Friday, February 11, 2011

F³A: Divorce Class

So, when you go for the big "D" in Washington state (and other states I suppose) you have to take a mandatory four hour parenting class (thankfully we didn't have a group of stupid question askers [yes, Virginia, there is such thing as a stupid question] and our instructors wanted to get home as badly as we did, so it was only three hours).

And while the class was somewhat entertaining (reasons to follow) I'm not sure I got much out of it.  Why you ask? Okay, maybe you didn't, but I'm going to tell you anyway.  First off, most the folks in the class had kids under the age of 6, which is true in most divorce cases I suppose, but which also means, most the curriculum is younger kids based. 

The curriculum also seemed geared toward parents that hated and wanted to disparage each other in front of their children.  The girl's father and I get along really good.  We don't speak harshly about one another.  We know that the other is a good parent even though we didn't work. We would never think of downing each other in front of the kids or trying to turn them against the other.

Also, it talked about how to talk to your kids.  My kids and I have always spoken openly and honestly.  They know what's going on with me, I know what's going on with them.  And they're at the age where they understand what's happening and can express themselves if they need to, and they know that I (and their father for that matter)  will listen.

So, to the entertainment portion of the program.  We got to watch some scenes from Mrs. Doubtfire, which I hadn't seen in a long time and which is still hysterically funny, especially from a these-were-the-worst-parents-on-the-face-of-the-earth aspect as they made every mistake a divorced couple could make.  Fighting in front of the kids, talking bad about the other to the kids, etc, etc.

We also saw a scene from the Squid and the Whale which I HAVE to see now because it looks hilarious.  It stars fake Mark Zuckerberg (who I love in a completely and totally not stalkerish, courgar fashion)

But the piece d' resistance was the Feelings Chart.  This was a chart to show your children when they are having trouble expression themselves, to better find out how they're feeling.  Okay, after trying unsuccessfully to upload the funniest pictures, I've decided to draw my own to depict what they kind of looked like.

This first one was guilt.  It was a boy standing over a broken lamp holding a baseball bat.  The bat was placed in a spot in which if you weren't really looking at the back end of it, the front end resembled something coming out of his zipper. er.

This second one was greed.  It was a boy who had stole something (I couldn't tell what, a bag of money, a bag of marbles?)  But where the bully's hand was placed, it looked like inappropriate touching.  And the items that spilled from the bag made it look like the poor tormented boy peed his pants.

This next one had a boy with a tv in front of him.  I may be exaggerating the details a little.  The title was 'terrified'.  In the real picture the tv just depicted a menacing guy with a big knife.  But I thought it would be more funny to put blood gushing and death, because, well, that's how I roll.  

This next one was called Happy.  It was a girl unwrapping a present, but to me it looked like a girl whose legs were on fire.

The last one was the best.  I can't even begin to depict the entire wrongness of the picture.  It was 'Kind'.  It was a boy holding a carrot, feeding a bunny.  You could not really tell what the bunny was.  But it was the carrot that was most disturbing.  You could not tell it was a carrot first of all.  Secondly, where it was placed made the picture look pornographic.  I stared at it for about five minutes before someone else finally said, "What IS that in the kind picture?"

Needless to say, many of us parents found this chart inappropriate for children.

Next song on the radio (my iPod is dead): Use Somebody, Kings of Leon

Movie of the Week: Black Swan.  I haven't seen it, I'm going to.

Book of the Week: Tell Me a Secret.  Find my review on Goodreads
Quote of the Week:
"The last refuge of the insomniac is a sense of superiority to the
sleeping world. "
— Leonard Cohen
Celebrate something this weekend.

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My Dad. He's awesome.

John Messina, Personal Injury Attorney

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