Sleepless in Seattle

Okay, Sleepless in Tacoma. For the last few years, I've had these spurts of sleeplessness, maybe two, three weeks at a time, followed by about a month of can't-get-up-in-the-morning-to-save-my-life. WTF?

I've never really tracked these weeks of sleeplessness, if they coexist with some form of stress, anxiety, or changes in life. If that were the case it would totally make sense right now. Things that are stressful, angst inducing, or have changed in Megan's life:

Holidays. mmhmmm. Here they are again. Presents to buy, baking to be done, lights to put up. Um, yeah, I've pretty much broken down for the last four years this time of year. Rock bottom here I come.

Option book. My debut book is almost out. Just over one month to go (panic sets in as I realize this). But wait, while I'm marketing the hell out of Never Eighteen, I have another book to write. Okay, I wrote it, it's done. But wait, there's more. Midway through I change direction. Now I have to rewrite it. And let me tell you. I've been less than motivated because I know it's a big project. At some point my agent is going to ask about it. (Actually she already has, told her done, just doing revisions, only a little fib). So, yeah, stress.

Book release. Parties to plan, reviews to worry about. The stress of wondering if it will sink or swim. I mean, yeah, of those who've read it so far, most have liked to loved it. But by US standards, that's a handful of people. Ugh!

Um, new relationship. This isn't stressful or angty. Its just a change in life. The most stress will come from introducing him to the kids, the rents, and subjecting him to the rest of my family at some point and hoping that's not a deal breaker. Otherwise, the relationship has been amazing.

Weight.  The never-ending form of stress.  I'm still down seven pounds, but my goal was twenty five by my release.  That leaves me with 18 to go and two 1/2 months left to do it.  Possible, yes, but I am weak when it comes to certain kinds of food and I must avoid them like the plague, which will be hard during the holiday season.

Work.  I love my job, but I've taken on more responsibility, and my partner in crime at work has other responsibilities.  And there are a few tasks that are frustrating the hell out of me.  I feel so far behind and I can't catch up.  I have to keep up with SEO, print ads, our newsletter, creating and uploading websites, helping plan the Christmas party.  All stuff I like to do, yet, I feel overwhelmed at times and am multi-tasking beyond my abilities.

So, when I wake up at 3:30 am, my mind will not allow my body to go back to sleep.  Anyone have any insomnia remedies?

Monkey Madness Monday

So, it's Monday once again.  Time to achieve some goals.  First, weight.  I actually only gained a pound over the weekend.  I'm shocked and amazed.  Still, I want to drop at least another fifteen before my launch.  I know it's doable, but I don't know if I can do it.  I have my weaknesses.  If I stay away from the appetizer tables at the Christmas parties, I should be all right.

Writing goals: finish the rewrite of my WIP, Sliced.  It's going slow, writing time has been short, but I'm just going to have to buckle down and do it.  Instead of watching Gray's Anatomy and playing Angry Birds I'm going to spend that time writing and reading.

Christmas:  all presents purchased by December 2nd.  That is my goal. I've already done pretty good, but I'm afraid some mall shopping will need to be done. Ugh.

Petty stuff, new boots, maybe an Amazon Kindle Fire (I've fought the ebook long enough), baking, reading, making Christmas cards.

You have any goals for the holiday season?

F³A: The Crazies

These are the people that go out shopping at the butt crack of dawn on black Friday.  I've never done it, I have no desire to do it, I will never do it.  I am claustrophobic, I hate crowds.  Especially mean crowds that will shiv you for the last Sims game or pair of gloves left on the shelf.  No thanks.

For those of you who do shop the black Friday deals, is it really all that?  Really?

There was an incident with pepper spray today.  Really?

I will pay more.  I will sit comfortably at my computer and order (though I really am going to try to buy more locally this year, I'm sure my local stores have website too, right?)

For those of you who risk your lives on black Friday, happy shopping, for those of you who don't happy hiding.

Friday Scribbles:

Christmas Song of the Week: Please Come Home for Christmas.  One of my faves.

Book of the Week: I'm going with The Wicked and the Just by J Anderson Coats, a fellow 2k12er.  I received an arc and am going to start it this weekend.  Think Castles, medieval battles.

Netflix of the Week: Jericho, the tv series.  A friend turned me on to it.  It's good.

Quote of the Week: "Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."  ~Dave Barry

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

my living room

So, yeah, I decorated my house for Christmas.  I've been listening to Christmas music.  Yes, I know it's not even Thanksgiving yet, but my girls and I have been in the spirit since Dio de las Muertas.

Which is a good thing for me, since the last few years, nothing could get me in the mood. And don't even mention the "S" word.  Snow.  I hate it.  I hate driving in it, I hate the coldness of it.  I only like snow if I never have to leave my house.

But yeah, this year is different.  This year I feel warm and snuggly and Christmassy.  My house if festive with it's lights and pink tree, and garland, and the giant silver star hanging from my kitchen ceiling.

And it's catching.  I've started a before Christmas movement.  I've inspired people to listen to Christmas music, to put up their trees.  I like being an inspiration, even if it's just an eccentric one like decorating before Thanksgiving.

Happy Holidays (boy I'm going to be saying that a lot until Christmas actually rolls around).  And Happy Tuesday.

Monkey Madness Monday: Being Thankful

There is so much to be Thankful for in life.  I mean, even when things seems bad, there is always someone worse of then you.  Be thankful for what you have instead of what you want.

I know, sometimes it's hard, even I am guilty of stressing on the little things (thank you anxiety disorder).  But here are the things I will try and focus on my family.  Are they perfect? God no, but whose is?  I love them with all their quirks and faults and I know they love me despite these things as well.

I'm thankful for my friends.  Even if I don't see them as often as I like, I know their always there for me.

I'm thankful for my health.  Am I a bit out of shape? Sure.  Am I a little crazy? Yes.  But I'm living and breathing and that in itself is a gift.

I'm thankful for my girls.  Do they drive me nuts? Yes.  They're teenagers after all, but I would rather deal with the eye rolls, and the attitude, and the messiness than not having them around.  They are my sun, my light.

Think about the things you're thankful for this week, not just the big things, but the little ones too.   I'm thankful for fresh flowers, and the scent of basil, and Oil of Olay, and coffee.

We have it good.  We really do.  Even when it's bad, it's still good in some ways.

What are you thankful for?

F³A: Finally

It's finally Friday.  This week has been a complete clusterf*&@k.  I feel like I can breathe.  Just a little.  Last night was the first night I slept well all week.  I still need to get through one more day of Dreamweaver class, and then, aaahhhhh.

The weekend is busy too, but that's a different kind of busy.  That's soccer busy.  I don't mind soccer busy.

And then next week, short week.  I'm getting my hair done.  I'm having a girls night out.  I have a date, who says he's going to pamper me.  He's a chef.  I'm sure I've already mentioned that.  Turkey day, then a girls weekend at the beach.

Did I say aaaahhhhh already?

What are your plans for the weekend?

The Friday Scribbles:

Random iPod shuffle song: Don't look back in Anger, Oasis.

Netflix of the Week: Mad Men.  I still hate all the men, but I feel the civil rights movement coming and that should rock them a bit.

Book of the Week: I'm going to start reading fellow 2k12ers Robin Bridges, The Gathering Storm this week.  Think Russia and Vampires.  Hits stores in January.

Quote of the Week: 
"Always gotta keep busy or the voices start telling me to do wild things. "
~Steve Brown

Have a good weekend everyone and don't forget about my giveaway, check yesterdays blog for details!

Never Eighteen Giveaway!!!!!

Everyone loves prizes, right?  Well, it's officially two months until the release of Never Eighteen, and so I'm giving away a bunch of Never Eighteen swag which includes a sack pack, notebook, water bottle, sticker, button, bookmark, t-shirt, a signed ARC, and a pack of tissues.

To enter, go to my Facebook notes here, and leave a comment and email address.  That's it.  No posting this elsewhere, no having to share five places, no having to get your friends to "like" me.  Simply comment.  Don't enter  here, I don't want your comments buried under other posts.

Well, you may have to "like" me on Facebook, I don't know for sure.

Winner will be chosen randomly and announced on December 17, the one month mark!!!!


Good luck!!

Lamentations

There is a reason I call myself the angsty writer.  Last night was one of those reasons.  I don't think people realize how draining this business can be.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitching that I have a book deal, that would be stupid, but there is so much work that goes into it.  Not only that, but having a job on top of it leaves little time for other things.

At times I feel detached from the world I've created for myself.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed.

Occasionally,  I feel like I can't hack it.

Sometimes I feel like everything I've implemented in the last four years, the blogs, the vlogs, the social networking is all for naught.

Sometimes everything I've implemented makes me feel like a whore and I get tired of myself and I think other people have to be getting tired of me too.

I think I might be having post traumatic stress disorder.  I was going to vlog about this, but haven't had the time yet, so I'll just talk about it here.

On Sunday, I was almost hit by a bus.  It sounds funny, and I even joked about it with some people, but the more I think about it, the more it scares the shit out of me.  I was in an unfamiliar city, trying to follow my GPS, and was distracted.  I ran a red light.

A bus had just entered the intersection, honestly, I don't know how I got out of it.  I remember screaming and swerving.  I must have sped up.

I know I should just focus on the fact that I didn't get plastered all over the pavement, but I can't help to think about what could have happened.  What if someone was coming from the other direction?  I would have been hit on my side of the car.  What if another car had been on the other side of the bus?

I'm thankful my kids weren't in the car with me.

I can't stop thinking about it.

But obviously I'm still meant for this world.  It wasn't my time.  I try not to focus on the what-could-have-happened, but it's hard.

I think it's the reason I've been in a funk and unable to sleep all week.

I'm not sure this post even has a purpose other than me venting.  Thank you for being my sounding board this morning.

2012 Debutante Event

So I may have mentioned before, that Badass Bookie has chosen yours truly as one of her 2012 Debs.  I'm in good company.  The other debs are:

Veronica Rossi ( Under the Never Sky)
Jill Hathaway ( Slide)
Leah Bobet ( Above)
Elisa Ludwig ( Pretty Crooked)
Robin Bridges ( The Gathering Storm)
Kristen Simmons ( Article 5)
Brodi Aston ( Everneath)
Jodi Meadows ( Incarnate)
Jessica Spotwood ( Born Wicked)
Robin Mellom ( Ditched: A Love Story)
Miranda Kenneally ( Catching Jordan)

Badass Bookie is giving away lots of prize packs and books.  So you should definitely check it out if you like to win stuff.

Watch for our guests posts, Debutante dresses and who we've chosen as our dates.  (You may or may not be able to guess who mine is).

These are going to be some fun posts running from December 1st - 25th.  Hope you check it out.

Monkey Madness Monday

I could not help but share this video for Money Madness Monday.  My friend Donna posted it to my Facebook last week and every time I watch it, I crack up.

Had a very busy weekend.  Lots of soccer.  Met my Harbingers of Doom for coffee at Elliott Bay Books.  Met my friend Jarucia for appetizers and drinks.

Other stuff happened, but I think that's better suited for a vlog.

Worked on my rewrite of Sliced.  The name is very apropos for what I'm doing to this novel.  I think I'm going to have to do another revision after the rewrite, I'm not sure how the flow is working with all the hacking I'm doing.  I think it will be an interesting novel when I'm finished though.

I'm still not able to comment on your blogs, so I'm sorry.  I'm reading them, I promise.

Happy Monday.

Special Edition Frustration Post!!! Grrr >:(

I've repeatedly gone to blogs around the netverse, read them, and tried to respond.  For some reason, Blogger has refused to post me under my google account.

So I tried my wordpress account.

No.

So I tried my Name/URL, which worked a couple times.  Today? No.

I even tried to post as anonymous.

No.

And I don't have those other thingies, LiveJournal, AIM, whatever, whatever

Anyone else having this problem?  It's driving me mad!!!  I'm trying to be a good fellow blogger, but BLOGGER ISN'T LETTING ME!!

*shakes fists at the Blogger gods*

F³A: Freedom isn't free

I think sometimes it's easy to forget that.   Freedom isn't free. I'm not a proponent of war, but I also am not naive to the fact that certain battles have allowed us certain freedoms.  A necessary evil, if you will.

And the people that fight those battles, whether they're behind the scenes or in the trenches have all sacrificed for us.  They've sacrificed their families, their bodies, some of them their souls, their lives. 

No matter if I agree with the fight at hand or not, I always feel for,  appreciate and respect those out there serving, taking risks to protect the freedoms we've become so accustomed to having.  not only them, but their spouses, their children, their parents, because they've sacrificed too.

I've seen firsthand a soldier's battle scars, both physical and emotional.  I would never for an instant step into their shoes, to do what they've done, to see what they've seen.

It takes a certain type of person to do battle for others.  It takes valor, selflessness, and conviction to put yourself out there, to risk your life for even the tiniest shred of freedom.

Thank a veteran today.

Let's choose today's scribbles in honor of veterans Day.

Song of the week: Man, it took me like an hour to find the right song.  I like this one. Dear Avery by the Decemberists.  Colin Meloy, the singer told spin magazine that this track is about the Iraq War and how parents are affected when their children are shipped off to battle. "I imagine it being a letter sent from a mother to a solider," he said. "I was reading a lot about soldiers and the war and their parents back home — having a kid myself, it just made me really mindful of that relationship."

Netflix of the week: Again, a hard pick, but Saving Private Ryan kind of encapsulates not only what soldiers have to do, but the grief of those they leave behind.

book of the Week: I'm going to pick A Soldier's Heart by Gary Paulsen.  Had a debate about this book awhile back. A sad but very real story about war and what it can do to the mind and soul.

Quotes of the Week:
"Valor is stability, not of legs and arms, but of courage and the soul." -Michel de Montaigne

 "We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude." -Cynthia Ozick

To all who have served, thank you.

Thursday Nerves

this is not my date

I have a date tonight.  A real date (do not ask what that means) It's been awhile.  A very LOOOONNNGGG while.
He's a chef and he's coming over to cook me dinner.  Whenever I'm going to have company, I go into panic mode.

I've been up since four.  Cleaning.  Yep, panic cleaning.  After I cleaned for about an hour I showered and tried to lay down and sleep again, but my mind was racing.  Not just about tonight, but about my rewrite I'm doing, and a book store gig I have in March, and, and, and.

I fear I'm going to be a lousy date because of my lack of sleep.  And it's not just today.  I haven't slept well all week, and I hope it doesn't all catch up with me tonight and I fall asleep at the dinner table, my face in a plate full of Gnocchi.  That would be bad.  Very.

But if I do, at least i'll know my house was clean.

Wish me luck.

Wednesday Weigh In: Pizza Binge

this is not me

Yep, I had a little pizza binge over the weekend, but it didn't do much damage probably because I continued the yoga torture and elliptical.

I'm still down five pounds, I don't feel too bad about it.

I'm kicking up the exercise a notch, thinking about cutting meat down to once a day.  I lost a lot of weight when I did that before and kept it off until all my drama/mental crap threw the extra weight my direction and it stuck.
 
So, I'm working it.  I'm going to set a goal of Ten pounds from this point before Christmas.  I think that's realistic.  Then more before my release, which is my main goal.

How are you doing?  not just weight wise, but life wise as well?

Tuesday: Blog Tour Continues and other cool stuff (at least I think so)

Yesterday at The Bookish Type was host to an interview from Trevor, Austin's friend in music.

Today at A Good Addiction you'll find my favorite books, recommendations, and what's on my bookshelf.

Tomorrow you'll find a review of never Eighteen at Bookmarked.

One more thing, having to practice my Wordpress skills, I created a website dedicated solely to Never Eighteen.  I talk about the story behind the story, some of the main characters, the places Austin and Kaylee travel, and give you a playlist of songs that inspired me along the way.  Nevereighteen.com.  Check it out and let me know what you think.

And don't forget the Cafe Press Never Eighteen gear, every penny made will be going to Mary Bridge Children's Hospital in Tacoma Washington.  They saved my daughter's life.

Monkey Madness Monday

Yes, it is Monkey Madness Monday!!  I've turned over a new leaf. (again) of course I had some serious motivation this time.  I was watching some of the old chronicle videos I've done, and i was skinny.  I want to be that girl again without all the mental problems. :)

So this weekend was my last hurrah, I ate pizza and last night had some Francis Ford Coppola wine.  I also got on the elliptical twice and just finished Jillian Michaels yoga torture this morning.

Back to the good carbs and fiber.  I even ate breakfast this morning ( I never do).  I am going to lose this weight before my release.  Holidays be damned!

Life is getting more normal, school soccer is over, I'm almost done with my to-do list for my release other than party details.  Life is good.

What goals are you shooting for before the end of the years?

Thursdays Revelations

So, I'm at the store the other day and i pull into the parking lot and there is one parking spots toward the front .   i turn my left blinker on and wait.  as I'm waiting a woman pulls up opposite me and hedges in so that she's blocking me out.  while this happens another car starts pulling out of the spot next to the open spot, so I'm like, whatever, two spots, i don't care which one i take.

Well, as the woman is pulling out of her spot, someone she knows comes out of the store and starts chatting at her as we're all waiting for her to move.  they sit there and talk for like a minute even though they are now holding up at least five cars.

I say ef it and leave.  i really am not the kind of person to wait for a spot, i don't care if i park in front or back of the parking lot.  i hate waiting.

so far two rude people.

I'm in the store (big lots if anyone was wondering) grabbing up discounted halloween decorations (yes, I'm that person) i get in line and there's quite a line building up.  there's one person checking out, one in front of me, and a couple behind me.

another cashier comes up and says, i'll take the next in line.  i politely ask the woman ahead of me if she's going over there, to which she shakes her head, and as i'm turning my cart around, to go to the open cashier, a woman two behind me starts to head over to her.  and she just looks at me like "what are you going to do about it".  so i stay put.  and can i just say, it always bothers me when the cashier doesn't make sure the "next in line" gets that choice position as the front.  i mean, why say, "next in line" if you'll just take anyone that wants to be an asshole?

Rude person #3.

I counted 5 in a span of about 20 minutes.  i think I must have repressed the other two.

I was pissed.

But that's not the point.

The point is, why?  these are the small things in life.  the ones that don't matter.  if i get all worked up about the small inconveniences i'll make myself crazy.  i already know there are a-holes in the world, and i'm going to run into them from time to time, so why bother letting it get to me.

So i'm letting go.  when the small stuff happens, i'm just going to breathe and let it subside and focus on the good people and things in the world, because i truly think they outnumber the bad and the jerkoffs.

I've said my piece (peace?).

Have a good thursday.

Wednesday Weigh In, Christmas and some bookish things

So, I'm still down six pounds.  I'm okay with that.  the weekends seem to be my biggest challenge.  i've been exercising but not regularly, so i have to get my butt outof my seat and get on the elliptical. (as my friend gae calls it, the f*@!king elliptical).

I still would really like to lose another 20 before my release.  it will be a challenge, but i'm really going to push it.

I've decided to decorate for christmas now.  last year it took me awhile to get into the spirit.  i'm already there now. this week will be devoted to taking down the halloween stuff and decking the halls.

last thing, next stop on my blog tour is Alison can read.  It's a tens list of concerts i've been to.  very apropos since austin, my protag, loves music.

have a happy wednesday!!

Another Tour Stop!

The second stop on the teen book scene never eighteen tour is at me, my shelf, and i.  The site give never eighteen a review (and it's a good one!)  check it out and comment if you will.

Also on yesterdays stop, don't forget there's a contest underway for never eighteen swag.

at tomorrow's stop, you'll find a tens list of concerts i've attended at Allison can read.

On november 17, look for a two month countdown to book launch.  I'll be hosting a giveaway of swag, a sticky note arc of Never eighteen (will all the secrets on sticky notes as opposed to being marked up, because, my life is run by sticky notes) and other cool stuff.  Winner to be announced at the one month mark, december 17th.

have a terrific tuesday everyone!