Tuesday, October 1, 2013

How can you stay?

This is another relationship rant. It's not about mine though, it's about someone else's, an old friend from college. In fact, it's more than just his relationship, I've seen many relationships like his before. A relationship in which you cannot choose who to be friends with, who to speak to. A relationship in which your other half dictates what you wear, what you do.

You see, I went to college with this man, and he is a kind person. And yes, we had a relationship back then. We were 18 years old, we both left that college the year after and never heard from the other again until the power of the internet made it possible for us to cross paths again.

We became friends on Facebook a while ago. Well, we hadn't talked, but the last week, he'd been in my dreams, so I thought I'd tell him. I went to write him on Facebook, only to find we were no longer friends. I really thought nothing of it. Sometimes I purge friends I've not talked to in awhile, so I refriended him. I figured if he had unfriended me he'd either accept or not, no skin off of my nose.

He accepted (so I thought) so I told him about my dream. Which was pretty innocent, it was like we were back in school, people hanging around, but my body image was bad, and he gave me no attention.

He started saying how that would be impossible that he wouldn't pay me attention and how sexy I was...to which I gave a very innocent reply...how we're friends, he was being silly, how beautiful his family is, turns out...wait for it...

...it was his wife.

She continued to call me all kinds of names, ugly whore, bitch. She talked about how he'd blocked me before (um, didn't block, unfriended, big difference), how she knows all about my relationship from college and it doesn't mean anything (um, duh, it was college, helloooo). She continued to say how she had been testing me by writing and good thing I proved her wrong, but then continued to call me a slut and a whore (um, thought I proved you wrong?)

Granted, I don't know what goes on behind their closed doors, maybe she has reason not to trust him, but for some reason I doubt it. I just find it sad, the control and lack of trust some people put up with in their relationships.That they allow these people that are supposed to love them to treat people like this.

I feel sorry for my friend. I hope it's worth it. I know people say they're staying together for their children, and that's their own prerogative, but it's not one I agree with.

Children are smarter than we think. When a marriage is struggling, you can't fake it. Children sense it. It's in your facial expressions, your tone of voice, your body movements. In my opinion,
you should teach your children that it's better to be happy alone than miserable together.

Just another rant brought to you by yours truly. If my friend is reading this, I'm sorry you feel you have to stay. It seems she doesn't love you like she should. If his wife is reading this, I'm sorry you trust him so little and are so insecure that you feel you need to stoop to such levels of deception as to catch him in a betrayal of your love and affection. I think maybe you should get to know him again.
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John Messina, Personal Injury Attorney

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