I'm breaking up with you gluten, it's not me, it's you

My life is in a state of turmoil right now, big time. One of the challenges I've been facing is what I like to call Quasi eye. I may have talked about this here on the blog before. It's been happening for about 6 months now where my eyes get so puffed up I resemble Quasimodo.  It is, in a word, hideous.

It wasn't that bad at first, just a little swollen, I thought perhaps we were just having a dry fall. My eye doctor thought my tear ducts were clogged. He gave me some advice, which I followed and I switched from extended wear contacts to dailies.

None of which helped Quasi eye.

Then a couple months ago I thought, after a night of having maybe a glass too much of wine and waking up with swollen eyes that I was allergic to red wine, but then decided that was silly, as I drink red wine on a semi regular basis and Quasi is pretty erratic and comes and goes when it pleases.

After a 48 hour bout with Quasi eye last week, in which my eyes were swollen halfway shut,  I finally went to my doctor. I though maybe I was gluten or glucose intolerant. I'd never had food allergies, but hey, they can pop up any time during life, and now's a good time as any.

She thinks it's actually airborne allergies, gave me a prescription and told me some other things to do and take, but she did an allergy palette as well, just to see if anything else is out of whack. I already know I have allergies by the way, I'm allergic to everything under the sun. I've never had a problem with hay fever before and my eyes have never been affected, but she, as well as others have told me that sometimes it can do strange things to you one year, then never again.

Anyway, this all brings me back to gluten. Whether or not I'm allergic to wheat or gluten or the Glyphosate-based pesticides our food is soaked in (as a friend told me yesterday), many people have told me that going gluten free has made them feel better and made their allergies better. So I'm trying it.

Sigh.

Which may be difficult because I love me my bread. Nothing else matters. But hey, I can eat things like Garfava, Amaranth, and Job's Tears (really? WTF are those things?)

I will probably be annoying and intolerable for awhile, but at least I still have my staples: popcorn, greek yogurt and red wine.

How I feel about the most overused words of 2013

There have been numerous articles about what words were the most overused last year. While I would agree, some of them are annoying and those still using them must be stopped, to others, I just say, meh.  So here we go, my feelings about the most overused words of 2013...

Twerking. This word was around before Miley Cyrus, however it steamrolled over the interwebs after her performance on the VMA's. This is the fault of the media, not Miley Cyrus. Plus, it was a stupid word before 2013 and it's a stupid word now and we should just invent a new dance already and move on.

 YOLO. Um. I'm torn. I'm like the hip, cool mom, and essentially this is what my first book is about, but honestly, teenagers aren't saying this anymore. Dorky parents who think they are hip and cool are saying this. I still think it's pithy and fun. You see my conundrum?

Artisan. This used to be a legit word. It used to mean something. Now, everyone is an artisan. I make bread, I'm an artisan. I make candles, I'm an artisan. I fart in a jar, I'm an artisan. Yeah....no. 

Infused. Infused was cool when nothing was being infused, but now everything is being infused. Let me give you a ride in the wayback machine to a time I made candy corn infused vodka. That was before they were making all these vodka flavors they're selling now. I actually soaked candy corns in vodka for weeks, I didn't just put some chemically enhanced flavoring in the stuff. Infused. Not cool.

Handcrafted. To me this is a bit like artisan. Handcrafted, making things with your own hands. At a time before Ebay and Etsy and mass produced patterns for EVERTHING, this was a cool thing. Now, if you go to an arts and crafts show, everything looks the same. And if you try to find something cool online, the market is so saturated with handcrafted crap, it's just not cool anymore. And I'm sorry, some of it is crap. It's hard to find things that are unique anymore. I'm not saying it's impossible. I mean, I have a friend who makes some amazing bags, and I find a gal who makes some amazing steampunk inspired jewelry, but it's hard to find anything that isn't made from a pattern sold at Joann Fabrics.

Brand.  Now don't be dissing on the branding. This is very important to us marketing people. Brand is how businesses are recognized. It's how we roll people. Get over it.

Gluten free. I would like to poke a gluten free pencil through my ear next time I hear this phrase. They do make those, right?

Hipster. Did Hipsters actually make up this term "Hipster"? Because that seems exactly the thing a Hipster would do, but then they'd blame it on society because that would be so mainstream. I don't care enough about Hipsters to care about their title. If I see them on the streets I probably just call them douchebags.

Totes. I'm okay with the shortening of words and the use of acronyms. I really am. I do it a lot just to make fun of teen slang, like I think I used the word "obvi" in my blog yesterday. I think FOMO is funny because I know people like that. But totes makes me want to kick a kitten.

Anything ending in 'agedden' or 'pocalypse'. I think these are still funny. I don't care what anyone else says.

Meh. Come on! One syllable and three letters is the best way to tell people how apathetic you are about a subject without saying absolutely nothing.

#Hashtag. Meh.

Twittersphere. Twitter is God.

Mister Mom.  I personally have not heard a soul utter this in 2013. Is this really a thing?

T-Bone. They're talking about the car wreck here, not the steak. And for realsies? This was overused in 2013? See Mister Mom.

Obamacare. And now we can't talk about politics. No, lets just bury our heads in the sand. That's a great idea.

Whatever.  I love using whatever. I've been proudly using it circa 1985. Again, another way to show someone how apathetic you are to what they're saying. i.e. trying to piss them off without showing anger or violent behavior.

Selfie. I love selfies. I love saying selfie. I use selfie all the time. I take selfies all the time. No one takes better pictures of me. If you take selfies away I will run you through with a samurai sword. (okay, maybe not that last one)

 How do you feel about these overused words? Any words you are tired of hearing not mentioned here?