Lamentations

There is a reason I call myself the angsty writer.  Last night was one of those reasons.  I don't think people realize how draining this business can be.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitching that I have a book deal, that would be stupid, but there is so much work that goes into it.  Not only that, but having a job on top of it leaves little time for other things.

At times I feel detached from the world I've created for myself.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed.

Occasionally,  I feel like I can't hack it.

Sometimes I feel like everything I've implemented in the last four years, the blogs, the vlogs, the social networking is all for naught.

Sometimes everything I've implemented makes me feel like a whore and I get tired of myself and I think other people have to be getting tired of me too.

I think I might be having post traumatic stress disorder.  I was going to vlog about this, but haven't had the time yet, so I'll just talk about it here.

On Sunday, I was almost hit by a bus.  It sounds funny, and I even joked about it with some people, but the more I think about it, the more it scares the shit out of me.  I was in an unfamiliar city, trying to follow my GPS, and was distracted.  I ran a red light.

A bus had just entered the intersection, honestly, I don't know how I got out of it.  I remember screaming and swerving.  I must have sped up.

I know I should just focus on the fact that I didn't get plastered all over the pavement, but I can't help to think about what could have happened.  What if someone was coming from the other direction?  I would have been hit on my side of the car.  What if another car had been on the other side of the bus?

I'm thankful my kids weren't in the car with me.

I can't stop thinking about it.

But obviously I'm still meant for this world.  It wasn't my time.  I try not to focus on the what-could-have-happened, but it's hard.

I think it's the reason I've been in a funk and unable to sleep all week.

I'm not sure this post even has a purpose other than me venting.  Thank you for being my sounding board this morning.