Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Four colors that affect my mood. # 3 Red

I know yesterday's blog was short and probably not very interesting, but I received some sad news yesterday, and wasn't really in the mood. Maybe I will edit it later.

I hate the color red. To me red is an angry color. When I see red (no pun intended) I get all figity, and irritated.

There is not one red item of clothing in my closet or my drawers (some have red lettering, but that couldn't be helped).

I do not like beets, raw meat, those little red spiders you can barely see, the sight of blood, the Kansas City Chiefs, The Chicago Bulls, or much else that is red. I do not like Carrot Top. I do like red fruit, like, cherries, apples, strawberries, etc. Oh, and red wine. Red wine is good.

So there you have it. Red = Angry

My two cents




Monday, June 22, 2009

Four colors that affect my mood. # 1 Gray

Gray days always get me down, as if every bit of happiness within me has died. Since I live in the Pacific Northwest, it's just something I have to live with. This last year has been the worst. The skies were gray from about September until May. Can you say downward spiral?

Today I'm wearing gray, and I'm noticing that I'm in a very sad mood. Maybe there is something to that. Never noticed that before.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Friday Free For All

I don't think I was quite done ranting this week.

Jesus bumper stickers. Why? Do I really need to honk if I love Jesus? If I don't honk, do you assume I'm a Jesus hater? And really, if everyone who loved Jesus honked, the streets would be noisy, dogs would be howling and babies would be crying. And really, is your driving THAT good? Maybe they're not honking at you because they love Jesus.

Okay, now this one will cover bad drivers and irresponsible dog owners. I mean, really, is there a reason to teach your dog to drive? That must be what you're doing, otherwise why would the dog be on your lap? You obviously do not know how dangerous it is to let a dog drive. They don't even have opposable thumbs.

And you, yeah you, the one eating with one hand and drinking with another, what the heck are you steering with?

And don't even get me started on texting while driving. You cannot look at your phone screen and look at the road at the same time. Hands free means hands off the phone, not off the steering wheel. Just sayin'.

I know I mentioned inattentive parents, but overprotective ones can be just as bad. Your child will not die if they eat dirt, they will not die if they don't eat organic, and they will not die if they play in the rain. They will however be missing out on some great experiences, good food, and serious fun.

Just more of my two cents.
CD of the week: The Fray One of my favorite new bands (kind of new) Also check out their rendition of Kanye's Heartless. Very good.
TV Show of the week: Still watching Heroes, almost done with Season 3
Movie of the week: Ghost Town. Not side ripping funny, but I did giggle a lot.
Book of the Week: Fresh Kills by Bill Loehfelm. Watch for a review on it in the next couple weeks.
Thanks for reading. catch you on the flip side.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Top 4 Pet Peeves: # 1 Bad Drivers

You know who you are.

The Tailgater. You know, you're not going to make me move any faster by riding my butt. You may however cause an accident if for some reason I slam on my brakes and then you'll have to give me a nice settlement.

The Weaver. Do you really accomplish anything doing this? I mean, really. You do this and pass like a million people, and then guess what, I see you at the next stop light. Not worth it.

The Passing Lane Driver. Get over all ready, you're holding up traffic. There is no reason to be in that lane unless you are PASSING people. If you are not passing people, move to the right.

The Speedster. I'm not talking five miles over, but serious speeding. What makes your time more valuable than mine? In fact, what makes your time more valuable than my life? We all have places to be, and we'll all get there alive if you just slow the hell down.

The Road Rager. Um, you're just scary, and if you get that mad because I accidentally cut you off, you probably shouldn't be driving, seriously. You might have a heart attack or something.

The Drunk Driver. Call a cab before you kill yourself or someone else.
Thanks for reading my Top 4 Pet Peeves this week. Tomorrow is Friday Free For All. I can't wait to see what I write about, can you? As always, feel free to comment, question, or follow.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Top 4 Pet Peeves: # 2 Irresponsible Dog Owners

Anyone who knows me, knows I am not a pet owner. I have extremely bad allergies to everything under the sun, fur, feathers, dander, hair, etc, etc. Therefore, no pets. Well, we did have fish once, but they all died. Sometimes I'm surprised I did so well with my kids. It's not that I don't like animals, really. Okay, I really don't like dogs. Sorry, I know some of them are like your children. I also understand that animals are only as good as their owners which brings me to my # 2 pet peeve, irresponsible dog owners.

I do not like being chased by dogs. They bark, they bite, they rub up against you, and sniff you with their wet noses. I don't know about your state, but here in Washington there is a leash law. Abide.

My daughters are poop magnets. Both of them have stepped or fallen in poop more times than I can count. There is a poop and scoop law here in Washington. Abide.

As I mentioned before, I have allergies. Everyone who knows me knows this I think, yet there are those who insist on bringing their dogs into my home, letting them jump on my furniture and pee on my carpet. Why? I don't get it.

Do not be offended if I do not pet your precious Sparky, Fido, or Sam, especially if there is no place to wash my hands. See reference to allergies.

I believe a farmers market is meant for people, not dogs. The idea of your dog licking on the radishes, tomatoes, or asparagus I buy makes me sick. Can't you leave them at home and take them for a walk later?

The school field is not a dog park and you still need to abide by the leash law.

Although your dog is like a child to you, it isn't really a child. The same rules do not apply for dogs as they do children.

Me, the husband, and kids were playing tennis one day at a park. We're not very good, so we bring a big bucket of balls to hit around. Well, this dog barrels into the court, and starts picking up every ball he sees. He picks one up in his mouth, slobbers and chews on it, drops it, and moves to the next one. All the while his moronic owner is up the hill calling him, "Rover, come here, Rover, come here, bad dog (I don't know if she said bad dog, it just sounds good)" She shouts this over and over until Rusty finally tells her to come get the damn dog before he ruins all our balls. And guess what. SHE'S the one who's offended. Um, helloooo, see reference to leash law above.

So please, dog owners, keep your dog on a leash unless they are in your fenced yard or at the dog park. Pick up poop. Don't assume everyone in the world is a dog lover, and don't be offended by those who aren't. And please be sensitive to those of us with allergies. A few minutes with a dog can cause me a days worth of itchy eyes and sneezing.

My two cents. Feel free to comment or question as always. And it wouldn't kill you to become a follower of my blog, would it? ;)

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Top 4 Pet Peeves: # 3 Inattentive Parents

I really don't think I'm a judgemental person, but it drives me nuts when people don't watch their kids. I'm not a perfect parent, but one thing I do pride myself on is how my children have always behaved in public.

I'm not going to go into great detail here, but when my house gets destroyed, my things get broken, my garden gets trampled through because someone isn't watching their child, it irritates me. Um, hello, if your kid isn't in the room with you, you better go see where they are. Don't you think? Or maybe if you see your child being destructive, hurtful, etc, try to do something about it.

But I'm not only concerned with stuff. After all, it's just stuff. I'm concerned with your child's safety. Our kids are older, we no longer have safety latches on every cupboard, drawer, and outlet in the house. We don't close the doors to our stairs. There are probably choking hazards lying around. We have sharp objects in our kitchen. Do you know where your kid is? Because when I'm hosting a party, it's not my job to watch them.
Rant over.
Thanks for reading. Come back tomorrow for my # 2 pet peeve.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Top 4 Pet Peeves: # 4 Jesus SPAM

Thanks for reading last week's top four, and for weighing in. This week's is a little lighter, my top four pet peeves. The first is what I like to call Jesus SPAM

Let me get something clear right here, I have nothing against, Jesus. What I do have a problem with is people sending their religion to my inbox and then trying to guilt me into forwarding it to ten more people.

Jesus and I have a private relationship. I don't need anyone telling me I need to make it better. I don't like to read sappy fictional tales about miracles in order to teach me a lesson in morality. I don't appreciate you telling me I need to pray.

I really don't appreciate you telling me if I don't forward the e-mail I will spend an eternity in hell, or that my prayers will be answered. That's a bunch of crap. The e-mails that at the end say, if you believe in God (or Jesus) send this to ten friends. What if I don't send it on? That doesn't necessarily mean I don't believe, it only means that I don't forward stupid cheesy e-mails to my friends and family. I also don't think I need to quantify my relationship with God or Jesus to anyone. It's none of your business.

I apologize if this blog comes off as harsh, but to me, faith is a private thing. What I do or don't believe is no one's business. I also don't think it's right for people to push their religion on anyone else unless it's asked of them. My two cents.

Come back tomorrow for my # 3 pet peeve.

Thanks for reading.




Friday, June 12, 2009

Friday Free For All

Today I decided on some short bites relating to this weeks Top Four. So, here's some other things that have happened that were not good. Nope. Not good at all.

First time riding my tricycle around the block by myself and getting accosted by two mean neighbor kids. I had to run over their toes.

Almost getting strangled in 4th grade gym class by a fellow student who thought I put his leather jacket in the toilet. I did not.

Mark from elementary school. That's all that needs to be said. He was mean and gross and disgusting and tormented me from Kindergarten to 4th grade. I'm sure he's a nice person now, but back then, not so much.

Ripping my shorts on a nail during play rehearsal my senior year of high school.

My first year of college. No details, use your imagination.

Puerto Vallarta. You'll have to read my current WIP to find out about that one.

Daughter # 1 (henceforth referred to as Mary) falling down the stairs at 18 months old. I'm not a bad parent, I was right next to her about to grab her hand. And I was 9 months pregnant, so there was no way to catch her.

Daughter # 2 (henceforth known as Rachel) almost getting hit by a car in a crosswalk at about 2 years old. I pulled her arm so hard I thought I might dislocate her shoulder. I was pissed (excuse my french). That guy got a letter from my lawyer (my dad), just to scare the crap out of him so he would be more careful when driving through crosswalks.

I think that's all. Please come back next week for my next top four, which I think will be wacky moments.

Cd of the week Nirvana's Nevermind

Show of the week Heroes, I'm only on season 3 so don't ruin it for me.

Movie of the week, In Bruges, Brenden Gleeson, Colin Farrell, the mob, there's nothing more to say.

Book of the week, Scotti Cohn's One Wolf Howls, totally adorable picture book teaching about the lives of wolves.

Have a good weekend all, hope to see you Monday.

Kisses :*


Thursday, June 11, 2009

Top 4 Worst Experiences of My Life: # 1 Near Death

There is a quote from Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul that I will never forget (don't judge me, lol).

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." ~Elizabeth Stone

This is so true. Your children are so susceptible to illness, so vulnerable to harm. You worry about them all the time, especially when they're not with you, especially when they're young.

This brings me to the worst experience of my life, almost losing one of my children. Rachel was born in January, and if you have a child at that time of year, you should not expose them to the outside world for at least six weeks to three months. There is just too many viruses floating around. I didn't know this at the time.

At five weeks old, I noticed she didn't seem to be breathing right. I took her to the doctor. He told me she was sick, that I should just watch her breathing and if it gets worse, to bring her back in. Never, never, never did he say she could die (which is why he wasn't our doctor for very much longer).

A couple days later, her breathing became more labored. I took her into the ER. I brought my dad with me because in his line of work as a personal injury attorney, he is familiar with medical terms, and I, being the worried mother, didn't think I was going to be able to comprehend anything anyway. The doctor explained that she had RSV, which is respiratory syncytial virus. Check it out here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Respiratory_syncytial_virus. He said all the beds at the hospital were full, if they had any, he would have admitted her. He told me to watch her breathe and if her respirations got below a certain amount per minute, (I don't remember the exact number now, it was eleven years ago) I should bring her back in.

Oh my God. All I did for the next day or two was watch that girl breathe. Some time later, I can't tell you exactly, maybe a day, maybe two, her respirations came with an alarmingly long pause between, and it looked as if she were gasping for air, and it pained her to breathe. I called my dad to take us to the ER again. He nearly killed us trying to get there quickly.

They took us in immediately, but told me to wait outside the room because it would be too disturbing to watch. My dad went in with them. I could kind of see through the curtain, they were moving around quickly, working on her, Rachel was screaming, I would find out later they were clearing out her lungs. It happened very quickly. She was admitted and taken up to the ICU.

She looked so fragile hooked up to machines, with tubes sticking out of her every which way. The ICU doctor told me that RSV is deadly for infants. They attribute it to many SIDS cases. He also said if I had let it go that night and not brought her in, she would probably be dead. I stayed with her as long as I could stay awake, watched them work on her. There was a very nice attendant, Steve, who claimed her as his during her stay. He came in every so often and had to pound on her chest with this little pink mallet like thing to clear her lungs. He taught me how to do it, since I would have to once I brought her home.

They gave me a room to sleep in that night, and the next day she was taken out of the ICU. We were at the hospital for five days. I was there around the clock, except for a couple hours when my mother relieved me so I could see my husband, and 18 month old.

When she was released, I had to keep up with the chest pounding, and they gave us a nebulizer, which had to be used on her every few hours for months. I can't remember how long now, maybe up to a year or so. I guess many children with RSV develop asthma later, luckily Rachel was not one of them.

I will always be grateful to the wonderful staff at Mary Bridge Children's hospital for being so clear about Rachel's illness, and the care they have her during her stay. Rachel is now a happy, healthy child because of them.
Thanks for reading my top four worst experience. I appreciate the comments and questions I've received, and also thank you for sharing your own experiences. Next week the top four will not be so dismal. I haven't decided yet, let me know if you have ideas.
Tomorrow is a free for all, come back and check it out.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Top 4 Worst Experiences of My Life: # 2 Depression

I'm sure many of you can relate to this.

Just less than a year ago, life started becoming overwhelming. Too many things at once, ya know. Soccer four nights a week and all day Saturdays, plus managing my younger daughter's team. People asking me to make videos, host parties, do them favors, constantly. I mean, I don't work, I've got all the time in the world, right? Right. Of course my inability to say no didn't help in the situation. And in all likelihood, I've probably suffered from depression since about 1986 without being treated, so there's that. Anyway, so I'm juggling, kids, and husband, and house, and family, and friends, and soccer, and, and, and guess what, I drop them. Not one or two of these proverbial balls, but all of them.

First I stopped answering the phone, except for my husband. People, all of them, were driving me crazy. I was frustrated, irritated, and moody. I couldn't remember a day that I hadn't cried for some reason or other. In my mind, I knew whoever was on the other end of the phone line was going to want something from me. I just didn't want human contact. I wanted time to think, to contemplate my answers. I only communicated through e-mail and text. After one morning of five phone calls in a row, unanswered, I finally had to text my friend and tell her I was no longer taking phone calls. I thought this was perfectly normal. Even Rusty was telling people to just leave me alone, don't call, don't ask for anything, just leave me be. Some listened, some didn't.

Then I stopped everything else. I did little to manage my husband's soccer team, stopped volunteering at the kids school, stopped going anywhere, stopped doing anything for anybody. I couldn't even make simple decisions, like what to cook for dinner. So, I also stopped cooking, cleaning, filing paperwork, including some bills (yikes). The only thing I continued to do was write, which was good because I could take every emotion I was feeling and put it into what I was working on. Some of it turned out depressing, some angry, but in my opinion, it all turned out good (not perfect, but good). One result was my new novel Mending Fences.

January came around and I wanted everything to end. I'm not talking suicide. I'm not that brave, or cowardly, however you look at it. I mean, I just wanted everything and everybody to go away, including my family. I felt like a lousy wife, and an even worse mother. I just wanted to be alone. Call it what you will, rock bottom, nervous breakdown, midlife crisis, it's just a label.

My family was not too happy about this of course, and I was pretty much forced to get my mind straight. I was truly surprised when my doctor told me this was not normal behavior. LOL. She also told me I more than likely suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, of which apparently Washington state has an alarmingly high rate (can you say rain?).The course of action I took is not important, unless you want to know, I will be happy to share it, let's just say I'm better. I'm not perfect, but I'm better. I'm still my normal angsty self but I'm more productive, my mind is clearer, and I don't cry every day. These are all good things.

If you can relate, feel free to comment. If you have questions, please question me. If you think I'm crazy, I'd love to hear from you too.

Stay tuned tomorrow for my # 1 Worst Life Experience.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Top 4 Worst Experiences of My Life: # 3 Affliction

This is where it gets personal for me.
I used to hate myself. Period. At the time this seemed rational, but of course with age and experience I see it was a lack of self confidence in myself that caused these feelings of self loathing. At any rate from age 18 to 23 I suffered from Bulimia. I'm sure you know what that is, so I won't bother explaining. The reasons behind it are too personal to share, and don't really matter anymore anyhow.

The disease started off slowly, but gained speed and at its apex I was purging anywhere from 2 to 15 times a day, after every little thing I ate. It became an art form of sorts. I knew which foods made it easier, which were harder. I knew drinking liquids would help the process. At work, I knew which bathrooms were empty at what times of the day. I even convinced myself after I ate that I was sick, I couldn't possibly keep anything down. Yep. I was sick.

I was controlled by it. It was more an addiction for me than a disease, like meth to the drug user, or booze to the alcoholic. I couldn't get through the day without it. I finally confided in my boyfriend (who will remain nameless because he was a big jerk) that I had a problem. He told me to stop, as if that would solve anything. And as with any other addiction, you know how easy that must have been. I tried to control it, but couldn't

Rock bottom hit. I started getting shooting pains in my gut, I couldn't stay awake, my body was rebelling against me, making demands, telling me to quit or die. I finally told my parents I needed help. Between them, my work, and my future husband, (who is not the boyfriend I mentioned before) I got the help I needed.

It's been about seventeen years, but like with all addicts, I've relapsed a couple of times since, and I still struggle on occasion, especially on dark days. For the most part I've overcome those obstacles of my late teens, early adult years, and I urge anyone with similar problems to get help before it's too late. Talk to someone, your parents, a friend, teacher, or counselor. Many work places have mental health programs for all sorts of afflictions and addictions.
Please feel free to comment or question. Come back tomorrow and read my # 2 worst life experience.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Top 4 Worst Experiences of My Life: # 4 Caring

This is the first week of my blogging Top 4. I'll be doing this weekly from here on out, where I give a top four Monday through Thursday, and Friday's just kind of a free for all. I decided to start out by giving the top for worst experiences in my life. Some of these will be very personal, please feel free to comment or question.

Many of you have heard how I quit my daycare to care for my mother in law after she was diagnosed with cancer. This was one of the scariest things I have ever done. I sometimes questioned my skills as a daycare provider, as well as a mother, was I really going to be able to help care for my mother in law? Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't alone in this venture, hospice came in and helped, along with my husband Rusty, and his two sisters, but I was the only one not working, so the majority of care fell on me.

I also have to explain something else. On top of the cancer, my mother in law had three strokes. The last one took away the ability to speak, and the ability to eat solid foods. She could only communicate her needs to me through paper and pen. So I had to give her medications, feed her through a stomach tube, make sure she was comfortable, and entertain her.

We ordered cable so she could watch movies. I sang to her, talked to her. She had a lot of visitors too, which helped take some of the burden off of me, which was nice, because most the time I felt like I was flailing.

We thought she would be living with us for six months to a year, but it only ended up being close to three weeks. Of course, her death was the hardest part of the whole experience.

I'm glad we decided to take her in. I would not have wanted to see her die in a nursing home. I think anyone would want to be in a comfortable, familiar place surrounded by family and friends.

Taking my mother-in-law in, caring for her, coming up with ideas to entertain her, and then watching her die was definitely one of the worst, though most rewarding experiences I have ever had. If challenged to do it again, I would do it in a heartbeat.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

New format

I'm coming up with a new format for my blog, rather than the chaos that's normally here. Mon-Thur, will be a top four. Next week I'm starting with the top four worst experiences of my life.

Friday will pretty much be a free for all. I will either talk about the things I've talked about all week, rant about some non sequitur, or maybe put some of my writing here.

I always welcome comments, and followers of course. Hope you drop by.

I've also started a blog just for my video reviews. The first book I'll be reviewing is Scotti Cohn's One Wolf Howls. I hope to have it up next week. Thanks.

Kisses :*


My Dad. He's awesome.

John Messina, Personal Injury Attorney

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