Insomnia and other side affects of writing

Every so often I go through bouts of sleeplessness. Last night was one of those nights. I'd only slept for four hours when it was time to get up. I couldn't function, so I called in sick and went back to bed.

Why couldn't I sleep?

You know when you wake up and then your mind goes and you just can't get it to shut off? That was me last night.

I was thinking about my agent search, worrying about how long it was going to take. Wondering what happens if I don't get one.

I thought about finishing this rewrite that I've been working on for months now with no motivation.

Money
Relationships
Work
Writing
Medical issues

You know, all the life worries that pop into your head at 2 am.

I talked to my BF today. He gave me some very good advice. First, I need to make a list of the things that are in my control and work on them, the rewrite, the budget, querying agents.

Don't worry about the things that are beyond my control. There's nothing I can do about them.

He said I'm thinking backwards. He says I think "have, do be". If I have this, then I can do this, than I can be this. He says I should be thinking in reverse.

Be. Do. Have.

It makes a lot of sense.

Now, to make that list.

F³A: Aaaaah, sleep I have finally found thee

Sleep finally found me.  I'd been running on fumes for the past week at least.  4 to 5 hours each night.  Lack of sleep for me comes down to this:

• Apathy
• Lack of motivation
• Delirium
• Irritation about everything
• Inability to put words together to make a sentence
• Inability to know good from evil
• Lack of brain function
• My alter ego Mrs. McCrankypants emergers
• Moments of complete and utter road rage
• My kids thinking I'm psycho

Last night I got 8.5 hours.  No one will die today.  How did I get through it,  you ask?  Thing one and Thing two, as well as their friends who I love dearly, while driving me nuts from time to time, dealt with me pretty good and made me laugh.  Plus, someone who cares about me enough to come over and deals with my shit and does things for me and basically makes me sit, breathe, and feel sane.

Friday Scribbles

Christmas song of the week: Baby It's Cold Outside.  I like most versions, this one happens to be by Willie Nelson and Norah Jones

Book of the Week: The Wicked and the Just by J. Anderson Coats.  Don't usually read historical fiction, but started it this week and so far, it's amazing.

Movie of the Week: Casablanca.  I had never seen it until last night.  It's amazing.  I never really thought Humphrey Bogart was handsome either until I watched in.

Quote of the Week: "I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know? " ~ Ernest Hemingway
Ernest Hemingway

Have a good weekend, and get some good sleep.

Thursday Nerves

this is not my date

I have a date tonight.  A real date (do not ask what that means) It's been awhile.  A very LOOOONNNGGG while.
He's a chef and he's coming over to cook me dinner.  Whenever I'm going to have company, I go into panic mode.

I've been up since four.  Cleaning.  Yep, panic cleaning.  After I cleaned for about an hour I showered and tried to lay down and sleep again, but my mind was racing.  Not just about tonight, but about my rewrite I'm doing, and a book store gig I have in March, and, and, and.

I fear I'm going to be a lousy date because of my lack of sleep.  And it's not just today.  I haven't slept well all week, and I hope it doesn't all catch up with me tonight and I fall asleep at the dinner table, my face in a plate full of Gnocchi.  That would be bad.  Very.

But if I do, at least i'll know my house was clean.

Wish me luck.

F³A: Friday Already?!?!?

The title of this blog drips with sarcasm.  This week has seemed long.  Just getting back in to the swing of things after a week long illness and five day vacation.  It's been difficult.  I've had nightmares rivaling something from Elm Street, keeping me awake at night.  This of course has caused a week's worth of grumpity tiredness.  

Neighborhood cats are stalking me.

Birthday parties.

Did I mention work?

I can think of nothing but writing, feeling hot on my WIP Sad.  However, there are not enough hours in my  my day sometimes to squeeze it in between work, kids, grocery shopping, exercise (yes I have been, but had to take a couple days off because my butt and thighs staged a rebellion), cooking, driving, cleaning (okay, maybe not cleaning, please no surprise visits this weekend).  I have done some writing, I'm up to 4K on the novel.  Not much, but more than before.

Maybe this weekend between birthday parties and football I can get a good chunk of words out.  That's my goal at least.  I think I'll go for 3K.

I can't write anymore.  I keep getting distracted by the clock and Facebook and email.  Plus, I have to be at work soon and have yet to brush my teeth and put shoes on. (have I mentioned how much I hate wearing shoes?  And coats.  I hate coats and it's really effing cold here)

Book of the week: Tell Me a Secret by Holly Cupala.  Just started it yesterday.  Very good. And she's local and a Diva Girl (which one day I long to be)

Random song that pops up on my iPod:  Just Breathe by Pearl Jam.  Very apropos for me today.

Movie of the Week:  Inception.  Trippy cool.

Quote of the week: "I was so scared to give up depression, fearing that somehow the worst part of me was actually all of me. "
— Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation (this quote reminds me of an email I just sent this morning)

Have a great weekend my friends.

Peace out.

~Megan

(look I learned how to make a new monkey)

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