Frustration

I'm starting this blog without a title because I have a feeling I'm just going to whine and rant without any clear definition of what I'm writing about.

 I suppose that was a warning to you, this is nothing but a rant today...

I was going to title it Feeling Insignificant, but that sounded so pathetic.

But...

Lately I feel like I'm standing still while the whole world is running, gaining a greater and greater lead away from me.

I can't get my work done at work.  I have no many duties I can't keep up.

I can't get my work done at home. I finally did laundry and cleaned my kitchen last night after days.

I've barely written a word in weeks. I have a website I need to work on. A book that needs editing. My fall publication is at a standstill. It almost feels as if it will never get released.

I have no emails, no Facebook comments, no Tweets. This I blame on not having enough time to keep up with the world. No time to interact with my virtual people. People who at one time I'd talk to all day. People I miss.

If I'm not keeping up with the world, how will I possibly make any sales on my next book.

I think it's finally time to balance my world lest the rest of the world pass me by.

But how do you balance it all? I've asked this question before, I know, but I honestly
don't know how people do it. I work, I write, I edit. I coach soccer, attend music gigs and soccer games for my girls. I have a house, a yard, a boyfriend. I kickbox.

And then there's still this sleep issue I have. This utter fatigue that makes me so tired I have to sleep a couple hours during the day which drives me absolutely nuts and takes me away from things I feel I should be doing.

Last night I thought I would write. But after working, then having to take a nap, soccer practice, kickboxing...I had choices. I had piles of laundry to fold and a dirty kitchen, or I could write. I chose the former. I can let my house be in a state of disarray for a little bit, but after a while it nags at me, scratching metaphorical claws on the door of my mind.

I'm only 4200 words into this current book. That saddens me. How can I be a writer if I don't write?

I'm frustrated.

I think I finally found a title for this blog...

Antipation = Obsessing

Now that I've queried a couple of agents I've become a little (okay a lot) OCD with my inbox. I check it about a million times a day.

Of course so far I've been disappointed to not find that email from Mr. or Mrs. Awesome agent.

I don't mine when the inbox hold messages from friends or fans but what is irritating me are the stupid emails from the places I told could send me emails. Like Papa John's. Or Food.com. Or Tacoma Soccer Center. If I could drop kick those emails into the trash I would, because every time my notifications tell me I have a new email, I scramble to see who it's from, hoping it's from one of the agents.

If I could keep myself to checking email only a couple times a day I would. But I can't. Don't even try to give me advice on how. Ain't gonna happen.

Okay, back to the crazymaking, email checking waiting.

Decisions and Poetry

My inbox is empty.

This may be a daily occurrence for you, but not for me. It's usually bustling with excitement, jokes, tears, advice, news. I could refresh my page every few minutes and there would be five or ten new messages. Not anymore. This was my choice.

In many ways it's depressing, and I miss it. In other ways, it's peaceful.

I've had to make some difficult decisions as of late. Decisions that will change my life for awhile, but will hopefully bring me to a place where my mind, body, and soul are once again working together in harmony. A place that doesn't keep me idle, break my heart, or shatter me completely.

I need to be productive, and healthy, and whole again. I want to be happy in life. So, if you don't "see" me at my usual haunts, this is why. I'm still here, not disappearing completely, I'll still be blogging, writing, checking my email, popping in on facebook every once in awhile, just toning it down a bit. This is me trying to get my sanity back.

Thanks for following, reading, being a friend.
I leave you with a poem.

I comb my hair

intently

with purpose

Ensuring

every strand

is neatly in place.

My teeth are brushed

up and down

up and down

Bright shiny pearls

Open wide, look inside

I paint on my eyelids,

my cheeks,

my smile,

like a doll

come down off the shelf.

I put on my sweater,

my skirt,

my stockings

look down

check myself out.

what do you think?

Are you pleased?

Do I fit into

Your image

Of me?

Am I smiling enough?

Am I happy?

Appealing?

The answer’s no matter

Because what you see

Is not what I am

Not me.

Catch you on the flip side.

Kisses :*

Megan

Top Four Crazy Things About Catsitting My Dad's Cat Maxx: #1 Technology and Intelligence

Okay, those seem like two things, but they really count as one.

Let's start with a couple of toys Maxx has. Maxx has a camera you can hook onto his collar. I like to call it the CatCam. You can set it to take pictures at different intervals and see what kind of trouble Maxx gets into when he's out and about. Some have been boring, some have been hysterical. I wish I had copies to show you, but they are sadly at my father's house.

Maxx also has a tracker attached to his collar. When you want to find him, you just take the remote, push the button, and it will lead you to Maxx. It reaches 300 feet, which Maxx rarely exceeds. I thought this to be kind of a silly toy until his collar went missing this week. It came in very handy. I am surprised that my father hasn't hooked him up with GPS yet.

Maxx wants to be a star and he's so smart that whenever I'm filming one of my writing videos at his house, he subtly works his way into the frame and steals the scene.

Maxx is so highly intelligent, he is able to send me emails. I wish I had saved some of them, but I'm sorry to say I have not. Normally he will write just before it's time to cat sit and ask what time I will be over, or to demand my presence at a certain time so that he's not alone for too long.

He has also texted me on occasion for the same reasons. I often wonder how he can text with those furry paws of his.

If he doesn't text me, his mother (my dad) will. Here are some recent ones:

Go C Maxx (this is the day we started cat sitting)

When U getting cat? (this is when we had to kennel the cat because we had to leave town while cat sitting)

When I can will send email re Maxx ID (this is when his collar went missing)

Get Maxx email on Facebook?

This last text brings me to Maxx's recent acquisition of a Facebook profile. Which can be found here.

Maxx currently has 24 friends. Maxx has people leaving him messages on said profile. He also has uploaded 3 profile photos. Two of him, and one of the pope. (I'm serious, no one could make this stuff up, go see for yourself)

He has also messaged me on Facebook. Here is the last message I received from Maxx, it's in regards to us losing the collar and saying we found it:

Maxx Messina October 12 at 6:46am

Did you really find it or only say that to make the oldmanhappy? If so, go to Humane Society today and get me licensean d ID with a new collar. What hapens if I get lost????? BTW, thanks for the trim. Feels a lot better and don't for get my dollop on hyour finger every other day or you will be picking shit out of my ass.

His spelling isn't very good, but you have to forgive him, he is a cat after all. And he's right. We did say we found it to make the old man happy, otherwise he would worry and worry. We did it for his own good. We hadn't had enough daylight to look, but the next day we took his little tracking device out and found it.

Up on technology, utilizing the internet. Find me a smarter cat. Bet you can't.

That's all on Maxx. Thanks for reading. Catch you on the flip side.