Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Full frontal

I'm using it as a metaphor (is that the right word? I can never keep them straight.) for the unveiling of  truth about what I've been feeling lately. It will seem like this all has nothing to do with writing, but in the end it does.

Call it whining, call it self pity, whatever, but I've had all these feelings bottled up and I'm tired of feeling them.

Day job. It's hard. I've taken on more than I was ever supposed to. There is really no title or job description for what I do. I should be making the kind of money a professional makes, but I don't. However, I do enjoy it, so there's that.

Relationships. Me and the BF broke up. I did the breaking up though I liked him a lot. I had my reasons. I thought we could be friends, then I saw him, and I realized it was too soon because it's still very raw with me in fact I'm tearing up right now as I'm writing this because I really didn't want to let the relationship go, but knew for my happiness I had to.

Health. I've been exercising. I've been riding bike, playing soccer (I did pull a muscle, but getting back into it slowly, been stuck playing goalie), and walking a lot. I've found that I dislike running greatly (trying to stay away from the "H" word). I may try it again, but truly I can't stand it. I eat well. Pretty well. I like pizza every once in a while. I like to go to wing night, but I eat salads every week day for lunch, fruit, yogurt for breakfast. I never eat chips or other crap, I don't drink pop.

Money, let's just say ugh. Looking for more work or that second book deal.

I have been a little self destructive lately. I won't elaborate, but every so often I get in a funk, and I stay there until I feel like my own life is out of my control. And it doesn't matter if I'm trying to do good things for myself, as well, the bad always wins out. Because of this, my writing suffers.

I've tried to work on my revisions every day, I hate not seeing the stars on my calendar, and I've done okay, but I'm not very motivated and I've not done enough. I've been so tired. Sometimes I feel like the writing world is leaving me behind.

I started fresh Sunday though. I upped my game. I'm being good to myself, going to take time for just me (and my kids, can't ignore them I guess, right :)). I'm walking longer, (not riding bike right now because of a faulty tube, which I need to take back but haven't had time and can't afford to buy new tubes right now). I'm going to look at the positive in the things I do and try to ignore the negative.

And I'm going to finish these damn revisions and get it submitted. I'm going to get this second book deal.

*breathes deep, does Tadasana pose*

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My Dad. He's awesome.

John Messina, Personal Injury Attorney

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