V-Day Ponderings

I'm single. Again. For Valentines. The last Valentine's date I remember going on was in 2012. Yes. 2012. If I've had any since them, I don't remember.

Yesterday, on Valentine's Day, I was thinking about how people traditionally celebrate, and I thought to myself, that's not me. It was me at one time, I'm sure. Before. When I was married, freshly single...when I was younger. I guess I used get caught up in the Valentine's Day romance whirlwind. But no, that's not me anymore.

Am I jaded when it comes to romance now? Am I just too old for that shit anymore?  I don't know. I'm not sure what thing inside me changed for me to feel this way.

Last night, on Valentine's night, I went to play trivia at the local bar with single friends. I stated out loud, that even if I had a boyfriend, this is still what I'd want to be doing, how I'd want to spend my Valentine's night. A few drinks, fun and games, hot wings and tater tots...that is the perfect date night for me. Hell, that's the perfect ANY night for me.

I'm not going to get cliche on you with the whole, "we should show our love for each other all year, not just one day," because, duh. But seriously, I don't want someone paying for an overpriced dinner, buying me jewelry I won't wear, and chocolates I won't eat. Okay, maybe I'd eat them, but I wouldn't WANT to. Spending time in an over crowded restaurant full of strangers is not romantic to me. (I'm not mentioning flowers, because flowers is a whole 'nother thing. I love them, but I also buy them for myself when I want them, so there's that.)

So, I guess what I'm saying is, I'm over it. I'm over Valentine's Day and its traditions. Maybe I have been for a long time. I mean, I'm still a romantic (I'm a self proclaimed jaded romantic, but a romantic nonetheless), but romance looks very different to me now.

What does it look like? Sitting on the couch watching movies you've seen 1000 times, spouting out our favorite lines? Sitting in front of a fire next to each other on the couch, not even talking, just being in the same space doing our own things? Talking smack during a heated game of Yahtzee or cribbage? Cooking together and laughing at other people's expense? Staying in bed all day with Netflix, pizza, and wine? Yes. All that.

So, keep your extravagant, store-bought signs of affection, your gooey greeting card, and your expensive dinners. Give me your time and your respect. Write me a love letter or tell me how you feel. Give of yourself, not your wallet. Make me laugh. Especially make me laugh. That's what it looks like. That is me. And that is romantic.

Resolutions for 2016

I'm not a huge fan of resolutions, but I do like to take some time at the end (or very beginning) of a year and map out some goals for myself.  I also like to re-evaluate the goals I made the previous year and see how I held up.

If you read my blog yesterday, you will know that 2015 wasn't the easiest year for me. Of course, the last few have been a struggle. Even so, I am always hopeful that the next year will be a better one full of endless possibilities and worthwhile challenges.

Let's go over last year's goals and achievements, and plans for 2016.

Work:
Last year: Continuing in my business plans. A friend and I, after we lost our jobs, began a business

venture. It hasn't sucked, but it isn't mapping out like I expected. There's nothing wrong with that though. She found full time work, and I have been doing contract work in both writing and marketing, plus, I have a job back at the family wine shop. All is good on that front.

2016: I love all the work I do and plan to continue all of it. However, I am placing heavy focus on the wine shop. I will be working there more come next week and eventually taking over. My plan is to buy the place. It is a fun place to work with so much potential. My goal is to make it a success.

Writing:
Last year: My goal was to write more. I'm pretty much still working on the same stuff I was last year. Though I appear to be at a standstill, I'm not discouraged. I know I will finish one of these books. All of these books. Some of these books. It may not be this year, but it will be someday. Someday is a hopeful word. It's not never. And though I didn't write as much as I may have wanted to, I did write. I worked on the old and I started something new.
2016: I will more than likely continue in the same vein. I mean, I'd like to write more, and maybe I will. But I am not going to set myself up for failure. I have prioritized some projects, and that will help to reach some of my writing goals.

Relationships:
Last year: Didn't look for love. At all. That was one of my goals. If it were to find me, that would have been fine, but I didn't go out of my way to track it down. At times my world is a lonely place, without a significant other, but I have my family, good friends, and my amazing daughters to keep my occupied. And thank god I have no cats.
2016: Still not going to look. If it falls in my lap, fine. Truth be told, I'm not sure I'm in a place that I could even have a relationship if I wanted to. And I'm ever so picky. Not about looks or money or whatnot. My set of ideals centers around kids, pets, freedom, and aspirations.

Health:
Last year: Since I'd been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and/or Adrenal Fatigue,
my goal was to do what it takes to get better. That was a struggle. Adrenal fatigue's main cause is stress. With the overwhelming amount of stress I felt last year, getting better was near impossible. I did have good  days, but when times were very stressful, it was hard to function. I had a naturopath to help me, but when I lost my job, my new insurance didn't cover it and I could not afford it out of pocket.
2016: I want to feel better. I know there are ways I can. I need to try to eliminate as much stress as possible from my life. For a time I ate clean and it made me feel better. I'd like to eat as clean as possible. I bought a new bed, which helps with sleep. I need to follow cues I get from my body with regard as to what to eat, drink, to take a nap if I need to, to ask for help, take time off...My goal is to get my mind, body and spirit in alignment this year. I've purchased some books to help me with this goal.

Exercise:
Last year: With CFS, exercise is really hard. I was taking a kickboxing class when I first starting feeling its effects. It became so hard I quit. However, I did end up joining a gym last year. Did I go? Yes, at first. Then sporadically. Then when the CFS worsened toward the middle of the year, hardly at all.
2016: I'm back at the gym. I do cardio and strength training. I cannot yet participate in classes because it's too hard on my body. One day of overdoing it and I am in bed for half a week. So I'm careful. The kickboxing gym is opening a location in Tacoma, and I think I will use the remainder of my classes there. I did love that class and the form of exercise. I will just have to pace myself. I have a goal. About 5 years ago I was probably at my fittest. I want to get back there, or at least close. I want to be in good shape as I age.

Travel:
Last year: I traveled. I went to Scottsdale, Austin, and made many road trips throughout Washington
State. I was supposed to go to Vegas, but for personal reasons had to cancel two different trips. I had New Orleans and San Diego on my list, but didn't quite make it there.
2016: Traveling is one of my favorite things. I will continue. I already have plans to go to Scottdale again and Hawaii. Again, I'll be road trippin' it. Possibilities include Montana (don't laugh, I've never been and my daughter is looking at a college there), New Orleans is still on the list. I'd like to go to Vegas, and I have my sites set on Italy, though that may have to wait another year. Of course I still have my crazy goal of driving cross country. It's not come to fruition yet, but it continues to lay dormant in the back of my mind.

Friendships:
Last year: My goal was to make new ones. I think I achieved this handily. Just a couple, but I think I chose well.
2016: Just keep it up. You can never have too many friends.

Anything else? Hmmmmm...

• I think I would like to try something that scares the hell out of me. I don't know what, but I want my life to be full of adventure. 
• I would like to get more organized. I kow this is a total cliche resolution, but in my case, it is truly needed. I think it would help me to balance my time between home, work and relationships better. 
• Think positive. I tend to be a glass half empty type of person, but I don't want to be. I want to be able to take things in stride, look at the bright side, breathe with ease.
• Read more, for pleasure.  I think I can count on one hand how many books I read for pleasure last year. Don't get me wrong, I read plenty of business and health books, but I'd like to read some fiction. I'm starting with The Game of Love and Death by Martha Brockenbraugh.
• I want to be blissful - truly happy. I think if I really work on the goals I've set for myself, bliss will fall into place.

So, did you have goals you achieved last year? Want to share your goals for the upcoming year? I think it helps to talk these things out. It makes you accountable. I also think it makes things more doable if you have "people," you know, the ones that are rooting for you, lifting you up, the ones that have your back.

I will be your "people" if you need me.

Well, that's all. Have a great New Year's Day and best wishes for a 2016 full of possibilities. 

A step in the right direction

I finally found a paying gig. It won't be a lot of work or money (maybe I can work myself into more if I'm, ya know, awesome), but I finally connected with a blogger that liked my writing style. And I must say, it's a good fit for me. She had me write her an article as a test. A paid test. *visualize Megan doing a happy dance*

What I love about it is I can be myself when I write. The blog wasn't looking for AP Style or Chicago Manual yadda yadda yadda. They were just looking for someone who could speak to their readers. Someone who could be honest, informative, witty, and funny. Someone that is on the same level. Someone relatable.

Um, over here...that's me.

So, I know you're asking yourself, what are you writing? (okay, just pretend you are) I get to share with the blogosphere, my dating and relationship experiences. How cool is that? (even if you don't think it's cool, just pretend you do) I get to write just like I do here. Casual, matter of fact. I even get
to throw in some gentle cussing. (sadly, no "f" bombs).

Ex boyfriends,  you might want to steer clear.

When my first article is published, it will be on Attract The One  - Smart, Blunt Relationship Advice for Women.

Don't worry, you'll be the 2nd to know when the article is out (okay, probably right after Facebook and Twitter).

I'm super excited and you should be too (maybe you just don't know it yet).

Love is in the air

For some of you, I guess. Not me. I've not had a boyfriend in over six months now. Yes. I think that could be a record folks. None of them were ever the right fit, I suppose. Well, I thought one was, but he had other ideas.

Why don't any of them work? Here's the thing with me...I'm a very passionate person. I believe in love. I want to be in love again some day. When I meet someone and fall for them, I fall hard and fast. Probably too fast, and most of them seem to be the same way. So you get two people jumping into a committed relationship at break neck speed and what do you get? A break up.

I've learned that if I want to find the "one," I need to take my time. I need to be patient. Things that look good on the outside, or initially, usually end up being not quite what you expected, or not quite what you truly want. (okay, me. I'm talking about me)

So what am I looking for? I suppose since I was married for close to two decades and have dated a lot, I have figured out what works and what doesn't work for me. These are some of the things I'm looking for...

• A nice face. It doesn't have to be a supermodel face, just a pleasant one with a nice smile.
• A sense of humor. If I can't laugh at you, or near you, you're no good to me.
• Brains. Not in the zombie sense, but Jesus, please be able to carry on a conversation.
• Job, car, home of your own. Be able to support yourself, drive yourself and either don't live with mom, or make it so I'm able to kick you out of my house if I need some alone time.
• Promptness. A little late is fine, but seriously, anything past 15 minutes is agro.
• Your pets...I used to not want to date someone with pets, but soon realized that cut the dating pool down by like 75% So if you have pets, keep them clean, keep your house vacuumed and try not to let it lick me, jump on me, or sniff my crotch or butt. Big turn off, plus, allergies. And if it gets far enough that I'm sleeping over, I do not want to share you or your bed with your animal.
• I used to want to not date anyone with kids under the age of 12. I mean, my kids are nearly adults and I don't need babysitters or to find care for them if I want to skip town (the latter is the same way I feel about pets). I'm flexible on the age thing now. Depends on the kid and the parent. If your kid is a brat, more than likely, our parenting skills may not mesh and I won't like your kids and I'll be out of there before I can say, let me get my coat.
• Don't be cheap. I like to go out. I'm not saying you have to pay every time, I'm perfectly fine with paying 50% of the time (when I have a job, I just lost mine, but I intend to be back to work asap). So, you take me out, I'll take you out.
• Be an equal partner. I'm not to be controlled. I'm not to do your bidding (babysitting, housework, laundry, etc.) These things are a joint venture.
• Give me my space. I'm in my 40s and have been divorced now for nearly 5 years. I like time to write, exercise, binge watch shit on Netflix, go out with the girls, go for girl weekends...you will not always be invited. Have a hobby and friends so you can do your thing while I'm doing mine.
• Embrace the "F" word because you will hear it come from my mouth.
• Don't force your religion on me. I don't do religion.

That's about it. That's not too high maintenance, is it? Maybe it will happen some day, or maybe I'll become a crazy cat lady. Who knows?

Tell me what you want in a person.

Okay, gotta go. Spending Valentines with two chicks and some lobster tail.

Happy Valentines Day. Stay safe.

More accounting, more goals

 I actually found my goals from last year. I'm not sure I did a great job attaining
them, but let's see what I did get accomplished.

Life:
Last year's goals - screw balance and take things one by one.
Um, seriously, that was my goal. I am pretty sure I did that although some of the other stuff in this section...I'm not sure. Here they were...

• Work - Who cares?: Pretty much nailed that.
  
• Writing - An hour a day. Um, no. I mean technically, probably yes, but not fiction writing. Writing for work, proposals and no, I'm not even counting my social media, but not the writing I intended to do although I would almost guarantee I wrote more this year than last. My plan is to finish the book I'm writing and rewrite another.
• Marketing - An hour a day. Probably, though again, not the marketing I intended to do which was for my book, Dissected. The marketing I did was for my new business. I'll continue this.
• Kids - My kids and I have already decided to commit one day a week to each other in which we have dinner and spend the evening together doing something, with no one else, just us. Hahahaha. But seriously, Um...I blame them.
  
• Organization - Um...I'll work on it. That's all I can say. Pretty much all I can say for this year too. I'm just not an organized person. I mean, I know where all my piles are, and where the important things are in those piles, but...yeah.
• Travel - Yes. I did this: Ocean, AZ, Mexico, Florida, San Francisco...I'll try to keep it up this year. I love to travel. And I still have my dream to drive cross country. Anyone want to go with me?

Love:
2014 goals - If I want to throw my heart at someone, it's mine to throw. If they break it into tiny pieces and throw it back at me, it's just another of life's lessons learned the hard way and I have another story to tell. Er, I'm not sure that was exactly a goal. I went on and on in this one last year and made absolutely no sense.  Soooo, goal #1, love me first, everyone else second. Goal #2, as far as relationships are concerned, don't look for love, let it find me if it will. If it doesn't, just be happy and take advantage of the time alone to get things accomplished. What more can you do?

 
 
A few more goals I had last year:

• Smile more. :) - Maybe I did this? Who knows? I'll keep trying.
• Visit my parents at least once a week. Probably pretty close. Still intend to do so and throw in, make sure my kids visit them once a week. Life is shorter than we think. Show the people you love you care.
•  Learn patience or at least learn to breathe a little. Hahaha, er...okay, I'll try again this year.
  
• Shut up and listen. Yes. I think I do this. I think.
• Dance in my living room when no one's home. Um...I don't think I did this, but it's a good idea, so I'll try again.

Those were all last years. I think I will add one about Friendships - Handle them with care. Broaden my horizons more. Meet up with people I haven't for a while and try to meet new people. Don't let anyone define who I am. Don't let anyone bring you down. If a friendship isn't working or feels like it's one sided, end it.

Another goal is to Read More - I tried this last year. I'm really not sure how I did. I mean, I didn't read all the fiction I wanted to. I set out to read 12 works of fiction and that didn't happen. From my list, I did read...

• Insurgent
• Allegiant
• The Summer of Letting Go
• The Fault in our Stars
• 1/2 of the Bell Jar 

I stopped reading Bell Jar because I was in a bad place while reading it and it's not exactly a picker upper. I did throw an extra book in there that was not on my list, Grasshopper Jungle. Also, I read a ton of business books, so I would guarantee I read at least 12 books last year if not more.

So, I'm going to get back to the 12 fiction books again and here's my plan:

1. Finish the Bell Jar
2. Another John Green Book, don't know which one yet.
3. Sharp Objects - Gillian Flynn
4. Eleanor and Park - Rainbow Rowell
5. 100 Sideways Miles - Andrew Smith
6.  Anything one of my friends publish. If that happens.
7. Nothing Special - Geoff Herbach
8. Before I Fall -  Lauren Oliver
9. Very Bad Men  -  Harry Dolan
10. Noggin - John Corey Whaley
11. Go Ask Alice - Anonymous
12. Auracle - Gina Rosati

What are your goals for the next year? Have any reading goals? Where will life take you in 2015?

Are you meeting your wife/girlfriend's needs?

Okay, I'm writing another response article, this one goes along with yesterdays blog in which I responded to the article, Your husband has 5 basic needs, are you meeting them?

So, I'm writing this from MY point of view. I know all women are different and I can't speak for them all, but I'm sure many women are like me as well, and these are the things I think are possible big Man Fails in my book of relationship wisdom. (note that I say possible. You may be the most perfect man in the world and if so, I'm not talking to you).

1. Listening to her when she has a legitimate issue with you. Right. I know, I know. Note that I say legitimate though. I'm not talking about the women who nag all the time. I'm talking about the ones who know you don't like to talk about feelings so for the most part, keep them to ourselves. So when we do come to you and tell you something that's bothering us, at least have the courtesy to listen and maybe have a thoughtful response. Even if you don't agree with us, can you try to see where we're coming from and why and maybe try to find some middle ground. K? Thanks.


2. Respecting her. Please. This. Always this. Don't treat her like a submissive in front of friends or guests. It's embarrassing and demeaning. Definitely treat her with respect in front of your children. If you don't, you are teaching them how to treat her as well and that's not right or okay. Don't call her names. Don't tell her she's stupid. Don't do emotional, mental or physical harm to her in any way. You have no idea what this does to a person unless it's been done to you. And if it has been done to you and it's the only way you know how to be in a relationship, get counseling. Yeah, seriously, why are men so opposed to seeking counsel to save their relationships?

3. Giving her praise or show her you love and appreciate her in little ways every once in a while. You don't have to do this every day. No. We don't expect this. We NEVER expect this because it rarely happens. But we get used to finding out how NOT to do things. Or how NOT to cook things or clean things. When we do something you appreciate, let us know. "Wow, dinner was great tonight, honey, where'd you learn to cook like that?" "House looks great today, babe." "What'd you do, slave all day?" Give her flowers. Yeah, again, you don't have to do it all the time, but do it when she'd least expect it. And they don't have to be expensive. One stem. A tiny arrangement every so often. Leave her notes. For me, I don't need expensive gifts, but to be TOLD I'm loved and do a good job feels awesome. Oh, and yeah, I like flowers.


4. Giving her some "me" time. I'm not talking a lot. I mean, family first, right? But listen, a night out with the girlfriends a couple times a month isn't a death sentence. A girls weekend a couple times a year won't kill you either. And hey, when a stay-at-home-mom says she's going to the grocery store at night, don't suggest the kids go, even if they want to. In fact, YOU be the one to tell them they can't. Sometimes that's all the time the wife needs away to unwind after a long day cooking, cleaning and watching the little ones. Maybe a bath, going to get a massage. You and the children are not the end all be all of her existence...which brings me to number 5.

5. Letting her be her own person. Many women lose their identities when they get married. Especially those who decide to become stay-at-home moms. They live and breathe the family, doing nothing else but familycentric activities, vacations, etc. While that may be okay for some, for others it can eventually be utterly devastating. They get tired of being known as "Bob's" wife or "Jake and Emma's" mom. They are dejected  when friends stop calling asking them to go places because they're always busy with family. They need their own friends, own activities, own hobbies. They need to remain individuals apart from being a mom or a wife. Otherwise, they will get caught in an unhappy rut and will feel stuck, like the world is moving on without them like they are standing still.

So, that is how I feel and I don't think it's too hard. And guess what, guys? And ladies, you should read this too. It goes both ways. Your wives and girlfriends should be treating you the same way. See, this is being an equal in a relationship. This is having a mutual respect for each other while not pandering to or being dutiful like a servant.

A relationship is a partnership. Sure, there is give and take, but there is reciprocity, collaboration, support, understanding, affinity, and courtesy. Be kind always. Communicate. Always remember, that person you're with isn't just your significant other, but an individual who has interests outside of you. Those individual interests should be pursued with your support, otherwise they may be pursued, devoid of you.

Don't destroy your husband - be like June Cleaver

There is a website called Family Share. It has articles. I have read some of their
relationships/marriage articles.

Barf.

One is titled 5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage. Yes, you single-handedly are destroying your husband.

1. You should show him respect and appreciation by following a budget. Stop complaining about your "lavish" desires. Is that any way of saying "thank you" to a man that works all day?

Um...last I checked most households were two income households these days and most women are not selfish bitches who live like the Kardashians. How about we communicate with each other about spending so WE don't go in the hole.

2. Stop your constant complaining. That's right, I'm talking to you. No one likes a Debbie Downer. Your constant negativity will bring your hubby down and make him sad.

Yes, because women do nothing but complain all fucking day. Er...really?

3. You must put your husband before all else. Okay at least she says on this one, put each other first, but...

Job? Who cares? Friends? Who needs 'em? Kids? Make 'em fend for themselves. You should put each other first when you can, but seriously, marriages fail when you don't have your own lives and own interests, and um, children are kind of important.

4. Don't withhold physical affection. EVEN IF YOU AREN'T IN THE MOOD.

Right, because there is nothing sexier then a women who isn't in the mood  but gives in anyway because her husband wants her to. Jesus. Really? Rape culture anyone?

5. Speak his language. Stop dropping hints like women do. Speak plainly about your feelings. Don't expect him to know what's wrong.

Right, and men love it when we talk about "feelings" don't they? Speak their language? How about, once again, we meet somewhere in the middle. Communication is key here. There needs to be effort on both sides to make a marriage work.

This article truly made me retch. We need to cater to, pander to, bend over backwards and put everything aside for our significant others while they just sit back
and enjoy the ride? I don't think so.

Marriage is a partnership. An EQUAL partnership. At least to me it is. You share

money, share burdens, share problems. You talk to each other about your troubles and your successes. Sure, you put each other first, but hey, when you have kids, they have to come close to the forefront, and you nurture them together. You respect each other's mind, body and spirit.

If we want to follow the rules like this article states, we may as well give up our jobs, and move the clock back about 50 years when a women's place was in the kitchen wearing a dress, high heels and an apron, always made up and drunk on martinis.

Blogger looks down on women with kids and husbands and is proud of it

Yep. You read that right. Not this blogger. Nope. Her name is Amy Glass and she writes at the Thought Catalog. Here is the blog in question. You can read it, but I'm going to point out the important stuff below.

I would almost bet my children's lives (I said almost, so if I'm wrong, don't come gathering them up or anything) 1. she is young, like college age or just a bit older 2. she doesn't have children.

1. She doesn't think a stay at home mom is an equal to a working woman. 

Hmmm. Having been  a stay at home mom for a number of years I can tell you, it's the hardest "job" I ever had. Being a parent is terrifying. First, you have to carry this fragile being in your body for nine months and pray you both survive it, which doesn't always happen. If you do, you don't just have to feed and nurture that child and ensure that they turn into a civilized human being, you get to worry about them every day of their life, no matter how old they are, that no ill will comes to them. This on top of all the household chores, the grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc, etc.

2. She doesn't consider getting married and having kids milestones. She believes anyone can do them, they are the most common thing ever. "By definition, average."

I guess choosing someone to be with for the rest of your life may seem average to someone who obviously never wants that.  But finding that perfect person, the one soul who belongs to you, that actually takes some work. And sometimes, we don't get it right the first time and some people who want this very thing, never find it at all. By definition, I would say this is magical.

As far as children go, I would say, as I said before, carrying another life inside your body and  praying no harm comes to them  isn't common, it's a miracle. Then I will just quote Elizabeth Stone for the rest of my point...“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ”

3. Ms. Glass asks, "If women can do anything, why are we still content with applauding them for doing nothing?" She would rather throw a shower for"...a woman when she backpacks on her own through Asia, gets a promotion, or lands a dream job..." not when she takes, "...the path of least resistance. 

What Ms. Glass fails to realize is that these are all choices and I would guess that most women who backpack through Asia, get promotions, or land dream jobs don't look down on women who make these choices to stay home and raise their children on their own.  They are doing something worthwhile. They are not conforming to the norms of society by keeping their jobs and tossing their kids into the daycare systems. They are making sacrifices, cutting corners, clipping coupons, doing whatever it takes to make this happen because THEY want to be the one to raise their children, to teach them how to be good people. They don't want someone else doing it for them. That's doing nothing? That's not something to applaud?

4. She thinks with a husband and kids you can't do all those great things single childless women do. She says, we think we can, but it's a lie. That we will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to do it.


Really? I am 44 years old, almost 45. I was a stay at home mom until my kids were in middle school, so about 12 years. I have been to Rome, Venice, NY and various other places across the country. I had my book published by one of the top publishers in the world. I'm a legal marketer for one of the best law firms in my city and I'm exceptional at it and they pay me well because I'm good. I'm planning a road trip across the country in the next year. 

On top of that, my daughters are awesome. They do not get into trouble. They do not disrespect me in any way. Mine is the house the kids come and hang out at. One daughter is an exceptional soccer player, the other a musician. Does that sound like a lie to you? Does that sound like I'm not doing all the things a single childless woman can do?

5. She states how it's only women who talk about the hardships about managing a household, never men. She thinks it's because it is so women don't have to explain their lack of accomplishments and that men aren't conditioned to think things like that are "important." She states, "Doing laundry will never be as important as being a doctor or an engineer or building a business."

Men don't talk about it because mostly they're not the ones doing it. Unless of course they're a stay at home dad. I wonder what Ms. Glass thinks about that. They must be real failures in life. And being a stay at home mom isn't simply about "doing laundry." It's about all the things I mentioned above. It's about choices, and sacrifice, and bringing life into this world. 

I will end with this: Being a stay at home mom was one of the hardest decisions I ever made. I had a great job with the government, but I hated leaving my kids at daycare every day. I wasn't even sure I was going to be a good mom, yet there I was, making the decision to do it full time, on top of all the other household chores.  But you know what, I was good at it. 

My kids tell me they love me every day. Their friends tell me they love me. Don't get me wrong, they're teenagers, life isn't perfect. We have all squabbles. Mostly they're about grades and messes. I'm not having to get mad at my kids about drugs and alcohol, stealing or anything like that. I know parents whose kids tell them to "fuck off." My kids would never dream of saying that to me. So, Amy, don't tell me I didn't accomplish anything in those years I stayed home. I accomplish more than you ever will if you keep this attitude.

One other thing, Ms. Glass, without children give or take the husband - I'm well aware of the divorce rate in this day and age, I'm divorced myself, though I'm with someone right now who is very special to me - you will live a very lonely existence. Yes, you will have your friends and your parents and siblings if you have any, but when you get old, who will take care of you? Who will drive you to the grocery store, take you to lunch, visit you in the nursing home? No one. Think about that next time you decide to look down on a group of people who not only have made some big, difficult choices and sacrifices, but have created something beautiful, lasting and that will be there for them when they need it most.

Traveling with Parents

I've recently returned from a vacation with my parents. They have a house in Scottsdale, AZ and a couple months ago, after I got my Christmas bonus from work, I decided that I was not going to pay off ALL my bills, I was going to get my ass into the sun to refill my vitamin D levels (you know how gray it gets in the PNW this time of year?) and relax because I've been so stressed out.

It was a wonderful trip, and coming home was bittersweet. My mom didn't want me to leave. She was staying there another week. I could have stayed there with her, the weather having been in the upper 70s the entire time I was there, but I had children, a job and a boyfriend I wanted to get back to.

Being on vacation alone with my parents, I learned a few things about myself and them that I thought I would share with you.

My parents:

~ They've turned into the Bickersons i.e. my grandparents, but only where two things are concerned, driving and cooking.

When they picked me up from the airport, traffic was heavy, as I came in during rush hour. They decided to take an alternate route. As I sat in the backseat, I listened to them squabble about which street would take them which way, which went through, etc, etc,. I felt like I was a kid again on a cross country road trip. I wondered where my barf bag was and why my brother wasn't slapping me in the head.

My dad and I put together Bracioles for the football games on Sunday, and there were a few debates when it came time to cook them. My dad didn't heat the oil first. I told him to, but he didn't listen. When my mom saw this...then it was too much oil, then not enough sauce...you get my drift.

Other than those two things, my parents are a loving couple who take care of each other well.

~ I'm not sure what's going on with my mom's hearing, but it's a little contradictory. I'll be sitting there right next to her talking to her and have to repeat everything I say. But if I'm sitting at my computer and I say something inadvertently to myself, she could be in the other room and hear me. Mind you, she will still say, "What?" but she still hears me.
~House cams are cool...and creepy. My dad has one at his home here and one

down in AZ. He says it's for safety, I think it's so he can check on his cat, Maxx and make sure he's being properly taken care of. And he can talk to you through the camera. He did it to me in AZ and it scared me to death at first.
~ They have a set routine. This may just be the vacation routine, but here it is.

• Dad up, coffee, breakfast, newspaper.
• He gets mom up to take pills, makes her breakfast, she drinks coffee, reads the paper, watches TV.
• He takes a walk (which I did with him).
• Mom and I would sit outside while my dad tooled around the house. I have no idea what he was doing. I know part of the time he was on his computer, but he wears a pedometer and has to get his 10k steps in, so I know he's also doing other things like taking out the garbage, probably changing light bulbs and stuff, because he always gets his 10k in.
• Lunch is somewhere in there.
•  Errand running (this is sometimes done after the walk, but many times we did it in the afternoon).
•  Down time. Mom would nap, I would write or play on the computer, my dad would do his tooling around again.
• Dinner.
• TV, which consisted of three game shows, Let's Ask America, Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy, then many episodes of some type of Law & Order show. I didn't even know they watched Law & Order.
• Bed.

Drinks were spread sporadically between  down time and bed. We threw in a couple other things, went to the neighbors to visit during the 'Down Time' one evening. Mom and I went shopping  one morning after I walked with my dad, must most the time, the above was the schedule. And I could only stomach one or two L&O episodes then would adjourn to my room for Damages, reading or sleeping.

~ My parents are still two of the smartest people I know. Seriously, just watch Jeopardy with them.

Me:

~ I'm not too shabby myself, when it comes to Jeopardy.
~ Replacing a heat pump is expensive and loud. Avoid it at all costs.

~ I can still read a book in days if I set my mind to it. I read Insurgent by Veronica Roth in 5 days, and that was only at a couple hours a day. Do you know how thick that book is? I even bought Allegiant for my Kindle while I was there (I never read on my Kindle, of course I ordered the hardback as soon as I got home. It should be here today). I'm going to try to make more time to read more books this year.
~ I have no will power when it comes to Italian bread. I can resist any kind of sweets you throw at me, but throw a loaf of Italian bread in my direction, and it's all over.
~ I need to take some time to recharge. I just normally don't know how to do it. On vacation with my parents, I'm forced to do it. I'm forced to sit and do nothing but take walks, read or write. I have to find a way to balance everything I have at home, but to squeeze that time in too. It may be a matter of giving on some other things. Social life, Netflix...but I know it will be worth it. I feel so good after a long weekend of doing nothing.
~  Avoiding becoming a Bickerson, I want the same kind of lasting and loving relationship my parents have.  My mom has had some health issues this year, and I see how my dad has lovingly cared for her. This June they will celebrate their 50th Anniversary. I know I will not have a relationship that lasts that long; if I found someone right now and lived another 50 years I'd be 95 (okay it's possible, but probably not plausible). But seriously, all kidding about their bickering aside, they have a love that has endured hardships and pain, good times and bad, and I hope I find one even half as binding as theirs.

Next trip: Weekend road trip with 8 teenagers. Oy. Wish me luck.

The end is nigh...

...of the year that is. I've been doing a lot of reflecting on my life lately. I
suppose we all do this time of year, right? I mean, it's the time in which we decide what's good in our lives and what's toxic and make those resolutions we sometimes keep and sometimes ditch after a couple days.

For me, this year, like some of the last few has had its ups and downs, but every year the ups seem to get higher and the lows , not as low, so that's a good thing. I've also found myself depressed this holiday season. I know many suffer this time of year. Mine aren't so much the holidays as they are my own personal demons based on this time of year, but I've been making strides and I think big changes that have taken place in my life, on my terms have helped.

 I've made big decisions. Good decisions. It's like I'm starting my resolutions early.

Publishing my book. I'm so happy I did it. I've not had a lot of time to publicize it yet, but in the new year I'm going to get to it and hopefully will sell more copies. It is selling slowly but surely and I have friends helping me out in the publicity department, word of mouth, posting on Facebook and retweeting for me. I hope to have another book out next fall.

I'm writing a new book I'm really excited about. Dual points of view, a boy and a journal, a little bit of suspense, a little humor, a little sadness, a lot of social issues, which I write best. :)
 
 I've decided to spend more time with my kids. I don't know what it is, maybe it's the fact that, one daughter will be going to college next year and the other gets her license, but I was starting to miss my daughters terribly last month. I mean, they live with me a week at a time, and I see them on my off weeks, but they're teenagers and they have their own agenda and I'm busy, so it seems like we rarely see each other. We made a plan to have a night a week together.


I went back to the doctor to resolve my tiredness. It's been frustrating and it's been going on for well over a year. I've never been a napper and to have to take 2-3 hours out of my day, hours in which I can be productive, in order to sleep, just irritates me. I've already had blood tests for everything, it has nothing to do with exercise because it was happening while I was exercising regularly, I eat right, so we added a medication and cut back on another, PLUS we're going to do a sleep study.

I've started walking again. I will get back to kickboxing once my schedule clears up, but I've always loved walking. I used to walk, no matter the weather, it could be pouring rain, freezing, didn't matter. I've always loved how the fresh air clears my mind. It's not only good for my health, but it helps with my writing and I truly think it's good for my soul.

Other than that, I've made some other difficult decisions that I think will put a positive spin on my life, I've started seeing someone new and it's been awesome so far (we've known each other since 5th grade), and I feel really good about about 2014.

Have you made any positive changes this year? Any changes planned for 2014? This is my current theme song, it's helped me get through a lot this holiday season...

What pain are you willing to suffer?

There was an article in the Huffington Post by Mark Manson recently that posed this question. Actually his question was - what pain do you want? What pain do you want to sustain?

 This is in respect to our wants. He asks those question instead of the standard question -  what do you want out of life? This is because we all want the same things so they don't really mean anything. We all want to be happy and healthy.

I don't think anyone WANTS to suffer pain, so I ask what pain are you willing to suffer?  That is the real question, and perhaps the key to if we will achieve the things we want out of life and how successful we will be at those things.

Just about everything we do takes a certain amount of pain, suffering and sacrifice, doesn't it? Maybe not physical pain, but mental, emotional?

I used to be a stay at home mom. When my kids went to school, this allowed me a lot of time for writing. When I got divorced I had to get a job. This took away writing time, kid time, cleaning time, shopping time. Basically half my day was suddenly gone.

But, I still want to write, I still want to be a good mom and that takes a lot of work and it can be very stressful.

What pain am I willing to suffer for my craft, my kids, my job, my health, my home?

I don't sleep well. I can probably count on one hand the good night's sleep I've had in the last three months. I'm not sure what it is completely. It could be stress, it could be that my mind works overtime and just won't shut up, it could be something else entirely that we haven't figured out yet. I've tried numerous ways to stay asleep, and none of them work consistently.

Me time. I have no idea what that is, really. I go to work, I get to my kid's events, I come home and try to work at writing or marketing,  or I clean the house or run errands. I used to get massages and pedicures and get my hair did. I can't remember the last time I did any of those things.

I suffer exhaustion. This has been going on for close to a year now, and it's about more than just the lack of sleep or exercise because even when I sleep well and even when I was kickboxing regularly I was still having to take these crazy long naps during the day. I think I've pinpointed something, but not sure. I try to fight my way through my tired time, which is early afternoon, but even if I do, I'm pretty worthless unless I'm getting errands done. I can't really write or work through it.

I'm a broke bitch. I work part time. I make enough to get by. I could work full time, I certainly have enough to do at work, but I have writing goals. I want to be there for my kids while they're still around. But I can't take all the vacations I want or have everything I want.

My household. This includes my yard, garden, laundry, general cleaning filing...etc. It's all lacking. I keep my house as clean as possible. It's hard with 2 of my own kids and others coming and going often. I try to garden. I usually start off strong in the spring but get busy and have a fairly black thumb and things end up dying. My yard at times makes my house look like an abandoned crack house and the laundry gets washed, then ends up in a giant pile to fold. I try to get my kids to help, but ya know, they're teenagers.

My health. I eat well most the time but lately I've not been willing to suffer the pain of exercise to get that body I want. And it's not so much suffering the pain because I LOVE my kickboxing classes. It's a combination of time, exhaustion and laziness and I would truly put laziness in about 10% with the other two making up 45% each. I've actually lost weight lately, but I'm not toned. My goal is to get back to it, I've just not found the motivation yet.

I can't keep a relationship. Maybe I don't want to, I don't know. I certainly don't have time for one to get too serious, and it seems the men I meet are ready to move in and get married right now. I'm nowhere near that. I'd like a companion, someone to hang out with, but, they need to have a place to go home. And I need my own time. Time to write, time for my kids, time to hang out with my friends.

I sometimes feel like a bad mom. This is an all encompassing pain for me. Though I try not to miss a soccer game or music gig, there are still things I feel I lack and lately I have been missing them like crazy and I know that's not all on me. They are teenagers and have their own agendas, but lately I think they've been feeling that lack of connection too. I've not cooked a meal in ages, we haven't just sat down and watched a movie together in forever. We're taking a day today. And we've decided that at least once a week we will sit down and cook and have a meal together and watch a movie or do something.


 I guess those are my levels of suffering I endure  for what I want. But I wouldn't say I WANT that pain. I deal with it because it's what I need to do right now for what I want in life. But I'm hoping all of it changes. I mean, at what point do we stop suffering? At what point does it all come into fruition?

So what pain are you willing to suffer to accomplish your goals?

Curve balls, mistakes and soul sucking teens

Today is definitely a Monday. Yes a Monday.

In the last couple weeks I have had very dramatic ups and downs. I'm not talking speed bumps, I'm talking hills and valleys.  Steep climbs of elation and big drops of disappointments, annoyances, worry and facing things that are unknown.

The good: I've written quite a bit the last couple days and it's felt good.

The ugly: I realized I wasn't going to get my books in time for my release party (apparently there was an oversight on my part at Lightning Source, an approval I thought I'd done, which I hadn't) so I had to pay up the yin yang for expedited shipping.

The good: I went to the Seahawks game yesterday and it was a beautiful day and fun and I had a great time with family and friends.

The ugly: I have an issue with my car (totally  my stupid fault that I'm not going into) that's going to cost me money.

The good: My kids and I, aside from cleaning issues, are great.

The ugly: I was tagged by two teens in another state on Twitter, and when I jokingly said something about them making fun of an old lady, I mean, I am a teen writer, I thought I would try to engage. I was told to "fuck off" by one, then asked if I send nudes by the other. Um, dudes, you tagged me. Sooo, instead of dealing with that any more, I just blocked them.

The good: I finally got a decent amount of sleep last night, and I didn't even care
that I slept through the Walking Dead to get it.

The ugly: Relationships in my life, well, let's just say they're not easy.

My life is chaotic, I get that. Some of it I create, I know this. It's like I can't function without some amount of drama in my life, but some of this crap falls in my lap, unexpectedly.

I know I'm not mother of the year. I know I could be a better all around person. I have too many vices, my schedule is too busy, my house is cluttered, but I try the best I can and I volunteer my time and donate to charitable works. I try not to miss a soccer game or a music gig if I can help it and I always try to help my parents, family and friends out when they need me.

I guess I'm not really asking for anything in return, I already have much. I still have my parents. I have two healthy kids. I get along with my ex. People like my writing (I mean, some people hate it too but more people like it, so there's that). I have good friends, great family, clothes on my back, a roof over my head, a car to drive  (once I get my tire fixed).

I guess this is just one of my ranty venting blogs when I'm stressed out and you are my sounding board.

And those parent's of those boys on Twitter...they should have taught them better manners and to respect their elders. I mean, really...nude pictures...

Yet Another Relationship Rant, as told in words and ecards

You guys like these, right? At my expense. :)

I'm frustrated. I think it's finally done, but I can't help but be frustrated. I don't think he'll read this, but I almost hope he does to see it from a different angle.

After the fall out and defriending some time passed and the ex boyfriend wrote on Facebook. He told me about a new job he got, told me I'm beautiful, wanted to talk. Then he texted and said he was going to be in town and could he take me to dinner, AS FRIENDS, his words, not mine, but I would have insisted it be that way anyway. Since he was trying to take a step toward friendship, I agreed. If he were just some schmuck I'd met online, I'd say, screw you, but I've known the guy 40 years. Our moms our friends. He's friends with my brother in law.

1) He's an hour early.
2) He asks not once, but twice, do I want to go out after dinner for a drink, both times I say no, I'm
tired.
3) He hands me the bill and asks me what it says (it is dark in the restaurant, but the waitress gave us a flashlight for our menu, he could have asked for it for the bill as well instead of showing me how much he paid).
4) When he dropped me off, he followed me into the house under the guise of washing his hands and then...wait for it...tried to kiss me.

I held up a HELL NO hand in front of my lips and told him he could have a hug and showed him out.

He texted me a couple hours later and told me I looked gorgeous and he had a good time. I wrote him back, thanked him for dinner and told him it was lovely, then thought to myself, why am I letting him off that easy?

I wrote again telling him I was NOT happy about him trying to kiss me to which he responded, " I said you were gorgeous. Sorry I'm a man."

Sorry, I'm a man.

Wow. Cop out much? Disrespectful much?

I told him I just want to be friends to which he replied he was hoping it could change some day.

He texted me later that night asking if I was awake, which I ignored.

He texted me the next day asking how my soccer team did.

He texted me the day after that telling me to check out a song. Then later that night with the gall to ask if I had dinner plans to which I simply answered, "Yes."

Nothing for four days, then Thursday he texted to ask if I still had his key, which when we broke up he told me to throw in the garbage.  Why would I have it? It felt like a ploy. Why did you ask? I write.

him: Because I liked seeing you.

me: So, what, you wanted to come get it so you could see me? Or to make sure I could still get in if I wanted to?

him: Just save it.

me: I told you I threw it away.

Friday I told him he needed to back off, that if we were ever to be friends, which he proved he could not be yet, he needed to give it time and space.

His reply, I have to let you go Megan. I get it. Take care.

Done deal, right? Oh no.

Sunday: Where are you watching the game Megan?

me: I'm at the ocean.

him: Lucky girl. When are you getting home?

me: Tomorrow.

him: May I call you?

me: I'm actually doing some writing. And is this what you consider backing off and giving things time and space?

Now this is him being passive aggressive:
him: Work on your writing Megan, have a good day.

To which I respond:
Not an answer, therefore I can only guess that I will hear from you again tonight or tomorrow. You are beginning to frustrate me.  Last night I told you to back off, today you're asking where I'm watching the game and when I'll be home. If you ever want to be friends again you have to back off.

him: I don't wanna be friends. Were we before that night??? (I'm assuming he's talking about the night we ran into each other and started dating, or who knows at this point)

me: I thought we were going to try to be friends. If not why are you still contacting me. I don't want anything else from you.

I'm starting to realize this:

I haven't heard back, so I hope that put the nail in the coffin. I feel like a heinous bitch, but seriously, at this point, I felt like I had no other recourse. I almost felt harassed.

And now this is how I feel:

Right now I'm focusing on my writing, my kids and hopefully getting past all this tired to get some exercise.  The weekend at the ocean (aside from all the texts from the ex) did me some good.

Dissected comes out in less than a month and I've already got a couple people reading Girl in Motion for me as I continue to write on A Tattered Life.

I'm keeping on keeping on so that I can get back to this: