out. (It's almost completely different from the first version of itself, but I may tweak it a bit more)

White hot heat
Shimmering brilliance
Humid and inviting.
Filling vacuous voids,
The sinister chasms that
cause eternal downpours
and bone chilling rime.
Perpetual motion
Not to think or cast shadows
No moss collected
merely flow like the current.
Vivid hues, downy clouds,
fluid and weightless
blissful and tranquil

I wait for the dark to subside.

Thursday, January 28, 2010


Thing Two wanted me to write about Cheese today, but I just can't do it. I've got nothing and a million things to do today, so I'm leaving you with a poem.

Pen to paper
left unread
only ink,
the alabaster page.
Spoken words
heard only
by the moon
and stars
and the blanket of night.
Arms reach out
left unfilled
grasp air
and wind
and empty spaces.
there’s only me
my breath
my beating heart
nothing more.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

We could all learn something from Pee Wee

This is the last time I let my kids pick my blog subjects. Pee Wee's Big Adventure? Oy vey! I do like the fact that she appreciates the movie, it was one of my favorites when I was a teen, but to blog about it? This took some serious thought.

I started thinking about the movie (it's probably been about 15 or 20 years since I've seen it) looked up quotes, and I came to realize this, we could all learn something from Pee Wee.

When something is important to him, he goes for it, he never stops. When his bike gets stolen he crosses the entire country to find it. That is dedication.

Pee Wee is also blind when it comes to our differences. He befriends everyone, (except Francis of course because he's a big fat liar)ghost truckers, waitresses, bikers (I love PW's tequila dance). It matters not that they're dead, French, or haven't showered in weeks.

And Pee Wee is so pure, he doesn't care about sex or women at all. I realize there were loads of sexual undertones, and that the man Paul Reubens was very naughty on his television show, but not Pee Wee. He's as chaste as they come. A good role model for us all. ;)

I think if we all started living a little more like Pee Wee, life wouldn't be the chore it sometimes is. We'd realize what is important and what's folly. Our friendships would be stronger, our lives would be richer.

When faced with a dilemma we could ask ourselves WWPWD?

Live like Pee Wee.

Thanks for reading.

Kisses :*


Favorite PWBA quotes:
"I don't make monkeys, I just train 'em."
"Sh! I'm listening to reason."
"You don't want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel."
"Why don't you take a picture, it will last longer?"

(and I will say, this movie brought together the minds of paul reubens, tim burton, danny elfman, and phil hartman, and nothing could be bad about that)

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Pants on the Ground: The Deeper Meaning

Disclaimer: The following blog is for entertainment purposes only. It's not really a political stance of any sort. It's sarcasm and satire, pure and simple.

Since I had to blog about Thing Two yesterday, I asked Thing One what to blog about today, since any kind of top four was out the door. She said, "Pants on the ground." Great. I had no idea what to say until I started thinking about the meaning behind the song and what it really is saying.

You may think Pants on the Ground is just some silly song, but it says a lot about our society. Pants on the ground. The imagery of our pants drooping with half our asses hanging out might be a metaphor about America and the path we've been heading for the past eight years. We've hung our asses out and though we've tried to hold our pants up, they've fallen down, just like our economy, making our country look foolish.

Gold in your mouth. This could be a take on the old "sticking your foot in your mouth" adage. But instead of saying something stupid, we've done something stupid by spending billions of dollars on an unnecessary war causing unneeded deaths and again, causing a collapse in our economy and the fall of the American dollar.

Hat turned sideways. This image of the hat turned sideways has negative connotations. The most common are gangs and idiots. Imagine America as a street gang, bullying all the other kids. Essentially isn't that what we've done with the Iraq war? Gone in there and thrown our weight around? And then what? We call ourselves a cool cat, looking like a fool. Um, can you say WMD?

Walking, talking, with your pants on the ground. Yep, self explanatory. We've been strutting our stuff, our last president spouting off things that don't make sense, making us all look like a band of idiots for electing him.

Get it up. It's time to take charge again. Pull up our pants, put a belt on, tighten it up. Let's stop acting foolish, stop bullying. Let's come together and maybe, just maybe we can keep our pants off the ground.

Pants On the Ground
Larry Platt

Intro: This is for people who need [to] pull their pants up

Pants on the ground
Pants on the ground
Lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground

With the gold in your mouth
Hat turned sideways
Pants hit the ground
Call yourself a cool cat
Looking like a fool
Walking downtown with your pants on the ground
Get it up
Hey, get your pants off the ground
Looking like a fool
Walkin', talkin', with your pants on the ground
Get it up

Hey, get your pants off the ground
Looking like a fool with your pants on the ground
Gold in your mouth
Hat turned sideways
Pants hit the ground
Call yourself a cool cat
Looking like a fool
Walkin', talkin', with your pants on the ground
Boom, Uno, Dos, Tres
Looking like a fool with your pants on the ground
With the gold in your mouth
Hat turned sideways
Pants hit the ground
Call yourself a cool cat

Monday, January 25, 2010

Veering from my normal format

Since it's Thing Two's 12th birthday today, she invoked the power of the birthday and told me I should blog about her today.

Rachel came into the world in a difficult manner for all involved. She was born on Superbowl Sunday, Broncos vs Green Bay. It was hard keeping Rusty's attention through the pre-game show. I'm just thankful she was born before the game actually started. I was disappointed in the Bronco win, but what can you do?

She ingested meconium on her way out (yeah, I know, yuck) which almost killed her. So right off the bat the girl caused me trouble. Luckily I was really out of it and didn't really understand what was going on.

I was not so lucky when she was five weeks old and contracted the RSV virus. She couldn't breathe. We took her to the doctor, he said to watch her respirations. What he failed to tell us is that she could die. When her breathing got extremely labored we took her to the ER. The doctor there informed us of the severity of the virus and to keep an eye on her respirations. He also said if they had any open beds he would have admitted us, but the hospital was full.

A couple nights later, she could barely breathe. My dad and I took her back to the ER, we were immediately taken in back where her lungs were cleared. She was admitted to the ICU for a night, where the doctor told us that RSV for children that young is a big contributor to SIDS, and if we would have let it go one more night she would more than likely have died. We were in the hospital for five days total. I had an 18 month at home at the time that I missed terribly and only was able to see once during that time, but no way was I going to leave my baby's side. She was on a nebulizer for almost two years after that.

One more incident, we're crossing at the cross walk, the light is ours, and right when we are in front of a van, he decides to turn. I yanked Rachel's arm hard and pulled her out of the way. While I'm sure she wouldn't have been killed, I'm sure she would have been injured.

Since then the majority of our problems have involved temper tantrums, homework, and messy rooms. So we've been pretty lucky.

She's turned into a beautiful, talented, smart, and funny child, and I look forward to watching her continue to grow and mature.

So here's your blog Rachel. Happy birthday. I love you.

Friday, January 22, 2010

F³A: Cliche Characters

Yes, Cliche Characters. A phrase I'm getting totally tired of hearing. I mean, cliche characters are just the people who are so over the top in real life, they stand out, right? What would Harry Potter be like without the Evil Wizard ( could also be Brought-Back-To-Life villain), the School Bully, the Chosen One, the Twins, I could go on and on.

I wrote a book about a high school shooting. Who are the people in your high school that stand out above the rest? The jocks, the cheerleaders, the gangsters, the brains? Yes. They are. The stand out because of who they are, because they are caricatures of themselves. What the hell is wrong with writing about people that stand out above the rest? Give them their own personality with a twist, and you have someone interesting to read about. Someone you probably know. Maybe even someone you are or once were. Characters to hate or connect with. I'd like someone to name me one book without a cliche character. And who gets to define them as cliche anyway? Is there a literary cliche character committee?

I'm venting here of course. I'm an amateur when it comes to writing novels. Do I need to read more about writing? Sure. Could I benefit from classes? Everyone can. (of course on a one income household it's hard to find the extra money to do that) But I believe in my talent, I believe I have stories to tell. I believe in myself and my cliche characters.

credit to for list of cliche characters.

I'm done. Please feel free to chime in about this. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Here's a poem for your reading pleasure (or displeasure, whatever :)

it pains
more than birth
or death
folds you in a box
in the dark
in the light

it brings you to tears
it charms
it pleases
it makes and breaks
and reels and spins

it’s a top
a pendulum
a perpetual dance
to a beating drum in my ears

you want it to stop
but it’s vital
like air
and you know in the end
it can leave you
or filled
and you say to yourself
it’s a risk
that’s worth taking.

Okay Song of the Week: The High Road by the Broken Bells

Movie of the Week: Avatar

Book of the Week: The Bum Magnet by K.L. Brady. I haven't read it, but looking forward to it

Quote of the Week: "We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones." ~Stephen King

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Top four things I hate about Twilight. #1

Okay, my #1 in case you haven't guessed already is Edward. In so many ways. I admit, I loved Edward after reading Twilight. Utterly and absolutely. It was hard to see his obvious flaws back then through all that shiny. His over protective on the verge of controlling nature.
His stalkerish behavior. His manipulating Bella into thinking she cannot survive with out him. But then what does he do.....

...New Moon comes out and Edward disappears to go kill himself in Italy. And this is when I start to switch sides, although I don't think I saw it back when I was reading the book. This is when I begin to leave Team Edward, and move closer to Team Jacob. And I think Stephenie Meyer made a boo boo taking one of the main characters and making him close to nonexistent in the second book. This is probably what swayed many over to Jacob's team. But then Bella goes to Italy and everything is hunky dory again.

And wasn't it Edward that pushed Bella toward Jacob. Wasn't it Edward that wanted Bella to have that friendship? Then he acts like an ass when she does and doesn't want her hanging out with him anymore. He thinks Jacob is putting her life at risk. Um, vampire, what do you think YOU'RE doing? Not only do you want to suck the life out of her, you have every bad vamp in a 100 mile radius wanting to do the same thing. Pot, meet kettle.

Nail in the coffin, no pun intended, OK, maybe a little, the casting of Edward in the movie. Yes Robert whatshisface is a good actor. Yes, he made a fine Cedric Diggory. He sucks as Edward, pun totally and completely intended. I'm sorry but this casting just makes me hate Edward even more. Edward is supposed to be like the most beautiful man on earth. What part of that didn't the casting people get? Probably doesn't help his cause that Taylor Lautner is totally hunky as Jacob.

Well, that's all for the Twilight series with me. Tomorrow is the Friday Free For All. I think I'm going to start calling it F³A.

Thanks for reading me.

Kisses :*


Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Top four things I hate about Twilight. #2 *SPOILER ALERT*

My #2 is Breaking Dawn. While there are things I liked about the book, the series took a turn I really didn't expect, nor did I like.

I was in no way ready for Bella to become a vampire. And really, Bella: Weakest person on the face of the earth = strongest vampire ever. Protector of vampire and human alike. Phllllllltttttttt (that's me giving a raspberry). I bet the werewolves can still kick her ass.

I hate hate hated the whole Bella getting pregnant thing. And I doubly hate hate hate the name Renesme. Stupid stupid stupid.

The other disgustingly gross thing in the book is Jacob imprinting on the stupid baby. Icky. Yuck. Severely dislike. I'm sure I'm not the only one. This had to creep out anyone with a moral bone in their body. Can you say, pedophilia? Blech. Let's just treat Jacob like crap through the entire series and then make him wait eighteen more years for a mate. Jacob needs to find a new set of friends and his own book deal.

I suppose that's it. I'm sure I could come up with more if I really tried, but I'm not sure it's worth the time.

Thanks for reading, come back tomorrow for #1 (I think you can figure out what it is)

Kisses :*


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Top four things I hate about Twilight. #3

Okay this is probably more a jealousy issue than anything else. But my #3 is her Cinderella story. Let's see, this Arizona housewife has a dream, about a sparkley man in a meadow talking to a girl. He's a vampire and he's telling her he loves her, but he's afraid he'll kill her. In three months the book is written.

I read somewhere that she didn't have to query very many agents, maybe fifteen or so? Can't find the facts now. Picked out of the slushpile at Writer's House, one of the biggest agencies out there. She gets a $750,000 three book deal from Little Brown.

Sickening isn't it?

That's all I'm saying about that right now. I want to go throw up.

Kisses :*


Monday, January 18, 2010

Top four things I hate about Twilight. #4

Okay, so this week I tell you what I DON'T like about Twilight. My #4 is the writing.

While I enjoy the concept of the story, and I appreciate the fact that Stephenie Meyer tries to be very literary at times, it doesn't work for me. Yes, fancy words are pretty to read, but not a novel they do make.

Too much internal conflict with Bella, yeah we get it, you're weird, you're in love with a Vampire, yes, he's the most beautiful person you've ever seen, get on with it already. And she's just some plain no one, yet every boy in school wants her? Um, yes, I get that there's that "new girl" novelty, but someone as plain as Bella is supposed to be would not garner that much attention. Plus the fact that she's a total introvert, and putting off.

The characters are flat and not very interesting. They have no personality whatsoever. The only one with any depth at all is Jacob. Hence why he was included in last weeks blog. And I'm sorry, who in their right mind would not pick Jacob over Edward. He treats Bella with respect, he'd do anything for her, he's hot, he's human, he loves her, he's hot...need I say more? Not until book four (I think) do we get any insight the the vampire back stories. It at least makes Rosalie more interesting, not so much the others.

And Bella is a horrible role model for teenage girls. Constantly being saved by Edward. I mean, really, does someone really almost die that many times? She was very lucky to have a vampire boyfriend and a werewolf best friend. er. And really, putting everything in your life aside for a guy? A dead guy who seriously doesn't treat you that good? A guy who treats Bella like a possession and is borderline stalker (yeah, I come in your room and watch you sleep every night, can you say, creepy?). A guy who when he leaves you, you just want to die. Yes, this is not a good lesson for today's female youth.

Okay, I guess that's it for today. Come back tomorrow for my number three.

Kisses :*


Friday, January 15, 2010

Friday Free For All: What if Jesus was just a lunatic instead of the son of God.

Okay, this may be controversial to some of you, and I'm not saying that's what I believe, but seriously, if someone in this day and age started spouting off about being the next messiah, the son of God himself, he would be committed, right? You know he would. We'd think him insane just like the crazy lady on the bus who talks to herself and slaps her purse, or like the street corner prophet.

So, what if they thought him a lunatic back in the day (okay, I know many DID think this, but what if it were everyone?) It would change religion as we know it. So many people in the world are some form of Christian, be it Catholic, Lutheran, Baptist, etc, etc, what would the world be like?

Maybe we would be praising Bob, or Jill, or Fred. Maybe the most popular religion in the world would be based on the earth, or the animals, rainbows, or butterflies. Or perhaps we would worship the giant blazing orb in the sky, praying some day it would find us worthy to absorb us and burn us into ash. There really isn't an answer, is there? Maybe we would have picked up on some of the other religions and pray to Muhammad, or Buddha, or Ra.

What if the majority of us had no religion at all? Would we be living in chaos? Anarchy? After all, laws are created based on what's good and right on the world. What if we didn't have religion to tell us that? Would we still know in our heart how we should live?

I don't know the answers. I'm really not even sure what I believe. I hope there's a higher power. I hope he/she is merciful and forgiving of our simple lack of judgment or innocent errors in life. Maybe even of our larger transgressions if they don't hurt too many.

It gives you something to think about though, doesn't it? Maybe it's time I start listening to the street corner prophets.

And I promised poetry, so here is one I wrote last week.

Heart in shreds
cold autumn nights
tears fall like leaves from a tree.
No fear, no pain
just there clinging
dust on the window.
No reason.
Run your finger through
make sun tracks
impressions of light.
Warm like summer
luminous and radiant
sating hunger.
Love consumed.
Wonder and light
wrought with passion
fire and flame.
Like a season
cools by degrees.
Pain like death
loss, decay
heart in shreds.

Kisses :*


Song of the Week: The High Road by Broken Bells

Movie of the Week: The Invention of Lies, more about the concept than the funny

Book of the Week: The Unwritten Rule, a cute teenage love story by Elizabeth Scott. I should have a review out on it by next week. Fingers crossed.

Quote of the week: "Do what you are afraid to do." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Top four things I like about Twilight. #1

Vampires and werewolves. What's not to like? Sexy beasts the lot of them. Especially what Hollywood has done with them. Of course I've always love vampires, I have told you my kids sometimes call me Vampire Mom because of my affinity for the color black.

These monsters were a part of lives way before Twilight came out. Stephenie Meyer just brought them to the forefront again. Cartoons, like the Groovy Ghoulies and Scooby Do, and shows like The Musters introduced them to us at a young age.

Some of my favorite books and movies with these monsters? Number one definitely is Interview with a Vampire (the book, not the movie, not that the movie was bad, but really, who the hell cast Tom Cruise as Le Stat? Just as bad as Edward, not going there, that's next week) I fell in love with Louis when I read that book back when I was a teenager.

Movies like Fright Night and American Werewolf in London were a couple of my favorites back in the day. I remember AWIL being the cutting edge of special effects for the time period.

More recently I really liked Blade, the first Underworld movie (not so much the second), Brotherhood of the Wolf, and Blood and Chocolate. What they've done with Vampires and Werewolves are amazing. And of course two of my favorite shows ever were Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel.

Then there are books and movies and shows that are popular that I've yet to see like the Heather Brewer book series, Sookie Stackhouse, and True Blood. I'll get to them.

So, that's another reason to like the Twilight series, because I LOVE the subject matter. What's not to love about beautiful sexy immortals, or strong, rugged wolf boys?

That's all for Twilight this week. Come back next week when I tell you the four things I HATE about it. But for tomorrow, it's the Friday Free For All. I have no idea what to talk about, so it will be as exciting for me as it is for you. It is exciting for you, right? ;)

Catch you on the flip side.

Kisses :*


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Top four things I like about Twilight #2

My #2 is Jacob. I suppose you would say I was on team Jacob. At first, I hated the idea of Jacob and the love triangle. Edward was the only one for Bella. I even think Stephenie Meyer maybe at first didn't want us to like him, the pushiness,the forced kiss, the clinginess (which is a word I apparently just made up), but he grows on us, in fact, in New Moon, he is the love interest for Bella. Let's Bella take chances, soar.

What do I like about Jacob? He's smart, he's sweet, he's sympathetic. He's human, yes maybe only in part, but he has human qualities that Edward no longer possesses as an immortal, which I don't really want to go into, because I will be blogging about Edward next week. And he loves Bella. He will do anything for Bella, of course the real reasons behind this are revealed in book four, but for now, in books one, two, and three, he's just a sweet kid that wears his heart on his sleeve.

Um, and the casting of Taylor Lautner, just gives us reason to like him even more. He is completely and utterly hot, even to this forty year old wife and mother. When I saw the trailer for New Moon, chills ran down my spine when Jacob turned into the werewolf? What? I'm human. I'm allowed to look and admire, aren't I?

Well enough about Jacob, come back tomorrow when I reveal my number one.

Kisses :*


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Top four things I like about Twilight #3

# Three is the Cullens. I love every Cullen, in the book. (I suppose the movie too. They did a pretty good job on the casting, um, except Edward)

Stephenie Meyer did a great job giving each of these vampires unique and likable personalities, and I loved hearing each of the stories about how there vampirism (yes, if it's not a word, it is now) came about. Especially the completely and utterly unlikeable Rosalie. I can't remember which book her story comes out in, I think it's Breaking Dawn, but it's terrible and intriguing, and it's why she is the way she is, and why she doesn't want Bella to become a vampire. I will say no more on this, as I don't want to spoil it for those who have not read the books.

My favorite of course is Alice. (Whose isn't, right?) The beautiful pixie-ish vamp that can foresee the future. If I could be one of the Cullens, it would definitely be her. She flits about, sweet as pie, then goes into a complete coma when the future hits, and it's never good, especially where Bella is concerned.

I love Emmet's brawn and playfulness, how Jasper struggles with the whole "vegetarian" vampire thing, Esmay's kind heart, and Dr. Cullens sympathetic nature.

And then there's Edward. Yes, we all love him (do we?). I found it harder to love him after book two, and definitely after his part in the movie was cast. But enough on that. I have a day next week dedicated to Edward.

So, that's all for today, thanks for reading.

Kisses :*


Monday, January 11, 2010

Top four things I like about Twilight #4

Since Twilight is so very big, and I've never blogged about it before, I thought I'd better before it runs its course. I have a love/hate relationship with Twilight. There are things I really like about it, and things I definitely hate. So, this week is going to be about the things I like about it, next week, the things I hate. And I guess since they made a movie out of it and all, I'm going to be talking about the book and the movie.

#4 The concept

For those of you who don't know (and seriously, you should all know this by now, especially if you are a twilight fan) the idea from this book came from a dream that Stephenie Meyer had. A dream in which a vampire was in love with a human. Simple as that.

It's a great concept. Has it been done before, more than likely, though I haven't seen it. Of course there are many books about star-crossed lovers, but I can't think of any where one lover might literally devour the other. And I will admit this, Stephenie Meyer made me fall in love with the idea of the story (though maybe not the story itself). I won't get much more into it, because if I expand I won't have anything else to write about this week or next.

So that is all for today. Catch you on the flip side.

Kisses :*


Friday, January 8, 2010

Friday Free For All: Emotions, Friendships, and Life in General

I don't know where to start here. I'm not even sure what I want to say. I have so much going on inside me right now, I can't organize my thoughts, place them on paper in an orderly fashion so that they'll be read clearly and understood.

I'm an emotionally driven person. Sometimes that attracts people to me, sometimes it repels them. I'm full of angst, tears, passion, fire,I'm frenzied much of the time. I have thoughts and feelings roiling within me 24/7. I think it's why I don't sleep well, why I struggle with vices, why I write the stuff I usually write, and why I can only connect with very few people on a deep level.

Relationships are difficult for me. For some reason, I don't get too close, I think it's because when I do, there is always some amount of pain involved. I also don't like to commit to outings because I'm afraid that once that day arrives, I won't be able mentally to follow through. This makes me a bad friend in many ways I know, but it's something that I cannot help.

And what about virtual friends, the ones you meet in chat rooms, and on facebook, and other social networking sites. I'm sure everyone has them by now. How much of yourself can or should you give over to them? The ones I have, I've met mostly through my writing and youtube videos. Some of them I would consider very good friends. But honestly, how much of yourself should you give them? How much should you confide in them? Can they be trusted with your most guarded secrets, your emotions? It's a definite risk, right? Is it worth it? I don't have the answers to all that, but it's something I do struggle with.

And you know what, so many people don't even know who I really am. I think they see me as this playful, carefree, motivated vixen without a care in the world. That's not who I am. Not at all. It's a mask I wear to protect myself. I'm timid and insecure. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and that makes me very vulnerable.

I know these may seem like random thoughts being poured out on a page to you, but believe me, they come full circle for me. Emotions, relationships, friendships, depression...oh yes, I haven't touched on that yet today. My life seems to be in some kind of holding pattern, where I go through the same mistakes, feelings, experiences, over and over again. And any of you who have been following my blog this year,knows that this time last year was not good for me. And even though things are definitely better, I find myself sinking back into a funk. I blame the weather. Yes, I know, it sounds like a cop out, but it's true. The gray skies bring me down. And obviously anti-depressants cannot fix it. SAD(seasonal affective disorder) is the price I pay to live in the northwest I guess. Last night I invested in Vitamin D. I'm hoping that brings at least a few rays of light through the fog. On a positive note, I don't resort to the self destructive things I used to do when I was younger. I just take it, and try to deal with it, heal, and try to make it stick.

My psyche morphs during the year. Ups and downs, happiness to self loathing. No matter how high I get on the ladder, I always fall down, just to make the long climb back up again. Sometimes I think I don't deserve to be happy. Sometimes I even think, maybe I don't want to be happy. But that's absurd, right? Why would anyone not want to be happy? I don't have the answers, but I do know I keep finding my way back down here.

The point? No point really, just ranting. Wanting to get these thoughts out of my head before they make me completely crazy. Maybe hoping maybe just one person out there can empathize, so I know I'm not insane.

That's all I've got.

Song of the Week: The Story by Brandi Carlile

Book of the Week: She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb. Haven't read it in awhile, but have the urge again. I think many women can probably relate to this.

Movie of the Week: Girl Interrupted, in memory of Brittany Murphy

Quote of the week: "Sometimes, I get so consumed by depression that it is hard to believe that the whole world doesn't stop and suffer with me." ~ Elizabeth Wurtzel,
Prozac Nation: Young and Depressed in America

Thanks for reading.

Kisses :*


Thursday, January 7, 2010

Top four things I desperately need/want to get done now that the holiday chaos is over

# 1 is REVISIONS. I'm beginning to hate the word. I might rename it Bob or something like that instead, just so it doesn't seem so daunting. I mean, can you say Bob and feel overwhelmed? I don't think so.

ABNA (that's Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award for those of you who don't pay attention) begins January 25th. That gives me another (give me a minute, I was never good with the maths) 18 days to get my novel, Lockdown,(which I wrote during NaNoWriMo, so there will be obvious flaws) as perfect as I can, AND write a pitch, which is actually a more difficult task than writing a novel.

On a positive note, I am on page 171, so, I'm more than half way there. Of course, when I'm done with this round, I'm going to have a couple extra sets of eyes look at it, then do another quick round of Bobs. (see that didn't hurt as much)

Once ABNA starts, then I want to go back and revise the rest of my novels, five in all. sigh.

That's it, come back tomorrow for the Friday Free For All.

Kisses :*


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Top four things I need to get done now that the holiday chaos has ended

# 3 is read. I'm way behind on my reading. I have reading to do for my vine reviews. I have reading to do for requested reviews. I have friends books I have yet to read, plus I have books from the likes of Stephen King, Christopher Moore, Carl Hiassen ( I have no idea how to spell that ) sitting on my bookcase waiting for me.

I've finished one book in the last few months and that was only because I was on an airplane for ten + hours (and still haven't had time to do the review for it).

I do miss reading.

That is all.

Have a great day.


Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Top four things I need to get done desperately now that the holiday chaos has ended.

Video. I miss doing video. I am so far behind on video, it's not even funny.

Number one, I've owed my dad a vacation video for about two years now. Um, can you say overdue?

I also have been wanting to get my next chronicle video out. Since the beginning of December. I wanted to talk about Nanowrimo, writing, my trip to NY, and the upcoming ABNA contest. Haven't had time.

Not to mention my video reviews. I am so far behind on my Vine reviews for it's not even funny. And I owe others some book reviews. Long overdue book reviews.

So there you have it. Expect to see about six videos from me in the next few weeks (excluding my dad's vacation video, you don't want to see that)

What's on your back burner?

Monday, January 4, 2010

Back to it top four things I need to get done desperately now that theholidays are over.

I guess I need to get back to blogging now that the chaos of the holidays are over, the husband is back to work, the kids to school.

I've slacked on everything these past two weeks that didn't have to do with Christmas.

So, my top four this week is the four things I desperately need to get done now that the holidays are over.

#4 get back to making healthy dinners.

No more pizza, no more chicken and jo's from safeway. Time to eat well again. It's bad enough to eat all the fudge and cookies and crap that come with the holidays, but you're so short of time from all the shopping and wrapping and cards that you resort to quicker unhealthy meals.

Tonight I cook homemade refried beans with some low fat cheese, high fiber tortilla, and fresh veggies.

My Dad. He's awesome.

John Messina, Personal Injury Attorney

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