Yeah, I know, haven't done this in awhile. I've been, well, unfocused. Starting to live right. Again. Maybe it will stick this time. The great thing about each new day is that it has the potential of being a fresh start. Started this "living right" on Friday, with only a couple, um, setbacks, and have lost 3 pounds.
I gained thirty pounds during my divorce crap. My ex lost at least that much. I think he gave it to me. ;)
It's been really hard because I've been suffering from exhaustion. It's hard to get off my butt. Once I'm able to do that (I'm really trying, believe me) I'll be able to shed more pounds. My goal is 20 pounds by my release. (I'd like 30, but being realistic, not going to starve myself, I like food too much)
So, here I go once again. If you want to share your stories, feel free.
And my offer still stand about my youtube channel. If you subscribe, I'll send you a signed bookmark.
Today I'm going to court for the third time to try to get divorced. First time I was missing a document (that could have been turned in later), second time the commissioner didn't like that I wasn't asking for child support. I think I have everything covered this time. I don't think I can take another rejection.
My marriage wasn't horrible, I mean, there were low points for me, but there were a lot of high points too, and there will always be a place in my heart for my husband. Sometimes life just takes you in different directions. I got to a point in my life where it just wasn't working for me any more. That may sound petty, but there is much behind that statement left unsaid. If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you probably know what that means.
I won't be celebrating this, it's not really a victory, it's just a change brought on by unexpected events. We were married seventeen years (would be eighteen on July 2nd). It wasn't an easy choice to make, but I felt it was one I had to.
So, here I go again. Wish me luck.
Friday Nibbles
Random iPod shuffle song: Only Exception by Paramore
Movie of the Week: It's Kind of a Funny Story This is one of the best movies I've seen in awhile. I rented it for research on my current work in progress. I was pleasantly surprised.
Book of the Week: I haven't decided what to read yet. I've got so many books sitting on my shelf. I think Illegal by Bettina Restrepo (who I absolutely love btw, we were fellow 2k11ers)
Quote of the Week: "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves." ~Lynn Hall
Okay, so first off, I mowed my lawn for the first time (don't think I'm a slacker, I don't have a lawn mower, so I've had a variety of men over to do this for me, which didn't suck). And I will say this. My lawn is a bitch. First of all, it's HUGE. Second of all, the lawnmower I borrowed wasn't self propelled, so I had to actually work. I'm surprised I'm not sore today. It took me like an hour and a beer to do it. At one point I was so tired of mowing I actually ran with the mower to get it done faster. I'm going to get rid of some lawn. That's for sure. (and buy a self propelled mower)
Okay, I posted a couple weeks ago that I was getting divorced. Well that didn't happen because the dumb commissioner said I needed stuff that two attorneys have told me I don't really need to get divorced. So, I go back today. And if I'm not divorced by the time I walk out of that courtroom, someone is going to get hurt. (totally kidding, but I will be seriously pissed.
I'm making my kids cinnamon (I can't ever spell that) rolls for breakfast. Non sequitur.
Started watching Bed of Roses last night, because my kids are totally into 80's movies and we love Christian Slater, and I thought I loved that movie. Then I realized I'm not even sure I've seen that movie and Mary Stuart Masterson was supposed to be Marissa Tomei, so I had my daughter look up Christian Slater on Netflix. Untamed Heart. That's the one I wanted to watch. So we did. And it's still awesome.
Okay, I know that was all totally random, but it's the Friday Free For All after all.
Movie of the Week: I'm going to stick with Untamed Heart I love that my kids or into 80's movies. It's like reliving my youth.
Book of the Week: Popular by Alissa Grosso Okay, seriously, I'm loving this book. And I KNOW there is going to bea twist, maybe a couple, and I'm excited to find out what they are. I've been guessing, we'll see if I'm right.
Quote of the Week: "Do or do not...there is no try." ~Yoda Not only is this quote in my friend Gae's book The Pull of Gravity, but I've just been hearing people say it a lot lately. And it's a good quote to live by, and I'm trying to do. I'm sick of trying.
Those of you who have followed by blog for awhile know I've had my share of difficulties, mentally, physically, and emotionally (I'm not called the angsty writer for nothing). Today marks a new chapter in my life for today my divorce will be final.
It's been a long strange trip for me. We were married for seventeen years, had our ups and downs, but things happen along the way that you can't fix and you can't go back. My husband and I have always marched to the beat of a different drummer. We are a bit crazy, eccentric, weird, but fun. Divorce is no different. It was hard at first, but we realized we still loved each other (just not in the way we needed to, mostly on my end), and liked hanging out together. It was very important to stay friends, for us, for our kids. We bbq together, have gotten together for movie night, gone out to dinner. We want each other to be happy.
We'll be divorcing together. I'm picking him up, we're hitting Starbucks, the county/city building, then lunch (he said I have to buy). And hopefully our friendship will remain intact.
Does it hurt? Yeah. Along the way I've had my doubts, but I know this is what I need right now. My life has traveled down a different path the last few years making me a different person than I once was. And I like that person. Sometimes she's a bit mad, she may cry a little too much, and she gets lonely when her kids aren't around. But she's more confident, stronger, braver, more adventurous.
So here's to closing this chapter in my life, and starting a new one.
Catch you on the flip side.
Megan
Oh yeah, Friday nibbles:
Random Pandora song (Thing Two has been pilfering my iPod as of late): Different Names for the Same Thing by DCFC. From my Death Cab For Cutie station
Movie of the Week: I'm thinking Thor. I really want to see it.
Book of the Week: Popular by Alissa Grosso. A take on popularity from five girls points of view. Very interesting so far.
Quote of the week: "There are some things one can only achieve by a deliberate leap in the opposite direction." ~ Franz Kafka
So, when you go for the big "D" in Washington state (and other states I suppose) you have to take a mandatory four hour parenting class (thankfully we didn't have a group of stupid question askers [yes, Virginia, there is such thing as a stupid question] and our instructors wanted to get home as badly as we did, so it was only three hours).
And while the class was somewhat entertaining (reasons to follow) I'm not sure I got much out of it. Why you ask? Okay, maybe you didn't, but I'm going to tell you anyway. First off, most the folks in the class had kids under the age of 6, which is true in most divorce cases I suppose, but which also means, most the curriculum is younger kids based.
The curriculum also seemed geared toward parents that hated and wanted to disparage each other in front of their children. The girl's father and I get along really good. We don't speak harshly about one another. We know that the other is a good parent even though we didn't work. We would never think of downing each other in front of the kids or trying to turn them against the other.
Also, it talked about how to talk to your kids. My kids and I have always spoken openly and honestly. They know what's going on with me, I know what's going on with them. And they're at the age where they understand what's happening and can express themselves if they need to, and they know that I (and their father for that matter) will listen.
So, to the entertainment portion of the program. We got to watch some scenes from Mrs. Doubtfire, which I hadn't seen in a long time and which is still hysterically funny, especially from a these-were-the-worst-parents-on-the-face-of-the-earth aspect as they made every mistake a divorced couple could make. Fighting in front of the kids, talking bad about the other to the kids, etc, etc.
We also saw a scene from the Squid and the Whale which I HAVE to see now because it looks hilarious. It stars fake Mark Zuckerberg (who I love in a completely and totally not stalkerish, courgar fashion)
But the piece d' resistance was the Feelings Chart. This was a chart to show your children when they are having trouble expression themselves, to better find out how they're feeling. Okay, after trying unsuccessfully to upload the funniest pictures, I've decided to draw my own to depict what they kind of looked like.
This first one was guilt. It was a boy standing over a broken lamp holding a baseball bat. The bat was placed in a spot in which if you weren't really looking at the back end of it, the front end resembled something coming out of his zipper. er.
This second one was greed. It was a boy who had stole something (I couldn't tell what, a bag of money, a bag of marbles?) But where the bully's hand was placed, it looked like inappropriate touching. And the items that spilled from the bag made it look like the poor tormented boy peed his pants.
This next one had a boy with a tv in front of him. I may be exaggerating the details a little. The title was 'terrified'. In the real picture the tv just depicted a menacing guy with a big knife. But I thought it would be more funny to put blood gushing and death, because, well, that's how I roll.
This next one was called Happy. It was a girl unwrapping a present, but to me it looked like a girl whose legs were on fire.
The last one was the best. I can't even begin to depict the entire wrongness of the picture. It was 'Kind'. It was a boy holding a carrot, feeding a bunny. You could not really tell what the bunny was. But it was the carrot that was most disturbing. You could not tell it was a carrot first of all. Secondly, where it was placed made the picture look pornographic. I stared at it for about five minutes before someone else finally said, "What IS that in the kind picture?"
Needless to say, many of us parents found this chart inappropriate for children.
Next song on the radio (my iPod is dead): Use Somebody, Kings of Leon
Movie of the Week: Black Swan. I haven't seen it, I'm going to.
So life has hit hard lately, as you probably grasped from my Facebook, blog, and whatnot. My marriage is joining the statistical majority by being a victim of the Big D. Divorce. The reasons behind it are unimportant, what's important is that my husband and I are getting along famously, my children seem to be adjusting, and life just may be getting back to normal now.
This means of course that I've joined the ranks of the working class also. I started a new job last week, with a school district after school care program as an assistant teacher. It's perfect for me really. I was looking for part time days, no nights, no weekends or holidays, without much responsibility (management wise that is). And I get summers off to boot.
Now my job is getting to it's normal hours, the kids will be back in school come Thursday, I'm close to being fully settled in my new digs, so I think I can get back to exercise, writing, and life in general.
Getting back to normal is starting edits of Never Eighteen, which I just got from my editor who I adore (and it's awesome, the edits are her handwritten notes in the margin of my original manuscript), and a cocktail party for all the women in my life. We'll see what life throws at me after that.
This is one of the best movies I've seen in awhile. I rented it for research on my current work in progress. I was pleasantly surprised.
by 
radion.
I love that my kids or into 80's movies. It's like reliving my youth.
by 
Not only is this quote in my friend Gae's book 
, but I've just been hearing people say it a lot lately. And it's a good quote to live by, and I'm trying to do. I'm sick of trying.
. Find my review on 
