Banning "Bossy"

Have you heard of this campaign? It was started by Sheryl Sandberg, the Chief Operating Officer of Facebook in an attempt to build girls self confidence. She believes that when boys assert themselves they are called "leaders" but when a girl does, she's called "bossy," which is in essence telling her to be quiet.

Can banning a word be the answer to improving the self confidence of girls across the nation? Sandberg isn't the only one who wants to ban bossy. The Girl Scouts, Beyonce, Jennifer Garner, Jane Lynch, and even First Lady Michelle Obama have all jumped on the ban bossy bandwagon.

What's in a word, though? Does being called "bossy" really have that kind of effect on girls? I'm not sure. If you ban the word bossy, won't girls who speak their minds just be called pushy, snotty or bitchy? And who's going to stop using a word just because you say so.

If girls are truly less interested in leading than boys, it's probably not because of a

word. It's not because we're telling them to keep quiet. It's because as a society, we're sending them the wrong messages. We get them more interested in superfluous things, the things that don't matter in life. They become "typical teenage girls."

The top toys for girls last year consisted of Barbies, Bratz and Disney Princesses. Dolls with perfectly sculpted bodies and faces, the princesses, most of them not being able to get through life without their Prince Charming coming to their rescue. iPad Air came in at #4.

We let them watch shows in which these are their role models:

Plus reality shows about teenage girls getting pregnant, teen dramas where kids are leading "glamorous" lives full of shopping, drugs and sex.

And do you know what music they listen to? If they listen to hip hop or rap they are constantly being told that women are bitches and hos. Nothing worthy of more than a lay and discarding.

 So are we deterring a girl from following her dream of becoming a CEO of a giant corporation or President of the United States by calling her bossy? I don't think so.

For some, I believe leadership is an innate quality. I think someone who possesses that will not let people quiet her. She will not allow the world to hold her back merely with a word. In fact, she may embrace it.

What about those who do not have that innate leadership quality though? How do we instill that sense of leadership within them? How do we help raise her confidence and self esteem so that if she wants to try, she's not afraid of failing?



On the Ban Bossy website, it states girls are called on less in class and interrupted more. How about we fix that? How about teaching all children to let name calling roll off of them instead of letting it bother them?  Or we teach them the difference between "bossy" and assertive? How about we try to stop the name calling? Or maybe parents, teachers and adults who come into contact with children on a regular basis instill self confidence in girls by letting them know that they are smart, and can achieve anything they want if they work at it. Encourage them to be leaders.

I don't fault Sandberg and those backing her campaign. I think what she's trying to do is noble. There are some helpful tips about raising girl's self confidence, but much of the focus is on banning "bossy."  I think there are better ways of empowering girls than trying to get a word banned.

Top Four Worst Things About Having Kids in Middle School #2 Self Esteem

Kids self esteem takes a beating in middle school, maybe worse than anywhere else in life. Middle school is when cliques form, puberty starts (for most), and kids are coming into their bodies.

Let's start with cliques. Kids are forming groups based on, who knows these days? When I was in school it was pretty much looks. All the cute girls and guys were popular. These days, I think it's the loud obnoxious ones. The ones who make you pay attention. When my oldest daughter started middle school, there were two HUGE cliques and then everyone else. The friendships she had wavered that year, you know how fickle middle school girls can be.

Now my youngest is in sixth grade, and I've already seen her friends choose sides, leave people out, gossip. It starts all over.

Luckily, the oldest girl has found her way, being a friend to everyone, and having her core of good friends. My youngest daughter has also naturally adopted the "friend to all" attitude, and I think that will help them both in the long run.

Then there's puberty. Nothing damages a girl's (and probably a boy's) self esteem more than a huge zit right in the middle of their nose. Lucky for my kids, I have naturally oily skin (being Italian and all) and keep a vast array of skin cleansers in the house, clearisil, nutragena, proactive (although I have no idea how to spell these things obviously). Unfortunately, I see so many kids with bad skin, nice kids, and you wonder, why don't the parents help them out with this? Zits (well most, there are those big mothers that pop up every once in a while that just have a mind of their own) can be helped with good hygiene.

Then there's weight. My daughter, at 105 pounds complains. She's not fat. At all. My younger daughter on a daily basis asks me if she's chubby. I try and stress to my daughters that they are not fat, that they do not have to worry about it yet. If they eat right and stay fit, they'll never have to worry about it. I try and eat right and exercise to set a good example. I don't buy sweets, only on occasion, I don't by sugary cereals, pop, or candy regularly. I buy them ice cream about once a month, chocolate milk about once every two months. Being overweight can completely damage a kids self esteem, and I don't want my kids to go through what I went through. (and not having these sugary sweets can also cut down on the acne)

As a parent, I do my best to help my girls feel good about themselves, teach them how to take care of themselves and how to be a good friend. The rest is up to them.

Top 4 BEST experiences from school: # 3 Li'l Abner

Yes, it's a weird title. I'm referring to the musical I was in my senior year of high school. This is important because A) I'm a shy person by nature and to try out for the musical was a big step for me. and 2) It made me feel like a rock star. Which is a good thing for a young girl with low self esteem.

Plus it was fun. The rehearsals, hanging out with the cast after. One of my favorite teachers, Mr. Wilkinson, was the director. If anyone is even remotely interested in drama in high school, I would urge them to at least try. It's a great experience. Even if you are only playing wife # 3. ;)

Short and sweet, I know.

Kisses
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Megan