The Caitlyn Controversy

I was completely going to avoid this subject as it's so played out, but the stupid people are hurting my brain. Let me first say, if you don't think it's okay to go transgender, but you're considerate with your comments, I respect your opinion. I don't agree with it, but I respect that it's how you feel and you have a right to that. However, if you're against being transgender and act like an asshat about it, I think you're an idiot.

Now that that's out of the way, I'll give you my take. I cannot possibly begin to understand how it feels to be physically one sex, yet inside feel like the other. I can't only imagine how heartbreaking and emotionally painful it must be. I would never judge someone who goes through a change to become the person they truly believe they are. I think what Caitlyn did is brave. Someone on my Facebook commented that when we call people like her "brave" we're forgetting the real heroes that fight for our country. This makes no sense to me. I never called Caitlyn a hero, though I think she makes a good spokesperson for the LGBT community. But I don't forget or discredit what others have sacrificed in the name of freedom. What they do actually helps people like Caitlyn become who they are.  To be free of the mask she wore for decades. They fight for all the freedoms we're allowed these days and that is one thing great about our country.

I've also heard the argument that we're supposed to be the person that God made us. That only He or She can change us. I don't believe in isms. I don't believe in religion because  man made it. I don't believe that a book written eons ago and translated millions of times is supposed to be taken literally. I'm not sure if there is a giant invisible man in the sky watching down on us and waiting to judge us upon our death. There are two things I do know however. 1) I'm pretty sure if I live my life in a way that doesn't hurt anyone and if I treat people with respect, that what awaits my soul when my body is six feet under will be fine. 2) If your God didn't want people to become transgender, why did he allow us to gain the knowledge in order to create the technology that makes this possible?

I understand transgenderism. I do not understand intolerance. Why do you care? Is it affecting you and your rights? Truly, it's not your business what someone does with their body. Sound like a familiar argument?

And the religious right continues to defend their child molester to the ends of the earth, yet condemns Caitlyn for simply being who she is. If instead of Josh Duggar it was a black person, or gay person, or Muslim, or anyone that didn't fit into that perfect mold of all that is righteous and pure, you'd be wanting their head on a platter. Not only did he molest his own sisters, but then his family hid their ugly truth for their own benefit, not caring how all of this affected their daughters or their religious community. It's all for the good of television. The show must go on!!!

I've had people complain to me that I keep mentioning that Duggar is Christian, when molestation, by a Christan or not is reprehensible. Of course it is. I only mention this because of what I stated before about how those defending him would feel if it were someone else in his shoes, and because of who he is. He stood before you on television spewing vitriol against the LGBT community and marriage equality. He preached about family values yet inappropriately touched his own sisters and helped hide the truth. He should have been put in juvee, received counseling and been registered as a sex offender.  But no, he was sent to a Christian reform program, received no counseling, then went to work for a family friend. This is not justice This is not okay,

I'm tired of right wing Christians taking bible verses out of context when it fits their agenda and hiding behind their religion when they spout and breed intolerance. How come they never use these verses?:

Matthew 7:1 "Judge not lest ye be judged."
John 8:7 "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."
Luke 6:37 “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;"
1 Corinthian 4:5  Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God"
Proverbs 21: 2 "Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart."
James 4:12 " There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?"

I could go on and on.

Then you have Mike Huckabee sticking his foot in his mouth again by telling stupid transgender jokes. You have change.org trying to strip her of her gold medals

Why do I think Caitlyln Jenner is brave? Because it takes a lot to stand up and tell people who you really are when you know you will be faced with criticism and judgment.  Also, I think John Stewart also made a good point:

 "It's really heartening to see that everyone is willing to not only accept Caitlyn Jenner as a woman,
but to waste no time in treating her like a woman. You see, Caitlyn, when you were a man, we could talk about your athleticism, your business acumen, but now you’re a woman, and your looks are really the only thing we care about. Which brings us to phase two of your transition: 'comparative fuckability.'"

"As a woman, Jenner can now look forward to her physical appearance, not her talents or mind, being the object of daily scrutiny. Should she ever need to work, she can look forward to earning roughly 77% of what a man makes. Should she ever face physical or sexual violence, she, not her attacker, will be treated with suspicion. As a woman, Jenner will also have to get used to hearing not just new pronouns but other fun words like "shrill," "nagging," "bossy" and "emotional." And then, of course, there's the catcalling, which a "beautiful" woman like Jenner can now expect daily."

The struggle is real. Women in America are still fighting for their own rights, for equal rights. Caitlyn just joined that fight.

Modern feminism and the anti-feminist movement

There is so much hub bub about feminism and anti-feminism and Women Against Feminism I figured I'd better address it because, well, I'm a woman, and I consider myself a feminist.

Why do I consider myself a feminist? Because women
should be given the same consideration as men in all aspects of life. Because I believe a woman should not be told what she can do with her body by the government or religion or anyone else. Because women all over the world should be able to go to school or not cover her face or do whatever she wants to do without horrible consequences. Because we are amazing, beautiful, brilliant, and talented, and we should know it and not let ANYONE make us feel less.



Here's what I don't believe:

This is What Feminism Looks Like

• Feminism is not a movement that wants women to be superior to men. We just want to be equal. For example, many women still don't make the same money as their male counterparts for doing the same job.
• Feminism does not equate to misandry. I LOVE men. I could not live without men. Sure, there are probably some men haters in the feminist movement. You can't judge an entire movement by one of it's subcultures.
• That all feminist ideologies are the same. Maybe some of us push more for equality in the workplace, while others believe and promote a women's right to deciding what's best for her body. Not every feminist is going to have the same ideals, values, or belief system. Why? Because we're human and we're unique and we're not cookie cutter images of each other.

 This is What Feminism Looks Like

© Garry Knight 2011

All this said, I think there is some ignorance involved when women say they are anti, or against feminism. Have you heard of Women Against Feminism? It's  a group of women who post selfies of themselves with handwritten notes stating why they don't need feminism. These sentiments range from actual feminist statements (I don’t need feminism because I believe in equality, not entitlements and supremacy.) to asinine (I don't need feminism because I love masculine men like Christian Grey.)

These women DO need feminism. They just don't KNOW they do. The images of feminism have been skewed and transformed over the years. We are not loud butchy hairy women who are all lesbians and hate men. We are all different, some of us our feminine, strong, big, small, gay, straight, black, white, hispanic...we are not a caricature.

I think we need to stop for a moment and remember why the Suffrage Movement started in the first place.

• Women were not equal to men.
• Women did not have access to higher education.
• Women were excluded from professional occupations.
• Women could not file legal suits.
• Women could not manage her own money.
• Women could not use birth control.
• Women could not divorce.
• When women got the right to divorce, they could not have custody of their children.
• Women could not own property.
• They were not allowed into political conventions and meetings.
• Women were not allowed to vote.
• Women were not allowed to hold public office.
• There was an ideology called "The Cult of True Womanhood" which stated that a "true" woman was a pious, submissive wife and mother concerned exclusively with home and family.



 This is What Feminism Looks Like

© Warren Leffler 1972

• Through the 14th Amendment, our constitution extended protection to all citizens. Then defined “citizens” as “male.”

Even through the 80s women didn't have certain rights.

• Women could not have credit cards.
• Women could not report sexual harassment at work.
• Women could not refuse sex to their husband.

The suffragists had subcultures just like today's feminist movement. There were those who had peaceful assemblies and there were others who were more radical and picketed the White House and held hunger strikes. And I'm sure there was a differing degree of reasons why they were fighting for rights and which rights were more important.

 This is What Feminism Looks Like

Yes, we've come a long way, but the plight of women is not over. As long as we are not paid equally for equal work, and as long as religion and government want to tell us what we can and cannot do with our bodies, and as long as women all over the world are still treated like property,  violated, mutilated and hurt, our work is not done.

This is What Feminism Looks Like
© Fibonacci Blue

I don't want to judge the Women Against Feminism. I get it. You don't want to be
lumped in with a group of men hating radicals. That is not the face of feminism. And let me clarify that I use the word "ignorant," not as a stab. I use it because there is a lack of information, understanding and knowledge where feminism is concerned.

Whatever these Women Against Feminism believe, that's fine. That is there prerogative. Like Guardian columnist Jessica Valenti said on Twitter, "#WomenAgainstFeminism shouldn't worry: Even if they don't believe in us, we'll keep on fighting for them."

On a lighter note, this site is hilarious. And it has cats.

Have a great weekend.

4 ways, as a woman, you are destroying women's rights.

This is my response to the article 5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage. I blogged about it yesterday too because I think it is such utter bullshit I can't help but blog about it again. While this blog is about that, it also transcends that though. It's about women who fight against women's rights, sometimes unknowingly, sometimes with purpose. Let's know turn the clock back, let's move forward and become the women we were meant to be, strong, powerful and equal to men.

So here are

1. You write articles that set us back 50 years. Whether we are working mothers or stay at home mothers what we do is important and difficult. I know as I've done them both. So, tell me, why is it automatically the wife's job to cook dinner when she's worked all day too? And tell me, is cooking, cleaning, doing all the grocery shopping, running errands and tending to all the children's needs not as important as the work our spouses do?

No matter if you are a single mom or married, it is hard to raise a family. I know, because I've also done both. Also, we should be in relationships in which we are equal partners. We should not need to coddle, pander to or be submissive to our husbands, boyfriends or significant others. I am not June Cleaver, Donna Reed or  Harriet Nelson. I am SuperMom, BadAss Mom, who does it all and will second to no one in my household. If I'm not an equal, I am gone.

2. You equate feminism to misandry. Specifically I am talking about the group Women Against Feminism (WAF). They post pictures of themselves with posterboard signs stating things like, I don't need feminism because...:

"Because I enjoy being feminine" "If every man is a potential rapist, so is every woman"  "My husband loves and respects me" "I always enjoy making sandwiches"

There are so many more. Let me see here. Not all feminists are butchy. Yes, women can be rapists, but the majority are men. I'm sure many feminists have husbands that love and respect them. And wow, go make a fucking sandwich then. And come one, the whole sandwich thing has gone too far and there are groups of men out there that are sick and post disgusting "humor" out there such as the meme below.

This is what feminists are against. Not making a damn sandwich.

But if you are for...

• Women earning equal pay for equal work.
• Being able to decide what you do with your own body.
• Being able to pursue any kind of career you like, even if it's physically demanding.
• Wearing whatever you like without it being seen as an invitation to be raped.
• Not being fired for being pregnant.
• Not being passed over for promotions because there is the possibility that you may become pregnant.
• Your little girl being able to play any sport she wants, be it football, wrestling, or whatever. 
• Not being sexually harassed at the workplace.

...then you already are a feminist because this is what true feminists are working towards. Yes, there are some bad apples in the bunch, and some of them are vocal, but you find that everywhere in every social and political group. 

But WAF believes we don't get equal pay because of the jobs we take (what about the ones that are the same?) and that alcohol fueled sexual mistakes are mistakenly equated to assault (which may be true in some cases, but not all, probably not many and it actually disgusts me that a woman would think that about another woman).

I consider myself a feminist and I enjoy being feminine and I LOVE men, and sure, I even like catering to a significant other sometimes, but not all the time. Again, I want to be treated with respect and equality and frankly, there are still a lot of misogynists in the world. Maybe the man haters are sometimes more vocal than true feminist and it's time to take back the name, but the cause of WAF is not the way to go. 

3. You pretend your politics protect my rights.

• Concerned Women for America, for example, contends that abortions lead to depression, anxiety, and breast cancer. The American Psychological Association reported in 2008 that "the relative risks of mental health problems are no greater than the risks among women who deliver an unplanned pregnancy." And according to the American Cancer Society "Scientific research studies have not found a cause-and-effect relationship between abortion and breast cancer."
• In opposition to gun control, Gayle Trotter of the Independent Women’s Forum testified that guns reverse the gender “balance of power in a violent confrontation. Armed with a gun, a woman can even have the advantage over a violent attacker. "An armed woman does not need superior strength or the proximity of a hand -to-hand struggle.” How about taking self defense classes to learn how to disarm someone instead? I would rather do that than carry a gun. What if the violent attacker disarms you? Then what?
• The Independent Women’s Forum challenges the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act. It opposes the law, because they think funding isn't used to address “proven causes of violence" such as substance abuse, psychological disorders, and marital instability." They don't believe that sexism could be a possible root cause of domestic violence. 

4. You are a woman who has joined The Red Pill. If you don't know what The Red Pill is, this is a tiny summary according to the site on Reddit: Discussion of sexual strategy in a culture increasingly lacking a positive identity for men.

I tend to disagree with this summary. I think The Daily Dot got it right. "The forum is a trove of horror stories disguised as men trying to “better” themselves. While there are plenty of posts about becoming the sort of guy women want to be around,” most members of the subreddit must have a delusional image of what that means"..."this section of Reddit (or subreddit) is one of its darkest corners, populated by rape apologists, revenge-porn enthusiasts, and those who would justify domestic abuse." I have read some of the stuff on there, and that's exactly what much of it is.

Feminism is not a bad word. If you think it is, you have no idea what it truly means. We do not seek special rights or superiority. Yes, as I said there are those who spoil the bunch. If you're working for women's rights and equality though, you are a feminist. If you're doing any of the things above? Not so much. Rethink what you're doing in the name of women and in the name of your rights as a woman. Don't set us back, move us forward. There are men who support the cause of equal rights and women's issues as well. Do your homework, do your research and make informed decisions.