Fighting Back

So, yesterday, if you read my blog, you know I walked to work. I did pretty good. Took me 40 minutes to get there. Worked 6 hours. Then I hosted an event at the wine shop for 2 hours. After that, I went to my older daughter's double header indoor soccer game. As the second game was starting, the exhaustion kicked in. That is probably the longest day I've had since the CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) kicked in more than three years ago now.

I do not want to let CFS define who I am. I haven't fought it much, because it's just too hard and tiring, but I want my body, mind and soul back. I'm ready to be fit again and lose this weight I've gained as a result of fatigue. My body has undergone many horrible symptoms caused by CFS -  it's not just about fatigue. It affects my sleep, which I've not got a decent night of in years. Causes joint pain, which I have in one knee and one elbow. Also, dizziness, allergies, and a plethora (one of my favorite words) of other fun physical problems.

Truly, I'd like to get my mind back as well. CFS is not just a physical illness, but a mental one too. I suffer from serious brain fog. At first I didn't realize that was a symptom of CFS. I thought (and maybe still do) that I had adult ADD because I couldn't focus. My writing has suffered. Probably why I've not completed another novel. Often when I'm speaking to someone, I can't pull up the easiest of words. Words anyone, even a child could remember and come up with. When I'm working on freelance writing, the thesaurus is my bible. My memory has suffered too. I also suffer from CRS (can't remember shit) which I worry annoys people I talk to often.

Now let's talk about my soul. I've been very open about suffering from depression and anxiety. Now, this I've suffered even before CFS, but having it doesn't help one bit. When, like me, you used to be active and witty, smart and productive, then suddenly you're more like a sloth,..it affects your self esteem and confidence.

So today I stepped up my workout. Instead of walking for a length of time, I chose to walk a distance. Then I walked 10 minutes more because I had to finish watching House Hunter. I mean, they were choosing a home in Hawaii! I had already invested 20 minutes.  Then I did some strength training. I mostly work on my arms, because, really, my legs ain't so bad. I want to get rid of what I like to call "Back Boobs."

I have to be careful though. If I overdo it, it could set me back a few days. I remember when I first started working out again, I went to this yoga class, which was more like yoga on steroids, and it took me out for a week.

So why am I sharing all this with you? For a couple reasons I guess. To make myself accountable. If I'm telling the world, I would feel a fool were I do give up before reaching my goals. Also, to raise some awareness for CFS. Those who don't suffer or know someone who suffer don't understand. I remember when I first started feeling tired I was getting the, "it's just the weather" explanation, of course, I'd been fatigued for over a year, so that couldn't be it. I was told, "you just need to exercise more" and at the time, I was kickboxing and walking regularly. Then I get people who say, "Oh yeah, I have to nap too," to which I ask, "for 3 hours? And do you have to set an alarm to be able to wake up for dinner or kickboxing class or etc etc etc."

It's really very frustrating. I mean, seriously, when I was diagnosed I was like, "that's a cop out diagnosis." But I know too well that it's real.

Thanks for once again reading my rant. I'll get there. I'm determined. I don't know how long it will take, but one of these days, I will find the balance I need to be a healthy, focused and productive once again.

Read more about CFS at the Mayo Clinic and the Washington Post. There's tons of info, just google.

A change for heart

When Chronic Fatigue Syndrome kicked in 3 years ago, it was debilitating. I had to take long naps in the middle of the afternoon, I was forced to quit kickboxing, and exercise I loved, because it became too hard on my tired body. I didn't have the energy to do any normal activities after work like clean, cook, work in the yard...Some days I could barely get out of bed. It also made my weight steadily climb.

As of late, I have been truly disgusted with myself. Though I have started working out and I eat fairly well, I cannot lose this weight I've put on the last few years. I worry about my health because people I went to school are started to die. I long to be fit and healthy again and live a long full life.

I bought myself a Fitbit. My work is very sedentary. I work at a computer pretty much all day doing research, writing, marketing...Even when I go to the gym after work and walk on the treadmill and lift weights, I still can't seem to get my 10,000 steps in.

Today I got a wild hair up my butt and decided I needed to start walking to work. There is nothing else I could think of that would help me get those steps I needed. I figured between that, cutting out most carbs, some dairy, cheese, and drinking one glass of red wine a night for health, maybe I could drop some of my excess weight.

I looked it up on Google maps. It said it would take me 40 minutes to get there. I looked out my sliding glass door. It was windy, but not rainy. The sky was peeking through gray clouds. So I went for it. I emptied all the unnecessary things out of my backpack, added my computer and accessories, hair product, makeup and deodorant and off I went.

 I regretted my decision almost a mile in when I felt the first rain drop. Then another. Then another. I put the hood up on my sweatshirt and kept going. I thought, if it got too bad, I could call my daughter. Lucky, the rain abated as quickly as it had began.

I looked at my Fitbit about a mile in and had only achieved about 1300 steps. How could that be possible? Was walking to work even worth it? I got hot and took my sweatshirt off.

There aren't really any steep hills, but there are a few steady inclines, which I think are almost worse.
At just over a mile, my 40+ year old hips screamed at me to turn around. I ignored them. I was already half way there. I was cold again, and put my sweatshirt back on.

Someone in a truck honked. Was it you? Let me know. I really couldn't tell who it was.

When I could finally see the shop, I was home free.

When I walked through the door, I checked my Fitbit. I was just a few steps away from 5,000 half a day's goal. Got a glass of water, turned on the fan, and here I am.

My bad elbow hurts a little. Hopefully the 5+ pounds I carried on my back won't affect me too much if at all (I'm old you know). My hair didn't frizz out too much, my makeup didn't melt. It was a good experience.

I'm determined to fight my CFS. I'm tired of it keeping me from getting things done. My goal is to get my mind, body and spirit back in alignment (if it really ever were). I think walking to work will be a good start if I can make it a habit. It's a little hard right now, because the weather is still pretty crappy here. Come summer, though, I'll be good to go.

Thanks for reading my crap. 40 pounds to go, mind starting to unfog, happiness on the horizon.

Resolutions for 2016

I'm not a huge fan of resolutions, but I do like to take some time at the end (or very beginning) of a year and map out some goals for myself.  I also like to re-evaluate the goals I made the previous year and see how I held up.

If you read my blog yesterday, you will know that 2015 wasn't the easiest year for me. Of course, the last few have been a struggle. Even so, I am always hopeful that the next year will be a better one full of endless possibilities and worthwhile challenges.

Let's go over last year's goals and achievements, and plans for 2016.

Work:
Last year: Continuing in my business plans. A friend and I, after we lost our jobs, began a business

venture. It hasn't sucked, but it isn't mapping out like I expected. There's nothing wrong with that though. She found full time work, and I have been doing contract work in both writing and marketing, plus, I have a job back at the family wine shop. All is good on that front.

2016: I love all the work I do and plan to continue all of it. However, I am placing heavy focus on the wine shop. I will be working there more come next week and eventually taking over. My plan is to buy the place. It is a fun place to work with so much potential. My goal is to make it a success.

Writing:
Last year: My goal was to write more. I'm pretty much still working on the same stuff I was last year. Though I appear to be at a standstill, I'm not discouraged. I know I will finish one of these books. All of these books. Some of these books. It may not be this year, but it will be someday. Someday is a hopeful word. It's not never. And though I didn't write as much as I may have wanted to, I did write. I worked on the old and I started something new.
2016: I will more than likely continue in the same vein. I mean, I'd like to write more, and maybe I will. But I am not going to set myself up for failure. I have prioritized some projects, and that will help to reach some of my writing goals.

Relationships:
Last year: Didn't look for love. At all. That was one of my goals. If it were to find me, that would have been fine, but I didn't go out of my way to track it down. At times my world is a lonely place, without a significant other, but I have my family, good friends, and my amazing daughters to keep my occupied. And thank god I have no cats.
2016: Still not going to look. If it falls in my lap, fine. Truth be told, I'm not sure I'm in a place that I could even have a relationship if I wanted to. And I'm ever so picky. Not about looks or money or whatnot. My set of ideals centers around kids, pets, freedom, and aspirations.

Health:
Last year: Since I'd been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and/or Adrenal Fatigue,
my goal was to do what it takes to get better. That was a struggle. Adrenal fatigue's main cause is stress. With the overwhelming amount of stress I felt last year, getting better was near impossible. I did have good  days, but when times were very stressful, it was hard to function. I had a naturopath to help me, but when I lost my job, my new insurance didn't cover it and I could not afford it out of pocket.
2016: I want to feel better. I know there are ways I can. I need to try to eliminate as much stress as possible from my life. For a time I ate clean and it made me feel better. I'd like to eat as clean as possible. I bought a new bed, which helps with sleep. I need to follow cues I get from my body with regard as to what to eat, drink, to take a nap if I need to, to ask for help, take time off...My goal is to get my mind, body and spirit in alignment this year. I've purchased some books to help me with this goal.

Exercise:
Last year: With CFS, exercise is really hard. I was taking a kickboxing class when I first starting feeling its effects. It became so hard I quit. However, I did end up joining a gym last year. Did I go? Yes, at first. Then sporadically. Then when the CFS worsened toward the middle of the year, hardly at all.
2016: I'm back at the gym. I do cardio and strength training. I cannot yet participate in classes because it's too hard on my body. One day of overdoing it and I am in bed for half a week. So I'm careful. The kickboxing gym is opening a location in Tacoma, and I think I will use the remainder of my classes there. I did love that class and the form of exercise. I will just have to pace myself. I have a goal. About 5 years ago I was probably at my fittest. I want to get back there, or at least close. I want to be in good shape as I age.

Travel:
Last year: I traveled. I went to Scottsdale, Austin, and made many road trips throughout Washington
State. I was supposed to go to Vegas, but for personal reasons had to cancel two different trips. I had New Orleans and San Diego on my list, but didn't quite make it there.
2016: Traveling is one of my favorite things. I will continue. I already have plans to go to Scottdale again and Hawaii. Again, I'll be road trippin' it. Possibilities include Montana (don't laugh, I've never been and my daughter is looking at a college there), New Orleans is still on the list. I'd like to go to Vegas, and I have my sites set on Italy, though that may have to wait another year. Of course I still have my crazy goal of driving cross country. It's not come to fruition yet, but it continues to lay dormant in the back of my mind.

Friendships:
Last year: My goal was to make new ones. I think I achieved this handily. Just a couple, but I think I chose well.
2016: Just keep it up. You can never have too many friends.

Anything else? Hmmmmm...

• I think I would like to try something that scares the hell out of me. I don't know what, but I want my life to be full of adventure. 
• I would like to get more organized. I kow this is a total cliche resolution, but in my case, it is truly needed. I think it would help me to balance my time between home, work and relationships better. 
• Think positive. I tend to be a glass half empty type of person, but I don't want to be. I want to be able to take things in stride, look at the bright side, breathe with ease.
• Read more, for pleasure.  I think I can count on one hand how many books I read for pleasure last year. Don't get me wrong, I read plenty of business and health books, but I'd like to read some fiction. I'm starting with The Game of Love and Death by Martha Brockenbraugh.
• I want to be blissful - truly happy. I think if I really work on the goals I've set for myself, bliss will fall into place.

So, did you have goals you achieved last year? Want to share your goals for the upcoming year? I think it helps to talk these things out. It makes you accountable. I also think it makes things more doable if you have "people," you know, the ones that are rooting for you, lifting you up, the ones that have your back.

I will be your "people" if you need me.

Well, that's all. Have a great New Year's Day and best wishes for a 2016 full of possibilities. 

How to face adversity

I've faced a lot of adversity in my life, but in the last few months, I've seen quite misadventures are just beginning), I've learned a few things, and here they are.
a bit. I admit to getting frustrated and angry. I've cried, yelled and  complained. While sometimes an ugly cry is good, and it feels great to yell a little, there are better ways to get through the bad times. Looking back at these last few months, and forward to the next (I fear some of my

• Prepare yourself: Get in the right mindset. If you're fighting against someone, do your homework. If you need to do research to back yourself, make it happen. Come guns blazing (not literally, figuratively, no violence please). If what you're facing isn't necessarily a battle then prepare yourself by still, having your mind right, taking care of the things that need care taking. I know sometimes it's hard to prepare for adversity, sometimes it happens unexpectedly, but if you can, do.
• Be brave: When it hits, don't back down. Face it full force. Don't even think about it. If you think about it, it will bring you down.
• Be resilient: If it hurts, whether emotionally, physically, mentally, take a deep cleansing breath and bounce back. Don't let it get you down for long, especially if you are battling with another party. If you do, you are letting them win. Take your punches and get back up.
• Be strong: You may have to be strong for yourself. You may also have to be strong for those around you, whether it be a child, spouse, co-worker, friend or neighbor. Be a support. Be a brick wall. Be a stronghold.
• Exercise: This is where I have failed. Do not under any circumstance let your sadness, frustration whatever, keep you from exercise. Exercise will only  make you feel better and more confident. It will give you a release. Use it.
• Don't forget about you: Take care of yourself during these times, whether it's the loss of a loved one, a fight, a problem at work, anything...don't
  
  forget about you. Take a walk, a bath, get a massage, a pedicure, hit some golf balls, whatever makes you feel good and special. Do it.
• Find your support system:  Just as you need to be strong and support others, you need a support system too. Find it. Find the friends you can talk to.  Family member. Counselor. We all need someone to lean on in hard times. Be careful though, sometimes those close to the same situation are not the best choice, even though they may seem like it. They are probably as stressed out as you about it. Make a judgment call depending on the situation.

Now, don't take this advice as gospel. I'm not saying these are surefire ways to beat adversity. And you still may not win the war, but whether you have a sick family member, or are warring with a neighbor or insurance company, I think these tips may help you get through the battles with a little more confidence.

Monkey Madness Monday: Balancing Act

"Rhesus Monkey" by James Barker

Keeping my life balanced is one of my New Year's resolutions, and perhaps the hardest one for me to keep. I have all these different aspects of my life that have to fit into the box that constitute my 15-16 daily waking hours.

I need to balance work, writing, marketing, household cleaning and maintenance, kids, boyfriend, friends and family, exercise, and the time in which my life is slowly slipping from me on my way to and from these tasks.

How do I do it? Well, right now I don't. That's the point. I WANT to, but I've never been good with balance. Multi-tasking? Yes. Complete and utter exhaustion? Sure. But balance? Nope.

Step one: Advice from my boyfriend, say no. Of course I know this, I've told myself I need to stop doing for others until I've got my own shit together. But I can't seem to do it.  Megan, come over early and help me set up for the party? Sure! Megan, could you review my book for me? Great! No problem! Megan, can I get you to read my query letter/synopsis/partofmymanuscrip/etc? You bet!

Don't get me wrong, there are people I will ALWAYS say yes too. My parents, people I'm mentoring, people who have helped me out, but I don't have to say yes to everyone, which I find myself doing more often than not. Sigh.

by David Castillo Dominici

Step two: Make a list. I need to list all the things on my to do list. And I mean ALL of them. It will be extensive, but whether it's something I need/want to do tomorrow or next year, I need to keep track of it.

Step three: Prioritize. Okay, maybe buying all new towels for my bathroom isn't as important that getting my manuscript to my editor. And perhaps that manuscript isn't as important as say, feeding my children. Or maybe it is? No matter, I need to figure out what is important and what can be put on the back burner.

Step four: As Yoda says, "Do or do not. There is no try." Uh, yeah. Okay, no try, I have to do. Without the "do", I will have spent all these waking hours on making lists and prioritizing for naught, and believe me, I have no waking hours to waste. It's going to take a schedule. Deadlines. Fortitude. Diligence. Things I try to ignore, but can no longer.

How are you at the balancing act? Do you find yourself swimming in the shallow end trying to ignore those tsunamis heading your way that are bound to drown you?

Yeah, that's me. So here I go. Wish me luck. If you never see my head above water again, it's been nice knowing you. Keep it real.

I feel good! *cue James Brown*

I really do. I've let REJECTION #1 roll right off. I'm ready for REJECTION #2 (or miracle of all miracles representation). I'm pretty sure I've got a part time gig reviewing books lined up for some extra cash. Not much, but it will help.

I feel awesome, walking, playing soccer. My kids are amazing, getting their homework done, playing some awesome soccer, making some music (the latter only Thing One, she's going to a meeting for the school musical today, Grease, I'm going to live vicariously through her if she makes it).

I'm getting through the revisions. Slowly, but getting there.

I'm thinking of the positive things in life. Trying to ignore the negative. This is kind of a first for me. I've been treating myself good for four days in a row now. I know that sounds crazy, but if you knew me in real life, you'd understand. I'm telling myself I'm worth it. I'm worth the hard work, the will power, that second book deal, that healthy body, that happiness.

Full frontal

I'm using it as a metaphor (is that the right word? I can never keep them straight.) for the unveiling of  truth about what I've been feeling lately. It will seem like this all has nothing to do with writing, but in the end it does.

Call it whining, call it self pity, whatever, but I've had all these feelings bottled up and I'm tired of feeling them.

Day job. It's hard. I've taken on more than I was ever supposed to. There is really no title or job description for what I do. I should be making the kind of money a professional makes, but I don't. However, I do enjoy it, so there's that.

Relationships. Me and the BF broke up. I did the breaking up though I liked him a lot. I had my reasons. I thought we could be friends, then I saw him, and I realized it was too soon because it's still very raw with me in fact I'm tearing up right now as I'm writing this because I really didn't want to let the relationship go, but knew for my happiness I had to.

Health. I've been exercising. I've been riding bike, playing soccer (I did pull a muscle, but getting back into it slowly, been stuck playing goalie), and walking a lot. I've found that I dislike running greatly (trying to stay away from the "H" word). I may try it again, but truly I can't stand it. I eat well. Pretty well. I like pizza every once in a while. I like to go to wing night, but I eat salads every week day for lunch, fruit, yogurt for breakfast. I never eat chips or other crap, I don't drink pop.

Money, let's just say ugh. Looking for more work or that second book deal.

I have been a little self destructive lately. I won't elaborate, but every so often I get in a funk, and I stay there until I feel like my own life is out of my control. And it doesn't matter if I'm trying to do good things for myself, as well, the bad always wins out. Because of this, my writing suffers.

I've tried to work on my revisions every day, I hate not seeing the stars on my calendar, and I've done okay, but I'm not very motivated and I've not done enough. I've been so tired. Sometimes I feel like the writing world is leaving me behind.

I started fresh Sunday though. I upped my game. I'm being good to myself, going to take time for just me (and my kids, can't ignore them I guess, right :)). I'm walking longer, (not riding bike right now because of a faulty tube, which I need to take back but haven't had time and can't afford to buy new tubes right now). I'm going to look at the positive in the things I do and try to ignore the negative.


And I'm going to finish these damn revisions and get it submitted. I'm going to get this second book deal.

*breathes deep, does Tadasana pose*

Wednesday Weigh In: Slow start and stupid cats

Finally I'm back on track. Down 4 pounds and exercising again. Determined.

I had something I was going to blog about, but I think it's more vlog worthy, so I'm hoping to have some time to film a Middle Aged Angst segment today.

Instead I'll talk about Lola. The cat that comes to visit. Mind you, I am not an animal person, mostly because I have horrible allergies. But awhile back, this cat started coming to my window and meowing.

One day I gave her turkey. She seemed very hungry.

Then I did it again. And again.

Then one day I let her in.

Now mind you, she's not homeless. She doesn't have a collar, but she's well fed and not mangy at all.

So then me and the Things got her some stuff. A bed, a scratching post, a couple toys, a food dish and food.

This has been going on for at least a couple months now where she comes, mostly on weekends, though her weekday visits have increased.

Yesterday she came in and was acting crazy. Next thing I know, she's in my office peeing in a box that held the newspaper articles about me and my book. I promptly tell Thing One to kick her out, as she's really the only one in the house that likes her.

Now I'm convinced she's the reincarnation of the cat I accidentally ran over when I moved into the neighborhood. I always said the cats in the hood were stalking me after the incident, but now I'm convinced.

Wednesday Weigh In

So, we started this biggest loser contest at work, and if you've been reading me, you know I've been wanting to lose weight for my release next week (NEXT WEEK!!! sorry, I digress). Well, I've been eating fairly good, with a couple days of taking myself out on my weekend of seclusion.

But mostly I'm eating fruits and veggies, soups, greek yogurt and oatmeal. A nice rounded diet. I've not been eating too much meat, but I haven't cut it completely.

I've been exercising once to twice a day every day, which has included Jillian Michaels torture DVD's, the elliptical (which I just fixed AGAIN after one of Thing One's other friends, her cousin, my niece once again broke it. I mean, what are these kids doing, jumping on it?), and pilates ( I <3 pilates, you want fast body toning results, do it).

Anyhoo, I lost 4 pounds this week. I know that's not typical and it will taper off in the coming weeks. I've been working hard though and I'm psyched. I had no idea. I haven't been weighing myself regularly through this (I'm usually obsessive about getting on the scale every day).

That puts me ahead in the bigger loser contest and closer to my goals. And I'm back in the habit of exercising, which is so easy to get out of and so hard to get back into.

So, yay me!

Do you have any weight loss or health and nutrition goals for the year? What are they and what are you doing to reach them?

Oh, and don't forget the contest to win a marked up ARC of Never Eighteen. Details are on my Facebook author page.

New Year's Resolution Recap

 I was thinking about making some new resolutions, but I wanted to go back to last year and see if I achieved any of the goals I'd set for myself.  I didn't promise myself I'd achieve them, but I did say I'd try like hell.  Here are last year's resolutions and how I fared.

The first resolution was:
I will be more physically active.  Seriously people, I've let myself go.  Haven't set foot in a gym, or exercised for MONTHS.  So I resolve to get off my ass and get moving.




Well, um, I've exercised.  I bought the elliptical and used it, I went bike riding, I let Jillian Michaels kick my ass on occasion.  I think I've accomplished this, not as much as I would have liked to, but a little bit.

 Next resolution was:
And hopefully with all this action will come the dropping of a few *cough cough* extra pounds I've put on this year.

I didn't lose as much as I wanted, but I did lose seven pounds.  Not epic, but something.

Next resolution was:

I will write more.  I did write one book this year, Cheesy, which I'm in love with, but I finished that ages ago.  I've written very little in the last six months.


I wrote a book again this year, Sliced.  I'm rewriting it, so I think I've done well on this one.  I don't write every day like I should, but I do write when I can.  Day job kind of sucks my creativity right out of me.

Next:

I will try once again to find some peace and be happy in life.


The year started off pretty rough.  Then I went in and told my doctor I was bi-polar, and I was right.  New meds and I've been pretty balanced this year since March.  I've had a couple relapses, but not even close to where I was last year and the beginning of this year, so I say this resolution was a WIN.

Lastly:

I think the most important thing is to find out who I am.  I know the mother me, the wife me, and the writer me, but I don't really know that much more about myself.  I want to explore that and see who comes out in the wash.

I'm not sure I'm there yet.  I know I've worked hard to learn web design.  I've become a pretty good marketer.  I've worked hard to market Never Eighteen.  So, I guess I'm a hard worker.  But that's not me.  I've not been around many people this year, I've stayed pretty home based.  I watch myself fairly carefully, being bi-polar I have to be careful with who I go out with and what I do.  I'm still that mom, that writer, but I guess I'm not sure what else yet.  I guess I'll work on that more again next year.

Tomorrow I'll share the resolutions I've made for myself this year, and hope they stick.

Wednesday Weigh In: Pizza Binge

this is not me

Yep, I had a little pizza binge over the weekend, but it didn't do much damage probably because I continued the yoga torture and elliptical.

I'm still down five pounds, I don't feel too bad about it.

I'm kicking up the exercise a notch, thinking about cutting meat down to once a day.  I lost a lot of weight when I did that before and kept it off until all my drama/mental crap threw the extra weight my direction and it stuck.
 
So, I'm working it.  I'm going to set a goal of Ten pounds from this point before Christmas.  I think that's realistic.  Then more before my release, which is my main goal.

How are you doing?  not just weight wise, but life wise as well?

Wednesday Weigh In, Christmas and some bookish things

So, I'm still down six pounds.  I'm okay with that.  the weekends seem to be my biggest challenge.  i've been exercising but not regularly, so i have to get my butt outof my seat and get on the elliptical. (as my friend gae calls it, the f*@!king elliptical).

I still would really like to lose another 20 before my release.  it will be a challenge, but i'm really going to push it.

I've decided to decorate for christmas now.  last year it took me awhile to get into the spirit.  i'm already there now. this week will be devoted to taking down the halloween stuff and decking the halls.

last thing, next stop on my blog tour is Alison can read.  It's a tens list of concerts i've been to.  very apropos since austin, my protag, loves music.

have a happy wednesday!!

Monkey Madness Monday:Torture and Blog Tours

So, this exhaustion stuff is over for the most part, and I'm really trying to be healthy and drop some pounds.  I promised myself I would get off my ass starting today and do yoga in the morning and something aerobic at night.

I got up.  I put my DVD in the machine.  but what I experienced was not yoga.  It was Jillian Michaels yoga, which is really some form of torture disguised as yoga.  I think she's trying to kill me.

I know, I bitch, I complain, I moan, I probably won't be able to walk for a week, but if I continue with this torture, I'm fairly certain within a few weeks I'll have abs of steel.  Okay, maybe not steel, but aluminum at least.  

Enough about torture.  I'm just giving you a heads up that there will be a Never Eighteen blog tour coming courtesy of Teen Book Scene. You'll find out all sorts of interesting stuff about me, the book, and the characters.  Don't worry, I'll remind you again.

 

Okay that is all for today.  Enjoy your Monday.

Wednesday Weigh In

I did better this week.  -1 pound.  yay me.  I'm keeping up with my exercise, though I think it's time to throw some Pilates in the mix.  I've also cut down on my Starbucks. sigh.  Yes I know how many calories are in my venti non fat no whip white mocha, but sometimes I can't help myself.

I'm hoping when the weather changes I still force myself to walk outside.  Exercising inside just isn't the same.  The fresh air clears my head too. I think I'll be more productive if I continue outside.  We'll see when the time comes.

Wednesday Weigh In: Ugh

Worse than last week.  Of course, I'm probably still gaining muscle because I'm exercising regularly, but I KNOW I maybe didn't eat all that good this week.  Sheesh, making myself accountable to the world isn't working yet.  I'm still working it though.

Time to get serious.  This is getting ridiculous!!

Monday Morning Blahg: Battle of the Bulge

Why is it so easy to gain weight?  I've been trying for weeks to lose weight, I dropped nine pounds doing the low carb thing, and one weekend of eating a few carbs here and there and I'm practically right back where I started.

This weather isn't helping me any.  I get SO tired of exercising indoors.  When it's nice, I've been walking the Narrows Bridge, but the weather here has a constant identity crisis.  Yesterday was beautiful (I spent it doing yard work), today, rain. sigh.

I know if I want to drop the weight I'm going to have to get my ass on the elliptical, because you just can't depend on the weather here.  Seriously, I have like 30 pounds to drop. 

I guess I'd better get to work.

Thought Provoking Thursday: Resolve

At first, there was no way I was going to make another New Year's resolution.  Nu-uh.  No way. I went back to my last year's resolutions and you know what EPIC FAIL.

#healthfail
#happyfail
#dietfail

However, as you know if you've been reading me a while, it's been a rough road this year.  Breakdowns, divorce, new house, new job, it's been hard to find balance.  I've started to see a pattern though this time of year, that's right life, I'm catching on to you, so next time this year I will be ready for it. (plus having a book come out at the same time doesn't suck either)

So this is my resolve for the upcoming year.  I'm not going to promise to achieve them, but I'm going to try like hell.

I will be more physically active.  Seriously people, I've let myself go.  Haven't set foot in a gym, or exercised for MONTHS.  So I resolve to get off my ass and get moving.

And hopefully with all this action will come the dropping of a few *cough cough* extra pounds I've put on this year.


I will write more.  I did write one book this year, Cheesy, which I'm in love with, but I finished that ages ago.  I've written very little in the last six months.

I will try once again to find some peace and be happy in life.

I think the most important thing is to find out who I am.  I know the mother me, the wife me, and the writer me, but I don't really know that much more about myself.  I want to explore that and see who comes out in the wash.


I want this year to be more than good.  I want it to be epic.

So what are you resolving for the upcoming year?  What are your goals and desires for yourself?

Happy New Year.

Stay safe, don't drink and drive.

Megan

Manic Monday: Back to reality

Now that the whimsical sugar-plum-fairy-candy-cane-shopping-baking-wrapping-eating-drinking-talking-snowmen-santa-claus season is over it's time get back to it.

This includes work.  I love my job, but it's always hard getting back to it after a long weekend. 

A trip to the dump to get rid of the extra garbage and the 500 pounds of cardboard left over from Christmas (that could be a slight exaggeration).  



I have two video book trailers to make for two 2011 YA/MG debut novels.  I'm actually almost done with one of them, just adding the titles. 

 I received my copy edits in the mail just before Christmas.  Needless to say, I've not touched them yet.  Deadline is January 10th so I've GOT to get to work.

Lastly (well, probably not but all I can think of right now) getting back in shape after letting myself go for the last six months (ugh). Why is it so easy to fall OUT of shape, but so hard to get back into shape? sigh.  I'm hoping the new xbox kinect will help.  I really don't eat all that bad but my ass has pretty much been glued to my computer chair since July.

Okay, so here I go, getting back to it.

Catch you on the flip side,

~Megan

When did my butt get so big?

Lack of sleep left me without a blog idea. So I put it out there and my friend Christine said she'd gained five pounds, blog about that. So I shall.

Women and weight have this roller coaster relationship. Up and down, up and down.

Here's the funny thing. When we're younger, we have this distorted body image. We look in the mirror and we see ourselves like Jabba the Hut. It doesn't matter if we look like Twiggy (here she is to the left). I remember when I was in high school, I thought I was fat. I was on a constant diet. Thing was, I wasn't really overweight. I look back and wish that was my body again.

Media tells us what we should look like, which back in those days, was stick figures. This is why so many young women are afflicted with eating disorders, because of the impossible examples of how we should look. We can not all be Kate Moss thin .

Now, when I got into my twenties, I was more comfortable in my own skin, but still not happy. And forget about after I had kids...yikes. You will never see a photo of me from 1996 to 2006. That's when I began the dance, the back and forth with the weight. Now, I have come to terms that I will never be "thin". I am a real woman, I have curves (okay, maybe I don't look like this --->), and I've learned to like myself that way. However, I like to be strong and muscular and toned, and this is where I'm lacking at times, like, er, now.

I know what it takes. A balance between exercise and eating right. NOT dieting. And I do eat right. Low salt, low fat, no beef or pork, no partially hydrogenated oils, I eat whole grains. I cook a lot from scratch. I even gave up my Doritos for god's sake.

But time to get back to the exercise, which I start next week, and now I have this, er, health coach through my husband's medical (they actually pay ME to talk to her). So if I don't stick to my plan, I look like a schmuck because I have to be accountable to her and to myself.

41 redux

This week I'm blogging about goals I'd like to meet during my 41st year on earth. (or is that really my 42nd, I was never really good with the maths). Yesterday was making and keeping connections alive, today it's my health.

At 41 I am in pretty good shape. Pretty. Good. Shape. I have my faults. I'm a little soft right now, and I hate it. I look much better when there is some kind of form to my muscles and my stomach doesn't look like I swallowed a watermelon.

I like food. I can't help it. I like to eat. I don't like to be hungry. This means I HAVE to exercise, which, um, I've kind of been slacking on as of late. So that's part of it, so start exercising again religiously, which to me is five days a week.

I also do not drink enough water. I try. EPIC FAIL. This was my goal over the last month and I think I may have actually drank LESS water than the previous month. My goal is to keep a big cup of ice water right next to my computer so when I'm writing, it will be there saying, "Drink me."

I also need to include more veggies in my diet. I'm not a big fan. I like my fruits, but veggies are another thing altogether. It will be different when the garden is bustling with peas, zucchini, tomatoes, lettuce, and radishes. There is nothing like home grown veggies, but right now it's difficult.

And, er, don't even get me started on red wine. Bacchus has a cruel sense of humor.

So, there's goal #2.

Thanks for reading.

Kisses

:*

Megan