Understanding Self Harm

My book Dissected is about a girl who cuts herself to ease her emotional pain. I think a lot of people misunderstand many things about self-harm, and that's reasonable given that it's kind of like a dirty little secret that gets locked in the closet or swept under the carpet. In fact, when I was searching for a few statistics for this blog, I even had a hard time coming up with sites that talked about it. Don't get me wrong, there are ways to find out about it, after all, I did a ton of research when writing my book, but you may have to dig a little.

People that self-harm for the most part are not suicidal. They don't want to kill themselves. They are hurting themselves to forget about a larger pain or problem they are feeling, whether they are depressed about something, lonely, or just feeling empty inside. They use the harm as a coping mechanism because they don't know how else to manage their emotions.

Many of them are expert at hiding their wounds for a very long time before being found out. They hide their injuries beneath long sleeves, some of them cause injury to their legs so no one will see them. These aren't just the broody kids wearing black, sitting in the corner. Just like suicide, the cheerleader, the jock, the valedictorian...any one of them could be a self-harmer.

It's more prevalent than you may think. Research says about 1 in 6 teens have experimented with self-harm. In the U.S. 1 of every 200 girls 13 to 19 regularly engages in self injurious behavior. Girls do tend to self-harm more than boys, but boys do engage as well.

Those who self-harm may have a coinciding undiagnosed mental illness. Common ones are OCD, PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, depression, Bi-Polar, Schizophrenia, and Eating Disorder. There are others. Self-injurious behavior can have serious consequences as well, such as:

·        Social isolation and poor interpersonal relationships

·        Increasing feelings of shame, disgust, and guilt

·        Poor self-esteem and self-image

·        Permanent scarring

·        Injured tendons, nerves, blood vessels, and muscles

·        Permanent weakness or numbness in certain areas of the body

·        Multi-organ damage and/or failure

·        Infections at the site of self-injury

·        Septicemia

·        Suicidal thoughts and behaviors

·        Accidental, inadvertent death

Parents, don't feel guilty if your teen is able to engage in self-harm for a while before you find out. Teenagers are weird. Who would know the difference between normal teen behavior and something more serious? As I said, some kids are expert at hiding their wounds. Here are some signs you can look for in a self-harmer:

·        Always wearing long pants and long-sleeved shirts, especially when it's inappropriate, like in the summer

·        Brushing off injuries as frequent “accidents”

·        Spending a lot of time alone

·        Challenges with friendships and romances

·        Gradual withdrawal from once-enjoyed activities

·        Unpredictable, impulsive, risky behaviors

·        Depression

·        Increased anxiety

·        Scarring.

·        Scratches or cuts

·        Bruises

·        Broken bones

·        Patches of missing hair

If you're a teen that's cutting or engaging in some other form of injurious behavior, your first step is to simply tell someone. That will probably be the hardest part. If you can't tell your parents, find someone else you trust to help you whether it's a teacher, school counselor, a friend or friend's parent, a sibling or other relative. People will want to help.

If you're a parent of a self-harmer, first of all, don't freak out. Stay calm. There is help out there.  Don't assume it's "just a phase." Teens that don't get help may end up being adult cutters. Don't blame yourself or your child. Counseling will get to the bottom of your child's behavior. Don't hide all the sharp objects in your house. That's pretty unreasonable and if a child is going to hurt him or herself, they'll find a way.  Be supportive.

I wish I had advice for educators, but I know all school districts handle these children differently, some well, some not so well. I'd be interested to hear from teachers as to how their schools handle self-harmers when they are recognized at school.

Here are some resources for those who need assistance

S.A.F.E. (800) 366-8288
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  (800) 273-8255
Students Against Depression Website started in the UK with lots of good info.
To Write Love On Her Arms
Seventeen Magazine online has posted a list of resources on its site.

Okay, so, let's move on to happier things. I'm running a giveaway to celebrate the year anniversary of my book release for Dissected. It's a uber giant prize pack. See...

t-shirt, book, SWAG (not shown), all RED gummy bears and a jar of glow in the dark stars.

Visit my Facebook page to enter.

The end is nigh...

...of the year that is. I've been doing a lot of reflecting on my life lately. I
suppose we all do this time of year, right? I mean, it's the time in which we decide what's good in our lives and what's toxic and make those resolutions we sometimes keep and sometimes ditch after a couple days.

For me, this year, like some of the last few has had its ups and downs, but every year the ups seem to get higher and the lows , not as low, so that's a good thing. I've also found myself depressed this holiday season. I know many suffer this time of year. Mine aren't so much the holidays as they are my own personal demons based on this time of year, but I've been making strides and I think big changes that have taken place in my life, on my terms have helped.

 I've made big decisions. Good decisions. It's like I'm starting my resolutions early.

Publishing my book. I'm so happy I did it. I've not had a lot of time to publicize it yet, but in the new year I'm going to get to it and hopefully will sell more copies. It is selling slowly but surely and I have friends helping me out in the publicity department, word of mouth, posting on Facebook and retweeting for me. I hope to have another book out next fall.

I'm writing a new book I'm really excited about. Dual points of view, a boy and a journal, a little bit of suspense, a little humor, a little sadness, a lot of social issues, which I write best. :)
 
 I've decided to spend more time with my kids. I don't know what it is, maybe it's the fact that, one daughter will be going to college next year and the other gets her license, but I was starting to miss my daughters terribly last month. I mean, they live with me a week at a time, and I see them on my off weeks, but they're teenagers and they have their own agenda and I'm busy, so it seems like we rarely see each other. We made a plan to have a night a week together.


I went back to the doctor to resolve my tiredness. It's been frustrating and it's been going on for well over a year. I've never been a napper and to have to take 2-3 hours out of my day, hours in which I can be productive, in order to sleep, just irritates me. I've already had blood tests for everything, it has nothing to do with exercise because it was happening while I was exercising regularly, I eat right, so we added a medication and cut back on another, PLUS we're going to do a sleep study.

I've started walking again. I will get back to kickboxing once my schedule clears up, but I've always loved walking. I used to walk, no matter the weather, it could be pouring rain, freezing, didn't matter. I've always loved how the fresh air clears my mind. It's not only good for my health, but it helps with my writing and I truly think it's good for my soul.

Other than that, I've made some other difficult decisions that I think will put a positive spin on my life, I've started seeing someone new and it's been awesome so far (we've known each other since 5th grade), and I feel really good about about 2014.

Have you made any positive changes this year? Any changes planned for 2014? This is my current theme song, it's helped me get through a lot this holiday season...

Decisions and Poetry

My inbox is empty.

This may be a daily occurrence for you, but not for me. It's usually bustling with excitement, jokes, tears, advice, news. I could refresh my page every few minutes and there would be five or ten new messages. Not anymore. This was my choice.

In many ways it's depressing, and I miss it. In other ways, it's peaceful.

I've had to make some difficult decisions as of late. Decisions that will change my life for awhile, but will hopefully bring me to a place where my mind, body, and soul are once again working together in harmony. A place that doesn't keep me idle, break my heart, or shatter me completely.

I need to be productive, and healthy, and whole again. I want to be happy in life. So, if you don't "see" me at my usual haunts, this is why. I'm still here, not disappearing completely, I'll still be blogging, writing, checking my email, popping in on facebook every once in awhile, just toning it down a bit. This is me trying to get my sanity back.

Thanks for following, reading, being a friend.
I leave you with a poem.

I comb my hair

intently

with purpose

Ensuring

every strand

is neatly in place.

My teeth are brushed

up and down

up and down

Bright shiny pearls

Open wide, look inside

I paint on my eyelids,

my cheeks,

my smile,

like a doll

come down off the shelf.

I put on my sweater,

my skirt,

my stockings

look down

check myself out.

what do you think?

Are you pleased?

Do I fit into

Your image

Of me?

Am I smiling enough?

Am I happy?

Appealing?

The answer’s no matter

Because what you see

Is not what I am

Not me.

Catch you on the flip side.

Kisses :*

Megan