Longing in Suburbia

As I venture further into this journey of life, I find myself surrounded by longing. Not my own, though of course I have some, but that of others. Of seemingly happy people with normal lives. People, who on the surface seem to have it so good.

Many of them wear painted smiles and speak in half truths. They think about the "what could have beens" in life.

They've either tired of their chosen rat race and wished they'd aspired to something more. Some of them dream of traveling beyond their four walls. Others just feel a void, a chasm they need to fill in some way...

I think it's a forty thing. We hit a certain age and we say to ourselves, what the hell am I doing here? With this job, or this house, or this person. Is this really how it's going to be for the rest of my life? But most of us won't change it at this late stage. We'll just carry on as we always have but with that extra added thirst for something more.

Just a moment of reflection...

Tell me where is fancy bred, in the heart or in the head?

Many of us might know this quote from Willy Wonka (loves me some Willy Wonka) but it originates from Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice. It poses a good question. Where is fancy bred? Now, by fancy, Shakespeare means love. So do we love with our emotions, or do we love with our head?

I think it depends on what kind of person you are, do you rationalize yourself into love, or do you throw yourself in?

There are those that think before they leap where love is concerned, weigh the pros and cons, do they have a job, a car , a house? Is there extra baggage involved, an ex, children? And only when they weigh these things out will they open their heart.

I happen to be an emotionally driven person. When I fall, I fall hard, without thinking, without stopping, without blinking, without even breathing. The love comes from your very core, your very soul, and drives you.

In many ways, I think the rationalizing of love may be easier in the long run, especially if the relationship were to end. You could throw all those cons you came up with before and rationalize your way out again.

However, if your feelings are in control, it's difficult. You feel pain, loss, regret, heartbreak, emotional death. I'm not saying those that fall in love using their head don't feel these things, I just don't think it's as intense.

Now, if you read on in The Merchant of Venice, it says that fancy is bred in the eyes, meaning, first we love the beauty before we love the person. I don't necessarily agree.

So where is fancy bred for you?

Just a little poem I wrote.

I know I haven't blogged much lately with NaNo, and this impending trip to NY, so, I thought I would share a poem I wrote to include in my novel Mending Fences.

It's supposed to be written by my protagonist, Austin. He recites it to his best friend and secret crush, Kaylee.

Ghost

I’m a ghost, but nothing more.
Air and vapor, invisible.
With a heart that beats a rhythm so rare
Only the stars can hear.
And she, of flesh and bone
Alive, wild, gleaming.
Hovering above I watch her
Gliding, rushing, reeling.
My empty arms reach out for her
To touch to feel to know.
Yet I’m a ghost and nothing more.
Air and vapor, invisible.