This is what Systemic Exertion Intolerance Disease looks like

Systemic Exertion Intolerance Disease (SEID). Sounds serious, right? What about Myalgic Ecephalomyelitis (ME) ? Sounds horrible doesn't it? How about Chronic Fatigue and Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (CFIDS)? 

These don't sound like anything you would want to endure, do they? What if I told you they were all the same disease? What if I told you, they were all Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? Why the fancy names? It's because physicians and clinicians want people to take this ailment seriously. Because they want people to start treating it for what it is - a real illness.

There has been a couple reports lately by Stanford University and Columbia University declaring the highly stigmatized disease formerly known as CFS as having a biological basis. SEID, ME, or CFIDS, whatever you want to call it, is not psychosomatic. This is backed up by a report put out by the Institute of Medicine.

Mady Hornig, the lead researcher behind these studies at Columbia University,is privately funded. Traditionally, CFS research has been greatly underfunded. It is low on the list of The National Institute of Health (NHIS) priorities with a research budget at about $5 per patient for 2015. Yet it's one of the most mysterious illnesses out there.

Why am I telling you all this? Haven't I beat this subject into the ground yet? Well, because I've started to do my own research, but let me back up a little...

Today I was going to show you in photos what it was like to live with CFS, which I will now call anything but that. I took pictures of certain rooms in my home that suffer from my ailment. But then I got embarrassed. Mostly because this illness is over stigmatized as "all in the head." I thought maybe people would see me as lazy or a hoarder, when in fact, that is very far from the truth.

I was afraid to show you the photo of my bedroom. That week I walked to work, I had just returned from my vacation. Why am I telling you this? Because that photo of my bedroom would have shown you a pile of clothing on my bed that I've been too tired to put away. On a chair, a laundry basket of clean clothes I have been too tired to fold and put away. And underneath the clothes on my bed is the suitcase I've not fully unpacked since I returned from my trip to Arizona on February 15th. 

I was afraid to show you the photo of all my medications for ailments connected to ME/CFS. Medications for anxiety, allergies, sleep, and focus.

I was embarrassed to show you the photo of my office and hallway. My office is my go-to room for all my junk. Right  before I left for my vacation, I started cleaning it out. I got pretty far, but I didn't finish. Now there are papers, books, and boxes of things spilling out of my office into the hallway. Me, having been much too exhausted to finish that task since coming back from vacation and overexerting myself that week.

I didn't want to show you the photo of the unpacked boxes I have by my front door. The ones with the groceries I bought from Amazon Pantry because it is too hard for me to get to the store most days. The other two boxes that contain the new shredder I bought to assist in the organization of my office. And the new garbage/recycling can I bought after my garbage can broke about a week ago. 

That is what living with ME/CFS looks like. It also looks like:

• Sleeping restless every night because you itch, or your legs won't stop moving, or your
  
  mind won't stop churning, or you have crazy nightmares.
• Getting out of bed at 12:30 pm on days you don't have to work outside the home. 
• An aching back, painful joints, sore shoulder muscles, headaches, stuffy nose and puffy eyes. 
• Not being able to recall the simplest of words, remember people's names, even your own friends sometimes, where you put your car keys, or what you did two nights ago. 
• Forgetting you're ill when you're feeling good, then overdoing it and suffering greatly for three weeks following. 
• At the end of the hard spell, having to start over again, trying to get back to where you were before you came out of remission, which for me was going to the gym, cooking, and cleaning, things that normal people can do without thinking about it. Things I once took for granted that I would always be able to do with no problem. 
• Having to have someone come clean your house and do your yard work once a month (I miss yard work) because if you did them yourself you wouldn't be able to get out of bed the next day.
• Getting physically exhausted by not only physical activities, but by thinking too hard as well. 

Don't just take my word for it, find out how others describe ME/CFS at The Mighty.

So I continue to do my research on what I can do to get and be better, to find away to raise money and awareness for ME/CFS research, which by the way, is not an easy find. I looked for support groups or organizations in my city. There are none.

So I guess you could say I'm on a mission. I'm on a mission to get the word out about this disease. To tell people how debilitating it can be. I want my family and friends to understand how I feel and why I can't always do the things they want me to do or go the places they want me to go. I want them not to laugh and mock me when I talk about my medical condition.

I want more research done. I don't want to feel like this. However, I am one of the lucky ones. I can work a part time job, while some can't work at all. I can get out of bed most mornings while some are bedridden. I can walk on my own two feet, where some are wheelchair bound. 

Now that ME/CFS is being taken more seriously by the medical profession, my wish is to someday be the person I was before the illness. Someone who was healthy and fit and happy. Someone who was productive and always on the go. That wish is not just for me, but for all those  suffering from this terrible affliction.

This is one of those days...

Today is one of the days that my fatigue catches up with me. It's one of those days in which, if I didn't have a job, I wouldn't get out of bed. I believe I set myself back walking to work, and that was two weeks ago. I haven't been to the gym, I'm behind on some of my work, I've not cleaned my room, finished cleaning my office, got my taxes ready, done dishes, put away packages that came last week...

I can barely keep my eyes open. My head feels like someone hit me with a baseball bat. My entire body hurts. I want to cry.

This was something I was afraid of about working again -  that I wouldn't be able to keep up with it. My last job was 5 hours, until 1:30. I could go home and nap. This one, the hours aren't conducive to napping. And come next month I'm supposed to start working from 3 days a week to 5. Basically full time. And I still have two other jobs I don't want to give up. That is something I really didn't sign up for in the beginning and I really don't have any choice. We can't afford to hire someone else.

I don't know what to do. I just want to go back to bed. Sometimes I yearn for the days I was a stay at
home mom and could write all day, go to the gym, get the house clean and have dinner on the table by 5 (the Ultimate JFC). I wouldn't say life was easier back then, it had it's stresses, but my body didn't feel like this. My head didn't feel like this.

I wasn't like this.

But now I just have to suck it up and get ready for work (a job in which I do truly love btw) and hope there are not too many phone calls or hard questions. And I just look forward to Friday, a day I don't have to do anything if I don't want to, or I can catch up on the stuff I need to if my body and brain allow it.

More of the battle

I was going to write about the joke of a presidential election happening, or the idiocy of blocking a nomination of a supreme court justice, the building of a methanol plant here in my city, or maybe even the new emoticon buttons on our facebook posts, but I've had some people tell me they have enjoyed being educated about CFS and I should continue to write about it. So here I go...

The view from my back door today.

Today would have been a beautiful day to walk to work, but basically, CFS and insomnia (could be CFS related insomnia, but who knows) has kicked my ass this week. I pushed really hard last week and now I'm paying the price. Last night I tried a little "herbal" help for my sleep. Yes, I mean weed. Not just any weed, but weed designed specifically to help you sleep. Don't judge, it's legal here. It made me tired. I fell asleep. Then I woke at 2 am and stayed awake until almost 6 am. When I woke up again at 9ish, I feel like I got hit in the head with a baseball bat, I have enormous bags under my eyes and they sting, and my entire body aches, especially my back and elbow (the joint pain is excruciatingly painful).

A friend told me that retail weed is weak and that I should try medical weed before the government ruins it for everyone (they've closed a bunch of MM stores, I assume they will continue to do so or start regulating their weed). So, anyway, the sleepy time weed didn't work.

Many people on my Facebook page gave me ideas for how to sleep better. I appreciate the support, I do, but none of it is anything I haven't tried before, with the exception of meditation and Zzzzzquil. A friend invited me to her meditation/yoga class next week, and I'm considering going though I hate yoga. And I think I'll go to the drug store for some good old fashioned Zquil. May try xanax as well since I have some.

Having CFS comes with a lot of other crap. Insomnia is one of them. Restless leg syndrome is another, which also is cause for a lack of sleep. Pain of course. And for some reason, I get itchy, especially my back and feet. No idea why. I've switched body wash, laundry detergent and fabric softeners to dye and fragrance free, but it doesn't seem to alleviate the problem.

I need to address some issues with doctors, unfortunately, I have to switch some doctors around because of my health insurance. I also have been doing research and finding what may help those who suffer from CFS with insomnia.

These sleepless bouts have been going on for about 3 years. I'll go sleepless for a few months, then have one day that my body revolts and I can't get out of bed all day, then it starts over again. Hopefully that "bed in" day will be on a day I don't have to work, but with my luck, I probably can't count on it.

So tonight, I follow some of the guidelines I've found and maybe take some Zquil. Hopefully I can get more than the 2 hours and 54 minutes I got last night (according to my Fitbit).

Insomnia and other pesky ailments

I know you're probably tired of me talking about CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), but like I said in a previous blog, people don't get it. They don't understand it. They don't know how debilitating it can be. It causes things like insomnia. I have suffered insomnia for about three years now. Something I didn't know was connected with CFS. According to my FitBit, I never get more than four hours of restful sleep a night. Last night, I woke at 1:30 am and was up until 6 am. I did finally go back to sleep, but have no idea how this giant break in my sleep will affect my day.

Also, a follow up from last weeks blogs in which I walked to work...I've been paying for it. My entire body aches, I'm so exhausted, I've been having dizzy spells...I didn't walk to work yesterday, because I had some things I needed to bring there that would have been too burdensome to carry. This morning I needed to sleep as long as possible, so I won't be walking today either. I hope to get back to it tomorrow. I'm serious about fighting back. It may have put me out for a few days, but I'm going to get right back to it when I feel my body can handle it.

Luckily I have a job that is fun and doesn't take much physical effort. I can only handle  5 to 6 hours a day, especially when using my brain a lot. When I was trying to find a job, I was worried I wouldn't be able to find one that fit my needs. I was afraid I'd have to go on disability, which felt wrong because I'm perfectly capable of working, I just can't work a full time job. I even had to fight to get unemployment because I was only looking for part time jobs. I had to get a letter from  my doctor and have a hearing with a judge. Thankfully she understood. I'm glad to have a job in which I only work 6 hours a day,

I worry though, because come April, I'll have to work 5 days a week. I know that sounds lazy, but the struggle is real. However, I did work 5 days a week before for 5 hours a day and I did okay. I usually had to take a nap as soon as I went home. This job is different because my hours are noon to 6. There is no nap time. If I had my choice, I'd get up early and get things done, then go to work. But the reality is, working those hours, I need to sleep as late as possible to help me make it through the day.

I know it probably sounds pathetic to a normal person, but I can't reiterate how real it is. I used to be a person always on the go, always getting things done. I had endless energy and could write, clean, cook, exercise, take care of the kids, do the grocery shopping, help with homework...how I'm lucky to get one of those things in during the day. So believe me, it's frustrating. I wanted a curable diagnosis so I could get back to being my normal self. But what my doctor said is this,

"You have to come to the realization that you have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. You need to learn how to live with it. You need to learn how to love yourself with it."

I'm still learning.

Fighting Back

So, yesterday, if you read my blog, you know I walked to work. I did pretty good. Took me 40 minutes to get there. Worked 6 hours. Then I hosted an event at the wine shop for 2 hours. After that, I went to my older daughter's double header indoor soccer game. As the second game was starting, the exhaustion kicked in. That is probably the longest day I've had since the CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) kicked in more than three years ago now.

I do not want to let CFS define who I am. I haven't fought it much, because it's just too hard and tiring, but I want my body, mind and soul back. I'm ready to be fit again and lose this weight I've gained as a result of fatigue. My body has undergone many horrible symptoms caused by CFS -  it's not just about fatigue. It affects my sleep, which I've not got a decent night of in years. Causes joint pain, which I have in one knee and one elbow. Also, dizziness, allergies, and a plethora (one of my favorite words) of other fun physical problems.

Truly, I'd like to get my mind back as well. CFS is not just a physical illness, but a mental one too. I suffer from serious brain fog. At first I didn't realize that was a symptom of CFS. I thought (and maybe still do) that I had adult ADD because I couldn't focus. My writing has suffered. Probably why I've not completed another novel. Often when I'm speaking to someone, I can't pull up the easiest of words. Words anyone, even a child could remember and come up with. When I'm working on freelance writing, the thesaurus is my bible. My memory has suffered too. I also suffer from CRS (can't remember shit) which I worry annoys people I talk to often.

Now let's talk about my soul. I've been very open about suffering from depression and anxiety. Now, this I've suffered even before CFS, but having it doesn't help one bit. When, like me, you used to be active and witty, smart and productive, then suddenly you're more like a sloth,..it affects your self esteem and confidence.

So today I stepped up my workout. Instead of walking for a length of time, I chose to walk a distance. Then I walked 10 minutes more because I had to finish watching House Hunter. I mean, they were choosing a home in Hawaii! I had already invested 20 minutes.  Then I did some strength training. I mostly work on my arms, because, really, my legs ain't so bad. I want to get rid of what I like to call "Back Boobs."

I have to be careful though. If I overdo it, it could set me back a few days. I remember when I first started working out again, I went to this yoga class, which was more like yoga on steroids, and it took me out for a week.

So why am I sharing all this with you? For a couple reasons I guess. To make myself accountable. If I'm telling the world, I would feel a fool were I do give up before reaching my goals. Also, to raise some awareness for CFS. Those who don't suffer or know someone who suffer don't understand. I remember when I first started feeling tired I was getting the, "it's just the weather" explanation, of course, I'd been fatigued for over a year, so that couldn't be it. I was told, "you just need to exercise more" and at the time, I was kickboxing and walking regularly. Then I get people who say, "Oh yeah, I have to nap too," to which I ask, "for 3 hours? And do you have to set an alarm to be able to wake up for dinner or kickboxing class or etc etc etc."

It's really very frustrating. I mean, seriously, when I was diagnosed I was like, "that's a cop out diagnosis." But I know too well that it's real.

Thanks for once again reading my rant. I'll get there. I'm determined. I don't know how long it will take, but one of these days, I will find the balance I need to be a healthy, focused and productive once again.

Read more about CFS at the Mayo Clinic and the Washington Post. There's tons of info, just google.

A change for heart

When Chronic Fatigue Syndrome kicked in 3 years ago, it was debilitating. I had to take long naps in the middle of the afternoon, I was forced to quit kickboxing, and exercise I loved, because it became too hard on my tired body. I didn't have the energy to do any normal activities after work like clean, cook, work in the yard...Some days I could barely get out of bed. It also made my weight steadily climb.

As of late, I have been truly disgusted with myself. Though I have started working out and I eat fairly well, I cannot lose this weight I've put on the last few years. I worry about my health because people I went to school are started to die. I long to be fit and healthy again and live a long full life.

I bought myself a Fitbit. My work is very sedentary. I work at a computer pretty much all day doing research, writing, marketing...Even when I go to the gym after work and walk on the treadmill and lift weights, I still can't seem to get my 10,000 steps in.

Today I got a wild hair up my butt and decided I needed to start walking to work. There is nothing else I could think of that would help me get those steps I needed. I figured between that, cutting out most carbs, some dairy, cheese, and drinking one glass of red wine a night for health, maybe I could drop some of my excess weight.

I looked it up on Google maps. It said it would take me 40 minutes to get there. I looked out my sliding glass door. It was windy, but not rainy. The sky was peeking through gray clouds. So I went for it. I emptied all the unnecessary things out of my backpack, added my computer and accessories, hair product, makeup and deodorant and off I went.

 I regretted my decision almost a mile in when I felt the first rain drop. Then another. Then another. I put the hood up on my sweatshirt and kept going. I thought, if it got too bad, I could call my daughter. Lucky, the rain abated as quickly as it had began.

I looked at my Fitbit about a mile in and had only achieved about 1300 steps. How could that be possible? Was walking to work even worth it? I got hot and took my sweatshirt off.

There aren't really any steep hills, but there are a few steady inclines, which I think are almost worse.
At just over a mile, my 40+ year old hips screamed at me to turn around. I ignored them. I was already half way there. I was cold again, and put my sweatshirt back on.

Someone in a truck honked. Was it you? Let me know. I really couldn't tell who it was.

When I could finally see the shop, I was home free.

When I walked through the door, I checked my Fitbit. I was just a few steps away from 5,000 half a day's goal. Got a glass of water, turned on the fan, and here I am.

My bad elbow hurts a little. Hopefully the 5+ pounds I carried on my back won't affect me too much if at all (I'm old you know). My hair didn't frizz out too much, my makeup didn't melt. It was a good experience.

I'm determined to fight my CFS. I'm tired of it keeping me from getting things done. My goal is to get my mind, body and spirit back in alignment (if it really ever were). I think walking to work will be a good start if I can make it a habit. It's a little hard right now, because the weather is still pretty crappy here. Come summer, though, I'll be good to go.

Thanks for reading my crap. 40 pounds to go, mind starting to unfog, happiness on the horizon.

I am not sucking at life

No, I'm not. I'm drinking coffee with creamer. It's not the best tasting creamer I've ever had, but it has natural ingredients. And I'm not blending my coffee with coconut milk and cinnamon in my Magic Bullet. Why am I telling you this? Because yesterday was my last day on The Whole 30.

If you know not what the Whole 30 is, visit the link above. If you're sluggish all the time, want to change your relationship with food, want to look younger, want to sleep better, want to lose a little weight, you might want to give it a try.

How I feel after having done the Whole 30...

Food: Food and I are friends again. For awhile we had this weird relationship, It was mostly good,

sometimes I cheated on it. Sometimes I ignored it altogether. Other times my love for it was so intense I had to have it all. Also, I found myself having a quickie for dinner way too often.

Now I eat every meal, 3 a day. Sometimes I have a snack in between lunch and dinner, or after dinner if my stomach is a little grumbly. I'm cooking again. Sometimes I still need the quickie, but instead of turning to my longtime friend, Popcorn, I'll grab leftover meat (I always make enough to have leftovers) cook up some sweet potatoes and throw a salad together. Okay, it's not the 2 minute meal I've grown accustomed to, it's more like 30 minutes, but it's healthier, it's delicious and it treats my body good. I think I can handle an extra 28 minutes for that.

I buy most everything fresh except my coconut milk. I don't mind reading labels now, but if I buy fresh, I don't have to. I'm getting my fill of veggies and fruit, which I'd been neglecting for a while. I'm eating all good fats, almonds, ghee, avocado, olive oil. No more butter or margarine.

Alcohol: Alcohol and I used to be tight. You see, with me, alcohol is that friend that pesters you into hanging out until you cave. I mean, you love it, it's that friend you can lean on when you've had a hard day, or been given some bad new. Sometimes you'd just like to say no, but it always seems to be hanging around. Sometimes it overstays its welcome. I put alcohol in it's place. I made it go away until I'm ready to be friends again. Do I miss it sometimes when it's not around? Sure. But I'm confident that when we become friends again, I'll just see it socially and not be so dependent on it all the time.  Besides, I have a new friend that treats me better - sparkling water.

Sleep: A few years ago, sleep decided it didn't want to be friends with me anymore. I mean, it came around from time to time, but not as much as I wanted it too. Sleep and I have improved our relationship. Now it comes around every night and stays until morning. It usually leaves early, but I'm okay with that. Usually I've had enough to the point that I feel good and am ready to face the day.

Weight: My relationship with weight has been a rollercoaster ride in the past. Lately however, it's like I'm stuck at the top of the hill and no matter what I try, I can't get down. The Whole 30 helped me get down the hill. Just a little hill, but I'm hoping to get down a bigger hill soon enough until I can get off the ride for good. I don't think I'll share how much weight I've lost since the program isn't about that, it's about everything else. I'll just say, I look better and my clothes fit better. If I'd exercised more (I do, but I need to step it up) I'd probably have lost more. I actually had the meat guy at the grocery store flirt with me yesterday. It's been awhile since someone flirted with me.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome: I've never liked CFS. Our relationship is parasitic. CFS is the friend who is always complaining and always miserable and after you've been with them for a while you just want to crawl into a hole and die. This relationship has also improved. Am I cured? No. But I get through the day without a nap (which is BIG for me). My energy level is higher during that time and I'm more productive than I have been in a long time. It still hits in the early evening though, 7 or 8 o'clock. But I'm okay with this because it's better and I can just crawl in bed with my phone or a book or my computer to watch Netflix.

What comes next?

Happy Hour. That's right, tonight I celebrate this achievement because to me, it's big. Don't worry, happy hour is not going to get me back into my old habits. I like the way I feel, I like the way I look, I like the way I eat. I will keep eating this way for the most part. I don't miss cheese or really any dairy (except my coffee creamer) for that matter. I'm not missing grains. I may have a glass of wine or a drink from time to time. And hey, I'll probably eat some popcorn, but not as much as I did at one sitting and not for dinner.

What am I hoping to gain from all this?

I'm hoping to shed a few more pounds. I'm hoping to have the energy to get to the gym regularly. I'm hoping to get another book published. I'm hoping to be more productive around the house and in the yard. I'm hoping I can be there for my kids and my parents when they need me.

I'm hoping this lasts a lifetime because I feel and look better than I have in years.

The Whole 30

I was going to write about the rioting in Baltimore or the Religious Bigotry, I mean Freedom Act, but I started the Whole 30 yesterday and a friend said she hoped I would blog about it. So here I am. I heard about the Whole 30 from a friend last week. She had not done it specifically, but done some Paleo eating and said she had never felt better in her life, plus she looked like she probably dropped some weight.

She used to suffer from Fibromyalgia. She said that after eating Paleo for a while, her fatigue went away and her aches and pains. She said it also helps with many other ailments, including Chronic Fatigue Syndrom (CFS) and other things we just may not like about ourselves.  If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you know that recently I was diagnosed with CFS. You also know that it took a couple years to diagnose and that I absolutely hate it. When my doctor told me I just had to live with it and learn how to love myself this way, I was like "Hell no!" So when my friend told me how it helped her, I thought I would give it a shot.

Let me say this first and foremost: The Whole 30 is not a "diet." Yes, it will probably help you lose weight, but it's more about your body, mind, and soul. This is a lifestyle change.  This is supposed to improve everything about you and make you realize that you don't need all the extras you eat and make you NOT want to go back to the way you were eating.

Now, I'm just starting, so I have no proof about this, but here is a list of only some of the things the plan can do for you according to the Whole 30:

Inner physical rewards:

1.  Fewer blemishes
2. Glowing skin
3. No more circles under your eyes
4. Stronger nails
5. Thicker hair
6. Fresher breath 
7. Flatter stomach
8. Defined muscle tone
9. Looking younger

Outward physical rewards:

1. Less stiff and painful joints
2. Fewer PMS symptoms
3. Increased libido *cough*
4. Less gas, bloating, heartburn, acid reflux and all the other nasty stuff that comes with a bad stomach
5. Fewer illnesses
6. Fewer allergies
7.  Less chronic fatigue (YAY!!)
8. Less chronic pain
9. Improved blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar

Emotional rewards:

1. Happier
2. More patient
3. Less anxious
4. Less stressed
5. Fewer mood swings
6. Improved depression
7. Fewer sugar and carb cravings
8. Better body image
9. More self esteem

 Brain function improvement:

1. Improved attention span
2. Improved work or school performance
3. Improved memory
4. Faster reaction time
5. Fewer ADHD symptoms
6. Clearer thinking

I'm going to stop there because they tout SO MANY more benefits. Basically on top of all the above, you'll sleep better, have more  energy for EVERYTHING!! You will exercise more, harder and better. You will have a better relationship with food and rid yourself of cravings, emotional eating, using food as a reward, etc.

In a nutshell, you will be awesome.

For me, the physical, emotional and brain rewards are where it's at. If I can improve my energy, lessen my fatigue and allergies, and get a clearer head, I'm good to go.

So, what's involved? I will talk more about that tomorrow because this blog is getting really long. I want to tell you how my first day went.

It went fine except I didn't do proper shopping (which I highly recommend you do. Print out their shopping list and go to town) so I got a little hunger at night, but not until 8 or 9. Here's what I ate:

Breakfast
Palm sized pork sausage patty
Pineapple
I'm pretty sure I had something else, but I can't think of what it might have been.

Lunch 
Chicken thigh (I bought the kind with the bone because I'm going to make some stock out of it which you can use for the program)
Green salad with topped with hot sauce
Banana

Dinner

Grass fed Angus patty
Bed of lettuce, onion, tomato and Avocado
Pineapple (I had to finish the pineapple because it was very close to being bad).

I was fine through dinner. Not hungry at all. Then, like I said...I'm sure it's because I didn't eat any real hearty vegetables. So I'm going to pick some more up today.

I'm not really good at eating veggies. Mostly because by the time I eat I'm starving and I'm not in the mood to clip, cut, wash, etc. Probably why I've been eating popcorn the last few months for dinner. So, to help me fix that, I made these veggie packs for snacks in case I get hungry, or if I do a fail at a meal and still need my veggies. They contain radishes, mushroom, snap peas, carrots and grape tomatoes.


I will say this about yesterday, I was surprised I wasn't more hungry and I felt well rested when I woke up today. Which for me, is very good because I never sleep well, including last night. I tossed and turned a bit, but still felt really good this morning. Woke up at 6 am and stayed up. That hardly ever happens anymore.

Tomorrow I'll talk more about the program, if you want more info before them, you can always visit the Whole 30 online.

Life After Work: Denied

I applied for unemployment as soon as I was let go from my job. They say even if you earned money that week, or whatnot, to still turn in your weekly claim. They also said if you have some kind of medical condition that might inhibit your working, get a note from your doctors.

If you read my blog regularly, you will know that I suffer from Chronic Fatigue
Syndrome (CFS). I went to a naturopath and she said I have adrenal fatigue. Anyway, it's all severe fatigue. What is does to me is pretty much tire me out by early noon, force me to sleep, causes memory and focus issues, sometimes my joints and body hurts, basically, it sucks and I hate it.

So I got a note from my doctor that states that I can work, but only party time. No biggee, I've been working part time for 5 years now and it pays the bills. So, as I'm looking for jobs, I'm looking mostly for telecommute and part time jobs. Now, locally, marketing and writing are not hot commodities, that's why I'm looking for telecommute freelance work. I figure if I can get at least 2 of those jobs (okay, maybe 3), it will be like having 1 job.

Also, I'm still trying to start my own business and write and all that crap.

I get weekly mail from Unemployment stating that they're still trying to decide if I'm eligible. I figure, whatever, no big deal, as long as it starts coming in soon because I'm going to eventually run out of money if I can't find work asap.

Last week when I file my weekly claim, it says there's some kind of issue and I need to call the office. Fine. I try to call and it's nearly impossible, so I sent an email. I get an answer back that I still need to try to get a hold of someone by phone, but it looks like I screwed up on my first weeks claim.

A day after that I get a letter stating that I've been denied. WTF?!?  The denial comes from the fact my doctor hasn't cleared me for work and I have to be available for work.

Um...she did say I was cleared for work. Part time work.

So I finally get someone on the phone (they had to call me back because their phones were backed up for an hour and a half O.o) and she tells me that I have to be available to work 8 am to 6 pm M-F. I'm like, "I am." She tells me, no, I have to be available for full time work.

What kind of bullshit is that? I worked part time, paid into the system, my work isn't contesting it...

Because I have CFS? I'm perfectly capable of working a job as long as it's not over 5 hours a day.

I asked, so what are people with medical issues supposed to do? Go hungry? I

mean, I suppose I could apply for disability, but I CAN WORK! I suppose I'm eligible for that, but I don't feel right about it.

Anyway, she put my paperwork back through. If it doesn't go through this time I have to appeal. Meanwhile the bank account is dwindling away.

I mean, seriously, I'm a single mom of two teenagers who just lost her job. I'm not trying to work the system. I just want to get by until I can find something else! I actually want to work. I looked it up and it said that you could get unemployment if you worked part time. So what's the story? I cannot believe it's just because I have CFS. #discrimination.

So, anyway, that happened. We'll see if they'll accept it this time. If not, I get to go through the appeal process. Joy.

Now I really know...

I mentioned some health issues a couple weeks ago, and though it's not life threatening and other people are dealing with way worse things, for me it's very debilitating. I am a person that is always going, always doing, has 10 things on my plate and a bucket list a mile long. I don't have time for my body to shut down. But that's exactly what it has done.

So after a millions tests my doctor diagnosed chronic fatigue syndrome. Not satisfied with that diagnoses, because you see, there's really nothing you can do about it except wish it away, I went for a second opinion  - to a naturopath.

I swore the heavens opened up and I heard choirs of angels singing because after reading my paperwork and talking to me for a few minutes she seemed to know exactly what was wrong with me. And the thing is, there's a chance I can make it go away. I may not have to just learn to like myself this way and learn to live with it.

Adrenal fatigue. There's some controversy. I've read up. Medical doctors don't really believe in this diagnosis. It's not accepted medical diagnosis because it hasn't been scientifically proven. Doctors are concerned the real cause of the symptoms may not be found and treated correctly. But like I said, I have been tested for everything and they found nothing. So this makes sense to me.

You see, adrenal glands regulate stress (physical, emotions and psychological) through hormones adrenaline and cortisol, and if you have prolonged stress, those glands may not be able to adequately meet the demands of that stress.

You have no idea how much is involved with stress regulation.

• Immune function
• Muscle tone
• Blood pressure
• Sleep
• Production of energy

Etc, etc, etc...


Adrenal fatigue could be caused by one big emotional crisis or repeated or constant stress. For me it is the latter. Adrenal fatigue causes

• Lack of energy
• Back pain
• High blood pressure
• Decreased immunity
• Hair loss
• Sleep Problems
• Skin Problems
• Increase in allergies
• Weight gain
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Anger
• Loss of focus
• Forgetfulness
• Crying spells
• Relationship conflicts

The list continues. I've highlighted all the symptoms that have affected me the last almost three years.

I'm super excited about this new diagnosis because I see an end to my malady. also now understand why I've been sleeping during the day, why I haven't been able to finish the novel(s) I've started. Why I can never find the right words.  Why all of a sudden I have high blood pressure when I never have in my life.

I'm excited to write more, get active again, have a clean house, and have more time to spend with my daughters and scratch things of my bucket list.

I highly recommend if you think you have something like chronic fatigue or Fibromyalgia you go see a naturopath and see if you don't have adrenal fatigue.

If you're interested, here are some articles I found with more info:

Eighteen Overlooked Symptoms of Adrenal Fatigue from Natural News
Recovering from Adrenal Fatigue from Natural News
Adrenal Fatigue: Myth vs Fact
Symptoms of Adrenal Fatigue from Women to Women. This one has an Adrenal Health Assessment you can take as well.