Understanding Self Harm

My book Dissected is about a girl who cuts herself to ease her emotional pain. I think a lot of people misunderstand many things about self-harm, and that's reasonable given that it's kind of like a dirty little secret that gets locked in the closet or swept under the carpet. In fact, when I was searching for a few statistics for this blog, I even had a hard time coming up with sites that talked about it. Don't get me wrong, there are ways to find out about it, after all, I did a ton of research when writing my book, but you may have to dig a little.

People that self-harm for the most part are not suicidal. They don't want to kill themselves. They are hurting themselves to forget about a larger pain or problem they are feeling, whether they are depressed about something, lonely, or just feeling empty inside. They use the harm as a coping mechanism because they don't know how else to manage their emotions.

Many of them are expert at hiding their wounds for a very long time before being found out. They hide their injuries beneath long sleeves, some of them cause injury to their legs so no one will see them. These aren't just the broody kids wearing black, sitting in the corner. Just like suicide, the cheerleader, the jock, the valedictorian...any one of them could be a self-harmer.

It's more prevalent than you may think. Research says about 1 in 6 teens have experimented with self-harm. In the U.S. 1 of every 200 girls 13 to 19 regularly engages in self injurious behavior. Girls do tend to self-harm more than boys, but boys do engage as well.

Those who self-harm may have a coinciding undiagnosed mental illness. Common ones are OCD, PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, depression, Bi-Polar, Schizophrenia, and Eating Disorder. There are others. Self-injurious behavior can have serious consequences as well, such as:

·        Social isolation and poor interpersonal relationships

·        Increasing feelings of shame, disgust, and guilt

·        Poor self-esteem and self-image

·        Permanent scarring

·        Injured tendons, nerves, blood vessels, and muscles

·        Permanent weakness or numbness in certain areas of the body

·        Multi-organ damage and/or failure

·        Infections at the site of self-injury

·        Septicemia

·        Suicidal thoughts and behaviors

·        Accidental, inadvertent death

Parents, don't feel guilty if your teen is able to engage in self-harm for a while before you find out. Teenagers are weird. Who would know the difference between normal teen behavior and something more serious? As I said, some kids are expert at hiding their wounds. Here are some signs you can look for in a self-harmer:

·        Always wearing long pants and long-sleeved shirts, especially when it's inappropriate, like in the summer

·        Brushing off injuries as frequent “accidents”

·        Spending a lot of time alone

·        Challenges with friendships and romances

·        Gradual withdrawal from once-enjoyed activities

·        Unpredictable, impulsive, risky behaviors

·        Depression

·        Increased anxiety

·        Scarring.

·        Scratches or cuts

·        Bruises

·        Broken bones

·        Patches of missing hair

If you're a teen that's cutting or engaging in some other form of injurious behavior, your first step is to simply tell someone. That will probably be the hardest part. If you can't tell your parents, find someone else you trust to help you whether it's a teacher, school counselor, a friend or friend's parent, a sibling or other relative. People will want to help.

If you're a parent of a self-harmer, first of all, don't freak out. Stay calm. There is help out there.  Don't assume it's "just a phase." Teens that don't get help may end up being adult cutters. Don't blame yourself or your child. Counseling will get to the bottom of your child's behavior. Don't hide all the sharp objects in your house. That's pretty unreasonable and if a child is going to hurt him or herself, they'll find a way.  Be supportive.

I wish I had advice for educators, but I know all school districts handle these children differently, some well, some not so well. I'd be interested to hear from teachers as to how their schools handle self-harmers when they are recognized at school.

Here are some resources for those who need assistance

S.A.F.E. (800) 366-8288
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  (800) 273-8255
Students Against Depression Website started in the UK with lots of good info.
To Write Love On Her Arms
Seventeen Magazine online has posted a list of resources on its site.

Okay, so, let's move on to happier things. I'm running a giveaway to celebrate the year anniversary of my book release for Dissected. It's a uber giant prize pack. See...

t-shirt, book, SWAG (not shown), all RED gummy bears and a jar of glow in the dark stars.

Visit my Facebook page to enter.

Time to make some changes

I've been thinking about this for a while now, and it's time to set aside Creative Chaos. I know I just started using that a couple years ago, (has it been that long already?) but that's more who I am, not what I write or do. Plus, I'm going to be using that name for my publishing and indie author services business with my friend Rachel. Check it out (website is a work in progress, not completely done).

With a new brand, I need a new design, so my blog, my website is getting an overhaul. I'm just running through ideas in my head right now, but I think it will be fantastic (hope, wish, pray).

I also want to use my site as a platform to raise awareness for teen depression. You may wonder, why do we need to do that? Everyone knows about depression, right? Here's my take as someone who has suffered and probably has since high school...

I truly think teens may not know what depression looks like or feels like, therefore they may not know they're suffering. When I think back to my high school days, even my junior high days, I truly believe I suffered depression and had no idea until I was the ripe old age of 39 and having a nervous breakdown.

 They need to know where the outlets are for them to get help and have them at their fingertips so that they have a place to turn instead of harming themselves,  turning to drugs and/or alcohol, or worst case scenario, suicide.

Realizing that something is wrong and telling someone is key, but I think one of the hardest things to do.

And I'm not sure how I'm going to do it yet, but I'm going to start an awareness project myself and get the right people involved to help those who struggle. I know there are a couple others out there, but I'm not sure they fit with what I want to do. If you've got ideas, let me have them.

Monkey Madness Monday

Sometimes it is so hard to pick a monkey pic.  There are so many cute ones out there.

So, I decided on an impromptu trip to the ocean to gets some much needed R & R and some writing done.

I left on Saturday, the weather was perfect for the drive, blue clear skies, sun shining down on my hamster mobile.

I sang at the top of my lungs to the radio the whole way down, sunroof open, driving a little faster than I should have.

I arrived around 2:00 pm, and after debating fun vs. work, decided to get right in on the writing.  I accomplished a few things in the hours I wrote.  I cut about 3oo words from the novel, went through pages and pages of research, and got some words in.  The word count doesn't really reflect the work that was done, but I did put a lot of time into it. 

The novel took a turn I didn't expect, and now I find myself doing a lot of research on teen psych facilities.  It's interesting for sure, but also very sad that teens find no recourse than to turn to violence, self harm, addictions, and eating disorders to get them through the day, landing them in these kinds of places.  I expected someone like my main character to perhaps spend a few days in a place like this, but come to find out the average time for someone like her is about four months.  Sad indeed.

Anyway, the day I got here was perfect, I worked, got a little sun, won money at the casino, took myself to dinner, and watched True Grit (I loves me some Coen brothers films).

Day two was mostly writing and research with a shopping trip in the middle.  Birthday presents, gummy butterflies and salt water taffy, and monkey candle holders.  I closed up shop around 4:00 pm, bbq'd myself a Gorgonzola burger and made homemade fries, then watched an SVU marathon into the night.

Here I am today.  Cleaning the place up, catching up on email and facebook, then back to writing for a couple hours before heading home.

A perfect quiet weekend.  I wanted to catch up on some other stuff too, video, blog posts, reading, but was immersed in my novel to do anything other than write (and the fun stuff).

Happy Monkey Madness Monday to you all, I hope you have a productive and fulfilling week.

Peace out,

Megan