More accounting, more goals

 I actually found my goals from last year. I'm not sure I did a great job attaining
them, but let's see what I did get accomplished.

Life:
Last year's goals - screw balance and take things one by one.
Um, seriously, that was my goal. I am pretty sure I did that although some of the other stuff in this section...I'm not sure. Here they were...

• Work - Who cares?: Pretty much nailed that.
  
• Writing - An hour a day. Um, no. I mean technically, probably yes, but not fiction writing. Writing for work, proposals and no, I'm not even counting my social media, but not the writing I intended to do although I would almost guarantee I wrote more this year than last. My plan is to finish the book I'm writing and rewrite another.
• Marketing - An hour a day. Probably, though again, not the marketing I intended to do which was for my book, Dissected. The marketing I did was for my new business. I'll continue this.
• Kids - My kids and I have already decided to commit one day a week to each other in which we have dinner and spend the evening together doing something, with no one else, just us. Hahahaha. But seriously, Um...I blame them.
  
• Organization - Um...I'll work on it. That's all I can say. Pretty much all I can say for this year too. I'm just not an organized person. I mean, I know where all my piles are, and where the important things are in those piles, but...yeah.
• Travel - Yes. I did this: Ocean, AZ, Mexico, Florida, San Francisco...I'll try to keep it up this year. I love to travel. And I still have my dream to drive cross country. Anyone want to go with me?

Love:
2014 goals - If I want to throw my heart at someone, it's mine to throw. If they break it into tiny pieces and throw it back at me, it's just another of life's lessons learned the hard way and I have another story to tell. Er, I'm not sure that was exactly a goal. I went on and on in this one last year and made absolutely no sense.  Soooo, goal #1, love me first, everyone else second. Goal #2, as far as relationships are concerned, don't look for love, let it find me if it will. If it doesn't, just be happy and take advantage of the time alone to get things accomplished. What more can you do?

 
 
A few more goals I had last year:

• Smile more. :) - Maybe I did this? Who knows? I'll keep trying.
• Visit my parents at least once a week. Probably pretty close. Still intend to do so and throw in, make sure my kids visit them once a week. Life is shorter than we think. Show the people you love you care.
•  Learn patience or at least learn to breathe a little. Hahaha, er...okay, I'll try again this year.
  
• Shut up and listen. Yes. I think I do this. I think.
• Dance in my living room when no one's home. Um...I don't think I did this, but it's a good idea, so I'll try again.

Those were all last years. I think I will add one about Friendships - Handle them with care. Broaden my horizons more. Meet up with people I haven't for a while and try to meet new people. Don't let anyone define who I am. Don't let anyone bring you down. If a friendship isn't working or feels like it's one sided, end it.

Another goal is to Read More - I tried this last year. I'm really not sure how I did. I mean, I didn't read all the fiction I wanted to. I set out to read 12 works of fiction and that didn't happen. From my list, I did read...

• Insurgent
• Allegiant
• The Summer of Letting Go
• The Fault in our Stars
• 1/2 of the Bell Jar 

I stopped reading Bell Jar because I was in a bad place while reading it and it's not exactly a picker upper. I did throw an extra book in there that was not on my list, Grasshopper Jungle. Also, I read a ton of business books, so I would guarantee I read at least 12 books last year if not more.

So, I'm going to get back to the 12 fiction books again and here's my plan:

1. Finish the Bell Jar
2. Another John Green Book, don't know which one yet.
3. Sharp Objects - Gillian Flynn
4. Eleanor and Park - Rainbow Rowell
5. 100 Sideways Miles - Andrew Smith
6.  Anything one of my friends publish. If that happens.
7. Nothing Special - Geoff Herbach
8. Before I Fall -  Lauren Oliver
9. Very Bad Men  -  Harry Dolan
10. Noggin - John Corey Whaley
11. Go Ask Alice - Anonymous
12. Auracle - Gina Rosati

What are your goals for the next year? Have any reading goals? Where will life take you in 2015?

So, here I am blogging and promoting and giving crap away

It's almost been a year since I published Dissected. Copies have sold. It has great reviews. Honestly though, it has not been stellar. Why you ask? Well, right after I published that book my world pretty much fell apart in many ways. I won't go into all the details of my drama, but I've been busy, I've been dealing with matters that needed dealing.

On top of all the drama, I've also had some health issues that were finally summed up for me last week in as disappointing a way as they could be. Basically, I was told, "This is who you are now, learn to like yourself this way and learn how to live with it."

Yeah, no magic cure.

Don't worry, I'm not dying or anything. I apparently just can't function like ordinary people, therefore any time I have during the day to get stuff done is basically cut in half so I have to choose between activities: cleaning, writing, marketing, working from home, etc. etc. My house is always half messy, my lawn is unmowed, and I've been working on this same manuscript for about forever (trying to finish it during NaNoWriMo).

Now that all that is out of the way, and now that Dissected is almost one and hasn't been nurtured in the way it should have been, it's time to start. And how do we do that?

 a Rafflecopter giveaway

Yep, I'm giving some crap away. What you ask? Well,  we have a size L got Cassiopeia? short sleeve black t-shirt, a copy of Dissected with SWAG, a 1 pound bag of wild cherry gummy bears and a jar of glow in the dark stars.

How's that for starters? Click on the Rafflecopter link to go to the giveaway. Winner to be picked November 11th, announced November 12th, right here on my blog.

On top of that, on November 12th I will be offering the Kindle version of Dissected free on Amazon for 2 days.

It would do me a great honor if you'd spread the word (of course, some of your prize entries require it, so there's that).

For a short summary of the book and to read reviews, you can visit the Amazon page.

I'll also be changing the look of this blog. I've already updated my Twitter and I'm working on my website, so this will be next on my list as well as my Facebook. I'm growing up, moving forward, keeping on.


I'll be posting more links to reviews and whatnot up until the giveaway/anniversary date, so come back.

You can find me on Facebook and Twitter, and most anywhere authors hang out on the interwebs.

Thanks to those of you who have supported me along my journey. It's been smooth at times, choppy others, but you have to put things into perspective. I suppose as long as I wake up every morning, I can't complain too terribly much.

I'm old(er)

Today I turn 45. Every year I make myself promises to myself about how I'm going to be when my next birthday rolls around. While most of those promises are abandoned throughout the year, and I may be thicker around the waist (and let's face wider in other places and sagging in places I wasn't before) and have more wrinkles and gray hairs, in other ways I've improved.

• I'm stronger, physically, mentally and emotionally.
• I'm more resilient - I bounce back much more easily than I used to.
• I've learned that it's okay to say "no."
• I do not let people take advantage of me. 
• I take "me" time.
• I ask for help.
• When I'm in a rut, I switch gears
• When I feel overwhelmed, I slow down instead of break down.

In the last five years I have become a different person, I think for the better.  For a time, I was a shell of a former me, and I finally broke out of that shell and became a new and improved me, more like my younger self, the self I lost along the way somewhere. 

If I were to give someone words of wisdom from an aging woman it would be this: 

• Never compromise who you are for anyone. 
• Never put aside your dreams for the dreams of others, though if you need to, work on them side by side, hand in hand. 
• Never let yourself be manipulated into something you don't want to do, you could find yourself there for a very long time with no way out. 
• Always surround yourself with people who will be a positive force in your life, who will support you when you need them - those people you know would move the earth for you. 
• In turn, be that person for them.
• Be good to your children and your parents, always (unless there is a VERY good reason not to, I think you know what I mean).

Happy Friday everyone. Hug your mother and have a drink for me today. Saluté!

I believe...

Eternal Clock by Robbert van der Steeg

• I believe Tweeting isn't easy.
• I believe my kids are allergic to the dishwasher, the garbage and dirty socks.
• I believe I need more hours in my day.
• I believe if we taught our children more things at home we wouldn't have so many people to blame.
• I believe the internet has a great and unfathomable power that somehow makes me forget blocks of time during my day.
• I believe in pleases and thank yous.
• I believe I don't care if I'm called self published, indie published or rogue.
• I believe sometimes the those who are supposed to care about children the most, treat them the worst.
• I believe words can't hurt you if you don't let them.
• I believe if I had a dinner party with 8 people real of fictional, alive or dead, I would choose Jesus Christ, Jennifer Lawrence, Ellen Degeneris, Marilyn Monroe, Sylvia Plath, Stephen King, Atticus Finch, and Eleanor Roosevelt. Or not. That's actually a really hard choice.
• I believe I can't decide what my platform is.
• I believe the flowers on my kitchen table are dead.
• I believe I'm tired of hearing about the lives of celebrities. 
• I believe George Zimmerman thinking he would get any fans at a gun show
  
  are hysterical.
• I believe LOL Cats still crack me up.
• I believe running is the work of the devil.
• I believe my diatribe has ended.

Creativity is the spice of life

My dear friend Jeff (he's a very talented writer and graphic designer, look at link on his Facebook the other day. 18 Things Highly Creative People Do Differently. I found it very interesting so thought I would share and comment as a somewhat creative person.
his work on his website) posted this

Did I hear someone laugh?

Anyway...

1. Daydreaming - I suppose you could call what I do daydreaming, the never ceasing buzz of ideas in my head. Don't get me wrong, I do have those moments where the thoughts slow and I envision myself on tropical beaches of white sand with Josh Hutcherson (what? he's of legal age, right?) or what I'd do with unlimited amounts of money. Mostly, though, my brain produces a string of connected thoughts and ideas that never stops.
2. They observe everything - If you're talking about taking in the flowers on the side of the road or the shapes of the clouds, yes. If you're talking about the spot my boyfriend missed shaving or the piece of lettuce stuck in my BFF's tooth, no.
3.  They work the hours that work for them - If that means every waking hour, then yes.
4. They take time for solitude - I love the quiet. I am up before my kids right now typing away. I will take off for the beach all by myself to get some writing done. I will hole up for a weekend and tell everyone I've died.
5. They turn life's obstacles around - Has this person ever met a writer? Um, Hemingway? Plath? Okay, well, I do this, but after time has passed and I realize that sometimes you can't change things, you can only change your attitude towards them. Like recently, I've had a spot of trouble and I was getting mad and frustrated and I took a deep, cleansing breath and took on the mantra of resilience and strength.
6. They seek out new experiences - I will try anything once, unless it has to do with
   
   heights, I have my limits. Did you see what I did there? Did ya...never mind. Anyway, I used to be a coward, but in the last three years I've tried to open my mind to trying, doing, feeling, going, moving, experiencing, living. I don't want any more regrets in life.
7. They "fail" up - This is all about the "try." If you don't try, how will you know if you will succeed? You can't be afraid to fail in life. You cannot live in fear. Believe me, I've failed A LOT. Refer to #6. Open yourself up, make yourself vulnerable, if it doesn't work, get back up and do something else.
8. They ask big questions - I don't always ask the questions, but I always have to have the answers. If I'm talking with someone, and something comes up we don't know the answer to, I'm the first to search Google for the answer. I'm the one with the trivial information in my head just waiting for the moment to be used. Questions? I think I'm more like a sponge just taking in all around me, absorbing, remembering what I can.
9. They people watch - Yes. This. It's one of my favorite things to do.
    If you don't do it, you have no idea how entertaining it is and how much inspiration it evokes.
10. They take risks - I suppose this is true in a certain way. I write about things people generally don't want to publish. Things that are hard to read. People still read them and like them. When the industry didn't want to take on that dark book, I published it myself. I suppose these are risks I'm willing to take for my art.
11. They view the world as an opportunity for self expression - Much of what I write comes from my world, my experiences, so yeah, this.
12. They follow their true passions - See #10.
13. They get out of their own heads - I think we have to, or we would go insane. To
    
    keep all those voices in there, whether your a writer, artist, musician, whatever, something or someone is telling you what to write, paint, dance, play, to keep those all bottled up in your mind would make your head explode, and no one wants gray matter all over their living room carpet.
14. They lose track of time - Uh, yeah. This is why I'm running out the door almost late for work (or kickboxing, doctor appointments or ___________fill in the blank) every day because I'm blogging or writing or working on my website. I get lost in my work.
15. They surround themselves with beauty - My favorite color is black, but my home, though the base color is black, has splashes of color throughout. It's whimsical and quirky and I love it. Also, I only hang out with beautiful people. Kidding. During the spring I try to plant flowers around my house (I have what I like to call a "black" thumb). I have artwork throughout my home. So, yes.
16. They connect the dots - This is about having vision, seeing something that wasn't there before. Sometimes people ask how you came up with your idea for a book and honestly, at times there isn't an answer. Sometimes it just comes to you.
17. They constantly shake things up - I'm always shaking things up. Except babies. That's bad. I do not like monotony. In fact right now I'm shopping for new bedding. I'm not sure if that's what this means, but I am. I've also never held a job long, mostly my decision (except twice or three times out of about twenty). I like to move around, experience new things, get my toes wet. I want to paint walls and get new carpet and hop on a plane to anywhere.
18. They make time for mindfulness - Meditation and focus. While I don't meditate, I do find a walk outside very clarifying and stress reducing. Whatever makes it happen, right?

So, what do you think about the list? Spot on? A little off? I think it's pretty accurate.  Are they missing something? Have a comment? Something else to share? Is this really different from anyone else? Let me know in the comments. I'd love to hear from you.

How to face adversity

I've faced a lot of adversity in my life, but in the last few months, I've seen quite misadventures are just beginning), I've learned a few things, and here they are.
a bit. I admit to getting frustrated and angry. I've cried, yelled and  complained. While sometimes an ugly cry is good, and it feels great to yell a little, there are better ways to get through the bad times. Looking back at these last few months, and forward to the next (I fear some of my

• Prepare yourself: Get in the right mindset. If you're fighting against someone, do your homework. If you need to do research to back yourself, make it happen. Come guns blazing (not literally, figuratively, no violence please). If what you're facing isn't necessarily a battle then prepare yourself by still, having your mind right, taking care of the things that need care taking. I know sometimes it's hard to prepare for adversity, sometimes it happens unexpectedly, but if you can, do.
• Be brave: When it hits, don't back down. Face it full force. Don't even think about it. If you think about it, it will bring you down.
• Be resilient: If it hurts, whether emotionally, physically, mentally, take a deep cleansing breath and bounce back. Don't let it get you down for long, especially if you are battling with another party. If you do, you are letting them win. Take your punches and get back up.
• Be strong: You may have to be strong for yourself. You may also have to be strong for those around you, whether it be a child, spouse, co-worker, friend or neighbor. Be a support. Be a brick wall. Be a stronghold.
• Exercise: This is where I have failed. Do not under any circumstance let your sadness, frustration whatever, keep you from exercise. Exercise will only  make you feel better and more confident. It will give you a release. Use it.
• Don't forget about you: Take care of yourself during these times, whether it's the loss of a loved one, a fight, a problem at work, anything...don't
  
  forget about you. Take a walk, a bath, get a massage, a pedicure, hit some golf balls, whatever makes you feel good and special. Do it.
• Find your support system:  Just as you need to be strong and support others, you need a support system too. Find it. Find the friends you can talk to.  Family member. Counselor. We all need someone to lean on in hard times. Be careful though, sometimes those close to the same situation are not the best choice, even though they may seem like it. They are probably as stressed out as you about it. Make a judgment call depending on the situation.

Now, don't take this advice as gospel. I'm not saying these are surefire ways to beat adversity. And you still may not win the war, but whether you have a sick family member, or are warring with a neighbor or insurance company, I think these tips may help you get through the battles with a little more confidence.

AWP and moving forward

Had a great time at AWP this weekend. I wasn't there very long, just Friday to Saturday, but did much in that small amount of time.

Friday evening I met up with my fellow panel members Roberta Borger, Jolene Perry, Selene Castrovilla, and Katherine Ayres. What a group of wonderful, talented women. I felt small in comparison to their accomplishments. Roberta is an MFA student in Pennsylvania, and the one who put the panel together. I should also thank my friend Gae Polisner, who opted out of the panel and suggested me as her replacement.

After dinner, Selene and I spent some time together talking (we have quite a bit in common, we noted if we didn't live on opposite shores, we would probably be friends) then hit up the AWP Dance Party. We didn't dance, just watched as most the party goers were about 20 years younger than us.

The next morning I registered and hit the bookfair, checking out the books, reviews, and journals, then I noticed 3rd Place Books was there in the back. I went to check out their books and who was in their booth? Local author Lish McBride. We hadn't met in person, just by Twitter mostly, in fact when I ran into her, I hadn't looked at her name tag right away, and we were sitting there talking about writing and whatnot (she'd recognized my name from my AWP badge). When she told me her third books was coming out soon I asked her what she'd written and her books were sitting right there so she showed me. I wanted to do a palm-to-forehead so bad...DOH! I explained to her, via Twitter, the following day that it took me awhile to put 2x2 together because, well, I'm an idiot. Ugh.

Scurried on to my panel, which was a success. Good questions asked, time flew. Then I was bound for home.

Time to move forward...in so many ways. One of the problems I've been having, it culminates tomorrow. Another problem, I think it's coming to a head and I'm not sure how it's going to resolve. I'll have to wait and see. Either way, I'm ready to Creative Chaos Media. It's time to do a publicity blast on Dissected. finish the rebranding of my website, edit Girl in Motion and get it prepared to publish this fall (time is going so fast), and finish my latest novel, A Tattered Life.
do whatever I need to do to put it behind me. And it's really time to push my new business with the self publishing services. I've been working on the website again,

I realized I haven't finished a novel in over a year. I think Dissected was the last one I actually finished writing. I mean, I've edited novels, but I haven't written a new one in a really long time, so it's so important to complete A Tattered Life then move onto the next one.

Moving forward.

In Sickness and in Health

O.M.G. I'm actually going to discuss writing and books on my blog today. I don't think I've done that in awhile because my life has been in such chaos lately, but yes, here I go.

Tonight I head up to the Association of Writers and Writing Programs Conference (AWP), which happens to be in Seattle this year, as tomorrow I will be on a panel titled, In Sickness and in Health: Writing about Illness and Loss for Young Adults.

"Sick - lit" as it's been so charmingly nicknamed has been quite a hot topic in the last year and the subject of controversy. Some people think we as writers have a cavalier attitude toward the dark subjects such as death, suicide and self-harm, and we are doing teens a disservice by writing about these subjects during a time when they are more apt to go through them.

Yet others believe that teen should be reading about the issues that they are sure to relate to at their age, that reading isn't purely about escapism, it's also about thinking and feeling and having characters you can relate to.

What is your opinion on the subject?

I think you know where I stand as someone who has written about death and
self-harm. I also have an unpublished book about a school shooting. Life isn't always pretty and it doesn't always have a happy ending. Are we doing our teenagers a favor by shielding them from the hard things in life? Things they will have to face, whether it's them, one of their friends or family members.

Shit happens. You can't hide from it, so why not face it head on.

If you're attending AWP, my panel is from 1:30-2:45 at the Washington State Convention Center, Room LL5, Western New England MFA Annex, Lower Level.

Other panel members are Roberta Borger. She is the one who assembled the panel. She is pursuing my MFA in Creative Writing at Chatham University. Selene Castrovilla, Jolene Perry, and Katherine Ayres.

The World is not Perfect

Sometimes when things are going good, the universe needs to balance itself out remind you that life cannot be perfect.

My daughters, I know they are not perfect, but they are beautiful and talented in their own ways and they are doing the best they can in school. They are weird and funny and inappropriate most the time and I love them for it.

I have a boyfriend who brings me flowers once a week and rarely lets me pay for dinner. When my vacuum breaks and he can't fix it (and he can fix mostly everything) he brings one to my house and tells me it fell off the back of a vacuum truck, then proceeds to vacuum half my house to check it out.

The work I do at my day job is awesome. I get to write and be creative and work part time so I can also write and be creative at home and try to continue to work on my goals of becoming a full time fiction writer some day.

I live in a lovely home, in a quiet neighborhood with a big yard, close to the girl's school.

Yes, that is all good. But then there are faulty memories and car accidents in life. There are delicate situations handled improperly by people who are supposed to care.  There are those who do not know when to shut their mouths and leave well enough alone and those who do not speak up when they should.

Balance. The Yin and Yang of life. It's necessary I suppose. Without it, what would we
be? A bunch of vapid, wastes of oxygen with no personality or purpose?

The balance, the struggles, the hard stuff, it challenges us, molds us, gives us character. I've faced many struggles in life and I wouldn't be who I am today without them, and I kind of like the me I am right now.

Also, adversity, it is a test of our strength. How much can we take? How much are we willing to take for the ones we care about, because sometimes the challenge isn't about us, sometimes it's in the name of our parent, child, or a complete stranger. Sometimes we have to be strong for someone else.

I'm not really a religious person, but all this reminds me of a quote from Mother Theresa:

So, I say bring it world. I thank you for all the good things I have, but I'm ready for the challenges too. I've been through worse. I've felt pain, I've seen death, I've hit rock bottom. It may be hard, I may cry, I may yell, but I'm pretty sure I can handle anything that comes my way.

Those who give you strength

I have been tested much in the last three years, but I think none as much as I have in the last three weeks. I cannot give you all the details of my struggles, as some are very personal and some involve people I love very much. But today's blog isn't really about that it's about those not directly involved in those struggles. It's about the people in life that give you strength.

It's so important to have people in your life to lift you up when you're feeling low, to pick you up when you've fallen, to keep you going when you think you can take no more.  I'm very lucky to have people like that in my life.

Anyway, I just want to dedicate today's blog to those people and thank them, and hope that I too am that person to them.

You know who you are.

 

Here are the Friday Scribbles for your entertainment...

Pandora queue: Landon Pigg, Falling in Love in the Coffee Shop. LOVE

Book of the Week: Allegient by Veronica Roth. I like it, not as well as the first two, but still...it's getting better.

Netflix of the Week: I started watching Sons of Anarchy again. For some reason I stopped right before the first season ended. I just lost interest. When I say right before, I mean at the very last episode. When I started again, I didn't know why. Pretty good.

Quote of the Week: “What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

I am but a speck...

This morning I went to the funeral of one of my best friend's fathers. I remember him back when we were in high school and college as a commanding presence.  Boisterous, he would fill up a room when he walked in. I knew he was a Teamster.but other then that, I didn't know him at all.

As I listened to people talk about him, I learned more about the man behind the dad I met a few times. The boss that fought for employee rights, benefits and pay as a member, as secretary/treasurer, as vice president and president of a variety of Teamster committees, organizations, unions.

I learned about the philanthropist who donated his time as a board member of the Boys and Girls Club and the United Way.

I learned about the uncle, friend, father and brother who played football and baseball liked to fish and shoot guns by listening to stores, looking at pictures and seeing how many people were there to honor his life in the church this morning.

On my way home I received a text informing me that my father had been in a car accident and was at Tacoma General Hospital. Someone had ran a stop sign and plowed into the driver's side of his car at 40 miles per hour.

When I arrived at the hospital, my family was awaiting the CT scan results. My dad was in pain, he wore a neck brace and had a hematoma on his arm, but things could have been so much worse.

If things had been different, I don't think my dad would regret leaving this place as is, much like my friend's father. He has, in many ways, built a dynasty. His law practice has been up and running for over 25 years and he is one of the most respected attorneys in Washington State.

He went into this kind of law to defend the defenseless. His clients mean something to him. Many of his cases have helped make roads safer, the government more accountable, and helped numerous families put their lives back together after serious accidents.

He is the most generous man I know, willing to give to others, even to his own detriment, even if it means in the long run, he will receive less. He not only gives his money to numerous charities, but has helped many kids go to college, and has donated his time and energy to charities and organizations, politics and justice.

He worked numerous jobs to be able to get through college and law school, he was in the seminary, has traveled every state in America and all over the world, and wrote a novel. He is a lover of football and baseball, has supported just about every local sports team at one time or another including the Mariners, Seahawks, Rockets, Sabercats, Rainiers, and more.

He worked hard but still made us breakfast in the morning and didn't miss our soccer games, baseball games, and school concerts. He's been to his grandchildren's soccer games, football games, choir concerts, school auctions, band gigs, and plays.

He is kind and funny and intelligent and you don't have to take my word for it. Anyone who knows him will tell you in the legal world, his family, the community and his friends. He has kept the same group of friends since he was a child and made many more along the way.

These kinds of events, funerals, close calls, they make you think about life, mortality, your place in the universe...

Compared to these two men, I am but a speck. I look at their lives and I say to What have I done? In comparison, not much. I complain because I don't have time. Maybe time is subjective. Maybe I don't have time because I'm spending it unwisely. Because what I've thought is important, is in a word, not. I've  thought about doing some of the things these great men have done, but I've never actually done them.
myself:

I don't want to be a speck. I want to make a mark.

Less think, more do.

2013 accounting and 2014 intentions.

This year flew by. Seriously, I have no idea where it went. I feel like I was just doing I made the year before and see how I did and then set some goals for the next year.
resolutions
this. If you've not read my blog in December before, I like to go through the

But first, let's talk about the year. It's had its ups and downs...

1.  For the first couple months I continued to visit schools and talk about Never Eighteen and then I got sick and tired of it and decided it was time to work on getting something new out.
2. Never Eighteen was nominated for its first award, the New York City Reading Association's Charlotte Award. 
3. Never Eighteen got a book deal in Brazil.
4. Battled with my ex-agent over my film and movie rights. There was no winner, even though I have them now.
5. After querying approximately 3 agents I decided toke the plunge and indie publish. CRAZY!!
6. I took some amazing trips, Arizona with friends and my daughters, my first time to Vegas with a new friend, a few trips to the ocean, Lake Chelan.
7. Got to meet writer friends Taylor McCleve, Bettina Restrepo, Suzanne Lazear, and Liz Fichera, Jenny Milchman on my travels (or theirs). Forgive me if I forgot anyone!!
8. I've seen come great live music, small and big shows that included my daughter's band, and private show with Ian McFeron for my niece's birthday, the friend of a friend who plays some awesome Americana, my brother's band Smilin' Jack, Stephanie Anne Johnson, Pearl Jam...
9.  Dating, well, hmmm, it happened. Times were good, times weren't so good. Now they're great.
10. Both kids driving. Oy. Thing two gets her license next month.
11. One book edited, a new one started, and one...
12. ...Indie published!! Woot! A nerve wracking and awesome experience. Will I do it again? Hell yes!
13. I call this "The Year of Great Sleep".  If you've followed my blog, you know I've been having this health problem, and yes I call it a health problem, in which I have to sleep 2-3 hours a day, in the middle of the day which drives me nuts. I've done everything, tested everything and it's not diet, exercise or anything else. Trying a couple more things...frustrating.
14.  Read lots of good book. Lots for me at least, which is probably just a few for you, lets see, Divergent, Catching Fire, Mockingjay, Joe Peace, Cover of Snow...I'm pretty sure I've read more than that...those are just the ones I could think of off the top of my head.

Now, for the resolutions. Let's see how I did, and if I didn't succeed, how I will adjust in the upcoming year to try to achieve these goals.

Health:
Exercise 3-5 times a week. Eat healthier, cut down on my wine. Drop some weight. I didn't put a number on it. Quiet reflection 30 minutes a day.

Results -  HAHAHAHA. Just kidding. I did good with the exercise, kickboxing 3 times a week...until "The Year of Great Sleep" caught up with me. Then I just couldn't do it any more. I have started walking again though and it feels good. Eat healthier, for the most part. Cut down on wine, yes! Drop weight. I dropped it, then I picked it back up, then I dropped it again, then I picked it back up. I did that a couple times within the 10 pound range. Last time I checked I was down, but I'm pretty sure I've gained during the holidays so I've not checked, and I'm not going to until I fee liked I've dropped a couple pounds. Quiet reflection 30 minutes a day...EPIC FAIL.

2014 goal - Hope what I'm doing for "The Year of Great Sleep" works and keep walking and when I feel up to it, get back to kickboxing. Eat better. Cut out more sodium specifically. Stop eating popcorn for dinner and cook more. Considering going gluten free, but I REALLY like my half bagel in the morning with Laughing Cow cheese. Try to lose 10 pounds by my birthday in April. Quiet reflection for 10 minutes a day. Maybe that's more doable.

Writing:
Last year's goal was to finish my nano project and write 2 more books. And I was making decisions between these three things: 1) Entering ABNA 2) Self publishing 3) Finding an agent.

Results - I scrapped the nano project. I may pick it up at some point, but for now, it's Yay me!!
on the back burner. I have other projects I want to finish first. Write 2 more books? Was I completely insane when I wrote that? Drunk? Possessed by some kind of writing demon? HAHAHA yeah, that didn't happen. I did start one. I got up to 21k. Nothing to sneeze at. And of the last 3 items I did enter ABNA and of course I self published Dissected.
 
2013 goal - Definitely not to write 2 books this year. I know that's not going to happen. I do want to finish the one I'm writing. I would also like to self publish another in late summer early fall - my football book titled, Girl in Motion. And possibly edit my school shooting book and work on my dystopian series, though that's getting a little lofty.

Life:
Last year's goals -Better balancing work, writing, kids, and all the other pleasures in life. Reading more, staying organized, travel more.


Results - I think I did worse with the balance this year than the previous and I blame that on "The Year of Great Sleep." You seriously have no idea how debilitating it's been. I do want to read more. I have certain books on my TBR list, Insurgent, I've been wanting to read some John Green, my friend Gae's 2nd book comes out and sounds amazeballs (I've already pre-ordered it), I have other friend's books to get to still...so many books, so little time. Organization, oy. Um, I think I was better although my office was messy from July to October. I bought a new desk and other furniture to get me organized. I have yet to put three more pieces together, but I'll get there. Travel more...I traveled as much as I could I think.

2014 goal - Balance...screw balance. I'm going to take these things one by one...

• Work - Who cares?
• Writing - An hour a day. I think I can promise myself that, can't I? It's not too much to ask of myself?
• Marketing - An hour a day. I may break this down even more, weekly tasks or monthly, like send out so many books or postcards, or do a live event a month, IDK yet. 
• Kids - My kids and I have already decided to commit one day a week to each other in which we have dinner and spend the evening together doing something, with no one else, just us.
• Organization - Um...I'll work on it. That's all I can say.
• Travel - Yes. I will be going to the ocean, in fact, I'm starting the year out there. I know there will be more trips to the ocean and I will be going to Arizona, Mexico, and Florida, these things are for sure. Other than that, I don't know. One of these days I want to take my daughters to NY. Before I am too old, I need to do my drive across the country. I've only been wanting to do it since I graduated high school. Maybe this should be the year. I should really do it before I'm 50 at least.

Love:
Last year's goals - To love myself and others to the best of my abilities. Remember that I am fallible and will make mistakes, but it is just a part of life, who I am, and who I will be. As long as I keep growing and learning from the mistakes I make, it's fine. Continue to trust in myself and others, but I also need to be more careful when doing this and know not everyone has my best interests at heart. And I will continue to let happiness happen.

Results - Let's see...hahaha, um, I tried really hard to love myself and sometimes I was hugely successful at it and sometimes I epically failed. It's pretty much impossible not to remember that I'm fallible and make mistakes. I've gotten used to it. Totally kidding, but yeah, I'm okay making mistakes. As humans we never stop growing and learning and I'm okay with that. I think I become a better more interesting person every year. And maybe even a little more profound. I don't know. happiness happen, I do, but I also

2014 goals - I pretty much love me for who I am. I think I'm a pretty cool cat. I'm crazy pants, but I think they help me appreciate when life is good and right. They remind me of times in which I was really low and how I don't ever want to go back there. I found a quote I love - "...but for the dark, we'd never see the stars." I've been writing it in Dissected when I sign it. As far as mistakes and fallibility go, I'm going to keep doing that and keep learning and growing as a person and keep feeling and experiencing life. Our mistakes, our experiences our adventures is what makes us interesting, unique. They are what give us stories to tell. Trust...who cares...if I want to throw my heart at someone, it's mine to throw. If they break it into tiny pieces and throw it back at me, it's just another of life's lessons learned the hard way and I have another story to tell.

Or maybe I'm just narcissistic to think that because, well, I am. I don't trust myself. Period. Pttthhh. I don't care. I do stupid stuff. I make bad decisions, mistakes. I'm okay with it. See sentences above. I trust others though, but I've become jaded and skeptical. I'm careful these days. And I let
like a little sadness from time to time.
smart, I'm funny, I'm adorable, but I do have moments of self loathing, but to be perfectly honest, in a way I like those moments and I think I need those low moments, as long as I don't have them too often. I don't know if this sounds completely

A few more goals I have:

• Smile more. :)
• Visit my parents at least once a week.
•  Learn patience or at least learn to breathe a little.
• Shut up and listen.
• Dance in my living room when no one's home.

I'll probably come up with more, but you're not supposed to take on too many resolutions or you're setting yourself up for failure. I blogged about that for the day job last week. That blog comes out on New Year's Eve. You should check it out.

Are you making resolutions? What are they?

Have a great New Years Eve and Day. Stay safe and sane.

The Life Chaotic

"I hate busy. I guess it's better than dead." ~ Megan Bostic

Yes, I'm quoting myself. Sue me.

These days it's mostly been the day job, which has somehow trickled into my life. It's because my position as Marketing Coordinator has morphed into something bigger than anyone imagined it ever being I think. I was hired for social media. To post things to Twitter and Facebook and to blog. But social media has transformed into something so big, and my job has also transformed into something more because I've taken it upon myself to learn and grow as a legal marketer, so lately, I've been having to get to work early, and stay there late, and bring it home.

Don't get me wrong, I love what I do. After all, I get to post crap to Facebook and Twitter. And now Linked In (and I'll eventually get to Pinterest and Tumblr and other sites when I get the time). I get to write articles and edit. I get to be imaginative and create ads like the ones below.

I get to think outside the box these days, like we started a whole new website/blog for the founding partner (who happens to be my dad) and his cat, Maxx.

I get to tinker with our website unless things get messy, like it gets hacked, then I call in the big guns. I can only do so much.

Plus, I'm on our Fun Committee, so I get to plan our office parties, and we have fun ones.

I really do love my work. And the lawyers I work with, I know a lot of people have negative feelings about personal injury attorneys, but really, these guys see seriously injured people. People who have been damaged because someone else was negligent, or careless. They believe in what they do and I believe in them.

Other than the day job trickling in to life, there's also that pesky book I'm trying to publish, one I'm trying to write, a soccer team I'm coaching, a boyfriend I'm entertaining, two teenage girls I'm raising the best I can, a garden, a house, and a body that needs to kickbox or walk a few times a week, and maybe eat on occasion.

On a separate note, Jenny Milchman, who I know through ABNA, and whose debut novel, Cover of Snow came out January of this year, is in my neck of the woods and I get to meet her tonight for the first time. I'm terribly excited.

I started her book ( I hope to finish it before tonight, but it doesn't look good) and so far it's excellent. You should go get it and read it and tell all your friends about it.

Okay, enough about me. How are you doing today? Anything keeping you away from your projects?

FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: The next step in the Indie Publishing Process

I finally got my typos typed up and sent off to Lori. She's on vacation though, so she'll get to them when she gets back. I feel like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders. 

So, next steps...

New Dissected Cover

1. Set sale price and buy UPC code for book. I'm still debating this because I'd like to see a $1 for every book sold go to my favorite charity, Mary Bridge Children's Hospital. But I don't want to set the price so high people won't buy it. It's a little long than NE was, so I think I could set the price at $9.99 and still donate a $1 to MBCH. Or I could donate for awhile and see how it goes I guess? What do you think? Is $9.99 too much for a 216 page book?
2. Upload the new cover and book to Createspace and Lightning Source and get proofs from each.
3. Make sure they look good.
4. Start marketing.

I should be marketing already, but really, I've been so busy with life stuff and I'm suffering from exhaustion, which I'm hoping to take care of in the next couple weeks with a trip to my doctor (she's out of town for another week and a half).
 

Getting old(er)

It's my birthday. Where am I in life? In many ways I feel I've accomplished a lot, in many ways I feel I've done nothing.

I have two beautiful daughters. I've had a book published by one of the biggest publishers in the world. I have a great job that utilizes my talents well.  I'm a smart, funny, sexy woman.

On the other hand I'm lonely and can't seem to be without a relationship for too long even though I know I should. I want a second book deal and don't have one so I'm going Indie, which I'm excited about, but also scared to death about. and even though I'm embracing smart, funny and sexy I also feel a bit out of control, chaotic, and crazy.

So there's that. I can't decide whether I have my shit together or whether I'm a mess. Every year for the past few years I would say "this year is going to be epic." I'm not going to say that this year. I don't feel that way this year. I'm not sure what this year is going to bring. It feels a little daunting. I don't know why, it just does.

For right now I'm just going to take it one day at a time though and see what happens. I'm going to try to slow my life down. I'm constantly going and it stresses me out. I'm going to focus on my kids stuff, because they have a lot of stuff, band gigs, soccer, tennis, drivers ed. I'm even going to coach them in soccer this year. I'm going to really try to NOT get in a relationship. I'm going to just date and see where that gets me. I'm going to keep writing. I'm going to get this book out this summer and see what happens. I'm going to concentrate on my health, keep eating right, keep kickboxing, walking outside when the weather gets nicer, try to get up earlier so I can get back to Pilates.

That's what I'm going to do. And I hope those things turn into habits and stick.

Monkey Madness Monday: More to Walk Away With & a Little MLK

Don't you hate when you go away for a weekend for some R&R and you come back feeling like you never left.  I'm at the ocean. It's been a blast, but I don't feel rested. Which is fine. I've done a lot here: shopped, won some money at the casino, went to the beach, watched movies, played games. I didn't get to write though, which is my fault because I used to get up early. Now I sleep in. But now I stress because I have some projects to finish up.

Another thing happened too, and this is mostly what this blog is about today. This weekend I found out a writer friend died last July. He wasn't a great friend, I suppose more like an acquaintance, and I only knew him virtually, but still, he has been a pretty constant presence for me for five years. This is the third person in my virtual writing world that has passed in the last few years. It's strange because you suddenly wish you had talked to them more, found out more about them, instead of just joking around poking fun at the writing life and making gentle fun of noobs. So I took some time looking him up. I looked up past posts on a forum we were on together. Found a video on youtube. I know, it probably sounds totally psycho and stalkerish, but I wanted just a little bit more of him to walk away with.

I'd like to say that I'm going to go out and touch everyone's lives today. But it's hard to spread yourself that thin. I already have my personal friends and my family. I have different groups of writing friends, local, worldwide. I often regret that I can't keep up with all of them daily, but it's just not humanly possible. And of course, I meet more people every single day, in life, online...

I guess I'm just contemplative today. Even before this, I've been missing people I've met through my writing that I've just not been able to keep up with. And those I used to be super tight with, we just...have our real life to deal with. Our own writing, families, jobs, illnesses, vacations...it's hard.

And at this point I think I'm babbling. I just wish I had this expansive wingspan in which I could spread out over everyone I know and pull them in tight so I could always know what they're doing.

But alas...

Happy Monday All and a don't forget what today is...we celebrate a man who gave his life battling for equal rights against social injustice. 

 “If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Life is Fragile

I don't know how many times we're reminded of this throughout our lives. I've seen people in losing battles with alcohol and drugs. I've seen them in vehicle accidents. I've seen death. Too much of it for my age I think. Two people I knew died while I was in high school. Two right after. Many along the way up until now. My own daughter almost died on me when she was only five weeks old.

Yet still, and I'm guilty as anyone, we sit idle. Become complacent in life. Live an unhappy existence. I even wrote a book on the subject and I still find myself at times, sitting back watching the world go by.  Not as much as I used to, but still, a little.

I have tried to live up to the message of my book though. I've done a lot the last couple years. I've written books, gone to New York, Arizona, Sundance. I've started running, biking again. I'm getting out of my comfort zone. I try to touch people's live in a positive way. But still, I let myself get all crazy and frustrated by the things I can't control. I need to learn to let it go. YOLO. That's the motto. You only live once.

Do I want to live it frustrated all the time? Letting the smallest thing get to me? No. I merely want to LIVE it, and live it well. Live it to the best of my ability with no regret.

I'm having a contest. I posted it Monday. Enter here. Just post 6 things on your bucket list.

I'm dedicating this blog today to my niece, Gina. She was in a car accident yesterday. As you can see, she's amazingly beautiful and full of life. Could you send some good vibes, prayers or whatever you may do? Injuries seem to be minor, but everything helps, you know?

Live and love without regret,

Megan

Super Special New Years Eve Blog Because I Have No Life

Dear 2011,

We’ve had some good times; we’ve had some bad times. You’ve given me a new car, new friends, and a new disorder (I could have done without that last one btw).

You’ve kept my daughters healthy, happy, and beautiful, however, 2012 and I are going to have a serious discussion about their grades. I got to see one daughter excel in music while the other one became a Duchess, and both still rock on the soccer field.

You’ve given me some awesome memories: Sundance with my mom, Forks with Heidi, ocean trips with friends and my girls, Arizona, surprising Gae in New York.

You’ve been good to me and my little book. Going through the process was like watching a child grow up. From first pass pages to ARCs to the finished product—what an amazing journey.

You’ve sparked new relationships in my life and ended others. You’ve shown me death and brought new life into my world.

Thank you 2011. For the most part, you’ve been good to me, but it’s time we part ways. Tell 2012 I'm looking forward to meeting him and to bring it. Whatever its plans for me, whether they be challenges, cataclysms, or celebrations, I’m ready, and I’ve got back up.

Goodbye 2011. It’s been swell.

Megan