In light of certain recent events in my life, I've been forced to take a step back and look at myself long and hard. You know what I've found? I'm not perfect. I know, I know, it's hard to believe, but apparently my ying traits also have a yang, balancing me on a tight rope between good and evil.
I'm a nice person for the most part. Unless of course you piss me off, and if you do, I will probably just try and avoid you and not talk to you, but if it comes down to it, we will have words.
I will invite you to my parties. And they're fun. And you will enjoy yourself.
Will I come to yours? Maybe not, but don't judge me for it. I try not to plan anything too far in advance. As I never know how I'm going to feel on any given day. My mental health makes me very tired, and makes me anti-social at times, especially if I have to go alone. Know that I love you though.
Am I a reliable friend? Yes. I will be there for you when you call on me,in most cases. The only times I remember turning people down is when I'm at my lowest.
Am I unreliable? Yes. I will not offer unless asked. You see, life for the most part is chaos. Between writing, revising, querying, submitting, reading, reviewing, basketball, soccer, cleaning, shopping, cooking, homework, etc, etc, I actually don't have a lot of time on my hands.
Am I giving? Yes. I give sometimes until it hurts. I give things I don't even have.
Do I take? Apparently so. Apparently I've taken to where I've hurt others. Not purposely, I'd never do that, but still, it's been done.
Am I selfless? I've had my moments, that's all I'll say about that.
Am I selfish? Yes. I have been. I think sometimes we get so caught up with ourselves and what we're doing we put blinders on and forget to see and react to the things happening around us.
I'm forgiving. No matter what you do, as long as it does not harm someone I love, and then it's on a situational basis, I will forgive. And I hope it turn, I am worth forgiving.
I can't really describe what kind of person I am. I'm emotionally drive and full of angst. This much I know. Other than that, I'm a walking contradiction. I'm sweet and bitchy, flirty and demure, shy and outgoing, strong and weak, narcissistic and modest.
Sometimes I'm a good friend and sometimes I'm a bad friend. I will say that my moments of badness are never intentional, and for the most part, I don't even realize what I've done until it's too late. That's just me. I'm flawed. I'm fallible. I'm human.
You are who you are and you're comfortable with it. I love it. Your human experience will no doubt influence your writing in ways we can't even imagine right now. Hang in there, sounds like things are tough right now. It'll get better. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much. I guess life is just full of drama sometimes,and we just need to get through it the best we can.
ReplyDeleteHave a great day..and just remember, that's why they invented alcohol! :)
ReplyDeleteLOL. Unfortunately, I'm on the wagon. :)
ReplyDeleteWe write best when we have issues. So, if it's broke, don't fix it, yet. At least not until published.
ReplyDeleteI like this balance. I find I'm more naughty and nice, rather than good and evil, but I am definitely some of those contradictions, particularly willing to give give give, but only when asked, because my introspective nature makes me often miss other people's cues.
ReplyDeleteAs for the issues and writing... the ones I've passed through would have been way too raw to write about while experiencing. I prefer to share my madness from a distance, because otherwise it just bites too hard.
Since we all have flaws, I think it's better to accept them, while challenging ourselves as you do in this post. The worst is when I deny a flaw that's really there. Usually some niggle deep down tells me, This is so, this is so. I try to always listen to that voice...
ReplyDeleteGood advice you guys. Walter, I do tend to write best when I'm in turmoil, when my emotions are roiling, but if I'm too far gone, my writing becomes non existent, as it pretty much has the last couple weeks.
ReplyDeleteJenny, while I do accept most of my flaws, at times I think I get preoccupied and alienate myself by acting like an ass. I don't mean to do it, it just happens. And right now it's come full circle and has bitten me hard and I've lost something important to me. I'm hoping only temporarily.