Today is Septmember 11th...

The images of that day are scars on the memory of those who were old enough to remember. I remember. I ran daycare out of my home. I had a number of children and employees with me.  My husband at the time called and said, "Have you seen the news? Do you know what's happening?"

Of course I didn't. I had nine children in my care and didn't allow television.

"A plane just ran into one of the World Trade Center buildings."

"What?"

"Oh my God, there's a second plane. The second building has been hit."

My husband, he was a joker. "No they didn't. Not funny."

"No Megan. Turn on the radio, the television, listen."

Oh my God. I turned on the radio. It was happening. For real. Not just some surreal nightmare.

Then they hit the Pentagon. I had a friend who worked there. Also, my sister was in DC at the time and no one could reach her.

Fear was instilled in every American that day. Whether you knew people on those planes, in those places, or even if you didn't. We all had one collective mind that day. Terrorism, devastation, death.

I've been to the memorial. All the names etched in stone, the ever flowing fountains that reflect the absence of the once  monumental skyscrapers...it's beyond profound. And there's a tree. The Survivor Tree.  The trunk of a pear tree saved from the wreckage of the attack and replanted. It has grown into a new tree, a symbol of survival of course, and rebirth.

Since I've been there, they've taken seven story steel tridents from the original buildings and placed them in the museum to greet visitors. (or maybe it was all there and I just didn't go in because the fountains were so exhaustive). There are a lot of strange conspiracy theories about these tridents, but I believe they are like the Survivor Tree. They lasted through the wreckage and are now a symbol of resilience.

None of this actually has to do with the reason I'm writing this blog. I'm writing this blog because many quotes came about from our nation's tragedy. We bleed Red, White & Blue. United we stand. We came together as a country....

This last one is what I'm focusing on. WE CAME TOGETHER AS A COUNTRY...

We did. For a brief period of time we were united. And that convergence happened no matter who
we were because we were all fighting and devastated and mourning the same cause. It mattered not if you were white or black. Christian, Muslim or Atheist. Gay or straight. We were all grieving for every single person -  man, woman and child - that died in that terrorist attack.

So what happened?

The wrong targets were chosen. A war started. The Patriot Act was sanctioned.


Boundary lines were then again drawn.


I'm sorry, everyone in a turban is not a terrorist. Everyone from the Middle East is not against America. Most of them (not unlike those from Mexico) are still here for that American Dream that's been touted for decades by those who came before them.

Media took over. Maybe they had help. But fear was perpetuated. Therefore, many live in fear of those that are different or those they do not understand. And that is wrong. That is profiling.

And then of course the liberal left vote in a black president, and all hell breaks loose.

Now these are the things that divide us. Those who tolerate and embrace the differences in our society, and those who abhor it.

And I'm only venting. I don't have an answer, because sure, there are terrorists and there are illegal immigrants abusing our systems. Of course there are American citizens that are also terrorists, think Timothy McVeigh. Think about all the school shootings like Columbine and wherever else shootings took place in our country. And many Americans abuse medicaid and welfare ( which they are honestly not called anymore, get with the program) but so many others DO NOT abuse the system, but legitimately need it.

So honestly, there is ugly all over the world, including our own country, I know this. But why do we, the non terrorists and non abusers fight each other?

If you believe in freedom, which is seems like everyone in America does, how can you not believe in equal rights women's rights, LGBT's rights? How can you not think that the majority of people in this country want it to be great? Want to see greatness in themselves? Their sex, religion, race, culture or sexual orientation doesn't matter. What matters - and this is what it's all about - is our freedom and the fact that we have to come together and be a great nation again.

As long as we're divided, we're vulnerable. And we can't let another 9/11 happen ever again.

Modern feminism and the anti-feminist movement

There is so much hub bub about feminism and anti-feminism and Women Against Feminism I figured I'd better address it because, well, I'm a woman, and I consider myself a feminist.

Why do I consider myself a feminist? Because women
should be given the same consideration as men in all aspects of life. Because I believe a woman should not be told what she can do with her body by the government or religion or anyone else. Because women all over the world should be able to go to school or not cover her face or do whatever she wants to do without horrible consequences. Because we are amazing, beautiful, brilliant, and talented, and we should know it and not let ANYONE make us feel less.



Here's what I don't believe:

This is What Feminism Looks Like

• Feminism is not a movement that wants women to be superior to men. We just want to be equal. For example, many women still don't make the same money as their male counterparts for doing the same job.
• Feminism does not equate to misandry. I LOVE men. I could not live without men. Sure, there are probably some men haters in the feminist movement. You can't judge an entire movement by one of it's subcultures.
• That all feminist ideologies are the same. Maybe some of us push more for equality in the workplace, while others believe and promote a women's right to deciding what's best for her body. Not every feminist is going to have the same ideals, values, or belief system. Why? Because we're human and we're unique and we're not cookie cutter images of each other.

 This is What Feminism Looks Like

© Garry Knight 2011

All this said, I think there is some ignorance involved when women say they are anti, or against feminism. Have you heard of Women Against Feminism? It's  a group of women who post selfies of themselves with handwritten notes stating why they don't need feminism. These sentiments range from actual feminist statements (I don’t need feminism because I believe in equality, not entitlements and supremacy.) to asinine (I don't need feminism because I love masculine men like Christian Grey.)

These women DO need feminism. They just don't KNOW they do. The images of feminism have been skewed and transformed over the years. We are not loud butchy hairy women who are all lesbians and hate men. We are all different, some of us our feminine, strong, big, small, gay, straight, black, white, hispanic...we are not a caricature.

I think we need to stop for a moment and remember why the Suffrage Movement started in the first place.

• Women were not equal to men.
• Women did not have access to higher education.
• Women were excluded from professional occupations.
• Women could not file legal suits.
• Women could not manage her own money.
• Women could not use birth control.
• Women could not divorce.
• When women got the right to divorce, they could not have custody of their children.
• Women could not own property.
• They were not allowed into political conventions and meetings.
• Women were not allowed to vote.
• Women were not allowed to hold public office.
• There was an ideology called "The Cult of True Womanhood" which stated that a "true" woman was a pious, submissive wife and mother concerned exclusively with home and family.



 This is What Feminism Looks Like

© Warren Leffler 1972

• Through the 14th Amendment, our constitution extended protection to all citizens. Then defined “citizens” as “male.”

Even through the 80s women didn't have certain rights.

• Women could not have credit cards.
• Women could not report sexual harassment at work.
• Women could not refuse sex to their husband.

The suffragists had subcultures just like today's feminist movement. There were those who had peaceful assemblies and there were others who were more radical and picketed the White House and held hunger strikes. And I'm sure there was a differing degree of reasons why they were fighting for rights and which rights were more important.

 This is What Feminism Looks Like

Yes, we've come a long way, but the plight of women is not over. As long as we are not paid equally for equal work, and as long as religion and government want to tell us what we can and cannot do with our bodies, and as long as women all over the world are still treated like property,  violated, mutilated and hurt, our work is not done.

This is What Feminism Looks Like
© Fibonacci Blue

I don't want to judge the Women Against Feminism. I get it. You don't want to be
lumped in with a group of men hating radicals. That is not the face of feminism. And let me clarify that I use the word "ignorant," not as a stab. I use it because there is a lack of information, understanding and knowledge where feminism is concerned.

Whatever these Women Against Feminism believe, that's fine. That is there prerogative. Like Guardian columnist Jessica Valenti said on Twitter, "#WomenAgainstFeminism shouldn't worry: Even if they don't believe in us, we'll keep on fighting for them."

On a lighter note, this site is hilarious. And it has cats.

Have a great weekend.

4 ways, as a woman, you are destroying women's rights.

This is my response to the article 5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage. I blogged about it yesterday too because I think it is such utter bullshit I can't help but blog about it again. While this blog is about that, it also transcends that though. It's about women who fight against women's rights, sometimes unknowingly, sometimes with purpose. Let's know turn the clock back, let's move forward and become the women we were meant to be, strong, powerful and equal to men.

So here are

1. You write articles that set us back 50 years. Whether we are working mothers or stay at home mothers what we do is important and difficult. I know as I've done them both. So, tell me, why is it automatically the wife's job to cook dinner when she's worked all day too? And tell me, is cooking, cleaning, doing all the grocery shopping, running errands and tending to all the children's needs not as important as the work our spouses do?

No matter if you are a single mom or married, it is hard to raise a family. I know, because I've also done both. Also, we should be in relationships in which we are equal partners. We should not need to coddle, pander to or be submissive to our husbands, boyfriends or significant others. I am not June Cleaver, Donna Reed or  Harriet Nelson. I am SuperMom, BadAss Mom, who does it all and will second to no one in my household. If I'm not an equal, I am gone.

2. You equate feminism to misandry. Specifically I am talking about the group Women Against Feminism (WAF). They post pictures of themselves with posterboard signs stating things like, I don't need feminism because...:

"Because I enjoy being feminine" "If every man is a potential rapist, so is every woman"  "My husband loves and respects me" "I always enjoy making sandwiches"

There are so many more. Let me see here. Not all feminists are butchy. Yes, women can be rapists, but the majority are men. I'm sure many feminists have husbands that love and respect them. And wow, go make a fucking sandwich then. And come one, the whole sandwich thing has gone too far and there are groups of men out there that are sick and post disgusting "humor" out there such as the meme below.

This is what feminists are against. Not making a damn sandwich.

But if you are for...

• Women earning equal pay for equal work.
• Being able to decide what you do with your own body.
• Being able to pursue any kind of career you like, even if it's physically demanding.
• Wearing whatever you like without it being seen as an invitation to be raped.
• Not being fired for being pregnant.
• Not being passed over for promotions because there is the possibility that you may become pregnant.
• Your little girl being able to play any sport she wants, be it football, wrestling, or whatever. 
• Not being sexually harassed at the workplace.

...then you already are a feminist because this is what true feminists are working towards. Yes, there are some bad apples in the bunch, and some of them are vocal, but you find that everywhere in every social and political group. 

But WAF believes we don't get equal pay because of the jobs we take (what about the ones that are the same?) and that alcohol fueled sexual mistakes are mistakenly equated to assault (which may be true in some cases, but not all, probably not many and it actually disgusts me that a woman would think that about another woman).

I consider myself a feminist and I enjoy being feminine and I LOVE men, and sure, I even like catering to a significant other sometimes, but not all the time. Again, I want to be treated with respect and equality and frankly, there are still a lot of misogynists in the world. Maybe the man haters are sometimes more vocal than true feminist and it's time to take back the name, but the cause of WAF is not the way to go. 

3. You pretend your politics protect my rights.

• Concerned Women for America, for example, contends that abortions lead to depression, anxiety, and breast cancer. The American Psychological Association reported in 2008 that "the relative risks of mental health problems are no greater than the risks among women who deliver an unplanned pregnancy." And according to the American Cancer Society "Scientific research studies have not found a cause-and-effect relationship between abortion and breast cancer."
• In opposition to gun control, Gayle Trotter of the Independent Women’s Forum testified that guns reverse the gender “balance of power in a violent confrontation. Armed with a gun, a woman can even have the advantage over a violent attacker. "An armed woman does not need superior strength or the proximity of a hand -to-hand struggle.” How about taking self defense classes to learn how to disarm someone instead? I would rather do that than carry a gun. What if the violent attacker disarms you? Then what?
• The Independent Women’s Forum challenges the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act. It opposes the law, because they think funding isn't used to address “proven causes of violence" such as substance abuse, psychological disorders, and marital instability." They don't believe that sexism could be a possible root cause of domestic violence. 

4. You are a woman who has joined The Red Pill. If you don't know what The Red Pill is, this is a tiny summary according to the site on Reddit: Discussion of sexual strategy in a culture increasingly lacking a positive identity for men.

I tend to disagree with this summary. I think The Daily Dot got it right. "The forum is a trove of horror stories disguised as men trying to “better” themselves. While there are plenty of posts about becoming the sort of guy women want to be around,” most members of the subreddit must have a delusional image of what that means"..."this section of Reddit (or subreddit) is one of its darkest corners, populated by rape apologists, revenge-porn enthusiasts, and those who would justify domestic abuse." I have read some of the stuff on there, and that's exactly what much of it is.

Feminism is not a bad word. If you think it is, you have no idea what it truly means. We do not seek special rights or superiority. Yes, as I said there are those who spoil the bunch. If you're working for women's rights and equality though, you are a feminist. If you're doing any of the things above? Not so much. Rethink what you're doing in the name of women and in the name of your rights as a woman. Don't set us back, move us forward. There are men who support the cause of equal rights and women's issues as well. Do your homework, do your research and make informed decisions.

30 days of thanks: day 20

Equality.

Today marks the 150th anniversary of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. I'm not stupid enough to not know we still have a long way to go as a nation, but we've come a long way.

Back then on the site of one of the bloodiest battles of the Civil War even Lincoln knew the fight for equality was just starting. I think he'd be disappointed at how long it's taken to make the strides we have in the last 150 years.

Minorities and LGBT's will never be truly equal as long as there is intolerance in our country and as long as people are teaching their children to hate. And yes, I suppose some people just are bigots all on their own, but for the most part, it's learned behavior, so let's stop teaching our children to hate other because of their differences. That's what make us all unique, like snowflakes.

Even women still struggle to find equality in the workplace in this day and age when they're doing equal work.

And racism travels in all directions. Let's all just start oozing love for each other, shall we?

That said, I'm proud to live in one of the first states to legalize gay marriage and I'm so happy I get to see some of my best friends exchange vows next year because of it. Yay Washington!!!

There you have it. I'm thankful for equality. Is it perfect? No. But our country is ahead of many others. And we're still fighting for it because half a nation stood up against the other half and one man spoke out 150 years ago and inspired a nation.

Let's try and make more strides before another 150 years passes us by.