We’ve had some good times; we’ve had some bad times.You’ve given me a new car, new friends, and a new disorder (I could have done without that last one btw).
You’ve kept my daughters healthy, happy, and beautiful, however, 2012 and I are going to have a serious discussion about their grades. I got to see one daughter excel in music while the other one became a Duchess, and both still rock on the soccer field.
You’ve given me some awesome memories:Sundance with my mom, Forks with Heidi, ocean trips with friends and my girls, Arizona, surprising Gae in New York.
You’ve been good to me and my little book.Going through the process was like watching a child grow up.From first pass pages to ARCs to the finished product—what an amazing journey.
You’ve sparked new relationships in my life and ended others.You’ve shown me death and brought new life into my world.
Thank you 2011.For the most part, you’ve been good to me, but it’s time we part ways.Tell 2012 I'm looking forward to meeting him and to bring it.Whatever its plans for me, whether they be challenges, cataclysms, or celebrations, I’m ready, and I’ve got back up.
I know people don't like to make resolutions, but I like to challenge myself to be better every single year (every single day). I did okay this last year, but I'm going to take it up a notch this year. I want 2012 to be epic.
Health: I will exercise more. This will include cardio (rule #1), weight training, and calisthenics. I'm going to start at 3 days per week, but hope to work up to 5.
I will take on healthier eating habits. I mean, I already do whole grain, low fat, etc, but I guess I'll have to take it up a notch. I don't know what this means yet, but I guess I'll have to figure it out.
I want to take 30 minutes of quiet a day to reflect. Hopefully this will help me to take the time to figure out what happened that day that needed change, what moments to celebrate. It will also give me the opportunity to regroup and plan for the next day.
Writing: If I don't finish this rewrite by the end of this year than that will be my first priority.
Aside from that I would like to write 2 books. I know those are lofty goals, but I think I can do it if I set my mind to it, set priorities, and plan my time better.
Life: Speaking of planning my time better, that is one of my goals, figuring out how to balance work, writing, kids, and all the other pleasures in life.
I want to read more. I did pretty good at the beginning of this year, but the end of the year was an epic fail. I think one book of month is doable. That is the goal I'm setting though I'm hoping for more.
Staying organized. This is a big challenge for me. My office is a complete mess (if you've been reading me, you'll know this because I've talked about it about every day for the last two weeks). My office at work is a mess. Even my writing style is all over the place. If I organize a few spaces in my life, I'm hoping everything else will fall into place.
I want to travel more and meet some of the friends I've made throughout the last few years.
Love: This is self love I'm talking about. I need to learn to love myself unconditionally. I need to accept the things about me that cannot be changed, and try to change the things that are under my control.
I need to accept that I am human and therefore fallible. There are times in which I'll succeed, there are times in which I will fail. If I fail I'll try not to be too hard on myself and just either try again or move forward.
I'm going to try to trust myself as well as those around me.
And this year, instead of trying so hard to find happiness, I will let it seek me out.
Basically, like I said before, I'm going to try to change the things I can, and let everything else fall into place. It's all I can do.
Happy New Year all. Stay safe and sane and don't die or kill someone else driving drunk. Peace.
I was thinking about making some new resolutions, but I wanted to go back to last year and see if I achieved any of the goals I'd set for myself. I didn't promise myself I'd achieve them, but I did say I'd try like hell. Here are last year's resolutions and how I fared.
The first resolution was:
I will be more physically active. Seriously people, I've let myself go. Haven't set foot in a gym, or exercised for MONTHS. So I resolve to get off my ass and get moving.
Well, um, I've exercised. I bought the elliptical and used it, I went bike riding, I let Jillian Michaels kick my ass on occasion. I think I've accomplished this, not as much as I would have liked to, but a little bit.
Next resolution was:
And hopefully with all this action will come the dropping of a few *cough cough* extra pounds I've put on this year.
I didn't lose as much as I wanted, but I did lose seven pounds. Not epic, but something.
Next resolution was:
I will write more. I did write one book this year, Cheesy, which I'm in love with, but I finished that ages ago. I've written very little in the last six months.
I wrote a book again this year, Sliced. I'm rewriting it, so I think I've done well on this one. I don't write every day like I should, but I do write when I can. Day job kind of sucks my creativity right out of me.
Next:
I will try once again to find some peace and be happy in life.
The year started off pretty rough. Then I went in and told my doctor I was bi-polar, and I was right. New meds and I've been pretty balanced this year since March. I've had a couple relapses, but not even close to where I was last year and the beginning of this year, so I say this resolution was a WIN. Lastly:
I think the most important thing is to find out who I am. I know the mother me, the wife me, and the writer me, but I don't really know that much more about myself. I want to explore that and see who comes out in the wash.
I'm not sure I'm there yet. I know I've worked hard to learn web design. I've become a pretty good marketer. I've worked hard to market Never Eighteen. So, I guess I'm a hard worker. But that's not me. I've not been around many people this year, I've stayed pretty home based. I watch myself fairly carefully, being bi-polar I have to be careful with who I go out with and what I do. I'm still that mom, that writer, but I guess I'm not sure what else yet. I guess I'll work on that more again next year.
Tomorrow I'll share the resolutions I've made for myself this year, and hope they stick.
So, awhile back, my publicist from Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, Rachel Wasdyke, and I came up with a campaign to spread the word across the nation about Never Eighteen.
I chose some folks I knew from around the country; friends, writers, Facebook friends, family, and asked them to participate. The idea was for them to read the book, then to "pass it on", to another reader, teacher, librarian, leave it somewhere for someone to find it, etc. I told them to be as creative as they wanted, then to record what they did in video, pictures, or words.
I'm not going to post all of these here on my blog (well, maybe I will), I'm going to keep them together on my Facebook Page and will probably vlog about them as well. However, I just received word from my first Pass It On participant, Melissa Cunningham from Fairview Heights, IL. (No stalking please). This lovely woman is a Facebook friend and artist (Click here for her artist page on Facebook), and is the first to respond, so I thought I'd share.
Here's what she said:
"Megan,
Loved your book! I couldn't put it down last night and had to finish it. My husband is going to wait until our copy arrives to read it - he said that we should pass it on now, to get the word out before it is released... So I went to my favorite coffee shop this morning and I was going to leave there. I had a change of plans when I ran into an acquaintance of mine. He is a high school English teacher. I gave it to him.
I created a bookmark to go inside of the book, explaining the idea of getting the word out and passing the book on. While I was drinking my coffee with a group of friends, I watched him read your book. His eyes filled with tears as he turned the last few pages. He put the book mark in the book and set it on an empty table. Then he got up and called his brother.
A few minutes later another patron picked up the book, read the note on the bookmark and began reading! I wish you the best of luck! Happy Holidays and I look forward to January, when my personal copy arrives!"
I want to thank Melissa for participating in Project: Pass it On I can't wait for the others to come in so I can share.
My angst is at its apogee (this is me and my new goal of using a new lesser used word every day). It's the time of year, not only because of the season, but for personal reasons both from the way back machine and present day Tacoma, which I'm not going to bore you with at the moment.
I told today I was going to kick its ass, it's not going to go down without a fight. Number one, thank god for LOL Cats. Number two, do not look up "bad day" on Google images because lots of icky gross stuff comes up.
Anyhoo. I said, "Hey, Day, bring it on. Give me your worst!"
Day said, "Okay first of all, I'll let you have your coffee and do your stupid computer stuffs. But after that, your ass is mine. And you're lucky I'm letting you slide on the promise to get on the elliptical today."
Me: "Okay, fine, then what?"
Day: "Hmmm, what to throw at you first. How about the kitchen."
Me: "Pfft. Piece of cake."
Day: "Maybe I'll let you pick up your girls today, but then there's groceries, and perhaps some gift delivery."
Me: "Is that all you got?"
Day: "Cookies."
Me: "That may be work to you, but I call that fun."
Day: "Well, then I'll have you catch up on the laundry, wash, dry, fold, AND put away. You have guests coming on Christmas you know."
Me: "Shit. Shit. Okay. Okay. I can do this. Next?"
Day: "You sure you're ready for what comes next?"
I close my eyes, start jumping around, breathe in and out, shake it off like a boxer. "Okay, yeah, I'm ready...wait. No. Yes." My body calms, I get in my best I-can-take-it-stance.
Day: "Your office."
my office
I almost collapse, but I maintain my cool I don't want the day to know that its, in a single two words, almost beat me.
Me: "You're on. I'm kicking your ass Day. You can't stop me."
Day: "I'm not worried. I've always got tomorrow."
Okay, time for the Friday Scribbles:
Christmas Song of the Week: Jingle Bells by Sammy Davis Jr. No one sings it like him.
Book of the Week: Still on Just Cause by my friend Ian Healy. Christmas has taken away my ability to read in a timely manner, but hopefully will finish next week.
Christmas Movie of the Week: Going with The Family Stone. I love it. Luke Wilson is so cute and funny in it. And I love Rachel McAdams in it too.
Quote of the Week: "As we struggle with shopping lists and invitations, compounded by December's bad weather, it is good to be reminded that there are people in our lives who are worth this aggravation, and people to whom we are worth the same." ~Donald Westlake
Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Joyous Kwanzaa. If you don't celebrate a holiday, celebrate you.
I swear, I thought this was going to be a nice calm week for me. Um, not. My intention was to post about giving all this week, but I've not even really had the chance to blog until today. So, yeah, go give.
My mom and I
My mom, she inspires me. She donates every year to the Hospitality Kitchen in our city. They are open every day of the year and provide 1,200 meals a day. A DAY!! My mom doesn't just donate money, she also donates clothing, toiletries, books, coats, blankets, items the people that frequent the kitchen desperately need. She also urges others to donate as well, and she's teaching her grandchildren the importance of giving by bringing them with her when she takes the donations down to the kitchen.
Hospitality Kitchen is run by Catholic Community Services (CCS). They do a lot of good in our area. Aside from the kitchen, they also provide shelter for the homeless, help people find housing, offer services for children and youth, families, seniors, and people with disabilities.
You company can also adopt a family for Thanksgiving and Christmas through CCS, which my day job does every year.
My beautiful Thing Two
There are so many ways to give, not just at Christmas, but throughout the year. Find something close to your heart. I'm donating money to Mary Bridge Children's Hospital here in Tacoma. They saved my daughter's life when she was just five weeks old. I can't imagine a life without seeing this face every day. *points left*
Also, at one of my release parties, I'm hosting a raffle to benefit the hospital. Plus, I have my Never Eighteen store at Cafe Press, in which I will be donating every dime I make to the hospital. You know, if you wanted to buy some Never Eighteen stuff. *hint hint*
Not sure who to donate to? There are websites that rate charities, like charitynavigator.org , so you can be sure your money is going to someplace worthy.
Try not to forget those in need while making your shopping lists this season.
Corrine Jackson, part of my Class of 2k12 clan has revealed the cover for her upcoming release, If I Lie. It's gorgeous, check it out here.
Here's a short summary of the book, which is coming to you August 28th, 2012:
A powerful debut novel about the gray space between truth and perception.
Quinn’s done the unthinkable: she kissed a guy who is not Carey, her boyfriend. And she got caught. Being branded a cheater would be bad enough, but Quinn is deemed a traitor, and shunned by all of her friends.
Because Carey’s not just any guy—he’s serving in Afghanistan and revered by everyone in their small, military town.
Quinn could clear her name, but that would mean revealing secrets that she’s vowed to keep—secrets that aren’t hers to share. And when Carey goes MIA, Quinn must decide how far she’ll go to protect her boyfriend…and her promise.
Sounds totally and utterly awesome, right? But it on your TBR list.
I don't get it. I mean, didn't we have changes just like yesterday? And now Mark Zuckerburg is changing it up again? *shakes fists at MZ*
When I started Facebook I liked it because it was simple. So splash. No bells and whistles. No tiny little boxes everywhere to mess you up. I knew where things were. It's kind of like someone going into your office and rearranging everything. I'm like, WTF? Where are my friends? Where are my statuses? Where is my sanity? Oh, there it is, in a little box in the bottom left hand corner.
It's my own fault. I decided to try it out. I can play with it for seven days of publish it right away. If I don't publish it myself they do it for me.
but Idon'twanna. I want to go back to the way it was where everything was listed neatly and simply on the left. Where my friends were stacked like the Brady Bunch on the left. Where that stupid scrolling whatsit that I finally got used to was on the upper right, and my chat the lower right, and all my shit was right in the middle. Now everything is scattered everywhere and I can't find a damn thing.
So, does anyone know how I can go back? CAN I even go back or should I just keep it because eventually we're going to be FORCED to have it?
If you already use Timeline, do you like it or despise it so much you want to fling your computer into the fireplace with your Duraflame log and extra Christmas wrap? Tell me your thoughts on Mark Zuckerburg and his new Timeline.
Okay, time for the Friday Scribbles:
Christmas song of the Week: Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth. I remember watching this on MTV when they still played music and falling in love with it.
Book of the Week: I'm reading my friend Ian Healy'sJust Cause. You like superheroes? Check this book out.
Netflix of the Week: Gray's Anatomy. I like it. I'm on season two. The vet just came in. He's hot. I think it's Chris O'Donnell, but I haven't seen him since like 1989 so I'm not sure.
Quote of the Week: "What can we take on trust in this uncertain life? Happiness, greatness,
pride - nothing is secure, nothing keeps (like our Facebook pages-I added that part). ~Euripides, Hecuba
First off, I want to say that I received a box of author copies in the mail a couple days ago. And SQUEEEEEEE!!!! They are so beautiful. The cover is metallic and everything seems to pop off of it.
I was asked by my co-prezzie of the Class of 2k12, Caroline Starr Rose if I would read it again now that it was in realsies book form.
I think I just might read it again, this book I've read a bazillion times and got so sick of I wanted to toss it from the Narrows Bridge. It's kind of different with it's metallic blue cover and it's dedication and acknowledgments, and playlist in the back. It's a bit surreal to look at it and know it's mine. I created it. The title stands out more on the metallic cover than it did on the other, and the car pops off the page. If I were walking through a bookstore, I would pick it up for sure. And on the back where the description starts the words I had the dream again are the same as the title, same font, each letter a different color. I am so in love with this book, more than I've been in a long time. So yeah, I may read it again.
Now that I've written all that, I can't remember what I was going to say about Christmas. hmmmm. I'll get back to that when (if) I remember.
To good boyfriends. I told you the other day, this is a stressful time of year for me, not just because of the holidays but for other reasons. The other day I was panicking because there were presents to wrap, Christmas cards to create and send, and gift baskets to make (57 to be exact), and baking to be done, and my house was a mess, and 18 videos and dvds to make and, and, and...
this is not my bf but you get the picture
...and I have a boyfriend who tells me to breathe. A boyfriend who comes over and folds my laundry, and does my dishes, and vacuums my floors, and makes me dinner while I make videos. He does allow this poor pathetic girl to breathe. And I feel much better. My videos are close to being done, I did some of my baking yesterday, gift baskets, done (just need to be delivered which is fun), my house is clean (outside my office which I just may clean today), I've printed out my Christmas cards, most important, I still have presents to wrap, baking to do, a few more videos to Lightscribe, but I'm also still breathing.
Now about Christmas. Still don't remember, but I do love waking up to the Christmas lights, to hell with the light bill.
Oh, yeah, and catch me on Julia Karr's 2k12 Days of Christmas today.
That means I get to post about monkeys twice this week. I mean, this is a for real holiday (kind of). The origins are sketchy.
Some day it started to further the awareness of simian species and habitats. Someday it began as scientific backlash to the religious holidays permeating the month of December. Others say it was the creation of a bunch of drunken fools who happened to love monkeys.
For me, it's just another way to express my love for all things monkey.
I'm afraid that once again I'm suffering exhaustion. I can't sleep, my body and mind are tired. Last night I was in bed by 5:00 pm. 5!!!
On top of that, this has been a bad time of year for me for about the last four years. My depressions always gets the best of me. Why? No idea. It just is. I know it's busy for everyone, but it brings me down so much which bugs me because I LOVE the Christmas season, I do. The lights, the gifts, the food. sigh.
My driver quit, I think that's one reason I'm suffering. I hired her when I suffered exhaustion before. My doctor told me to take it easy, and I thought that would be money well spent, which it was. She picked up my kids from school, drove them to lessons, soccer, etc. Now it's back to me.
I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, and if you've ever lived in the PNW, you know how gray it gets this time of year.
And in general, I'm stressed out about this week because there are music lessons, and Dr. appointments, and choir concerts, and I have to put together and deliver about 55 gift baskets for the law firm, I need to do my Christmas baking, on top of work, rewrites, and being a mom, grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking (which I rarely do anymore with kids schedules and such).
Good thing? All my Christmas presents are bought. Most my Christmas presents are wrapped and under the tree. So, there, I'm ahead of the game.
So . . . love. It's used to express a lot. I love pizza, I love sock monkeys, I love writing, I love you.
Um, so when I tell someone I love them, I'm pretty much equating them to my collection of sock monkeys.
No. Doesn't work for me anymore. I don't love people the same way I love pizza, sock monkeys, and writing.
The truth? I don't like the word anymore. It doesn't mean anything. In fact, it feels fake when I say it, when speaking about or to someone dear to me.
The word is taken for granted, overused if you will. It's become cliche. I think we need a different word. It seem like every other language has a different word for these different types of love. I think the English language should too.
When I tell someone I love them, I want it to mean more than the superficial love we have for material objects or our favorite meal or destination. It needs to be a word that transcends words. You feelin' me?
I went to the darkside. Yes, by way of the e-reader. *bows to the book gods in apology*. I bought the Amazon Kindle Fire. Why you ask? There are a few reasons. First and foremost, friends I knew to be good writers were self publishing straight to ebook. Drat!!! There is one in particular, his name is Jeff Fielder, I've read his work and I think he's brilliant. Anyhoo, he published some short stories in his book Voices in the Field and Other Stories. Then you know what he did? He put it out in paperback. I told him he owed me $199 + tax and shipping.
Of course I was kidding because there are other straight to e books I'd like to read. But that's not the only reason I bought the Fire. In fact, reading on it is secondary (I still love the feel of a book in my hands and that book smell, yeah, you know what I'm talking about)You know that thing they call the iPad? Well, the Fire does most of what that thing does. But cheaper. And smaller (if you like that kind of thing).
The bad thing about my Kindle Fire? I've had it about two weeks and still not been able to play with it. Yes, that sucks. I've pledged to spend some quality time with my Kindle this weekend.
Do you have an e-reader? If so, what kind did you buy? If not, what are your hang ups?
Oh, one more thing, Julia Karr, author of XVI (which I LOVED btw) is hosting some of us 2k12ers in her 2k12 Days of Christmas. Check it out the deets here.
Friday Scribbles:
Christmas song of the week: The Monkees Riu Chiu. I saw this on their show and fell in love with it (it was REPEATS people, I'm not that old *cough*)
Movie of the Week: The Ref. Funniest damn Christmas movie ever with Dennis Leary, Kevin Spacey, and Judy Davis. If you've not seen this movie, you're not living.
Book of the week: Still reading (slowly, not because of the book, because of my lack of time) The Wicked and the Just by J Anderson Coats. Do you like war and cussing and medieval stuff. Then buy it. Now. And I might add, J and I have become friends and she's kick ass awesome.
Quote of the Week: I've got two and they are both from one of my favorite books, Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury.
"Do you know why books such as this are so important? Because they have quality. And what does the word quality mean? To me it means texture. This book has pores."
"There must be something in books, things we can't imagine, to make a woman stay in a burning house; there must be something there. You don't stay for nothing."
Okay, I'm not doing so bad, but dating a chef makes it difficult to stay on track. I took him to meet my parents last night (yes, another step) and he made gnocchi with chicken and peppers, roasted acorn squash, and we had bread and wine on the side. Yum. needless to say, I've not weighed myself this morning.
The next couple days though, I'm buckling down to lose a couple pounds. Office xmas party is Saturday and I have to fit into one of my dresses. sigh.
Still have the goal of losing more weight by release date. That gives me just over a month *hyperventilate*. I think I can drop at least a few by then as long as my chef cooks light for me (or not at all, lol). AND no cookies, candy, or other holiday treats. sigh.
Amazon.com and Penguin have hosted a contest every year for the last four years titled the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Contest (ABNA). If you've been following my blog awhile, you'll know that I've entered every year since its inception (and my soon to be release novel, Never Eighteen was entered in the contests first year. It didn't make it far, so even if you don't win the contest, you still have that shot, just sayin').
The award is a book deal for one YA and one general fiction novel. A real honest to god book deal! Many of the non-winners have gone on to be published through Amazon's publishing house, AmazonEncore, or other traditional publishers. Contest starts January 23, 2012.If you're trying to get published, you should seriously consider entering.
It's not just about the book deal either. It's about experience. If you've not queried your novel out yet, guess what? That's what you need to do to make the first round. You need to write a pitch. Terrified? Don't be. There's a very supportive group of writers all ready in place on the ABNA forums, some of them having been there all four years. They have a pitch thread, where you can ask questions, get advice, and even get your pitch critiqued.
The feedback is awesome too. That is, if you make it through that pitch round. If you do, you get two reviews by Amazon Vine Reviewers. Just like any other critique, you take what you need from them and disregard the rest. Vine Reviewers are human and make mistakes, just pull on your thick skin suit and be ready. If you make it even further, you can get reviews from Amazon customers themselves. Also, many of the other writers in the contest review the entrants. Getting feedback was one of the best things about the contest.
Lastly and most importantly, for me at least, this contest was about the camaraderie. I had just finished my first manuscript when I found out about the contest. I had never met other writers before and participating on the forum was a great way to do this. If found people with the same fears and goals. I even found writers in my own area that I am still friends with (and actually dating one). Don't feel intimidated writing on the forum either. Yes, some of them have been there for four years and have inside jokes, but most of them are loving, friendly, talented, and funny individuals and will accept you with open arms.
Really, you should enter. What have you got to lose? Click here to visit the ABNA main page and good luck.
Yep, I've been labeled. I'm now someone's girlfriend. This is a good thing. We've been together for mmmm, at least a month now, known each other for four years (kind of. too hard to explain at the moment), it's time to tell the world.
It's been a few months, having someone in my life that is. This time it's different. Or maybe it's just because it's new. Who knows?
I'm not used to having someone "do" for me. I'm the one that is usually doing the "doing". (my god does that even make sense?) That's not a bad thing either, I mean, in my marriage I was a stay at home mom, so I did for my kids and I did for my husband. While former grew up and latter worked.
I've been on my own for over a year now, and I've grown accustomed to "doing" for myself be it housework, or putting things together or fixing shit.
My boyfriend (it almost says weird saying it or writing it for some reason) does for me. It almost seems unreal. He cooks for me (did I mention he's a chef? There goes my diet), he help me clean the kitchen, he put up my Christmas lights, changed light bulbs, wrapped my pipes. In my moments of utter neuroticy (I made that word up), he calms me down and makes me take a moment to breathe.
So there it is. Megan Messina Bostic is in a relationship (picture the Facebook red heart next to that statement). So far, so good.
Oh, two more things. Don't forget about my contest on Facebook. You can win a bunch of Never Eighteen swag and a signed ARC.
Also, I cannot comment on blogs when the comment box is on the post page. I can only comment if they load on pop outs or new pages. Others may be having this problem too. You may want to consider changing your settings on your comments if you're not getting comments.
Sleep finally found me. I'd been running on fumes for the past week at least. 4 to 5 hours each night. Lack of sleep for me comes down to this:
Apathy
Lack of motivation
Delirium
Irritation about everything
Inability to put words together to make a sentence
Inability to know good from evil
Lack of brain function
My alter ego Mrs. McCrankypants emergers
Moments of complete and utter road rage
My kids thinking I'm psycho
Last night I got 8.5 hours. No one will die today. How did I get through it, you ask? Thing one and Thing two, as well as their friends who I love dearly, while driving me nuts from time to time, dealt with me pretty good and made me laugh. Plus, someone who cares about me enough to come over and deals with my shit and does things for me and basically makes me sit, breathe, and feel sane.
Friday Scribbles
Christmas song of the week: Baby It's Cold Outside. I like most versions, this one happens to be by Willie Nelson and Norah Jones
Movie of the Week: Casablanca. I had never seen it until last night. It's amazing. I never really thought Humphrey Bogart was handsome either until I watched in.
Quote of the Week: "I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know? " ~ Ernest Hemingway Ernest Hemingway
Okay, Sleepless in Tacoma. For the last few years, I've had these spurts of sleeplessness, maybe two, three weeks at a time, followed by about a month of can't-get-up-in-the-morning-to-save-my-life. WTF?
I've never really tracked these weeks of sleeplessness, if they coexist with some form of stress, anxiety, or changes in life. If that were the case it would totally make sense right now. Things that are stressful, angst inducing, or have changed in Megan's life:
Holidays. mmhmmm. Here they are again. Presents to buy, baking to be done, lights to put up. Um, yeah, I've pretty much broken down for the last four years this time of year. Rock bottom here I come.
Option book. My debut book is almost out. Just over one month to go (panic sets in as I realize this). But wait, while I'm marketing the hell out of Never Eighteen, I have another book to write. Okay, I wrote it, it's done. But wait, there's more. Midway through I change direction. Now I have to rewrite it. And let me tell you. I've been less than motivated because I know it's a big project. At some point my agent is going to ask about it. (Actually she already has, told her done, just doing revisions, only a little fib). So, yeah, stress.
Book release. Parties to plan, reviews to worry about. The stress of wondering if it will sink or swim. I mean, yeah, of those who've read it so far, most have liked to loved it. But by US standards, that's a handful of people. Ugh!
Um, new relationship. This isn't stressful or angty. Its just a change in life. The most stress will come from introducing him to the kids, the rents, and subjecting him to the rest of my family at some point and hoping that's not a deal breaker. Otherwise, the relationship has been amazing.
Weight. The never-ending form of stress. I'm still down seven pounds, but my goal was twenty five by my release. That leaves me with 18 to go and two 1/2 months left to do it. Possible, yes, but I am weak when it comes to certain kinds of food and I must avoid them like the plague, which will be hard during the holiday season.
Work. I love my job, but I've taken on more responsibility, and my partner in crime at work has other responsibilities. And there are a few tasks that are frustrating the hell out of me. I feel so far behind and I can't catch up. I have to keep up with SEO, print ads, our newsletter, creating and uploading websites, helping plan the Christmas party. All stuff I like to do, yet, I feel overwhelmed at times and am multi-tasking beyond my abilities.
So, when I wake up at 3:30 am, my mind will not allow my body to go back to sleep. Anyone have any insomnia remedies?
So, it's Monday once again. Time to achieve some goals. First, weight. I actually only gained a pound over the weekend. I'm shocked and amazed. Still, I want to drop at least another fifteen before my launch. I know it's doable, but I don't know if I can do it. I have my weaknesses. If I stay away from the appetizer tables at the Christmas parties, I should be all right.
Writing goals: finish the rewrite of my WIP, Sliced. It's going slow, writing time has been short, but I'm just going to have to buckle down and do it. Instead of watching Gray's Anatomy and playing Angry Birds I'm going to spend that time writing and reading.
Christmas: all presents purchased by December 2nd. That is my goal. I've already done pretty good, but I'm afraid some mall shopping will need to be done. Ugh.
Petty stuff, new boots, maybe an Amazon Kindle Fire (I've fought the ebook long enough), baking, reading, making Christmas cards.
These are the people that go out shopping at the butt crack of dawn on black Friday. I've never done it, I have no desire to do it, I will never do it. I am claustrophobic, I hate crowds. Especially mean crowds that will shiv you for the last Sims game or pair of gloves left on the shelf. No thanks.
For those of you who do shop the black Friday deals, is it really all that? Really?
There was an incident with pepper spray today. Really?
I will pay more. I will sit comfortably at my computer and order (though I really am going to try to buy more locally this year, I'm sure my local stores have website too, right?)
For those of you who risk your lives on black Friday, happy shopping, for those of you who don't happy hiding.
Friday Scribbles:
Christmas Song of the Week: Please Come Home for Christmas. One of my faves.
Book of the Week: I'm going with The Wicked and the Just by J Anderson Coats, a fellow 2k12er. I received an arc and am going to start it this weekend. Think Castles, medieval battles.
Netflix of the Week: Jericho, the tv series. A friend turned me on to it. It's good.
Quote of the Week: "Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice." ~Dave Barry
So, yeah, I decorated my house for Christmas. I've been listening to Christmas music. Yes, I know it's not even Thanksgiving yet, but my girls and I have been in the spirit since Dio de las Muertas.
Which is a good thing for me, since the last few years, nothing could get me in the mood. And don't even mention the "S" word. Snow. I hate it. I hate driving in it, I hate the coldness of it. I only like snow if I never have to leave my house.
But yeah, this year is different. This year I feel warm and snuggly and Christmassy. My house if festive with it's lights and pink tree, and garland, and the giant silver star hanging from my kitchen ceiling.
And it's catching. I've started a before Christmas movement. I've inspired people to listen to Christmas music, to put up their trees. I like being an inspiration, even if it's just an eccentric one like decorating before Thanksgiving.
Happy Holidays (boy I'm going to be saying that a lot until Christmas actually rolls around). And Happy Tuesday.
There is so much to be Thankful for in life. I mean, even when things seems bad, there is always someone worse of then you. Be thankful for what you have instead of what you want.
I know, sometimes it's hard, even I am guilty of stressing on the little things (thank you anxiety disorder). But here are the things I will try and focus on my family. Are they perfect? God no, but whose is? I love them with all their quirks and faults and I know they love me despite these things as well.
I'm thankful for my friends. Even if I don't see them as often as I like, I know their always there for me.
I'm thankful for my health. Am I a bit out of shape? Sure. Am I a little crazy? Yes. But I'm living and breathing and that in itself is a gift.
I'm thankful for my girls. Do they drive me nuts? Yes. They're teenagers after all, but I would rather deal with the eye rolls, and the attitude, and the messiness than not having them around. They are my sun, my light.
Think about the things you're thankful for this week, not just the big things, but the little ones too. I'm thankful for fresh flowers, and the scent of basil, and Oil of Olay, and coffee.
We have it good. We really do. Even when it's bad, it's still good in some ways.
It's finally Friday. This week has been a complete clusterf*&@k. I feel like I can breathe. Just a little. Last night was the first night I slept well all week. I still need to get through one more day of Dreamweaver class, and then, aaahhhhh.
The weekend is busy too, but that's a different kind of busy. That's soccer busy. I don't mind soccer busy.
And then next week, short week. I'm getting my hair done. I'm having a girls night out. I have a date, who says he's going to pamper me. He's a chef. I'm sure I've already mentioned that. Turkey day, then a girls weekend at the beach.
Did I say aaaahhhhh already?
What are your plans for the weekend?
The Friday Scribbles:
Random iPod shuffle song: Don't look back in Anger, Oasis.
Netflix of the Week: Mad Men. I still hate all the men, but I feel the civil rights movement coming and that should rock them a bit.
Book of the Week: I'm going to start reading fellow 2k12ers Robin Bridges, The Gathering Storm this week. Think Russia and Vampires. Hits stores in January.
Quote of the Week: "Always gotta keep busy or the voices start telling me to do wild things. "
~Steve Brown
Have a good weekend everyone and don't forget about my giveaway, check yesterdays blog for details!
Everyone loves prizes, right? Well, it's officially two months until the release of Never Eighteen, and so I'm giving away a bunch of Never Eighteen swag which includes a sack pack, notebook, water bottle, sticker, button, bookmark, t-shirt, a signed ARC, and a pack of tissues.
To enter, go to my Facebook notes here, and leave a comment and email address. That's it. No posting this elsewhere, no having to share five places, no having to get your friends to "like" me. Simply comment. Don't enter here, I don't want your comments buried under other posts.
Well, you may have to "like" me on Facebook, I don't know for sure.
Winner will be chosen randomly and announced on December 17, the one month mark!!!!
There is a reason I call myself the angsty writer. Last night was one of those reasons. I don't think people realize how draining this business can be. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitching that I have a book deal, that would be stupid, but there is so much work that goes into it. Not only that, but having a job on top of it leaves little time for other things.
At times I feel detached from the world I've created for myself.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed.
Occasionally, I feel like I can't hack it.
Sometimes I feel like everything I've implemented in the last four years, the blogs, the vlogs, the social networking is all for naught.
Sometimes everything I've implemented makes me feel like a whore and I get tired of myself and I think other people have to be getting tired of me too.
I think I might be having post traumatic stress disorder. I was going to vlog about this, but haven't had the time yet, so I'll just talk about it here.
On Sunday, I was almost hit by a bus. It sounds funny, and I even joked about it with some people, but the more I think about it, the more it scares the shit out of me. I was in an unfamiliar city, trying to follow my GPS, and was distracted. I ran a red light.
A bus had just entered the intersection, honestly, I don't know how I got out of it. I remember screaming and swerving. I must have sped up.
I know I should just focus on the fact that I didn't get plastered all over the pavement, but I can't help to think about what could have happened. What if someone was coming from the other direction? I would have been hit on my side of the car. What if another car had been on the other side of the bus?
I'm thankful my kids weren't in the car with me.
I can't stop thinking about it.
But obviously I'm still meant for this world. It wasn't my time. I try not to focus on the what-could-have-happened, but it's hard.
I think it's the reason I've been in a funk and unable to sleep all week.
I'm not sure this post even has a purpose other than me venting. Thank you for being my sounding board this morning.
