I am but a speck...

This morning I went to the funeral of one of my best friend's fathers. I remember him back when we were in high school and college as a commanding presence.  Boisterous, he would fill up a room when he walked in. I knew he was a Teamster.but other then that, I didn't know him at all.

As I listened to people talk about him, I learned more about the man behind the dad I met a few times. The boss that fought for employee rights, benefits and pay as a member, as secretary/treasurer, as vice president and president of a variety of Teamster committees, organizations, unions.

I learned about the philanthropist who donated his time as a board member of the Boys and Girls Club and the United Way.

I learned about the uncle, friend, father and brother who played football and baseball liked to fish and shoot guns by listening to stores, looking at pictures and seeing how many people were there to honor his life in the church this morning.

On my way home I received a text informing me that my father had been in a car accident and was at Tacoma General Hospital. Someone had ran a stop sign and plowed into the driver's side of his car at 40 miles per hour.

When I arrived at the hospital, my family was awaiting the CT scan results. My dad was in pain, he wore a neck brace and had a hematoma on his arm, but things could have been so much worse.

If things had been different, I don't think my dad would regret leaving this place as is, much like my friend's father. He has, in many ways, built a dynasty. His law practice has been up and running for over 25 years and he is one of the most respected attorneys in Washington State.

He went into this kind of law to defend the defenseless. His clients mean something to him. Many of his cases have helped make roads safer, the government more accountable, and helped numerous families put their lives back together after serious accidents.

He is the most generous man I know, willing to give to others, even to his own detriment, even if it means in the long run, he will receive less. He not only gives his money to numerous charities, but has helped many kids go to college, and has donated his time and energy to charities and organizations, politics and justice.

He worked numerous jobs to be able to get through college and law school, he was in the seminary, has traveled every state in America and all over the world, and wrote a novel. He is a lover of football and baseball, has supported just about every local sports team at one time or another including the Mariners, Seahawks, Rockets, Sabercats, Rainiers, and more.

He worked hard but still made us breakfast in the morning and didn't miss our soccer games, baseball games, and school concerts. He's been to his grandchildren's soccer games, football games, choir concerts, school auctions, band gigs, and plays.

He is kind and funny and intelligent and you don't have to take my word for it. Anyone who knows him will tell you in the legal world, his family, the community and his friends. He has kept the same group of friends since he was a child and made many more along the way.

These kinds of events, funerals, close calls, they make you think about life, mortality, your place in the universe...

Compared to these two men, I am but a speck. I look at their lives and I say to What have I done? In comparison, not much. I complain because I don't have time. Maybe time is subjective. Maybe I don't have time because I'm spending it unwisely. Because what I've thought is important, is in a word, not. I've  thought about doing some of the things these great men have done, but I've never actually done them.
myself:

I don't want to be a speck. I want to make a mark.

Less think, more do.

30 days of thanks: day 15

I'm thankful for my siblings. I have three, two sisters and one brother.

We don't get together regularly, but we do see each other fairly often. Even so, I think if we'd call on each other for help, we'd be there for each other.

My oldest sister, Dana is 13 years old than me and disliked me as a child. I was the baby, I suppose I tattled on the rest of them from time to time and maybe got my way, I don't really know. She said the day I came up to her when I was about 4 or 5 and said, "Dana, why don't you like me?" is the day I melted her black heart and she decided to give me a chance. HAHA

She has a delightful sense of humor. She used to have a mannequin, and when I was 8 she snuck into the living room behind the couch where her mannequin, Zelda stood on a chair. I was playing Barbies on the other side of the couch. Very slowly she began turning the chair, so that Zelda appeared to be turning and called my name, "Meeegan. Meeeeeegan."  I was pretty sure it was her, but it still scared the shit out of me and I ran screaming from the living room.

And she wonders why I tattled.

She's also a fabulous actress and artist and was the only one who showed to help me stuff swag bags (aside from my mom, and apparently I told the other sister I didn't need her, which I didn't remember, but ya know) for my book launch party. She's awesome.

I work with my other sister, Maribeth. We commiserate about the goings on at the office together. We're also closer in age so we've been known to go out on the town and cause a ruckus. I followed her to college back in 1987 and she introduced me to her older friends, drove me to the grocery store, brought me to parties and bought me beer.

Now I consider her a friend as well as a sister, though we've had our ups and downs here and there. We did end up having kids pretty much the exact same age (our older daughters are 5 months apart, both seniors this year, our younger, mine a girl, hers a boy are 5 weeks a part, both sophomores, all at the same school), she also moved onto my block after she got divorced. It was only two blocks down, so the kids got to grow up on the same street. Of course, when I got divorced, I moved, but we still live close.

So we get to work, party and go to the same school functions together. It's been fun. She listens to my work problems, my dating problems (half the time I'm dating someone she knows, so it's convenient) and sometimes we just sit around and drink wine together.

My brother John L. is even closer in age to me. We're 18 months apart. We went to junior high and high school together for a spell and ended up with many of the same friends. He dated many of my friends to my dismay and I dated many of his friends, again to my dismay.

When I got back from college I got to be a groupie with all the bands he hung out with and belonged to. I loved it. I love music and his friends were mostly cute and we partied a lot back then. How did we party all night and get up and go to work the next day? I have no idea.

Eventually he moved to Seattle, so I don't see him as much, but as the two creative minds in the family (he is also a writer, but will never write commercial so has given up getting published traditionally, but now with the industry changing, maybe he'll go the way of self publishing, who knows?), so we still have much in common and we always have a lot to talk about when we're together. We're also the "crazy" ones in the family and I think it suits us both fine...when we feel okay.

So yeah, my bro and sisters, I'm grateful to have them.

Friday Scribbles, here they are!!

Pandora Queue song: Chelsea Dagger by the Fratellis. LOVE this song.

Book of the Week: Um, I'm going with mine because I just released it this week and I'm totally pimping myself out and because I can. Yep. Dissected by Megan Bostic. You should buy it. It has 2 five star reviews on Amazon.

Netflix of the Week: I haven't started watching it, and I don't even really know if it's on there but I'm going to look. House of Lies with Don Cheadle. Because I love The Cheadle and I love the marketing world.



Quote of the Week: 

OMG It's November and I've not been Thankful ONCE!

Okay, in my usual cold, dead little heart I'm sure I have once, but usually I will blog about it (I think, don't I? Who knows at this point).

So today I will play catch up and blog about 6 things I am thankful for.

6. My health - Okay, maybe I'm tired all the time and maybe I'm batshit crazy, but I have all my limbs and they work properly. I can see and hear and speak. It is my job to keep this body healthy to the best of my ability.

5. My job - Here I mean my day job. I work for a law firm. I do most of their marketing, which includes their social networking, print ads, offline networking, website, blogging, etc, etc, etc. It never ends. I enjoy the work I do, I'm paid well, and we have added benefits at our job that I know other people don't get elsewhere. Plus, I work part time and can still pay my bills, and this still allows me the time to write and market my books.

4. My writing - Oh lord, where would I be without this. Those of you who have been reading my blog for some time know that I've been through some rough patches. I'm not shy about my experiences in life. I share them in the hopes maybe they can help someone else. During those times I've felt desolate and detached from the entire world, I had this. My writing has helped me grieve through losses, make my way through darkness, and give me an outlet when I've needed it.

I thought we were supposed to do the duck face.

3. My friends - These bitches. Some of these people know things worthy of blackmail and I hope they never use it against me. I have friends from high school, writing friends, work friends, friends I've reconnected with on Facebook from junior high, friends I've met through Facebook, I also include my siblings in this...it's cray cray...

My bestie

Work friends on a scavenger hunt.

Writing friends

My sisters and brother

Gae Polisner, awesome writing friend

My two besties

2. My parents - What these two have done for me...oy. I cannot even begin to explain. Let's just say, I owe them everything.

1. My daughters - Yeah, so maybe there is a toothbrush on my bannister and a pair of dirty socks in my car. Perhaps I have to clean up their dirty dishes on a daily basis, tell them to be quiet when I'm trying to sleep, and nag them to clean their rooms. But they're good kids. They stay out of trouble. The treat people with respect. They treat me with respect. They work at their grades and work hard at what they love, for one it's soccer, the other, music. Without them I would be lost. They are my light.

So, tell me...what are you thankful for?

Monkey Madness Monday: Being Thankful

There is so much to be Thankful for in life.  I mean, even when things seems bad, there is always someone worse of then you.  Be thankful for what you have instead of what you want.

I know, sometimes it's hard, even I am guilty of stressing on the little things (thank you anxiety disorder).  But here are the things I will try and focus on my family.  Are they perfect? God no, but whose is?  I love them with all their quirks and faults and I know they love me despite these things as well.

I'm thankful for my friends.  Even if I don't see them as often as I like, I know their always there for me.

I'm thankful for my health.  Am I a bit out of shape? Sure.  Am I a little crazy? Yes.  But I'm living and breathing and that in itself is a gift.

I'm thankful for my girls.  Do they drive me nuts? Yes.  They're teenagers after all, but I would rather deal with the eye rolls, and the attitude, and the messiness than not having them around.  They are my sun, my light.

Think about the things you're thankful for this week, not just the big things, but the little ones too.   I'm thankful for fresh flowers, and the scent of basil, and Oil of Olay, and coffee.

We have it good.  We really do.  Even when it's bad, it's still good in some ways.

What are you thankful for?

Thought Provoking Thursday: Mothers

With Mother's Day being this weekend, I thought I would write about mothers.  (and yes, I'm avoiding the whole bin Laden thing)

My mom is a saint and she's worked hard for that coming from a childhood where she was forced to grow up too fast.  She rose above it and broke a cycle, which is not always easy to do.  Sure, she's had her not so pretty moments, but who hasn't.

But she was always there to bandage my wounds, worry when I wasn't home in time, and dry my tears.  It's not only me she's protected and nurtured.  She helped her own mother by buying her groceries, taking her on vacations because she didn't have the money to do those things, little or big, on her own.

She along with my dad help send more kids to college than I can even count.  Education is important do her.  She's a very smart woman.  She has business sense, common sense, and she can talk for hours about books and movies.

She works with the Hospitality Kitchen here in Tacoma, gathering donations of coats, socks, and toiletries, and delivering them a couple times a year, among her other philanthropical activities and donations.  I probably wouldn't be able to count how many organizations she donates to on both hands. 

And these last few years, she's protected me, guided me, listened to me, believed in me, and tried to understand me when perhaps I wasn't acting completely rational or reasonable or sane for that matter.

She's a beautiful person and has been a great example for me, and I can only hope that I'm even half the mom as she has been to me.

Happy Mother's Day to my mom and all the moms out there.  It's one of the hardest jobs, if not the hardest, to raise kids, keep them healthy, and teach them how to become independent and confident adults.

Writing Wednesday: Sad

     Just a warning, this is an R-rated excerpt.  Oh, it's also unedited, keep that in mind.  Oh, one more thing, my poem, Me, will be posted on Cari's Book Blog today.  Cari is a rockin' review blogger and all around great girl.

 

      There was a silent pause.  “Well, Jordie won’t be here until around six.”  Jordie Hicks, Haleys’s new boyfriend.  Didn’t really see it myself.  He was a jock.  A tennis player to be exact.  Short, blond, and freckled.  Haley probably could have had any guy she wanted if she tried. But she didn’t.  Try that is.  She was perfectly complacent following David and I around, getting the occasional drunken mash, not going for what she really wanted (which unfortunately was my brother, Bryce, which I totally didn’t get since he was a freshman to our juniors), and just dating any schmuck who’d ask.

     She was really pretty too, and I’d tell her all the time, but I don’t think she believed me.  She was tall and thin.  I envied her hair, long dark loose curls.  I think she had no confidence in her looks and herself in general because she lived in a house of assholes.  Her step-mom was the most superficial phony bitch on the face of the planet.  To her, everyone is worthless unless, that is, you made bank and looked like you came straight out of an Ambercrombie catalog.   Elitist bitch.  Every time I go to their house, she sizes me up, as if I might have improved since the time before.  And she never says, hello, it’s always just, “Sydney,”  making me sound like something disgusting she can’t wait to spit from her tongue.

     Haley’s dad was a workaholic and pretty much lived at his office or his girlfriends.  I didn’t even know Haley had a dad until about two years into our friendship.  We were sitting around doing homework when this dude walks in without a word and opens the fridge.  I was sitting there staring, wondering, WTF?  I looked at Haley, but she didn’t seem concerned, so I said, “Who is that?” 

     She glanced up for a split second and said, “My dad,” then went right back to her homework.  He grabbed something from the fridge and left.  He didn’t say anything to Haley.  Not hi or how was school or who’s your friend.  Nothing.   I speculated once if he just hated his existence outside of the office and slutty bartender he was fucking, or if he was actually mute.

     And then there were her brothers, four to be exact, one step, from the bitch’s first failed marriage, and three half, the product of the union between her dad and step mom.  The older one was a complete waste of oxygen.  He blew up his girlfriend and their two year old son in their meth lab a couple years earlier.  Now he’s coming down from the addiction, and spends his days on the ‘rent’s couch crying, watching reality shows, smoking cigarettes, and drinking a bottle of Jack a day.  Prick is too lazy to even buy us booze when we need it.

      Not much to say about the three younger brothers, except they’re so hyped up on sugar, video games, and inattention that they’d have to make up a new acronym for whatever their diagnosis would be.  And all three think Haley is a disease.  It’s no wonder Haley always wanted to hang out at my house.  Well, all that and of course the fact that my brother lived there.

Giving Thanks

Since it's Turkey Day Eve, I thought I would share with you the things I have been thankful for this last year.  These are in no particular order, so don't judge me if I put gummy worms at number one, and my kids at number 534.

I'm thankful for support systems.  I have needed many this year whether for my writing or just life in general.  This support system includes family and friends alike.  It would take too long to list every single one of them, but there are a few names I'd like to mention.  My parents, always there for me no matter what.  Rusty, even at my craziest, always there to catch me when I fall.  My kids, which I normally call Thing One and Thing Two, but will use their names, Mary and Rachel, without them I'm sure I would be lost.  My siblings, they have my back.  Jay, Angela, and Heidi.  Who've helped me out with some stuff.  We'll leave it at that.

As far as the writing goes, I have numerous people to be thankful for, starting with my agent, who sold my book in two weeks, and my editor, who is absolutely wonderful, but there are three people who have been there since my very first writing contest, Gae, Jeff, and Tracy.  Probably wouldn't have been able to do this writing gig without you.

...and speaking of writing, I'm thankful for having joined the Class of 2k11.  They have been an awesome support through this crazy writing gig as well, and it's nice to know that we all have each other to commiserate and celebrate with.  Also all the people who've read my writing and given feedback.  You rock.

Okay, enough of that.  I'm thankful for a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food on my table.  Times are still tough for many, think about donating some time, food, or clothing to your local shelter.

I'm thankful for soccer and NFL football.  Two of my favorite things to watch this time of year.

And here are just some random bits:

Sorry I can't resist this.  It's my favorite.

Gummy candies

Harry Potter

ABNA

The sun

The Internet

MBC

Facebook

Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

Dexter

Weeds

Netflix

The Pacific Northwest

107.7 The End

103.7 The Mountain

Pandora

Playlist.com

iTunes

I think I'll stop there.  I'm sorry if I've left anyone off, the people behind me are really too numerous to name.  But you know who you are, and just realize, I'm thankful for you too.

So, what are you thankful for this holiday season?

41

That's me. Yesterday. Well, and everyday for the rest of the year. With every birthday I try to make a plan of attack for the coming year. Things I want to work on, make better, that kind of thing.

One of the most important things for me are making and keeping connections. It's hard. Facebook is so cool, because they're all right there at your fingertips. But I have a lot of facebook friends, and it's difficult to keep up with them all.

On a daily basis, I'll connect with the most active ones, and mostly they are the ones I've met through the ABNA contest.

Just lately though, I've started to check all my friend groups on a daily basis and try to leave comments. To connect. Juts to show them that I'm thinking about them. This includes, family, friends, and other writers.

Another thing I'm trying to do is visit all the blogs I'm following whenever they post something new. I want the writer to know I'm reading them and I'm interested in what they're saying.

But I not only want to stay connected to these established relationships, but also forge new ones. I love meeting other writers, readers, people with like interests. I love that I have Facebook friends from India, and Iraq, and Holland, and Italy. I know I say I'm not much of a people person, but online friendships are different. You don't see all the things that might annoy you in person, quirks, traits, religious or political differences, the things that might cause you to NOT be friends in the tangible world. It makes them easy to maintain.

So, at 41 one of my goals is to keep my connections as tight as I can and to make new ones.

You'll hear about some of my other goals throughout the week.

Thanks for reading.

Kisses

:*

Megan

Friday Free For All

My oldest daughter Mary turns 13 today. A teenager. How did this happen? I was going through pictures of her, and she just seemed so little for so long until one day she just grew up. Now she's this beautiful, charming, completely hilarious adult-like person.

Going through the pictures, you forget how small and fragile they start out. And she was such a sweet little girl, with big cheeks, and cute dimples, always and still so polite. I get comments from parents all the time telling me what a well mannered child she is. Child. No longer. Teenager. Sigh.

I feel good about the way she's been brought up. We've played with the kids, sat down at a dinner table and ate with our kids, been on field trips and volunteered at school for our kids, and tried to stay fit and healthy with our kids.

The time, it just seems to go so fast. In a flash they go from 1 to 13. Soon she'll be 16, then 21, then married with children of her own before I realize it. And that will make me...well...a little closer to death I suppose.

So, I'm just here to wish my wonderful, beautiful, hilarious kid a happy birthday. She is one of my lights, even on dark days, and I know someday she will leave her mark here in this crazy world. And it doesn't matter how she does it, or how little or big that mark is, I'll be proud of her no matter what.