ABNA Expert Reviewer
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
This excerpt was okay to read. It moved at a good pace and had some well drawn characters that seemed realistic to a point. The author did a good job with the overall piece with technical details, pace, plot, and puncuation. These aspects of the excerpt are done well.What aspect needs the most work?
I think the language and content of this excerpt are a bit too spicy for young adults. I remember a book my teenage daughter began reading that was liberally sprinkled with profanity, she gave it to me and said it didn't appeal to her. Young adult would be 18 years old or younger and I can't say this would appeal to my 18 year old daughter who is in college either. The category for this piece should be general fiction and not YA. This piece deals with more adult situations and not your average teenage experience in high school. It's also not surprising what horrible thing is going to happen with the craziness of the kids of the school and the sudden attitude change of the character, Matt. I think the story had some fine ideas but it was written with so much content over the top that it was obvious what is going to happen, therefore it lacked originality.This was all a generalized, stereotypical view of bullies, underacheivers, and cheerleaders of high school that doesn't represent reality as a whole. I think the story could be told better if it was told in a way that wasn't so obvious to the reader.
There really wasn't much that was fresh and imaginative in this piece it was all fairly cliche and didn't have the shock value I think the author was trying to give the writing. It was just about some mean perverted teens picking on the outcasts that finally get enough.
I think the author has enough talent to write real stories that have meaning but I don't think this story is the one. The author should create something new and exciting and has the talent but it was wasted in this overly dramatic piece.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
I think this author has a talent for writing, however, it wasn't showcased in this excerpt. I think this piece belonged more to general fiction category than young adult fiction. I found it too over the top to be fresh and original and I knew what was going to happen from the first page of the excerpt. While these types of things happen in high school at times, it was a bit generalized and cliche and the narrative gave too much information too fast as to how awful the bullying kids were and it all seemed a little ridiculous.Everything in the piece was a little too obivous for it to be an interesting story.
ABNA Expert Reviewer
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
The strongest aspect of this excerpt is the author’s technically proficient writing. The grammar is good with only a few minor typos or spelling errors.What aspect needs the most work?
Many aspects of this excerpt need work. On the technical side, there are too many personalities. In just these few pages, the author puts us into the viewpoints of five different people. Even worse, almost all of these personalities are horrible. Not horribly written (again, the writing is quite good): just horrible personalities. Worse, these characters are doing horrible things. Even worse is that all of these horrible things pale before the atrocity that the author uses as the hook.What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
Overall, this is a pretty bad excerpt. Technically, the author does a very good job with his writing. But, his choice of material makes me ill from having read it. Since one of the things I’m supposed to rate this excerpt on is whether *I* would want to read more (and I certainly don’t), when I average out the numbers I have to rate this as simply pretty bad.LOL.
Kisses
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Megan
Megan, these two reviewers are WAY off, and I'm not just saying that because you're a friend, or to make you feel better.
ReplyDeleteThe first one is living in a fantasy world--if she thinks teens don't talk or act the way the ones in your book do, she is just completely out of touch. I'm sure parents don't WANT to know what their kids think, say and do, but that doesn't mean they're right. She sounds as if she want to keep her head in the sand, and is afraid that if kids see this, their angelic tendancies (ha) will be overcome...I also had to wonder what she reads herself.
The second reviewer had some of the same issues, but I'd guess he was older...things were not like this when he was in school, so he doesn't believe they're like this now.
You got the bad luck of the draw, very unfortunately. Please don't let these two people sway your resolve--Lockdown is a good story (at least what I've read!), and more importantly, it is a story that needs to be told. Too many people are like these reviewers, who don't want to see what is in front of them, but kids know how life is NOW.
Hang in there!
James
Interesting that the two reviews were similar as that so rarely happens. I agree with James, though, that YA is much more edgy these days. I was just in an independent bookstore yesterday with my 11-yr-old daughter and most of the YA was vampires, bullies and sluts. Obviously there is a YA market for over-the-top writing that deals with difficult subjects. I wonder why it is always adults who review YA books? I'm a member of the Historical Novel Society and in their review publication they often have kids reivew the YA. Maybe it is time ABNA does this.
ReplyDeleteSend "Lockdown" to about 20 publishers and see what happens. What's the worse they can do to you? torture is illegal in most places. I don't know about New York. Be careful.
ReplyDeleteThere will always be some part or scene critics don't like. Of my 212 page first book I had one page that had a human / alien sex scene. It was not even graphic. I thought it was humorous, but a critic said "Yuk."
LOL.
You can't please everyone. Maybe if the aliens watching us from orbit would "beam them up" but that wouldn't do, more critics would take their place. Just keep writing until they move over for you.
I haven't read it, Megan, so I can't really weigh in, but I do think it's obvious even from these reviews that you're a talented writer. And finding the person who gets X story is always a matter of click--12 people will have 13 different preferences. I do agree that YA is much, much edgier these days, and oddly enough, like Becky K, I was thinking of reading GO ASK ALICE back in the (stone tablet) day. Edgy and gritty and raw it was--and an enormous hit. Have you queried agents with this ms?
ReplyDeleteHang in there! I know the road is rough--I also know you have a LOT of fans...
I'm sorry you got such rough feedback from ABNA. A very wise person once told me this about criticism: listen to it carefully -- really hear what the critiquer is saying -- and then take what you can use and discard the rest without another thought because it is, ultimately, just an opinion.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I think what would have been beneficial for ABNA to do with the YA side of the contest would have been to recruit some teen readers and have maybe one of the two reviewers be from the actual YA audience (though I know these days a lot of adults read YA too).
Thanks all. I knew it was a crapshoot going in, and I honestly think these reviewers don't know what's on YA book shelves these days. The first reviewer said some things that could be seen as "right". People have told me there are cliche characters in the book, but where do we find characters like this? In high schools. There are real people like that, and that's why people see them as cliche.
ReplyDeleteThe second reviewer did not like the subject matter plain and simple, and that's what they judged me on.
Oh well. Bigger fish to fry.
Thanks for your kind words and support. :)
Megan-I'm with the people here that say these reviewers are missing it... Kids WANT to read edgy, realistic stuff, and you have that. And the characters may have some stereotypes, but I think that TOO goes with youth--easily identifiable characters fit their understanding of human nature--yes, it's too simplistic--presumably later in the book a few of these really surprise us.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to add my voice to the others and say that your excerpt was strong and powerful. And I think that the fact you drew such a strong reaction from your reviewers, whether it was in your favor or not, speaks in your favor. It would be so much worse if they were just ho-hum about it, after all. I'm with the people who say to send it out!
ReplyDeleteYes, thank you. I have some other things I'm working on. I will get back to it though. :)
ReplyDelete