What I DON'T want to see in the next year...

It's the last day of 2014. I am very ready for this next year to begin. Some crap
happened this year that sucked not only for me, but for our country and for our world. Here's what I don't want to see any more of in 2015...

Mitch McConnell's face - Aside from him being ugly as hell, he's an obstructionist, a villain and a self proclaimed "master of gridlock." His voting history makes a statement. It says, I'm against the following...

• Women rights
• Rights of minorities
• Equal rights for homosexuals
• Better education for our children
• Making college affordable
• Cleaning up our environment
• The rights of injured people
• A healthier America
• Immigration 
• People being able to earn a living wage

What is he for then? Guns, big money, combining church and state, and a Big Brother type government. Frightening.

Pandemics - People die. This is the #1 reason. But also propaganda spread by the media makes people go crazy. Media spins stories in a way that gets ratings. It's not different with the spread of diseases. They want us to panic so we stay glued to their every word.

Decapitations - We almost saw as many in our reality as we see on Game of Thrones. I don't mean to make light of these murders, but they're so horrific, it seems like a good way to separate myself from the atrocities of the world. But of course I can't. And the bigger problem is ISIS, a name I would rather not hear any more of in the news.

Racial profiling - Don't tell me racial profiling doesn't exist, because I know better. From Trayvon Martin to Michael Brown to Ezell Ford (and of course long before that, but I'm talking the last couple years), if racial profiling didn't exist, these men would still be alive.

Cowboy cops - Yes, I understand that not all cops are cowboys. Some do a wonderful job in protecting us from all the ill will and harm out there. But there have been too many senseless deaths as of late because a cop was trigger happy or acted with an unreasonable level of violence. Michael Brown, Eric Garner, John Crawford, Dante Parker, Tamir Rice, Akai Gurley, Kajieme Powell, Yvette Smith...I will note, all of these victims are African American. Does this happen to white people, I'm sure it does, but all too often it's the result of racial profiling in the first place that allows this to happen.

Airplanes disappearing - 2 right? That's 2 too many.

NFL players getting off easy - Yes, the NFL has been better about disciplining their players, Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson...of course, it took the video of Rice's punch to get that ball rolling. 48 players have been considered guilty of domestic violence under NFL policy between 2000 through 2014. In 88% of those, the league suspended players for one game or not at all, 56% received no suspension, and 15 others were forced to sit out one game. These guys are role models for men and boys alike. Punishment should be quicker and harsher.

Obama bashing - Yes. This. The man has done a lot of good for this country. Here's
just a few things he's accomplished:

• Allowed millions health insurance
• Got rid of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"
• Brought our troops home from Iraq
• Instituted equal pay for women
• Saved the auto industry
• Created millions of jobs and lowered the unemployment rate
• Dow Average is up
• Gas prices are down
• Consumerism is higher
• Interest rates are lower
• Expanded hate crime definitions to include gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, and disability.
• Expanded access to affordable government loans and Pell Grants for college.
• Eliminated Qaddafi and Bin Laden
• Started a nuclear arms reduction pact with Russia
• Removed restrictions on stem cell research

I could go on, but you get the idea. Stop bashing. Let's support our president by coming together. It's time to stop ripping our country apart.

School shootings (or any shootings for that matter) - Self explanatory. Of course, this won't happen without some kind of gun control initiative. And don't even argue with me on that because I will disagree with you.

College rape - Nice that the federal government is finally cracking down on universities who are not following laws put in place by Title IX. I'm glad they're investigating, but it took long enough. Sexual assault is rampant on college campuses and colleges need to do a better job of protecting victims and reporting offenses.

And for good measure let's throw in an end to racism, xenophobia, homophobia, misogyny, misandry, and any other kind of hate and intolerance that might be out there.

I'm sure I could think of more, but these are high on my list. What are some things you want to see end? What are you tired of hearing about? Let me know.

More accounting, more goals

 I actually found my goals from last year. I'm not sure I did a great job attaining
them, but let's see what I did get accomplished.

Life:
Last year's goals - screw balance and take things one by one.
Um, seriously, that was my goal. I am pretty sure I did that although some of the other stuff in this section...I'm not sure. Here they were...

• Work - Who cares?: Pretty much nailed that.
  
• Writing - An hour a day. Um, no. I mean technically, probably yes, but not fiction writing. Writing for work, proposals and no, I'm not even counting my social media, but not the writing I intended to do although I would almost guarantee I wrote more this year than last. My plan is to finish the book I'm writing and rewrite another.
• Marketing - An hour a day. Probably, though again, not the marketing I intended to do which was for my book, Dissected. The marketing I did was for my new business. I'll continue this.
• Kids - My kids and I have already decided to commit one day a week to each other in which we have dinner and spend the evening together doing something, with no one else, just us. Hahahaha. But seriously, Um...I blame them.
  
• Organization - Um...I'll work on it. That's all I can say. Pretty much all I can say for this year too. I'm just not an organized person. I mean, I know where all my piles are, and where the important things are in those piles, but...yeah.
• Travel - Yes. I did this: Ocean, AZ, Mexico, Florida, San Francisco...I'll try to keep it up this year. I love to travel. And I still have my dream to drive cross country. Anyone want to go with me?

Love:
2014 goals - If I want to throw my heart at someone, it's mine to throw. If they break it into tiny pieces and throw it back at me, it's just another of life's lessons learned the hard way and I have another story to tell. Er, I'm not sure that was exactly a goal. I went on and on in this one last year and made absolutely no sense.  Soooo, goal #1, love me first, everyone else second. Goal #2, as far as relationships are concerned, don't look for love, let it find me if it will. If it doesn't, just be happy and take advantage of the time alone to get things accomplished. What more can you do?

 
 
A few more goals I had last year:

• Smile more. :) - Maybe I did this? Who knows? I'll keep trying.
• Visit my parents at least once a week. Probably pretty close. Still intend to do so and throw in, make sure my kids visit them once a week. Life is shorter than we think. Show the people you love you care.
•  Learn patience or at least learn to breathe a little. Hahaha, er...okay, I'll try again this year.
  
• Shut up and listen. Yes. I think I do this. I think.
• Dance in my living room when no one's home. Um...I don't think I did this, but it's a good idea, so I'll try again.

Those were all last years. I think I will add one about Friendships - Handle them with care. Broaden my horizons more. Meet up with people I haven't for a while and try to meet new people. Don't let anyone define who I am. Don't let anyone bring you down. If a friendship isn't working or feels like it's one sided, end it.

Another goal is to Read More - I tried this last year. I'm really not sure how I did. I mean, I didn't read all the fiction I wanted to. I set out to read 12 works of fiction and that didn't happen. From my list, I did read...

• Insurgent
• Allegiant
• The Summer of Letting Go
• The Fault in our Stars
• 1/2 of the Bell Jar 

I stopped reading Bell Jar because I was in a bad place while reading it and it's not exactly a picker upper. I did throw an extra book in there that was not on my list, Grasshopper Jungle. Also, I read a ton of business books, so I would guarantee I read at least 12 books last year if not more.

So, I'm going to get back to the 12 fiction books again and here's my plan:

1. Finish the Bell Jar
2. Another John Green Book, don't know which one yet.
3. Sharp Objects - Gillian Flynn
4. Eleanor and Park - Rainbow Rowell
5. 100 Sideways Miles - Andrew Smith
6.  Anything one of my friends publish. If that happens.
7. Nothing Special - Geoff Herbach
8. Before I Fall -  Lauren Oliver
9. Very Bad Men  -  Harry Dolan
10. Noggin - John Corey Whaley
11. Go Ask Alice - Anonymous
12. Auracle - Gina Rosati

What are your goals for the next year? Have any reading goals? Where will life take you in 2015?

It's over: Accounting for 2014

The biggest holiday of the year is over. May the Christmas let down commence.

I'm looking forward to 2015. I will just say, my last two years pretty much sucked balls. I was going back through old posts about resolutions and goals and whatnot. Last year I posted 10 resolutions I would NOT be making. I think I have the same mindset as last year. It's best NOT to make any promises to yourself.  It's okay to set some goals  however.

So what happened this year. Why did it suck? What didn't suck? What do I want to accomplish next  year?

The Bad:

• This year I fought with the Tacoma School District. Without going into detail, they have a horrible policy that needs to change. It helps no one and I think actually harms the students it affects. 
• Dad got into a car accident. He turned out fine, but scary stuff.
•  Did not win the Charlotte Award from the New York State Reading Association. Didn't think I would, but there's always that sliver of hope. Of course I was nominated, so that's something.
• Work problems. That's all I'll say about that.
• A sad break up.
•  Family health problems.
•  Helped my best friend get through the death of her dog of 17 years on July 4th.
• Robin Williams death. I know this isn't exactly personal, but in many ways it is. Especially for those of us who suffer from depression and other mental health issues. It helped bring those problems to light and maybe make people understand them a little better.
• Growing weary of a world full of racism, homophobia, xenophobia, and sexism. Also tired of shootings, senseless deaths and other random acts of violence.
•  Thing 1 getting in a car accident that totaled her car. Luckily she and her passenger weren't injured.
• Losing a best friend.
• Still dealing with health issues that have been happening for over 2 years, with the addition of gross allergy problems that make my eyes and face swell.

The Good:

• Books are still selling.
• Seahawks win the Superbowl.
• Being on a panel at the AWP Conference with great writers, Jolene Perry, Selene Castrovilla, and Katherine Ayres.
• Thing 2 got her license and I was done driving the minions around for good.
• With the help of a friend threw the most awesome, bitchin' bachelorette party for two of my favorite people in the world who just recently won their right to marry in our beautiful state of Washington. Also attended the wedding, which was amazing.
• Made the quarter finals in the ABNA contest for the first time since the first year. Got lousy review in ABNA contest, but it was totally on spot. So there's that. 
•  Instigated a win of Best Small Business and Best Attorney in the South Sound for my work and my dad.
•  Thing 1 graduated high school and received a soccer scholarship at the local community college.
•  My parents celebrated 50 years of marriage.
•  Seeing my younger daughter make Jazz and Concert choir at school and watching performances.
• Starting my own business.
•  Finally got a diagnosis on my health problems and getting better.
• Fun with friends and family at a variety of different places: Taste of Tacoma,  Office Retreat, Seahawks games, Rainiers games, outdoor movie night, Tulalip casino, Bunco party, Deck the Hall Ball.
•  Traveling: The ocean, Arizona, Orlando, San Francisco, Cabo

 So based on all this, what is in store for me for 2015. I can only imagine it's better than this year.

• Work is good. I love what I do. Starting a business is good too. I hope that it will be successful. A friend and I will be doing marketing for small business and authors. We already have some work, so that's good.
• I will continue writing. Actually, I'd like to write more. I have a novel I'm still
  
  working on and one that needs a rewrite and a slew of other ideas to keep me busy for a long while.
• Not looking for love. If it finds me, fine, but not going in search of it.
• Now that I know from where my health problems originate, do what it takes to get better.
• Get back to exercising. My condition truly doesn't allow me much exercise. I'm joining a gym and getting back into it slowly but surely.
• Continue traveling. Places to go this year will hopefully include, New Orleans, San Diego, Scottsdale, and hopefully more.
• Make new friends. I think I need to expand my horizons. You can't have too many friends.

Other things, which I'll talk about in another blog. How was your 2014? What are your goals for the next year?

Are you meeting your wife/girlfriend's needs?

Okay, I'm writing another response article, this one goes along with yesterdays blog in which I responded to the article, Your husband has 5 basic needs, are you meeting them?

So, I'm writing this from MY point of view. I know all women are different and I can't speak for them all, but I'm sure many women are like me as well, and these are the things I think are possible big Man Fails in my book of relationship wisdom. (note that I say possible. You may be the most perfect man in the world and if so, I'm not talking to you).

1. Listening to her when she has a legitimate issue with you. Right. I know, I know. Note that I say legitimate though. I'm not talking about the women who nag all the time. I'm talking about the ones who know you don't like to talk about feelings so for the most part, keep them to ourselves. So when we do come to you and tell you something that's bothering us, at least have the courtesy to listen and maybe have a thoughtful response. Even if you don't agree with us, can you try to see where we're coming from and why and maybe try to find some middle ground. K? Thanks.


2. Respecting her. Please. This. Always this. Don't treat her like a submissive in front of friends or guests. It's embarrassing and demeaning. Definitely treat her with respect in front of your children. If you don't, you are teaching them how to treat her as well and that's not right or okay. Don't call her names. Don't tell her she's stupid. Don't do emotional, mental or physical harm to her in any way. You have no idea what this does to a person unless it's been done to you. And if it has been done to you and it's the only way you know how to be in a relationship, get counseling. Yeah, seriously, why are men so opposed to seeking counsel to save their relationships?

3. Giving her praise or show her you love and appreciate her in little ways every once in a while. You don't have to do this every day. No. We don't expect this. We NEVER expect this because it rarely happens. But we get used to finding out how NOT to do things. Or how NOT to cook things or clean things. When we do something you appreciate, let us know. "Wow, dinner was great tonight, honey, where'd you learn to cook like that?" "House looks great today, babe." "What'd you do, slave all day?" Give her flowers. Yeah, again, you don't have to do it all the time, but do it when she'd least expect it. And they don't have to be expensive. One stem. A tiny arrangement every so often. Leave her notes. For me, I don't need expensive gifts, but to be TOLD I'm loved and do a good job feels awesome. Oh, and yeah, I like flowers.


4. Giving her some "me" time. I'm not talking a lot. I mean, family first, right? But listen, a night out with the girlfriends a couple times a month isn't a death sentence. A girls weekend a couple times a year won't kill you either. And hey, when a stay-at-home-mom says she's going to the grocery store at night, don't suggest the kids go, even if they want to. In fact, YOU be the one to tell them they can't. Sometimes that's all the time the wife needs away to unwind after a long day cooking, cleaning and watching the little ones. Maybe a bath, going to get a massage. You and the children are not the end all be all of her existence...which brings me to number 5.

5. Letting her be her own person. Many women lose their identities when they get married. Especially those who decide to become stay-at-home moms. They live and breathe the family, doing nothing else but familycentric activities, vacations, etc. While that may be okay for some, for others it can eventually be utterly devastating. They get tired of being known as "Bob's" wife or "Jake and Emma's" mom. They are dejected  when friends stop calling asking them to go places because they're always busy with family. They need their own friends, own activities, own hobbies. They need to remain individuals apart from being a mom or a wife. Otherwise, they will get caught in an unhappy rut and will feel stuck, like the world is moving on without them like they are standing still.

So, that is how I feel and I don't think it's too hard. And guess what, guys? And ladies, you should read this too. It goes both ways. Your wives and girlfriends should be treating you the same way. See, this is being an equal in a relationship. This is having a mutual respect for each other while not pandering to or being dutiful like a servant.

A relationship is a partnership. Sure, there is give and take, but there is reciprocity, collaboration, support, understanding, affinity, and courtesy. Be kind always. Communicate. Always remember, that person you're with isn't just your significant other, but an individual who has interests outside of you. Those individual interests should be pursued with your support, otherwise they may be pursued, devoid of you.

Are you meeting your husbands needs?

Okay, I know I'm kind of down on Family Share this week, but honestly, all their articles aren't that bad. However, I found another one on their website that made me throw up in my mouth. Your husband has 5 basic needs. Are you meeting them? And the blurb: Fulfilling your husband's needs does not mean you're inferior to him. It means you love him and want to make him happy. Are you doing that?

Um... But then the author goes on to say that we should be unselfish and put our husband's needs above your own. I mean, we should want to make him happy, after all, he only has 5 basic needs to be fulfilled...right.

1. Recreational companionship

Basically the author says that whatever your husband wants to do, you should do. Yep. If your husband likes to golf, you should take up golf. If your husband likes to snow ski, you should go snow skiing.

Let me tell you what happens when you do whatever your husband wants to do and put your own hobbies aside.  Frustration. Anger. Resentment. How about you do things together that you both like to do, but you both have things you do on your own because having individual hobbies and interests makes for a healthy relationship. You cannot spend every waking hour of free time together or you will go crazy and end up hating each other.

2. Sexual fulfillment

 She's telling you not to make sex a game. Okay, I agree with this. Don't use it as a weapon or a chess piece. But her condescending tone about our attitude and effort involved in our sexually fulfilling our spouse's needs is a bit sickening. Hey lady, at my age, I'm the one who needs the fulfilling, not the other way around. Capisce?

3. Admiration 

Okay, this truly wants to make me retch. The article states how hard your husband works for you, how he's doing his part and how we need to tell him how much we love and appreciate him.

I didn't realize I was sitting on the couch watching soap operas and eating bon bons all day. I'm so sorry. Let me get a tub out and wash his feet and then feed him grapes and fan him while he lies down on a chaise lounge. Perhaps I should wait on him hand and foot after his hard day. I mean, I've done nothing all day but work, do the grocery shopping, tended to the kids, cleaned the house and washed the laundry.

4. Domestic support

"Domestic support involves the creation of a peaceful and well-managed home environment."  While the husband is "doing his part" we should be cooking, washing dishes, keeping the home clean, etc.

In my experience "doing his part" usually consisted of playing Mafia Wars, checking fantasy football stats and taking a shit. Um, I even took out the garbage and mowed the lawn. But sure, let me take care of all that while he's "doing his part."

Oh, and here's my favorite...

5. An attractive spouse

 Did you get that? I said An attractive spouse.  Apparently we as wives and mothers get comfortable, i.e. dumpy, in this woman's mind.  We need to make an effort to be attractive for our spouse. We should freshen up before he gets home. Because there's nothing like feeling pretty when you've been slaving over a hot stove after a full day at work feeling like your face has melted, and you're covered in baby spit and boogers. Meanwhile when he gets home he flips on the TV, gets in some kind of crappywear, such as sweats or baggy shorts with holes in them and that shitty t-shirt he won't let you throw out, grabs a beer, makes himself comfortable, sticks his hand down his pants and farts on the couch. You know, because that is oh, so attractive.



The author of this article says that if you meet these five needs of your husband your will build a stronger marriage. Just like the article I wrote about Tuesday and yesterday, I say, what makes a strong marriage is mutual respect, open communication, honesty and spending time together, but also having interests outside each other and the home.


Without the things I mention, a marriage is bound to fail. With the 5 things the author of the Family Share article mentions, you're bound to turn into June Cleaver, telling your husband over a martini that he was a little too hard on the Beaver last night.