Decisions and Poetry

My inbox is empty.

This may be a daily occurrence for you, but not for me. It's usually bustling with excitement, jokes, tears, advice, news. I could refresh my page every few minutes and there would be five or ten new messages. Not anymore. This was my choice.

In many ways it's depressing, and I miss it. In other ways, it's peaceful.

I've had to make some difficult decisions as of late. Decisions that will change my life for awhile, but will hopefully bring me to a place where my mind, body, and soul are once again working together in harmony. A place that doesn't keep me idle, break my heart, or shatter me completely.

I need to be productive, and healthy, and whole again. I want to be happy in life. So, if you don't "see" me at my usual haunts, this is why. I'm still here, not disappearing completely, I'll still be blogging, writing, checking my email, popping in on facebook every once in awhile, just toning it down a bit. This is me trying to get my sanity back.

Thanks for following, reading, being a friend.
I leave you with a poem.

I comb my hair

intently

with purpose

Ensuring

every strand

is neatly in place.

My teeth are brushed

up and down

up and down

Bright shiny pearls

Open wide, look inside

I paint on my eyelids,

my cheeks,

my smile,

like a doll

come down off the shelf.

I put on my sweater,

my skirt,

my stockings

look down

check myself out.

what do you think?

Are you pleased?

Do I fit into

Your image

Of me?

Am I smiling enough?

Am I happy?

Appealing?

The answer’s no matter

Because what you see

Is not what I am

Not me.

Catch you on the flip side.

Kisses :*

Megan

Finally

...i've stopped crying...

Tell me where is fancy bred, in the heart or in the head?

Many of us might know this quote from Willy Wonka (loves me some Willy Wonka) but it originates from Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice. It poses a good question. Where is fancy bred? Now, by fancy, Shakespeare means love. So do we love with our emotions, or do we love with our head?

I think it depends on what kind of person you are, do you rationalize yourself into love, or do you throw yourself in?

There are those that think before they leap where love is concerned, weigh the pros and cons, do they have a job, a car , a house? Is there extra baggage involved, an ex, children? And only when they weigh these things out will they open their heart.

I happen to be an emotionally driven person. When I fall, I fall hard, without thinking, without stopping, without blinking, without even breathing. The love comes from your very core, your very soul, and drives you.

In many ways, I think the rationalizing of love may be easier in the long run, especially if the relationship were to end. You could throw all those cons you came up with before and rationalize your way out again.

However, if your feelings are in control, it's difficult. You feel pain, loss, regret, heartbreak, emotional death. I'm not saying those that fall in love using their head don't feel these things, I just don't think it's as intense.

Now, if you read on in The Merchant of Venice, it says that fancy is bred in the eyes, meaning, first we love the beauty before we love the person. I don't necessarily agree.

So where is fancy bred for you?

The Power of Prayer?

Is it hypocritical to pray when you're not even sure you believe in god? If you don't practice any kind of organized religion? Would I be remembered?

Does he(or she) hear those of us that haven't prayed in so long we can't remember? Or do our prayers just dissipate as soon as they leave our lips? Or does he just let them go unanswered?

What if we truly believe in what we're praying for? Would that matter? Would it matter if who we're praying for believes?

I've been so moved by people's plights as of late that I've turned to the big man (woman?) in the sky. I mean, it's worth a shot, right?

That's all, just random thoughts.

Kisses :*

Megan

Roller Derby

I've decided maybe I should try out for the local roller derby team. Yes, I just watched Whip It, which I loved by the way, but there is so many positive attributes to roller derby, I think it's worth a shot.

It would feed my competitive nature. I love games and sports, and I hate to lose. But if you are losing, how satisfying would it be to knock your opponent to the ground? Only one answer, very.

And who doesn't love to skate. It's so freeing, akin to flying, with the wind sweeping through your hair and kissing your cheeks.

Roller derby would also be a way to work out some aggression. Knocking people against the rail, onto the floor, and them being willing participants, sounds like heaven.

I do however have a low tolerance for pain, but am pretty sure the benefits would outweigh the bruising. I'm a writer, we are masochists after all.

I think I'll go look up the number and practice my skating.

Kisses :*

|__
|__)
o o (that's a roller skate)


Megan