A change for heart

When Chronic Fatigue Syndrome kicked in 3 years ago, it was debilitating. I had to take long naps in the middle of the afternoon, I was forced to quit kickboxing, and exercise I loved, because it became too hard on my tired body. I didn't have the energy to do any normal activities after work like clean, cook, work in the yard...Some days I could barely get out of bed. It also made my weight steadily climb.

As of late, I have been truly disgusted with myself. Though I have started working out and I eat fairly well, I cannot lose this weight I've put on the last few years. I worry about my health because people I went to school are started to die. I long to be fit and healthy again and live a long full life.

I bought myself a Fitbit. My work is very sedentary. I work at a computer pretty much all day doing research, writing, marketing...Even when I go to the gym after work and walk on the treadmill and lift weights, I still can't seem to get my 10,000 steps in.

Today I got a wild hair up my butt and decided I needed to start walking to work. There is nothing else I could think of that would help me get those steps I needed. I figured between that, cutting out most carbs, some dairy, cheese, and drinking one glass of red wine a night for health, maybe I could drop some of my excess weight.

I looked it up on Google maps. It said it would take me 40 minutes to get there. I looked out my sliding glass door. It was windy, but not rainy. The sky was peeking through gray clouds. So I went for it. I emptied all the unnecessary things out of my backpack, added my computer and accessories, hair product, makeup and deodorant and off I went.

 I regretted my decision almost a mile in when I felt the first rain drop. Then another. Then another. I put the hood up on my sweatshirt and kept going. I thought, if it got too bad, I could call my daughter. Lucky, the rain abated as quickly as it had began.

I looked at my Fitbit about a mile in and had only achieved about 1300 steps. How could that be possible? Was walking to work even worth it? I got hot and took my sweatshirt off.

There aren't really any steep hills, but there are a few steady inclines, which I think are almost worse.
At just over a mile, my 40+ year old hips screamed at me to turn around. I ignored them. I was already half way there. I was cold again, and put my sweatshirt back on.

Someone in a truck honked. Was it you? Let me know. I really couldn't tell who it was.

When I could finally see the shop, I was home free.

When I walked through the door, I checked my Fitbit. I was just a few steps away from 5,000 half a day's goal. Got a glass of water, turned on the fan, and here I am.

My bad elbow hurts a little. Hopefully the 5+ pounds I carried on my back won't affect me too much if at all (I'm old you know). My hair didn't frizz out too much, my makeup didn't melt. It was a good experience.

I'm determined to fight my CFS. I'm tired of it keeping me from getting things done. My goal is to get my mind, body and spirit back in alignment (if it really ever were). I think walking to work will be a good start if I can make it a habit. It's a little hard right now, because the weather is still pretty crappy here. Come summer, though, I'll be good to go.

Thanks for reading my crap. 40 pounds to go, mind starting to unfog, happiness on the horizon.

Wednesday Weigh In: Slow start and stupid cats

Finally I'm back on track. Down 4 pounds and exercising again. Determined.

I had something I was going to blog about, but I think it's more vlog worthy, so I'm hoping to have some time to film a Middle Aged Angst segment today.

Instead I'll talk about Lola. The cat that comes to visit. Mind you, I am not an animal person, mostly because I have horrible allergies. But awhile back, this cat started coming to my window and meowing.

One day I gave her turkey. She seemed very hungry.

Then I did it again. And again.

Then one day I let her in.

Now mind you, she's not homeless. She doesn't have a collar, but she's well fed and not mangy at all.

So then me and the Things got her some stuff. A bed, a scratching post, a couple toys, a food dish and food.

This has been going on for at least a couple months now where she comes, mostly on weekends, though her weekday visits have increased.

Yesterday she came in and was acting crazy. Next thing I know, she's in my office peeing in a box that held the newspaper articles about me and my book. I promptly tell Thing One to kick her out, as she's really the only one in the house that likes her.

Now I'm convinced she's the reincarnation of the cat I accidentally ran over when I moved into the neighborhood. I always said the cats in the hood were stalking me after the incident, but now I'm convinced.

Wednesday Weigh In: Dating a chef

This is not what my chef looks like.

Okay, I'm not doing so bad, but dating a chef makes it difficult to stay on track.  I took him to meet my parents last night (yes, another step) and he made gnocchi with chicken and peppers, roasted acorn squash, and we had bread and wine on the side.  Yum.  needless to say, I've not weighed myself this morning. 

The next couple days though, I'm buckling down to lose a couple pounds.  Office xmas party is Saturday and I have to fit into one of my dresses. sigh.

Still have the goal of losing more weight by release date.  That gives me just over a month *hyperventilate*. I think I can drop at least a few by then as long as my chef cooks light for me (or  not at all, lol).  AND no cookies, candy, or other holiday treats. sigh.

Monkey Madness Monday

So, it's Monday once again.  Time to achieve some goals.  First, weight.  I actually only gained a pound over the weekend.  I'm shocked and amazed.  Still, I want to drop at least another fifteen before my launch.  I know it's doable, but I don't know if I can do it.  I have my weaknesses.  If I stay away from the appetizer tables at the Christmas parties, I should be all right.

Writing goals: finish the rewrite of my WIP, Sliced.  It's going slow, writing time has been short, but I'm just going to have to buckle down and do it.  Instead of watching Gray's Anatomy and playing Angry Birds I'm going to spend that time writing and reading.

Christmas:  all presents purchased by December 2nd.  That is my goal. I've already done pretty good, but I'm afraid some mall shopping will need to be done. Ugh.

Petty stuff, new boots, maybe an Amazon Kindle Fire (I've fought the ebook long enough), baking, reading, making Christmas cards.

You have any goals for the holiday season?

Wednesday Weigh In: Pizza Binge

this is not me

Yep, I had a little pizza binge over the weekend, but it didn't do much damage probably because I continued the yoga torture and elliptical.

I'm still down five pounds, I don't feel too bad about it.

I'm kicking up the exercise a notch, thinking about cutting meat down to once a day.  I lost a lot of weight when I did that before and kept it off until all my drama/mental crap threw the extra weight my direction and it stuck.
 
So, I'm working it.  I'm going to set a goal of Ten pounds from this point before Christmas.  I think that's realistic.  Then more before my release, which is my main goal.

How are you doing?  not just weight wise, but life wise as well?

Wednesday Weigh In, Christmas and some bookish things

So, I'm still down six pounds.  I'm okay with that.  the weekends seem to be my biggest challenge.  i've been exercising but not regularly, so i have to get my butt outof my seat and get on the elliptical. (as my friend gae calls it, the f*@!king elliptical).

I still would really like to lose another 20 before my release.  it will be a challenge, but i'm really going to push it.

I've decided to decorate for christmas now.  last year it took me awhile to get into the spirit.  i'm already there now. this week will be devoted to taking down the halloween stuff and decking the halls.

last thing, next stop on my blog tour is Alison can read.  It's a tens list of concerts i've been to.  very apropos since austin, my protag, loves music.

have a happy wednesday!!

Wednesday Weigh in, guest blogging, a new video, and a good cause

I'm six pounds down.  It's been a rough road to get there.  I still want to drop another twenty at least.  My exhaustion has finally passed and I've got off my butt and exercised.  Tortuous Jillian Michaels yoga in the morning, some kind of aerobic activity in the afternoon/evening.  It was nice enough to bridge walk the other day, but weather is changing and I'll probably move to the elliptical (once I superglue the foot back on, the hazards of having a bunch of teenage girls in the house).

I also want to mention that I have a guest post up at the Class of 2k11 today about what they've taught me that I'll take into my debut year.  Look for another post from me on Friday at the Class of 2k11.

I've also opened a Never Eighteen shop at Cafe Press.  All the profits are going to Mary Bridge Children's Hospital in Tacoma.  I thought it apropos with the theme of my book and they saved my daughter's life when she was just 5 weeks old.  I feel like I'll never be able to repay them.

I've posted a new video.  A bunch of random thoughts from me. Watch it here.

One more thing, I have a blog tour starting on Halloween through Teen Book Scene.  The details can be found here.

Have a great Wednesday!

Wednesday Weigh In

Yeah, I know, haven't done this in awhile.  I've been, well, unfocused.  Starting to live right.  Again.  Maybe it will stick this time.  The great thing about each new day is that it has the potential of being a fresh start.  Started this "living right" on Friday, with only a couple, um, setbacks, and have lost 3 pounds.

I gained thirty pounds during my divorce crap.  My ex lost at least that much.  I think he gave it to me. ;)

It's been really hard because I've been suffering from exhaustion.  It's hard to get off my butt.  Once I'm able to do that (I'm really trying, believe me) I'll be able to shed more pounds.  My goal is 20 pounds by my release. (I'd like 30, but being realistic, not going to starve myself, I like food too much) 

So, here I go once again.  If you want to share your stories, feel free.

And my offer still stand about my youtube channel.  If you subscribe, I'll send you a signed bookmark.

Wednesday Weigh In

I did better this week.  -1 pound.  yay me.  I'm keeping up with my exercise, though I think it's time to throw some Pilates in the mix.  I've also cut down on my Starbucks. sigh.  Yes I know how many calories are in my venti non fat no whip white mocha, but sometimes I can't help myself.

I'm hoping when the weather changes I still force myself to walk outside.  Exercising inside just isn't the same.  The fresh air clears my head too. I think I'll be more productive if I continue outside.  We'll see when the time comes.

Wednesday Weigh In: Ugh

Worse than last week.  Of course, I'm probably still gaining muscle because I'm exercising regularly, but I KNOW I maybe didn't eat all that good this week.  Sheesh, making myself accountable to the world isn't working yet.  I'm still working it though.

Time to get serious.  This is getting ridiculous!!

Monday Morning Blahg: Battle of the Bulge

Why is it so easy to gain weight?  I've been trying for weeks to lose weight, I dropped nine pounds doing the low carb thing, and one weekend of eating a few carbs here and there and I'm practically right back where I started.

This weather isn't helping me any.  I get SO tired of exercising indoors.  When it's nice, I've been walking the Narrows Bridge, but the weather here has a constant identity crisis.  Yesterday was beautiful (I spent it doing yard work), today, rain. sigh.

I know if I want to drop the weight I'm going to have to get my ass on the elliptical, because you just can't depend on the weather here.  Seriously, I have like 30 pounds to drop. 

I guess I'd better get to work.

When did my butt get so big?

Lack of sleep left me without a blog idea. So I put it out there and my friend Christine said she'd gained five pounds, blog about that. So I shall.

Women and weight have this roller coaster relationship. Up and down, up and down.

Here's the funny thing. When we're younger, we have this distorted body image. We look in the mirror and we see ourselves like Jabba the Hut. It doesn't matter if we look like Twiggy (here she is to the left). I remember when I was in high school, I thought I was fat. I was on a constant diet. Thing was, I wasn't really overweight. I look back and wish that was my body again.

Media tells us what we should look like, which back in those days, was stick figures. This is why so many young women are afflicted with eating disorders, because of the impossible examples of how we should look. We can not all be Kate Moss thin .

Now, when I got into my twenties, I was more comfortable in my own skin, but still not happy. And forget about after I had kids...yikes. You will never see a photo of me from 1996 to 2006. That's when I began the dance, the back and forth with the weight. Now, I have come to terms that I will never be "thin". I am a real woman, I have curves (okay, maybe I don't look like this --->), and I've learned to like myself that way. However, I like to be strong and muscular and toned, and this is where I'm lacking at times, like, er, now.

I know what it takes. A balance between exercise and eating right. NOT dieting. And I do eat right. Low salt, low fat, no beef or pork, no partially hydrogenated oils, I eat whole grains. I cook a lot from scratch. I even gave up my Doritos for god's sake.

But time to get back to the exercise, which I start next week, and now I have this, er, health coach through my husband's medical (they actually pay ME to talk to her). So if I don't stick to my plan, I look like a schmuck because I have to be accountable to her and to myself.