March 18, 2011 I’m tired. Tired of living in this sardine can of a home with its lack of windows, torn curtains, and the smell of dog piss emanating throughout. I’m tired of going through the motions as daughter, sister, and friend when I feel like nothing more than a speck of dust on a window pane ready to be wiped clean away. I’m tired of the snobs and flakes and posers at school who think they’re either better than you, smarter than you, or more pathetic than you and take pride in it. When did we come to strive for depression. The Emo boy and girls with their dark makeup and their skinny jeans brood in the hallways acting as if their blue-collar lives are pure hell while they listen to their iPods, play on their Xboxes, and talk on their cell phones.
They don’t know what it truly is to ache. What it’s like to watch your dad walk out the door and never come back. To watch your mom spend every waking moment with a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other. To be the sole provider for your family, the mother to your sister. To be mocked and bullied at school because of it all.
And this journal, and the art, it’s not enough anymore. I can’t do it. I’m ready to free fall from life, to plunge into the unknown.
I’m ready to let death take me away from this place. I don’t care what’s waiting for me on the other side. It has to be better than this . . .
God, Megan, this made me feel terrible--so, I guess you did a decent job! ;-)
ReplyDelete:) Thanks Lynda!!
ReplyDeleteThis was really strong and powerful. I don't know if this was for the opening chapter, but it definitely made me want to read on.
ReplyDeleteGood job. Depression sucks.
ReplyDeleteOn the lighter side, "I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
Thanks everyone. @Christine, the answer is yes, thus far I'm planning on this being the opening of the novel.
ReplyDeleteI think the concept sounds great and the tone reflects the character really well. However, I think that this beginning reads immediately angsty and preachy, with the way she condemns everyone around her. Not that her feelings aren't exaggerated, just that they come off that way when you just dive right in. Maybe try to build a little empathy with the reader, first. Show the character caring for her sister right off the bat, instead of complaining about her life and saying that she needs to care for her sister. Showing her in these situations will build immediately empathy!
ReplyDeleteHope that helps!! :)
Arg. *immediate
ReplyDeleteI hate typos!!
Ha. Alyssa, I appreciate your comments. This particular novel is going to be sections of a journal written by this girl, but through the eyes of someone reading it, who will be my main protagonist. This entry will be one of the last in the journal, though it will start the book. Then the book will backtrack to the person finding, then subsequently reading the journal.
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by and reading, and taking the time to comment. :)
Love the line 'When did we come to strive for depression' If you decide to work on this more and get it published, that will definitely be making its way into my little book of quotes I like.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really powerful opening like Christine said.
Thank you Kate. I'm hoping it will be a book some day. I'm anxious to be finished with my current one now so I can continue with this one.
ReplyDelete