Friday, November 28, 2014

20 random thoughts

Random thoughts. I'm reliving conversations from last night, pondering things I've
seen browsing on Twitter and Tumblr this morning, thinking about the weekend. Granted, some of them you won't understand, just my personal inside musings.

  1. I'm starting resolutions before next year. I'm joining a gym Monday. I really need to make these changes.
  2. There had to be a taser, a billy club...some other option. 
  3. Richard Sherman is funny and a class act. People don't like him because he's the best and he's loud. Well, people outside Washington. And maybe Oregon and Idaho. Maybe Montana.
  4. I'm all about women's rights, but I don't think we need to trash men to get them. We're trying to be equal, right, not superior?
  5. People that go shopping today are CRAY!
  6.  Some of these people on the Tumblr, I really don't want to see their shit.
  7. I didn't realize how much I enjoyed Facebook until I left it.
  8. Peeta and RePeeta were in a boat...
  9. Speaking of...someone told me he thought Mockingjay was boring. I asked where they left off and he said basically they just got Peeta back (who up to this point he thought was named Peter hahaha). And I was like O.o I could see that being boring because NOTHING REALLY HAPPENS until then.
  10. I need to remind my daughter for the millionth time that I am a POOR SINGLE MOM WHO CAN NOT AFFORD TO FEED ALL HER FRIENDS!
  11. I need to buy more Christmas lights.
  12. I hope the tattoo artist can get my design right.
  13. I can't wait to get on the road and get the fuck out of here.
  14. My dreams need to stop toying with me. It's hard to dream about someone you love then wake up realizing they're not a part of your life anymore.
  15. Always ask someone if they want some pie before you eat the whole thing. Even if you were told to take it home and eat the whole thing.
  16. Do I really need to Tumblr when I Blogger?
  17. THERE IS ONLY ONE FUCKING PIE AND IT'S BANANA CREAM!
  18. NaNoWriMo - okay, so I may not finish, but I got a lot accomplished, which is more than I can say for the last two years.
  19. There are 4 kinds of people in your life:
    1. the ones who give, never expecting anything in return
    2. the ones in which you have a give and take relationship and that's okay
    3. the ones that take and never give
    4. and the ones you just want to punch in the face
  20. My dad is awesome.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Time to be thankful

I'm not going to do the usual "what I'm thankful for" post. This has been a hard year for me. I've faced a lot of adversity, some I'm still working through, and so, I want to see the positive side of these hardships I've been through this year.

And first off, I'm going to say to my Facebook peeps, this does not mean I'm back on Facebook. This automatically loads to Facebook from blogger. I don't even have to go there. In case you were going to accuse me of being weak and coming back. :)

  1. Parent illness/aging: I still have my parents. I know a lot of people my age have had one or both of their parents already pass. And I do think about that. All the time, really. I actually do. I'm lucky. I know this. I can only think of one other friend that has both her parents. So, though we've seen some hard times this year, I'm so thankful they are still around.
  2. Break ups: I had a hard break up earlier this year. It caught me by surprise;
    truly, I wasn't expecting it. I'm thankful that it happened though, because he was awesome. That time also made me reflect on myself, because since my divorce, I'd not been broken up with. It made me remember that I'm fallible and maybe it was time to regroup and focus on things other than dating.
  3. School problems: My daughter's school pissed me this year. There were emails passed back and forth, meetings. I'm still not entirely pleased with the situation, but if I want it changed, I need to take action, which I'm going to do. But for the most part, I'm thankful for both my daughter's education. We are lucky to have the resources we do in the United States. Those resources may not be perfect, but I'm thankful my children have access to them in order to learn and grow as little human beings and to choose what they want to do with their futures.
  4. Children: They face challenges through their lives. They challenge you. They
    cause trouble, drama, stress. Children make messes, cost money, don't contribute. So many reasons to dislike the wretched little things. Yet I am so thankful for these little souls I've brought into the world. They're my light. My life. I live for them. Without them, I would be nothing.
  5. Friendships: I've lost one. For now at least. I've learned a few things along the path from this fall out. About me and about her.  I'm thankful for that. I also know now that I have things to reevaluate, and that will be a good thing. It doesn't matter how much time passes before our lives come back together, if they do. I will take that time to take control of some things in my life and reel them back in. I think the break in this friendship will be good for me.
  6. Health: I've been tired, achy, I've had a swollen eye for most the year. I've had
    to sleep, I've not been able to exercise, or keep a clean house, or a nice yard or garden...but I'm grateful to have a diagnosis. To have a goal finally. To finally see if this can go away.
  7. Things I can't talk about: Let's say they're stressful and can be ugly. But the ugly things in life, they educate you, they make you strong. They mold you. It's the hardest things that make you who you are. I don't dislike me. I need some work to be sure, as I'm sure most people do. I've gone through some hard stuff these last few years, but the person that has come out the other end...she's not so bad.

So, that's most of it. These are the things I've struggled with and the positive side of them. I don't want to dwell on the past or beat myself up about things. It's time to move forward. Get healthy, get control. I'd like to write, work, play, in a healthy, atmosphere that is conducive to they way I want to live life - with passion, adventure and wisdom...and maybe just a tiny bit of chaos.

I started last night, reaching out to people I've not talked to in a while, at least some of them, by text, wishing them a Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving to you too! Enjoy your friends and family see the positive in the negative and the light in the dark. Start the next year off on the right foot.



Monday, November 24, 2014

Good people make mistakes

We are human, and for that reason, we make mistakes. Sometimes they are no big deal, but other times, they're very hard to bear. Why does this happen? Many reasons. Misunderstandings, the failure to act on something, bad decisions.

Many times we have no idea we're making a mistake until the negative outcome manifests itself. Sometimes we know when we're making that mistake and for some reason do it anyway, knowing there could be negative repercussions, knowing it could hurt people.

Why do we make those decisions? The ones we know are mistakes but for some reason can't seem to turn away? Especially when other people's pain will be involved.

I can only answer that question for myself, and I'm not really sure. If I were to guess, I think many times it would have to do with insecurities, stress, envy, anger, coping mechanisms. But it's not purposely. All on a subconscious level.

Then what can we do?
  1. Feel remorse
  2. Apologize
  3. Forgive yourself 
  4. Move on

That's it. The rest is up to them. You can't pressure them to forgive you. If they do, they do it on their terms taking as much time as they need which could be a week or a year or never. And that may be hard, but that is what you've caused and you'll have to live with it.

Forgiving yourself is important. If you can't do that, you'll be a prisoner to this one mistake, and you will let it define you. You shouldn't have to pay for one mistake for the rest of your life(well, unless you've killed someone, maybe then). So forgive yourself, learn to like yourself again, and start over.



Thursday, November 20, 2014

Now I really know...

I mentioned some health issues a couple weeks ago, and though it's not life threatening and other people are dealing with way worse things, for me it's very debilitating. I am a person that is always going, always doing, has 10 things on my plate and a bucket list a mile long. I don't have time for my body to shut down. But that's exactly what it has done.

So after a millions tests my doctor diagnosed chronic fatigue syndrome. Not satisfied with that diagnoses, because you see, there's really nothing you can do about it except wish it away, I went for a second opinion  - to a naturopath.

I swore the heavens opened up and I heard choirs of angels singing because after reading my paperwork and talking to me for a few minutes she seemed to know exactly what was wrong with me. And the thing is, there's a chance I can make it go away. I may not have to just learn to like myself this way and learn to live with it.

Adrenal fatigue. There's some controversy. I've read up. Medical doctors don't really believe in this diagnosis. It's not accepted medical diagnosis because it hasn't been scientifically proven. Doctors are concerned the real cause of the symptoms may not be found and treated correctly. But like I said, I have been tested for everything and they found nothing. So this makes sense to me.

You see, adrenal glands regulate stress (physical, emotions and psychological) through hormones adrenaline and cortisol, and if you have prolonged stress, those glands may not be able to adequately meet the demands of that stress.

You have no idea how much is involved with stress regulation.
  • Immune function
  • Muscle tone
  • Blood pressure
  • Sleep
  • Production of energy
Etc, etc, etc...


Adrenal fatigue could be caused by one big emotional crisis or repeated or constant stress. For me it is the latter. Adrenal fatigue causes

  • Lack of energy
  • Back pain
  • High blood pressure
  • Decreased immunity
  • Hair loss
  • Sleep Problems
  • Skin Problems
  • Increase in allergies
  • Weight gain
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Anger
  • Loss of focus
  • Forgetfulness
  • Crying spells
  • Relationship conflicts

The list continues. I've highlighted all the symptoms that have affected me the last almost three years.

I'm super excited about this new diagnosis because I see an end to my malady. also now understand why I've been sleeping during the day, why I haven't been able to finish the novel(s) I've started. Why I can never find the right words.  Why all of a sudden I have high blood pressure when I never have in my life.

I'm excited to write more, get active again, have a clean house, and have more time to spend with my daughters and scratch things of my bucket list.

I highly recommend if you think you have something like chronic fatigue or Fibromyalgia you go see a naturopath and see if you don't have adrenal fatigue.

If you're interested, here are some articles I found with more info:

Eighteen Overlooked Symptoms of Adrenal Fatigue from Natural News
Recovering from Adrenal Fatigue from Natural News
Adrenal Fatigue: Myth vs Fact
Symptoms of Adrenal Fatigue from Women to Women. This one has an Adrenal Health Assessment you can take as well.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Being Switzerland: Bad Behavior of Book Bloggers vs Authors Pt. 2

I posted part 1 of this blog on Tuesday and talked about book bloggers behaving badly. Today I'll talk about authors behaving badly. This really is nothing new. I came across this  Cavalcade of Literary Jerks, which is a funny, but true post about famous authors behaving badly, such as James Joyce, Charles Dickens and Norman Mailer. I highly recommend the read.

Anyway, as I stated in part 1 of my blog, as a published author and also a Vine reviewer for Amazon, I have been on both sides of this coin with regard to the head butting between bloggers and authors, therefore I am Switzerland.

Here is some examples of how authors shouldn't behave, and again, I'm using no names as the badly behaved and their victims  need no more attention.

Authors:

  • Commenting on bad reviews. There are MANY authors who have done this. Just don't. Whether you're being polite or not, it's just a bad idea (but yeah, especially if you're going to be rude and basically call people stupid). Don't blog it, Facebook it, Tweet it. Back away from the reviews. When you put a book out, not everyone is going to like it. Some people will hate it. It's a fact. Get over yourself.
  • Just because you send a blogger your book does not mean they have to review it. Period. If you do not get a review, even if you were promised one, let it go. Definitely don't post a "hit list" of bloggers on your blog telling people they are horrible people. Do not start a flame war with bloggers. This is a bad idea that will sometimes end with you losing your Goodreads account and some of your credibility and brand you as an "Author Behaving Badly."
  • Always tell your spouse it is not okay to respond to bad reviews in your defense. Especially do not let him call them "psycho" when it is a well thought out and not at all harsh review just because it is a bad one.
    • This same author's assistant then attacked another blogger because she changed her review from 4 stars to 1 after the author complained that it only got to #2 on the NYT list and after what her husband did and stated she would never read her again. Do I agree with the star change for that reason? Not necessarily. But once again the key here is DO NOT ENGAGE.
    • As an author you should probably not let on that you know all the above is going on by posting about it on Facebook.
    • Both author and husband apologize, but blogger now receives threats from rabid fans via email and voicemail. One even told her to kill herself, yet author won't tell her fans to back off. After someone on her Facebook page suggest she make a statement, author refuses and says she doesn't want any more comments about it on her page. O.o
  • Contact reviewers privately upon a bad review and guilt them into deleting the review, amending or raising and then "teaching" authors that this is the thing to do. Also, stating publicly how funny it is that while they may have given you a bad review, you are the one holding their money. Not very classy or ethical. And yeah, someone did that.
  • Don't be an arrogant douche. Don't make yourself out to be more than you are. You can be proud, you can brag, but know when to shut the hell up. Don't tell readers and fellow writers to fuck off.
  • One self pubbed author went on a Goodreads rampage a few years ago apparently trashing those who reviewed her book poorly as well as fellow YA authors. She then created sock puppet accounts (many from what I understand) to give her book 5 star ratings and give other authors 1 star ratings. Then she outed a blogger by posting publicly her real name, husband's name, email address, etc. Yeah, don't do any of this.
  • Seriously, keep comments about reviews off Twitter. Especially with your agent. Especially don't say you're going to go like all the good reviews and get all your homies involved.
  • Know who you can trust or make sure you are sending the email to the right person. One author sent a scathing email about a reviewer to a couple close friends. Somehow the review ended up getting it in her inbox. She was not amused as it called her a stupid cow. She does apologize, but, um er...
  • Don't act like a crazy psycho and ruin your career over bad reviews. I cannot reiterate this enough. Yes, I believe this has been done.
  • Do not stalk a reviewer who gave you a poor review. Then do not post on your
    blog how you did this and actually showed up at her house. Scary.
  • One author actually stalked a reviewer who gave him a bad review, found out where she worked, drove from London to Scotland and physically assaulted her by hitting her in the head with a wine bottle from behind. 
So...the above is behavior you never want to engage in as an author, traditionally published, self published, no matter.  As you can see, all but one of these have to do with receiving bad reviews. I will reiterate this about bad reviews...YOU ARE GOING TO GET THEM. It's a thing. It  happens. Don't contact the blogger, reviewer. Seriously, this is just not a good idea.

The other one, don't treat your fellow authors like shit. We really are not competition. We are in this together. We should work to help each other make it in this crazy and cruel business.

Stay sharp. Stay focused. Stay out of prison.

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Check them out. Messina Bulzomi Christensen personal injury attorneys.

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