This is one of those days...

Today is one of the days that my fatigue catches up with me. It's one of those days in which, if I didn't have a job, I wouldn't get out of bed. I believe I set myself back walking to work, and that was two weeks ago. I haven't been to the gym, I'm behind on some of my work, I've not cleaned my room, finished cleaning my office, got my taxes ready, done dishes, put away packages that came last week...

I can barely keep my eyes open. My head feels like someone hit me with a baseball bat. My entire body hurts. I want to cry.

This was something I was afraid of about working again -  that I wouldn't be able to keep up with it. My last job was 5 hours, until 1:30. I could go home and nap. This one, the hours aren't conducive to napping. And come next month I'm supposed to start working from 3 days a week to 5. Basically full time. And I still have two other jobs I don't want to give up. That is something I really didn't sign up for in the beginning and I really don't have any choice. We can't afford to hire someone else.

I don't know what to do. I just want to go back to bed. Sometimes I yearn for the days I was a stay at
home mom and could write all day, go to the gym, get the house clean and have dinner on the table by 5 (the Ultimate JFC). I wouldn't say life was easier back then, it had it's stresses, but my body didn't feel like this. My head didn't feel like this.

I wasn't like this.

But now I just have to suck it up and get ready for work (a job in which I do truly love btw) and hope there are not too many phone calls or hard questions. And I just look forward to Friday, a day I don't have to do anything if I don't want to, or I can catch up on the stuff I need to if my body and brain allow it.

Life After Work: Denied

I applied for unemployment as soon as I was let go from my job. They say even if you earned money that week, or whatnot, to still turn in your weekly claim. They also said if you have some kind of medical condition that might inhibit your working, get a note from your doctors.

If you read my blog regularly, you will know that I suffer from Chronic Fatigue
Syndrome (CFS). I went to a naturopath and she said I have adrenal fatigue. Anyway, it's all severe fatigue. What is does to me is pretty much tire me out by early noon, force me to sleep, causes memory and focus issues, sometimes my joints and body hurts, basically, it sucks and I hate it.

So I got a note from my doctor that states that I can work, but only party time. No biggee, I've been working part time for 5 years now and it pays the bills. So, as I'm looking for jobs, I'm looking mostly for telecommute and part time jobs. Now, locally, marketing and writing are not hot commodities, that's why I'm looking for telecommute freelance work. I figure if I can get at least 2 of those jobs (okay, maybe 3), it will be like having 1 job.

Also, I'm still trying to start my own business and write and all that crap.

I get weekly mail from Unemployment stating that they're still trying to decide if I'm eligible. I figure, whatever, no big deal, as long as it starts coming in soon because I'm going to eventually run out of money if I can't find work asap.

Last week when I file my weekly claim, it says there's some kind of issue and I need to call the office. Fine. I try to call and it's nearly impossible, so I sent an email. I get an answer back that I still need to try to get a hold of someone by phone, but it looks like I screwed up on my first weeks claim.

A day after that I get a letter stating that I've been denied. WTF?!?  The denial comes from the fact my doctor hasn't cleared me for work and I have to be available for work.

Um...she did say I was cleared for work. Part time work.

So I finally get someone on the phone (they had to call me back because their phones were backed up for an hour and a half O.o) and she tells me that I have to be available to work 8 am to 6 pm M-F. I'm like, "I am." She tells me, no, I have to be available for full time work.

What kind of bullshit is that? I worked part time, paid into the system, my work isn't contesting it...

Because I have CFS? I'm perfectly capable of working a job as long as it's not over 5 hours a day.

I asked, so what are people with medical issues supposed to do? Go hungry? I

mean, I suppose I could apply for disability, but I CAN WORK! I suppose I'm eligible for that, but I don't feel right about it.

Anyway, she put my paperwork back through. If it doesn't go through this time I have to appeal. Meanwhile the bank account is dwindling away.

I mean, seriously, I'm a single mom of two teenagers who just lost her job. I'm not trying to work the system. I just want to get by until I can find something else! I actually want to work. I looked it up and it said that you could get unemployment if you worked part time. So what's the story? I cannot believe it's just because I have CFS. #discrimination.

So, anyway, that happened. We'll see if they'll accept it this time. If not, I get to go through the appeal process. Joy.

Monkey Madness Monday: Balancing Act

"Rhesus Monkey" by James Barker

Keeping my life balanced is one of my New Year's resolutions, and perhaps the hardest one for me to keep. I have all these different aspects of my life that have to fit into the box that constitute my 15-16 daily waking hours.

I need to balance work, writing, marketing, household cleaning and maintenance, kids, boyfriend, friends and family, exercise, and the time in which my life is slowly slipping from me on my way to and from these tasks.

How do I do it? Well, right now I don't. That's the point. I WANT to, but I've never been good with balance. Multi-tasking? Yes. Complete and utter exhaustion? Sure. But balance? Nope.

Step one: Advice from my boyfriend, say no. Of course I know this, I've told myself I need to stop doing for others until I've got my own shit together. But I can't seem to do it.  Megan, come over early and help me set up for the party? Sure! Megan, could you review my book for me? Great! No problem! Megan, can I get you to read my query letter/synopsis/partofmymanuscrip/etc? You bet!

Don't get me wrong, there are people I will ALWAYS say yes too. My parents, people I'm mentoring, people who have helped me out, but I don't have to say yes to everyone, which I find myself doing more often than not. Sigh.

by David Castillo Dominici

Step two: Make a list. I need to list all the things on my to do list. And I mean ALL of them. It will be extensive, but whether it's something I need/want to do tomorrow or next year, I need to keep track of it.

Step three: Prioritize. Okay, maybe buying all new towels for my bathroom isn't as important that getting my manuscript to my editor. And perhaps that manuscript isn't as important as say, feeding my children. Or maybe it is? No matter, I need to figure out what is important and what can be put on the back burner.

Step four: As Yoda says, "Do or do not. There is no try." Uh, yeah. Okay, no try, I have to do. Without the "do", I will have spent all these waking hours on making lists and prioritizing for naught, and believe me, I have no waking hours to waste. It's going to take a schedule. Deadlines. Fortitude. Diligence. Things I try to ignore, but can no longer.

How are you at the balancing act? Do you find yourself swimming in the shallow end trying to ignore those tsunamis heading your way that are bound to drown you?

Yeah, that's me. So here I go. Wish me luck. If you never see my head above water again, it's been nice knowing you. Keep it real.