Are you meeting your husbands needs?

Okay, I know I'm kind of down on Family Share this week, but honestly, all their articles aren't that bad. However, I found another one on their website that made me throw up in my mouth. Your husband has 5 basic needs. Are you meeting them? And the blurb: Fulfilling your husband's needs does not mean you're inferior to him. It means you love him and want to make him happy. Are you doing that?

Um... But then the author goes on to say that we should be unselfish and put our husband's needs above your own. I mean, we should want to make him happy, after all, he only has 5 basic needs to be fulfilled...right.

1. Recreational companionship

Basically the author says that whatever your husband wants to do, you should do. Yep. If your husband likes to golf, you should take up golf. If your husband likes to snow ski, you should go snow skiing.

Let me tell you what happens when you do whatever your husband wants to do and put your own hobbies aside.  Frustration. Anger. Resentment. How about you do things together that you both like to do, but you both have things you do on your own because having individual hobbies and interests makes for a healthy relationship. You cannot spend every waking hour of free time together or you will go crazy and end up hating each other.

2. Sexual fulfillment

 She's telling you not to make sex a game. Okay, I agree with this. Don't use it as a weapon or a chess piece. But her condescending tone about our attitude and effort involved in our sexually fulfilling our spouse's needs is a bit sickening. Hey lady, at my age, I'm the one who needs the fulfilling, not the other way around. Capisce?

3. Admiration 

Okay, this truly wants to make me retch. The article states how hard your husband works for you, how he's doing his part and how we need to tell him how much we love and appreciate him.

I didn't realize I was sitting on the couch watching soap operas and eating bon bons all day. I'm so sorry. Let me get a tub out and wash his feet and then feed him grapes and fan him while he lies down on a chaise lounge. Perhaps I should wait on him hand and foot after his hard day. I mean, I've done nothing all day but work, do the grocery shopping, tended to the kids, cleaned the house and washed the laundry.

4. Domestic support

"Domestic support involves the creation of a peaceful and well-managed home environment."  While the husband is "doing his part" we should be cooking, washing dishes, keeping the home clean, etc.

In my experience "doing his part" usually consisted of playing Mafia Wars, checking fantasy football stats and taking a shit. Um, I even took out the garbage and mowed the lawn. But sure, let me take care of all that while he's "doing his part."

Oh, and here's my favorite...

5. An attractive spouse

 Did you get that? I said An attractive spouse.  Apparently we as wives and mothers get comfortable, i.e. dumpy, in this woman's mind.  We need to make an effort to be attractive for our spouse. We should freshen up before he gets home. Because there's nothing like feeling pretty when you've been slaving over a hot stove after a full day at work feeling like your face has melted, and you're covered in baby spit and boogers. Meanwhile when he gets home he flips on the TV, gets in some kind of crappywear, such as sweats or baggy shorts with holes in them and that shitty t-shirt he won't let you throw out, grabs a beer, makes himself comfortable, sticks his hand down his pants and farts on the couch. You know, because that is oh, so attractive.



The author of this article says that if you meet these five needs of your husband your will build a stronger marriage. Just like the article I wrote about Tuesday and yesterday, I say, what makes a strong marriage is mutual respect, open communication, honesty and spending time together, but also having interests outside each other and the home.


Without the things I mention, a marriage is bound to fail. With the 5 things the author of the Family Share article mentions, you're bound to turn into June Cleaver, telling your husband over a martini that he was a little too hard on the Beaver last night.

Response: 8 Reasons NOT to send your daughters to college

Have you seen this article? It's appalling. I was raised Catholic btw. I consider myself a recovering Catholic, but even I know that this is not a Catholic stance on college or women or education. This is one man, Rayman Alleman, hiding behind religion to spout his own anti-feminist agenda. IMHO.

So here we go...

1. She will attract the wrong types of men.  Alleman believes that if they go to college lazy men will basically take advantage of the fact that they are bright and have a career.
Um, so they should just become stay at home moms? Or work a crappy minimum wage jobs to ward off these types of men? This is completely nonsensical. A strong, sensible woman will not let a man take advantage of her. Period.

2. She will be in a near occasion of sin. Yeah, hate to break this to you, but she's always in a near occasion of sin. She doesn't have to go to college for it. She can find it at Starbucks. And the grocery store. And, God forbid, church. And the other psycho-babble he spouts in this one is just bonkers.

3. She will not learn to be a wife and mother. Because of course all career women are horrible mothers, right? Being a wife and mother is not something you learn, it's innate. When you become one, you just do it and whether you stay at home or go to college makes no difference.

4. The cost of a degree is becoming more difficult to recoup. I don't necessarily disagree with this one, but it's the way he explains it that makes me want to bitch slap someone. Yes, college loans are expensive, good jobs are hard to find, but why must it be the man that has to bring a skill to the marketplace while the woman stay home and be frugal. Come on! What is this, the 1950's?

 5. You don’t have to prove anything to the world. Thank you Captain Obvious. The idea of college is "folly". And women are just succumbing to peer pressure when they attend college. Uh-huh. It's not that maybe we want to better ourselves, or the world, or try to find our place in the universe or make a difference or get a good job or maybe just feel some sense of accomplishment? No. It's because mommy and daddy told me to go.


6. It could be a near occasion of sin for the parents. Yes, parents will use contraception to send their other children to college. Dude, there are only a handful of parents who have more than 2 or 3 kids these days. How do you think they're NOT having these other children? Look around at your other Catholic friends with one or two kids...

7.  She will regret it. They apparently have all these women coming forward professing how much they regret working instead of raising their children. Yes, having an education is such a horrible thing to have. Please. In this day and age where more people are getting divorced than staying married, a woman would be stupid not to get an education and a job. Believe me, after being a stay at home mom for ten years, it's pretty damn hard to get back into the workforce after a divorce.

8.  It could interfere with a religious vocation. Right, because we know how many women are allowed to become priests and how many are still becoming nuns these days. Are you serious?

Yeah, so I won't mince words, I think this guy is an idiot. And let's see, all of these reasons could apply to sons as well, could they not?

Let's leave the college decisions up to the individual. I mean, college definitely isn't for everyone. I'm not saying everyone should go, but for those who want to? It's not up to the church (or some crazy right wing faction of it), or some crazy Catholic blogger and his misogynistic following. It's up to the student and perhaps their parents if they have to help pay for it.

Personally, I wanted an education. It took me a long time to get it. I went to college, quit and went back, but I believe it helped me get where I am now, I felt a sense of accomplishment when I did get my bachelor's degree.

And you know what, if girls or boys alike go to college and make mistakes, so what? That's the age. It's the time to experiment and explore, get out on your own and find out who you are as a person. I made plenty of mistakes when I went off to college. I learned and grew as a person. Now I'm an educated woman with a good job and I don't feel like I was a lesser wife, mother, or woman because of it.

Response to: FYI (if you're a teenage girl)

I know, there have been a million responses already, and I'm about a day behind, but as the mother of two teenage girls, I felt I had to respond.

I understand some of what Mrs. Hall is saying. I do. I just don't agree with it.

I think it's fine that the Hall parents monitor what their children do online. It's very smart. However, where is the trust in the parent/child relationship? At what point do you let your children use their best judgment as to who they can and cannot be Facebook friends with? When do you stop censoring every little thing they do?

If she's taught her boys to respect females, she shouldn't have to worry, right? Okay, no. Why? Because no matter how much they respect them, they will still look at them at a sexual way if they are a red-blooded, heterosexual teenage boy. 

Scantily clothed. Fully clothed. Nude. It doesn't matter. That's how it works.

Even the Biebs does it.

Boys do the same thing BTW. Have you seen all the bathroom, shirtless pics they post? Are you going to write this same letter to those boys when your daughter is a teenager?

Look, my daughter and her friends are barely dressed in this pic below. You could even say that the one on the right is posing suggestively.

Would the Hall boys be able to be friends with these girls? Or would they be blocked by their parents? I mean, the Hall boys may look at them in a sexual way, right?

And then of course we have the double standard of her own boys in bathing suits flexing their muscles on the beach in the pictures she chose to post on that particular blog. 

Pictures she has since changed. 

Does she not think that a teenage girl would look at that and drool a little? After all, her boys are handsome, shirtless, and flexing.

Okay, admittedly, I really don't appreciate boys/men with their shirts off in front of the mirror, and don't think young girls should be seductively half naked in their Facebook pics. I think parents should teach their children what is and what is not acceptable. 

Kim K.

Does Mrs. Hall let her boys watch TV? Movies? Listen to music? Play video games? Read magazines? Media has been teaching children for decades how they should look and behave. This is learned behavior from sources beyond our control. Even if you temper media at home, you'll never be able to keep your children from it completely, especially in these days where Google is a god.


When my girls first got their Facebook pages I told them not to friend anyone they don't know and that I would not censor them unless I felt what they posted was way out of control. I did tell them that they need to think about what they post, who will see it, what it might affect, and then to use their best judgment.

And I would never block someone from their Facebook. I can imply and suggest, but they can decide who needs to be blocked. I trust their judgment because I've taught them well.

And in this day and age of self esteem problems, obesity, self harm and eating disorders, is it so wrong for a teenage girl to be confident in her looks and her body.  To feel pretty. I think it's empowering, as long as she respects herself, and that is something they need to learn from their parents.

 Teenagers have bigger problems these days. Bullying, violence, alcohol, drugs, grades...

...scantily clad co-eds isn't one.

Just my two cents on this Friday.

Monday Morning Blahg: YA Too Dark?

Many of you have probably already seen the Wall Street Journal article about the darkness in YA literature.  I hate to give this article any more attention, but the article irked me royal.  The writer of the article talks about how all the books are dark and gruesome, full of violence, abuse, self mutilation, profanity, addiction, yadda yadda yadda.

You know what I was reading when I was thirteen?  Stephen King.  Firestarter, Dead Zone, The Stand, Cujo.  Full of foul language and sex and violence.  Was this my only option?  No, but it's what I liked reading.

Teens are reading.  Isn't that a good thing?  These days, teens are reading topics that interest them, topics they can relate to, topics that deal with the problems they deal with.  The author mentions a few books that she says, "don't end well."  Life is not all butterflies and rainbows.  Teens these days face some really horrific realities-homophobia, depression, violence, suicide.  Most of these books they're reading do offer hope in the end.  It's not all gloom and doom.  And many teens feel these books help them deal.  If you don't believe me, check out Twitter #yasaves. 

And yes, the fantasy books are full of the same stuff the realistic books are: violence, death, profanity.  Again, this is not anything they're not exposed to in their every day life, but also offers a form of escape into a world other than they're own.

I wonder if the adults that have a problem with YA let their kids play violent video games, or watch movies or TV shows full of sex and violence. Kids are exposed to this kind of stuff every day, whether through media or reality.  Why should we shield them from their own actualities?

I've spoken my peace.

High School? Already?

So, Thing One left for halls of high school this morning with her cousin and friend by her side.  And while I didn't cry, I did feel like I needed to take a few Xanax, knowing how difficult the high school years can be, and how many things I forgot to tell her before she started.

We've already had the drugs/alcohol/sex talk.  But her father and I both failed to have the older-boy-with-a-car talk.  Meaning, we forgot to tell her they were off limits.  And she's a very VERY cute girl, so it's only a matter of time before some suave upperclassman sees the cutie soccer player and wants a date.  Not going to happen.

High school also makes me face my mortality a little more, well, mostly my age.  I'm getting older, no matter how hard I try to fight it.  How much longer can I get away with mini skirts and high tops before I stop looking like "Cool Mom" and start looking like someone desperately trying to cling to their youth?

And then I have to face the fact that I won't be seeing her much anymore.  With sports and social activities, high school is the time where the kids become more independent and hate being home. sigh.

I will say that she's a good responsible girl who I completely trust. She knows the order of priorities, school, soccer, social life.  She's never been in trouble and she talks to me about pretty much everything, so I think if issues arise, we'll be facing them together.

Ciao,

Megan

Off on a Tangent

Sorry but no top four this week. I got lazy yesterday after writing about, say, one line, and gave up.

As many of you know, I've been doing these book reviews lately, especially after becoming a vine reviewer for Amazon.com. I did one last week, and posted the review on Amazon, as well as facebook, and youtube. On my youtube video, I received this comment.

"Gosh, I think this was a great satire on book critics. Not only do I think the book is extremely effective, but I cannot think of a worse critic for this type of youthful material. Allison Burnett may be an "older guy" but he most certainly relates to 17 year-old young women. I just hope all your review have those bizarre angles of your living room and house."

Okay, aside from the idiocy and ridiculosity (my new word) I focused on the "worst critic" comment. What makes someone a good critic for a book. This poster is a 21 year old male. Is he a better critic for this book than me? It's YA, okay, he's got one on my there, but it's also from a female perspective, a blogger to be exact. Hmmmmm...

Number 1, I have been doing book reviews for two years now. Some of them are excerpts of books, but I try to be thorough and fair.

2) I'm female, I was once a young adult, I'm a blogger, I have teen daughters. I think that gives me some perspective when it comes to books like this, don't you?

3) I LOVE YA lit. I've read loads of books and loved them, Jay Asher, the Twilight Series, Narnia, HP, Elizabeth Scott, etc, etc, etc.

4) I look at all aspects, character (which I hated), storyline (which was intriguing), dialogue (which was inconsistent), writing (which was good). I don't judge on just one or the other, I take the work as a whole.

I did not like the book. Had I been judging it solely on my personal preference, I probably would have given it a much lower rating. BUT, I did keep in mind that this book is not for 40 year old women, it's for YA's. Young adults, and they would like the subject matter about blogging, and sex, and drinking, and drugs. So I gave it higher marks.

And the ending sucked. Period.

So, am I qualified to review this? Should only people in the target audience be reviewing stuff like this? What do you think?

Check out the review if you want http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxCvKZ0Xdx4

Friday Free For All: What Sex Doesn't Sell

Sex can't sell everything. I've compiled a list of what I think sex doesn't sell.

Tampons or anything else associated with women's feminine products.

Pets. If you tried to sell pets with sex, that would just be, well in a word, ew.

Prune juice. 'Nuf said.

Suppositories. Not sexy. At all.

Toys. That would just be wrong. "Hey Billy, you want to play doctor? I just got this new Check Me Out doctor kit." "Okay Johnny, sounds fun!"

Daycare. Well, single dads might appreciate this. Actually married ones might too. Scratch that.

Medications for anything ranging from bunions to warts, to yeast infections, especially STD's.

Toilet paper. Right place, wrong function.

If you are someone that thinks sex could sell these things, you might want to get a mental health evaluation. Just sayin'.

Thanks for reading
Kisses :*
Megan