Monday, January 27, 2014

Blogger looks down on women with kids and husbands and is proud of it

Yep. You read that right. Not this blogger. Nope. Her name is Amy Glass and she writes at the Thought Catalog. Here is the blog in question. You can read it, but I'm going to point out the important stuff below.

I would almost bet my children's lives (I said almost, so if I'm wrong, don't come gathering them up or anything) 1. she is young, like college age or just a bit older 2. she doesn't have children.

1. She doesn't think a stay at home mom is an equal to a working woman. 

Hmmm. Having been  a stay at home mom for a number of years I can tell you, it's the hardest "job" I ever had. Being a parent is terrifying. First, you have to carry this fragile being in your body for nine months and pray you both survive it, which doesn't always happen. If you do, you don't just have to feed and nurture that child and ensure that they turn into a civilized human being, you get to worry about them every day of their life, no matter how old they are, that no ill will comes to them. This on top of all the household chores, the grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc, etc.

2. She doesn't consider getting married and having kids milestones. She believes anyone can do them, they are the most common thing ever. "By definition, average."

I guess choosing someone to be with for the rest of your life may seem average to someone who obviously never wants that.  But finding that perfect person, the one soul who belongs to you, that actually takes some work. And sometimes, we don't get it right the first time and some people who want this very thing, never find it at all. By definition, I would say this is magical.

As far as children go, I would say, as I said before, carrying another life inside your body and  praying no harm comes to them  isn't common, it's a miracle. Then I will just quote Elizabeth Stone for the rest of my point...“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ”

3. Ms. Glass asks, "If women can do anything, why are we still content with applauding them for doing nothing?" She would rather throw a shower for"...a woman when she backpacks on her own through Asia, gets a promotion, or lands a dream job..." not when she takes, "...the path of least resistance. 

What Ms. Glass fails to realize is that these are all choices and I would guess that most women who backpack through Asia, get promotions, or land dream jobs don't look down on women who make these choices to stay home and raise their children on their own.  They are doing something worthwhile. They are not conforming to the norms of society by keeping their jobs and tossing their kids into the daycare systems. They are making sacrifices, cutting corners, clipping coupons, doing whatever it takes to make this happen because THEY want to be the one to raise their children, to teach them how to be good people. They don't want someone else doing it for them. That's doing nothing? That's not something to applaud?

4. She thinks with a husband and kids you can't do all those great things single childless women do. She says, we think we can, but it's a lie. That we will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to do it.

Really? I am 44 years old, almost 45. I was a stay at home mom until my kids were in middle school, so about 12 years. I have been to Rome, Venice, NY and various other places across the country. I had my book published by one of the top publishers in the world. I'm a legal marketer for one of the best law firms in my city and I'm exceptional at it and they pay me well because I'm good. I'm planning a road trip across the country in the next year. 

On top of that, my daughters are awesome. They do not get into trouble. They do not disrespect me in any way. Mine is the house the kids come and hang out at. One daughter is an exceptional soccer player, the other a musician. Does that sound like a lie to you? Does that sound like I'm not doing all the things a single childless woman can do?

5. She states how it's only women who talk about the hardships about managing a household, never men. She thinks it's because it is so women don't have to explain their lack of accomplishments and that men aren't conditioned to think things like that are "important." She states, "Doing laundry will never be as important as being a doctor or an engineer or building a business."

Men don't talk about it because mostly they're not the ones doing it. Unless of course they're a stay at home dad. I wonder what Ms. Glass thinks about that. They must be real failures in life. And being a stay at home mom isn't simply about "doing laundry." It's about all the things I mentioned above. It's about choices, and sacrifice, and bringing life into this world. 

I will end with this: Being a stay at home mom was one of the hardest decisions I ever made. I had a great job with the government, but I hated leaving my kids at daycare every day. I wasn't even sure I was going to be a good mom, yet there I was, making the decision to do it full time, on top of all the other household chores.  But you know what, I was good at it. 

My kids tell me they love me every day. Their friends tell me they love me. Don't get me wrong, they're teenagers, life isn't perfect. We have all squabbles. Mostly they're about grades and messes. I'm not having to get mad at my kids about drugs and alcohol, stealing or anything like that. I know parents whose kids tell them to "fuck off." My kids would never dream of saying that to me. So, Amy, don't tell me I didn't accomplish anything in those years I stayed home. I accomplish more than you ever will if you keep this attitude.

One other thing, Ms. Glass, without children give or take the husband - I'm well aware of the divorce rate in this day and age, I'm divorced myself, though I'm with someone right now who is very special to me - you will live a very lonely existence. Yes, you will have your friends and your parents and siblings if you have any, but when you get old, who will take care of you? Who will drive you to the grocery store, take you to lunch, visit you in the nursing home? No one. Think about that next time you decide to look down on a group of people who not only have made some big, difficult choices and sacrifices, but have created something beautiful, lasting and that will be there for them when they need it most.

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