2015 Highlights and Lowlights

For some reason I kept wanting to write about how awful 2015 has been to me. I kept stopping myself. I mean, yeah, things have been hard this year. Things sucked. But I'm not a Syrian refugee, a victim of terrorism, afraid to be a Muslim in the U.S...no. I'm just a middle aged woman to whom shit has happened this year.

As I continued to think about the last year, I realized, although much was completely sucky, so much of it was good too. So I thought I would create a little highlight blog of things that happened, good and bad. I think it will give me some closure of the awful things and help me remember the awesome experiences I had this year.


We'll start with the lowlights and get them out of the way. 

1. Books continued to get pirated. I gave up trying to save them. Sigh. 
2. Writing was a non-factor for me this year. Just no time.
3. Got trapped in Ocean Shores after a huge storm. Had to stay three extra days. The town of Hoquiam was hit hard by the damage. 
4. My father's ex-partners turned on him. This is a long, sordid story, but it lasted all year and was awful and devastating to many. All turned out for the better eventually, he is happy at the office he's in now, but we were all disappointed at how fast my philanthropic, kind, gentle, wise, hard-working father was back stabbed.
5. My work environment was hostile for about 4 months which put a lot of stress on me.
6. Then I lost my job.
7. I couldn't find work for about 6 months.
8. My best friend stopped talking to me.
9. My chronic fatigue and depression hit me hard this year. There were days I could barely get out of bed. Days I wanted to run away. 
10. People I love were plagued by mental health issues and addiction. Sometimes I could help, kind of, but mostly it just made me feel useless, like there was nothing I could do.
11. Watching my children go through frustrating, difficult, unfair things that are out of their control and mine.
12. People my age died. At least 4 or 5. Some just dropped dead. It's sad and scary and I will miss seeing their faces and it makes you think about your own health, your own mortality.
13. Had to cancel a couple trips for personal or medical reasons.
14. No boyfriend, no dates...frightened of becoming cat lady with no cats.
    
15. Lost a freelance job I really liked. Had to quit another freelance job.
16. My mom being burglarized while she slept. Of course, it went viral, but still, scary.
17. Having my basement flood and getting my yard dug up for a small fortune.
18. Continually butting heads with the school district over  policies damaging to those they affect.
19. Younger daughter coming down with mono at the end of the year. Oy.

Now, the highlights...

1. My Hawks went to the Superbowl again. Totally exciting. I'm hoping we can have a
   
   three-pete, we shall see. This led to...
2. My dad going to the Superbowl. Awesome!
3. I saw some great live music: Ian McFerran, my brother's band, Death Cab, 21 Pilots, Alabama Shakes, Cage the Elephant. Actually meeting Cage the Elephant! 
4. Took a beginning graphic design class. It was awesome.
5. Won $1200 at the casino.
6. After about six months of not speaking, I reunited with my bestie. Best thing ever. 
7. I went on amazing vacations and road trips. I went to Arizona - twice. I also attended a few rodeos with one of my best friends, Deann and her daughter Jordan, who participates. Drove many times to the ocean, whether alone for some down time, or
   
   with friends or family. Moses Lake for fourth of July with my bestie, Heidi. Austin, TX, a trip which I actually almost hated had it not been from my awesome friend Rachel.
8. Lots of good nights out with friends.
9. I joined a gym. And I went. Maybe not as much as I wanted to, but I went.
10. Doing work now that I love including freelance writing and contract marketing. And now the wine shop, eventually taking over. 
11. I coined some funny shit.  " a couple penises just slipped through" - referring to Google searches.  "phone full of dicks" - referring to online dating.
12. My parents, my two kids, and my siblings all turned another year older. Which means they are still alive. This is always a good thing.

And what about the world? Our country...

The bad: 

• Bill Cosby
• Subway's Jared
• The Duggars
• Deflategate
• Climate change
• Killings of black men by police officers
• Mass shootings
• On air shooting
• ISIS
• Paul Ryan
• Wildfires
• Donald Trump
• Terrorism in France
• Syrian civil war and refugee crisis
• Attacking Planned Parenthood
• The loss of: Mad Men, Leonard Nimoy, Stuart Scott, Beau Biden, Bobbi Kristina Brown, Frank Gifford, Wes Craven, Yogi Berra, Lesley Gore, Maureen O'Hara, Omar Sharif, Percy Sledge, Ben E. King, Anna Meara, Christopher Lee, Moses Malone.

The Good:

• Iran Nuclear Deal
• President Obama
• Pope Francis
• Opening Cuba
• Legalizing same-sex marriage
• Caitlyn Jenner
• Bernie Sanders
• Star Wars
• Homelessness declines
• Unemployment down
• Jimmy Carter
• Transparency
• Beatles on Spotify
• US wins Women's World Cup

Quotes I will live by for the next year...

There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle. ~ Robert Alden

There is nothing we cannot live down, and rise above, and overcome. ~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

You can not find peace by avoiding life. ~ Virginia Woolf

Have a safe and sane New Year's Eve.

More accounting, more goals

 I actually found my goals from last year. I'm not sure I did a great job attaining
them, but let's see what I did get accomplished.

Life:
Last year's goals - screw balance and take things one by one.
Um, seriously, that was my goal. I am pretty sure I did that although some of the other stuff in this section...I'm not sure. Here they were...

• Work - Who cares?: Pretty much nailed that.
  
• Writing - An hour a day. Um, no. I mean technically, probably yes, but not fiction writing. Writing for work, proposals and no, I'm not even counting my social media, but not the writing I intended to do although I would almost guarantee I wrote more this year than last. My plan is to finish the book I'm writing and rewrite another.
• Marketing - An hour a day. Probably, though again, not the marketing I intended to do which was for my book, Dissected. The marketing I did was for my new business. I'll continue this.
• Kids - My kids and I have already decided to commit one day a week to each other in which we have dinner and spend the evening together doing something, with no one else, just us. Hahahaha. But seriously, Um...I blame them.
  
• Organization - Um...I'll work on it. That's all I can say. Pretty much all I can say for this year too. I'm just not an organized person. I mean, I know where all my piles are, and where the important things are in those piles, but...yeah.
• Travel - Yes. I did this: Ocean, AZ, Mexico, Florida, San Francisco...I'll try to keep it up this year. I love to travel. And I still have my dream to drive cross country. Anyone want to go with me?

Love:
2014 goals - If I want to throw my heart at someone, it's mine to throw. If they break it into tiny pieces and throw it back at me, it's just another of life's lessons learned the hard way and I have another story to tell. Er, I'm not sure that was exactly a goal. I went on and on in this one last year and made absolutely no sense.  Soooo, goal #1, love me first, everyone else second. Goal #2, as far as relationships are concerned, don't look for love, let it find me if it will. If it doesn't, just be happy and take advantage of the time alone to get things accomplished. What more can you do?

 
 
A few more goals I had last year:

• Smile more. :) - Maybe I did this? Who knows? I'll keep trying.
• Visit my parents at least once a week. Probably pretty close. Still intend to do so and throw in, make sure my kids visit them once a week. Life is shorter than we think. Show the people you love you care.
•  Learn patience or at least learn to breathe a little. Hahaha, er...okay, I'll try again this year.
  
• Shut up and listen. Yes. I think I do this. I think.
• Dance in my living room when no one's home. Um...I don't think I did this, but it's a good idea, so I'll try again.

Those were all last years. I think I will add one about Friendships - Handle them with care. Broaden my horizons more. Meet up with people I haven't for a while and try to meet new people. Don't let anyone define who I am. Don't let anyone bring you down. If a friendship isn't working or feels like it's one sided, end it.

Another goal is to Read More - I tried this last year. I'm really not sure how I did. I mean, I didn't read all the fiction I wanted to. I set out to read 12 works of fiction and that didn't happen. From my list, I did read...

• Insurgent
• Allegiant
• The Summer of Letting Go
• The Fault in our Stars
• 1/2 of the Bell Jar 

I stopped reading Bell Jar because I was in a bad place while reading it and it's not exactly a picker upper. I did throw an extra book in there that was not on my list, Grasshopper Jungle. Also, I read a ton of business books, so I would guarantee I read at least 12 books last year if not more.

So, I'm going to get back to the 12 fiction books again and here's my plan:

1. Finish the Bell Jar
2. Another John Green Book, don't know which one yet.
3. Sharp Objects - Gillian Flynn
4. Eleanor and Park - Rainbow Rowell
5. 100 Sideways Miles - Andrew Smith
6.  Anything one of my friends publish. If that happens.
7. Nothing Special - Geoff Herbach
8. Before I Fall -  Lauren Oliver
9. Very Bad Men  -  Harry Dolan
10. Noggin - John Corey Whaley
11. Go Ask Alice - Anonymous
12. Auracle - Gina Rosati

What are your goals for the next year? Have any reading goals? Where will life take you in 2015?

2013 accounting and 2014 intentions.

This year flew by. Seriously, I have no idea where it went. I feel like I was just doing I made the year before and see how I did and then set some goals for the next year.
resolutions
this. If you've not read my blog in December before, I like to go through the

But first, let's talk about the year. It's had its ups and downs...

1.  For the first couple months I continued to visit schools and talk about Never Eighteen and then I got sick and tired of it and decided it was time to work on getting something new out.
2. Never Eighteen was nominated for its first award, the New York City Reading Association's Charlotte Award. 
3. Never Eighteen got a book deal in Brazil.
4. Battled with my ex-agent over my film and movie rights. There was no winner, even though I have them now.
5. After querying approximately 3 agents I decided toke the plunge and indie publish. CRAZY!!
6. I took some amazing trips, Arizona with friends and my daughters, my first time to Vegas with a new friend, a few trips to the ocean, Lake Chelan.
7. Got to meet writer friends Taylor McCleve, Bettina Restrepo, Suzanne Lazear, and Liz Fichera, Jenny Milchman on my travels (or theirs). Forgive me if I forgot anyone!!
8. I've seen come great live music, small and big shows that included my daughter's band, and private show with Ian McFeron for my niece's birthday, the friend of a friend who plays some awesome Americana, my brother's band Smilin' Jack, Stephanie Anne Johnson, Pearl Jam...
9.  Dating, well, hmmm, it happened. Times were good, times weren't so good. Now they're great.
10. Both kids driving. Oy. Thing two gets her license next month.
11. One book edited, a new one started, and one...
12. ...Indie published!! Woot! A nerve wracking and awesome experience. Will I do it again? Hell yes!
13. I call this "The Year of Great Sleep".  If you've followed my blog, you know I've been having this health problem, and yes I call it a health problem, in which I have to sleep 2-3 hours a day, in the middle of the day which drives me nuts. I've done everything, tested everything and it's not diet, exercise or anything else. Trying a couple more things...frustrating.
14.  Read lots of good book. Lots for me at least, which is probably just a few for you, lets see, Divergent, Catching Fire, Mockingjay, Joe Peace, Cover of Snow...I'm pretty sure I've read more than that...those are just the ones I could think of off the top of my head.

Now, for the resolutions. Let's see how I did, and if I didn't succeed, how I will adjust in the upcoming year to try to achieve these goals.

Health:
Exercise 3-5 times a week. Eat healthier, cut down on my wine. Drop some weight. I didn't put a number on it. Quiet reflection 30 minutes a day.

Results -  HAHAHAHA. Just kidding. I did good with the exercise, kickboxing 3 times a week...until "The Year of Great Sleep" caught up with me. Then I just couldn't do it any more. I have started walking again though and it feels good. Eat healthier, for the most part. Cut down on wine, yes! Drop weight. I dropped it, then I picked it back up, then I dropped it again, then I picked it back up. I did that a couple times within the 10 pound range. Last time I checked I was down, but I'm pretty sure I've gained during the holidays so I've not checked, and I'm not going to until I fee liked I've dropped a couple pounds. Quiet reflection 30 minutes a day...EPIC FAIL.

2014 goal - Hope what I'm doing for "The Year of Great Sleep" works and keep walking and when I feel up to it, get back to kickboxing. Eat better. Cut out more sodium specifically. Stop eating popcorn for dinner and cook more. Considering going gluten free, but I REALLY like my half bagel in the morning with Laughing Cow cheese. Try to lose 10 pounds by my birthday in April. Quiet reflection for 10 minutes a day. Maybe that's more doable.

Writing:
Last year's goal was to finish my nano project and write 2 more books. And I was making decisions between these three things: 1) Entering ABNA 2) Self publishing 3) Finding an agent.

Results - I scrapped the nano project. I may pick it up at some point, but for now, it's Yay me!!
on the back burner. I have other projects I want to finish first. Write 2 more books? Was I completely insane when I wrote that? Drunk? Possessed by some kind of writing demon? HAHAHA yeah, that didn't happen. I did start one. I got up to 21k. Nothing to sneeze at. And of the last 3 items I did enter ABNA and of course I self published Dissected.
 
2013 goal - Definitely not to write 2 books this year. I know that's not going to happen. I do want to finish the one I'm writing. I would also like to self publish another in late summer early fall - my football book titled, Girl in Motion. And possibly edit my school shooting book and work on my dystopian series, though that's getting a little lofty.

Life:
Last year's goals -Better balancing work, writing, kids, and all the other pleasures in life. Reading more, staying organized, travel more.


Results - I think I did worse with the balance this year than the previous and I blame that on "The Year of Great Sleep." You seriously have no idea how debilitating it's been. I do want to read more. I have certain books on my TBR list, Insurgent, I've been wanting to read some John Green, my friend Gae's 2nd book comes out and sounds amazeballs (I've already pre-ordered it), I have other friend's books to get to still...so many books, so little time. Organization, oy. Um, I think I was better although my office was messy from July to October. I bought a new desk and other furniture to get me organized. I have yet to put three more pieces together, but I'll get there. Travel more...I traveled as much as I could I think.

2014 goal - Balance...screw balance. I'm going to take these things one by one...

• Work - Who cares?
• Writing - An hour a day. I think I can promise myself that, can't I? It's not too much to ask of myself?
• Marketing - An hour a day. I may break this down even more, weekly tasks or monthly, like send out so many books or postcards, or do a live event a month, IDK yet. 
• Kids - My kids and I have already decided to commit one day a week to each other in which we have dinner and spend the evening together doing something, with no one else, just us.
• Organization - Um...I'll work on it. That's all I can say.
• Travel - Yes. I will be going to the ocean, in fact, I'm starting the year out there. I know there will be more trips to the ocean and I will be going to Arizona, Mexico, and Florida, these things are for sure. Other than that, I don't know. One of these days I want to take my daughters to NY. Before I am too old, I need to do my drive across the country. I've only been wanting to do it since I graduated high school. Maybe this should be the year. I should really do it before I'm 50 at least.

Love:
Last year's goals - To love myself and others to the best of my abilities. Remember that I am fallible and will make mistakes, but it is just a part of life, who I am, and who I will be. As long as I keep growing and learning from the mistakes I make, it's fine. Continue to trust in myself and others, but I also need to be more careful when doing this and know not everyone has my best interests at heart. And I will continue to let happiness happen.

Results - Let's see...hahaha, um, I tried really hard to love myself and sometimes I was hugely successful at it and sometimes I epically failed. It's pretty much impossible not to remember that I'm fallible and make mistakes. I've gotten used to it. Totally kidding, but yeah, I'm okay making mistakes. As humans we never stop growing and learning and I'm okay with that. I think I become a better more interesting person every year. And maybe even a little more profound. I don't know. happiness happen, I do, but I also

2014 goals - I pretty much love me for who I am. I think I'm a pretty cool cat. I'm crazy pants, but I think they help me appreciate when life is good and right. They remind me of times in which I was really low and how I don't ever want to go back there. I found a quote I love - "...but for the dark, we'd never see the stars." I've been writing it in Dissected when I sign it. As far as mistakes and fallibility go, I'm going to keep doing that and keep learning and growing as a person and keep feeling and experiencing life. Our mistakes, our experiences our adventures is what makes us interesting, unique. They are what give us stories to tell. Trust...who cares...if I want to throw my heart at someone, it's mine to throw. If they break it into tiny pieces and throw it back at me, it's just another of life's lessons learned the hard way and I have another story to tell.

Or maybe I'm just narcissistic to think that because, well, I am. I don't trust myself. Period. Pttthhh. I don't care. I do stupid stuff. I make bad decisions, mistakes. I'm okay with it. See sentences above. I trust others though, but I've become jaded and skeptical. I'm careful these days. And I let
like a little sadness from time to time.
smart, I'm funny, I'm adorable, but I do have moments of self loathing, but to be perfectly honest, in a way I like those moments and I think I need those low moments, as long as I don't have them too often. I don't know if this sounds completely

A few more goals I have:

• Smile more. :)
• Visit my parents at least once a week.
•  Learn patience or at least learn to breathe a little.
• Shut up and listen.
• Dance in my living room when no one's home.

I'll probably come up with more, but you're not supposed to take on too many resolutions or you're setting yourself up for failure. I blogged about that for the day job last week. That blog comes out on New Year's Eve. You should check it out.

Are you making resolutions? What are they?

Have a great New Years Eve and Day. Stay safe and sane.

Monkey Madness Monday: 2013 Bring it on!

It's the end of another year. Yowza, was it crazy. Here's why:

1.  Debut, um, 'nuf said?
2.  Class of 2k12. One of the best things about the year.
3. My friends Gae and Annemarie visited from NY for my debut, other best thing that happened this year.
4. Had to get out of my comfort zone for the numerous school visits, bookstore and library events I participated in.
5. Marketing, ugh.
6.  Online dating, um, yeah, crazy would be a good word though doesn't quite grasp the absoluteness of the craziness.
7.  Parted ways with my agent, the quest to find a new one.
8. Both kids in high school. When the hell did I get that old?
9. Thing One driving, a blessing and a curse.
10. Awesome trips, AZ, NY, the ocean, Portland...
11. Two rewrites, two new books, no 2nd book deal. :( (not yet)
12. Insomnia. ARG!
13. Lots of good books read (okay, lots for me, which is probably a drop to some of you)
14. New BF. I think this one's a keeper. 

Now, for the resolutions. I like to compare the new with the old, see my successes, find my shortcomings, plan for the future accordingly. So here we go...


Health:
Last year's goals - exercise more, 3 days a week at least work up to 5 hopefully. Healthier eating habits. 30 minutes of quiet reflection a day.

Results -  I didn't entirely fail on my health goals. I did exercise more. I walked a lot, bought a bike and biked quite a bit when the weather was decent. I started kickboxing. I feel good about it. I'd say I did the 3 a week mostly. Didn't quite make it to 5, only some weeks. I still eat pretty healthy. Quiet reflection? Not so much.

2013 goal - Keep up with the exercise, 3-5 times a week. Keep up with the healthier eating, cut down on my wine *sheds tear*. While I didn't give myself a weight goal last year, I really would like to drop some weight. I'm not going to put a number on it, just going to leave it at that. Quiet reflection...hmmm...I think I'll try this again. 30 minutes a day, huh? I'll try.

Writing:
Last year's goals - Finish rewrite (Dissected), write 2 books. I know those are lofty goals, but I think I can do it if I set my mind to it, set priorities, and plan my time better.

Results - I finished the rewrite. I also finished a major rewrite of another book and wrote 30k at Nano toward another book. So I didn't quite reach the goal, but I still feel okay about it. The major rewrite was essentially like writing a whole new book, and 30k is nothing to sneeze at.


2013 goals - Finish nano project, write 2 more books. yes, again lofty, but if I put my mind to it, I know I can do it. I also need to make some decisions. I've been contemplating 1) Entering ABNA 2) Self publishing 3) Finding an agent. I need to shit or get off the pot. I truly believe you will see another novel by yours truly on the shelves within the next two years whether it's self published or no.

Life:
Last year's goals -Figuring out how to balance work, writing, kids, and all the other pleasures in life. Reading more, staying organized, travel more.


Results - Balance? I think I did okay, though would like to do better.
I read. I actually, without realizing until just now, reached my goal of one a month. I know I read at least twelve books. Gathering Storm, Scarlet, May B., Velveteen, Breathe of Eyre, The Wicked and the Just, Breaking Beautiful, Love and Leftovers, Hunger Games, Okay for Now, Inside Out and Back Again, Hooked...look at that. That's thirteen. :) That's all I can remember and probably all I've read unless you count self help and diet books, which I don't.
Organization? Um, I just cleaned my office. It was bad. So I'd say no. Fail.
Travel. As you see from my above list, I got some places. I'm good with it.


2013 goals - Probably the same. Keep balance, keep reading, keep organized, keep traveling.

Love:
Last year's goals - To learn to love myself unconditionally, accept the things about me that cannot be changed, and try to change the things that are under my control. To accept that I am human and therefore fallible. Try not to be too hard on myself when I fail, trust myself as well as those around me. Instead of trying so hard to find happiness, I will let it seek me out.

Results - Well, love myself? Mostly I think. Accept and change, I suppose. Too hard on myself? Trust? I still have issues I suppose. Sometimes my behavior disappoints me. I can't help it. Others? I think I mostly trust others, but at times I'm too trusting. I let people take advantage of me, my heart, my generosity and kindness.  Letting happiness find me. I suppose I may have tried to hard at first, but then I let it go. And guess what, it found me and right now at this moment on the last day of 2012 I can truly say that while life can be frustrating and stressful...I am happy.  Happier then I've been for a very long time.


2013 goals - Continue to love myself and others to the best of my abilities. Remember that I am fallible and will make mistakes, but it is just a part of life, who I am, and who I will be. As long as I keep growing and learning from the mistakes I make, it's fine. I need to continue to trust in myself and others, but I also need to be more careful when doing this and now not everyone has my best interests at heart. And I will continue to let happiness happen.

Happy New Year all. I for one am excited for the new year. There are things churning in my world that I'm excited about and cannot wait for the new year to begin. It's my wish for you that 2013 be filled with adventure, hope, bliss, and love.

Stay safe and sane. Do your driving sober. Peace.

Super Special New Years Eve Blog Because I Have No Life

Dear 2011,

We’ve had some good times; we’ve had some bad times. You’ve given me a new car, new friends, and a new disorder (I could have done without that last one btw).

You’ve kept my daughters healthy, happy, and beautiful, however, 2012 and I are going to have a serious discussion about their grades. I got to see one daughter excel in music while the other one became a Duchess, and both still rock on the soccer field.

You’ve given me some awesome memories: Sundance with my mom, Forks with Heidi, ocean trips with friends and my girls, Arizona, surprising Gae in New York.

You’ve been good to me and my little book. Going through the process was like watching a child grow up. From first pass pages to ARCs to the finished product—what an amazing journey.

You’ve sparked new relationships in my life and ended others. You’ve shown me death and brought new life into my world.

Thank you 2011. For the most part, you’ve been good to me, but it’s time we part ways. Tell 2012 I'm looking forward to meeting him and to bring it. Whatever its plans for me, whether they be challenges, cataclysms, or celebrations, I’m ready, and I’ve got back up.

Goodbye 2011. It’s been swell.

Megan

Life, Love, and Resolutions

I know people don't like to make resolutions, but I like to challenge myself to be better every single year (every single day). I did okay this last year, but I'm going to take it up a notch this year. I want 2012 to be epic.

Health: I will exercise more. This will include cardio (rule #1), weight training, and calisthenics. I'm going to start at 3 days per week, but hope to work up to 5.

I will take on healthier eating habits. I mean, I already do whole grain, low fat, etc, but I guess I'll have to take it up a notch. I don't know what this means yet, but I guess I'll have to figure it out.

I want to take 30 minutes of quiet a day to reflect. Hopefully this will help me to take the time to figure out what happened that day that needed change, what moments to celebrate. It will also give me the opportunity to regroup and plan for the next day.

Writing: If I don't finish this rewrite by the end of this year than that will be my first priority.

Aside from that I would like to write 2 books. I know those are lofty goals, but I think I can do it if I set my mind to it, set priorities, and plan my time better.

Life: Speaking of planning my time better, that is one of my goals, figuring out how to balance work, writing, kids, and all the other pleasures in life.

I want to read more. I did pretty good at the beginning of this year, but the end of the year was an epic fail. I think one book of month is doable. That is the goal I'm setting though I'm hoping for more.

Staying organized. This is a big challenge for me. My office is a complete mess (if you've been reading me, you'll know this because I've talked about it about every day for the last two weeks). My office at work is a mess. Even my writing style is all over the place. If I organize a few spaces in my life, I'm hoping everything else will fall into place.

I want to travel more and meet some of the friends I've made throughout the last few years.

Love: This is self love I'm talking about. I need to learn to love myself unconditionally. I need to accept the things about me that cannot be changed, and try to change the things that are under my control.

I need to accept that I am human and therefore fallible. There are times in which I'll succeed, there are times in which I will fail. If I fail I'll try not to be too hard on myself and just either try again or move forward.

I'm going to try to trust myself as well as those around me.

And this year, instead of trying so hard to find happiness, I will let it seek me out.

Basically, like I said before, I'm going to try to change the things I can, and let everything else fall into place. It's all I can do.

Happy New Year all. Stay safe and sane and don't die or kill someone else driving drunk. Peace.

New Year's Resolution Recap

 I was thinking about making some new resolutions, but I wanted to go back to last year and see if I achieved any of the goals I'd set for myself.  I didn't promise myself I'd achieve them, but I did say I'd try like hell.  Here are last year's resolutions and how I fared.

The first resolution was:
I will be more physically active.  Seriously people, I've let myself go.  Haven't set foot in a gym, or exercised for MONTHS.  So I resolve to get off my ass and get moving.




Well, um, I've exercised.  I bought the elliptical and used it, I went bike riding, I let Jillian Michaels kick my ass on occasion.  I think I've accomplished this, not as much as I would have liked to, but a little bit.

 Next resolution was:
And hopefully with all this action will come the dropping of a few *cough cough* extra pounds I've put on this year.

I didn't lose as much as I wanted, but I did lose seven pounds.  Not epic, but something.

Next resolution was:

I will write more.  I did write one book this year, Cheesy, which I'm in love with, but I finished that ages ago.  I've written very little in the last six months.


I wrote a book again this year, Sliced.  I'm rewriting it, so I think I've done well on this one.  I don't write every day like I should, but I do write when I can.  Day job kind of sucks my creativity right out of me.

Next:

I will try once again to find some peace and be happy in life.


The year started off pretty rough.  Then I went in and told my doctor I was bi-polar, and I was right.  New meds and I've been pretty balanced this year since March.  I've had a couple relapses, but not even close to where I was last year and the beginning of this year, so I say this resolution was a WIN.

Lastly:

I think the most important thing is to find out who I am.  I know the mother me, the wife me, and the writer me, but I don't really know that much more about myself.  I want to explore that and see who comes out in the wash.

I'm not sure I'm there yet.  I know I've worked hard to learn web design.  I've become a pretty good marketer.  I've worked hard to market Never Eighteen.  So, I guess I'm a hard worker.  But that's not me.  I've not been around many people this year, I've stayed pretty home based.  I watch myself fairly carefully, being bi-polar I have to be careful with who I go out with and what I do.  I'm still that mom, that writer, but I guess I'm not sure what else yet.  I guess I'll work on that more again next year.

Tomorrow I'll share the resolutions I've made for myself this year, and hope they stick.

Thought Provoking Thursday: Resolve

At first, there was no way I was going to make another New Year's resolution.  Nu-uh.  No way. I went back to my last year's resolutions and you know what EPIC FAIL.

#healthfail
#happyfail
#dietfail

However, as you know if you've been reading me a while, it's been a rough road this year.  Breakdowns, divorce, new house, new job, it's been hard to find balance.  I've started to see a pattern though this time of year, that's right life, I'm catching on to you, so next time this year I will be ready for it. (plus having a book come out at the same time doesn't suck either)

So this is my resolve for the upcoming year.  I'm not going to promise to achieve them, but I'm going to try like hell.

I will be more physically active.  Seriously people, I've let myself go.  Haven't set foot in a gym, or exercised for MONTHS.  So I resolve to get off my ass and get moving.

And hopefully with all this action will come the dropping of a few *cough cough* extra pounds I've put on this year.


I will write more.  I did write one book this year, Cheesy, which I'm in love with, but I finished that ages ago.  I've written very little in the last six months.

I will try once again to find some peace and be happy in life.

I think the most important thing is to find out who I am.  I know the mother me, the wife me, and the writer me, but I don't really know that much more about myself.  I want to explore that and see who comes out in the wash.


I want this year to be more than good.  I want it to be epic.

So what are you resolving for the upcoming year?  What are your goals and desires for yourself?

Happy New Year.

Stay safe, don't drink and drive.

Megan

Back to it top four things I need to get done desperately now that theholidays are over.

I guess I need to get back to blogging now that the chaos of the holidays are over, the husband is back to work, the kids to school.

I've slacked on everything these past two weeks that didn't have to do with Christmas.

So, my top four this week is the four things I desperately need to get done now that the holidays are over.

#4 get back to making healthy dinners.

No more pizza, no more chicken and jo's from safeway. Time to eat well again. It's bad enough to eat all the fudge and cookies and crap that come with the holidays, but you're so short of time from all the shopping and wrapping and cards that you resort to quicker unhealthy meals.

Tonight I cook homemade refried beans with some low fat cheese, high fiber tortilla, and fresh veggies.

Resolve

I know, I haven't blogged in quite a while. The holidays have been crazy with the shopping, and baking, and houseguests, and just general holiday chaos. But with the end of the year rolling around, I thought I should at least blog one more time before the new year begins.

Yes, I know, only a fool makes resolutions. And while I sometimes am foolish, I will not make promises to myself. I will however make some decisions. Those of you that know me well know that I've had a rough year. Not as rough as some others, but rough in its own right. I've had to sail through the muck to, as a good friend of mine would say, right the ship.

This last year has had its good and bad moments. I started off the year with a bang by having a nervous breakdown. My marriage nearly fell apart over it. I know I've written about this before, so I'll just touch on it. I was so severly depressed I basically gave up on everything in life, I stopped doing. Stopped being.

Lucky for me I have a husband who loves me a lot. I think most would have given up. He stuck with me, and things are good. Not perfect, as life is never perfect, but good.

I've also had my ups and downs health wise. I would say at the beginning of this year, I was the healthiest I had ever been, I was exercising, eating right, I'd dropped some extra pounds. But sometimes I eat too much, and sometimes I drink too much, and after going on a cruise in February, my health pretty much went out the window, and slowly and surely I got out of all the good habits I'd put in place. Right now I'm to the point where I feel a bit out of control.

There was one highlight to my year (aside from my marriage not completely falling apart). My trip to NY. I got to meet, in person, many of the wonderful people I'd met virtually through the abna contest, and people I'd met through Gae on Facebook. I stayed at Gae's house, and we had a blast.

So, that being said. I'm coming to peace with myself for the upcoming year. I've already started exercising. Walking hills, I'm going to be doing crunches. I'll be happy to lose 5 to 10 pounds. I think if I feel better about myself, I'll feel better about everything.

I truly want to meet more of my writer friends in person. Another trip is already in the works. Somewhere warm.

I'm determined to write more, on a regular basis, not keep churning out novels during NaNoWriMo. It takes too much out of me right before the holidays. Also going to work on getting these things published.

But mostly, I'm just going to try to be happy in life. It's all we can do, right?

Happy New Year to you and yours. Have a safe and sane holiday.

Kisses :*

Megan