This is where it gets personal for me. I used to hate myself. Period. At the time this seemed rational, but of course with age and experience I see it was a lack of self confidence in myself that caused these feelings of self loathing. At any rate from age 18 to 23 I suffered from Bulimia. I'm sure you know what that is, so I won't bother explaining. The reasons behind it are too personal to share, and don't really matter anymore anyhow.
The disease started off slowly, but gained speed and at its apex I was purging anywhere from 2 to 15 times a day, after every little thing I ate. It became an art form of sorts. I knew which foods made it easier, which were harder. I knew drinking liquids would help the process. At work, I knew which bathrooms were empty at what times of the day. I even convinced myself after I ate that I was sick, I couldn't possibly keep anything down. Yep. I was sick.
I was controlled by it. It was more an addiction for me than a disease, like meth to the drug user, or booze to the alcoholic. I couldn't get through the day without it. I finally confided in my boyfriend (who will remain nameless because he was a big jerk) that I had a problem. He told me to stop, as if that would solve anything. And as with any other addiction, you know how easy that must have been. I tried to control it, but couldn't
Rock bottom hit. I started getting shooting pains in my gut, I couldn't stay awake, my body was rebelling against me, making demands, telling me to quit or die. I finally told my parents I needed help. Between them, my work, and my future husband, (who is not the boyfriend I mentioned before) I got the help I needed.
It's been about seventeen years, but like with all addicts, I've relapsed a couple of times since, and I still struggle on occasion, especially on dark days. For the most part I've overcome those obstacles of my late teens, early adult years, and I urge anyone with similar problems to get help before it's too late. Talk to someone, your parents, a friend, teacher, or counselor. Many work places have mental health programs for all sorts of afflictions and addictions.
Please feel free to comment or question. Come back tomorrow and read my # 2 worst life experience.
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