V-Day Ponderings

I'm single. Again. For Valentines. The last Valentine's date I remember going on was in 2012. Yes. 2012. If I've had any since them, I don't remember.

Yesterday, on Valentine's Day, I was thinking about how people traditionally celebrate, and I thought to myself, that's not me. It was me at one time, I'm sure. Before. When I was married, freshly single...when I was younger. I guess I used get caught up in the Valentine's Day romance whirlwind. But no, that's not me anymore.

Am I jaded when it comes to romance now? Am I just too old for that shit anymore?  I don't know. I'm not sure what thing inside me changed for me to feel this way.

Last night, on Valentine's night, I went to play trivia at the local bar with single friends. I stated out loud, that even if I had a boyfriend, this is still what I'd want to be doing, how I'd want to spend my Valentine's night. A few drinks, fun and games, hot wings and tater tots...that is the perfect date night for me. Hell, that's the perfect ANY night for me.

I'm not going to get cliche on you with the whole, "we should show our love for each other all year, not just one day," because, duh. But seriously, I don't want someone paying for an overpriced dinner, buying me jewelry I won't wear, and chocolates I won't eat. Okay, maybe I'd eat them, but I wouldn't WANT to. Spending time in an over crowded restaurant full of strangers is not romantic to me. (I'm not mentioning flowers, because flowers is a whole 'nother thing. I love them, but I also buy them for myself when I want them, so there's that.)

So, I guess what I'm saying is, I'm over it. I'm over Valentine's Day and its traditions. Maybe I have been for a long time. I mean, I'm still a romantic (I'm a self proclaimed jaded romantic, but a romantic nonetheless), but romance looks very different to me now.

What does it look like? Sitting on the couch watching movies you've seen 1000 times, spouting out our favorite lines? Sitting in front of a fire next to each other on the couch, not even talking, just being in the same space doing our own things? Talking smack during a heated game of Yahtzee or cribbage? Cooking together and laughing at other people's expense? Staying in bed all day with Netflix, pizza, and wine? Yes. All that.

So, keep your extravagant, store-bought signs of affection, your gooey greeting card, and your expensive dinners. Give me your time and your respect. Write me a love letter or tell me how you feel. Give of yourself, not your wallet. Make me laugh. Especially make me laugh. That's what it looks like. That is me. And that is romantic.

Love is in the air

For some of you, I guess. Not me. I've not had a boyfriend in over six months now. Yes. I think that could be a record folks. None of them were ever the right fit, I suppose. Well, I thought one was, but he had other ideas.

Why don't any of them work? Here's the thing with me...I'm a very passionate person. I believe in love. I want to be in love again some day. When I meet someone and fall for them, I fall hard and fast. Probably too fast, and most of them seem to be the same way. So you get two people jumping into a committed relationship at break neck speed and what do you get? A break up.

I've learned that if I want to find the "one," I need to take my time. I need to be patient. Things that look good on the outside, or initially, usually end up being not quite what you expected, or not quite what you truly want. (okay, me. I'm talking about me)

So what am I looking for? I suppose since I was married for close to two decades and have dated a lot, I have figured out what works and what doesn't work for me. These are some of the things I'm looking for...

• A nice face. It doesn't have to be a supermodel face, just a pleasant one with a nice smile.
• A sense of humor. If I can't laugh at you, or near you, you're no good to me.
• Brains. Not in the zombie sense, but Jesus, please be able to carry on a conversation.
• Job, car, home of your own. Be able to support yourself, drive yourself and either don't live with mom, or make it so I'm able to kick you out of my house if I need some alone time.
• Promptness. A little late is fine, but seriously, anything past 15 minutes is agro.
• Your pets...I used to not want to date someone with pets, but soon realized that cut the dating pool down by like 75% So if you have pets, keep them clean, keep your house vacuumed and try not to let it lick me, jump on me, or sniff my crotch or butt. Big turn off, plus, allergies. And if it gets far enough that I'm sleeping over, I do not want to share you or your bed with your animal.
• I used to want to not date anyone with kids under the age of 12. I mean, my kids are nearly adults and I don't need babysitters or to find care for them if I want to skip town (the latter is the same way I feel about pets). I'm flexible on the age thing now. Depends on the kid and the parent. If your kid is a brat, more than likely, our parenting skills may not mesh and I won't like your kids and I'll be out of there before I can say, let me get my coat.
• Don't be cheap. I like to go out. I'm not saying you have to pay every time, I'm perfectly fine with paying 50% of the time (when I have a job, I just lost mine, but I intend to be back to work asap). So, you take me out, I'll take you out.
• Be an equal partner. I'm not to be controlled. I'm not to do your bidding (babysitting, housework, laundry, etc.) These things are a joint venture.
• Give me my space. I'm in my 40s and have been divorced now for nearly 5 years. I like time to write, exercise, binge watch shit on Netflix, go out with the girls, go for girl weekends...you will not always be invited. Have a hobby and friends so you can do your thing while I'm doing mine.
• Embrace the "F" word because you will hear it come from my mouth.
• Don't force your religion on me. I don't do religion.

That's about it. That's not too high maintenance, is it? Maybe it will happen some day, or maybe I'll become a crazy cat lady. Who knows?

Tell me what you want in a person.

Okay, gotta go. Spending Valentines with two chicks and some lobster tail.

Happy Valentines Day. Stay safe.